Awards I Would Give for Movies in 2008
January 27, 2009
Best Film That Nobody Saw But That I Loved Maybe More Than Any Other Film:
Happy-Go-Lucky (Mike Leigh + Sally Hawkins = True Love Always)
Runner up: Frozen River (I have not yet met one other person in the face who saw this. See this.)
Best Films That Nobody Saw Including Me And That I Should Probably See:
4 months, 3 weeks, 2 Days
The Visitor
Best Big Film That Was SERIOUS Enough To Get Nominated For a Best Picture Oscar:
Tie: Slumdog Millionaire and The Wrestler
Runner Up: Doubt (I don’t care what you say about how it was shot. I liked it. I liked the words wot he wrote and the actors how they said’um.)
Best Film That Was Better Than A Lot Of SERIOUS Films But Could Never Be Nominated For Best Picture Because They Were Comedy Or Genre Films And A Little Too Much Fun:
The Dark Knight
Runners Up: Forgetting Sarah Marshall and Iron Man
Most Overrated Film Not Only Of This Year, But Possibly One Of The Most Overrated Films Of All Time:
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (NOTE: Maybe if I had gotten up five minutes earlier the morning I saw this film and not stopped my car to pick up that German guy who took too long to give me directions, making me late to the Specialty Cream Puff Store, leading to my showing up at the Arclight one specialty cream puff short of a dozen, which made the people sitting with me break my pinky finger so that my whole career was ruined, I would have liked this film better. But you never know what’s coming for you, I guess. Except at Oscar season, when you know that what’s coming for you is that people will try to insert whimsical, neato sequences that have no business being there in their movie because at first glance an audience will mistake them for profound.)UNLESS this is all one long candid camera joke on me and all of you are in on it and i’m gonna get surprised soon and told that it was all a joke. In which case, GOOD ONE.
Runner Up: Revolutionary Road (Fuck. This. Noise. You are not fooling me. These People Are Just Assholes.)
Best Film That Brad Pitt Should Have Been Nominated For Acting In, If Anything, Because He Was Good In It And Wasn’t Attempting A Cajun Accent, Which Is Too Much Hoid Woik Foi A Gah Who Caint Do Aiccents Sah Gud:
Burn After Reading
Best Terrible Movie:
The Happening (Have you guys heard? About these bees?)
Runner Up: Vantage Point
Worst Terrible Movie
4-Way Tie: The Ruins, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, 88 minutes and The House Bunny
But I haven’t Seen: Made of Honor or Beer for My Horses
Movie That Most Made Me Want To Punch Its Writer/Director/Actors In the Face:
Tie: Righteous Kill and Sex and the City
Best Use of Quiet Riot In A Motion Picture (Drama):
The Wrestler
Guy Who I Most Want To Win An Oscar Because He’s Never, Ever Been Less Than Great In Anything, Not Even The Core:
And Finally, The Jim Carey Award For Enough From You In With The Hoping This Will Win Him An Oscar Movies Already Goes To:
Leonardo DiCaprio
Omg, so, so true. All of it. Especially about Benjamin Button. UGH! Okay, so I haven’t actually seen it yet, but it’s one of those movies I KNOW I’m gonna hate.
And yes, the Happening was AWESOME. Truly as fulfilling as watching an Ed Wood movie.
I think Benjamin Button is overrated, but it is still a good movie. Not 13 Oscar nominations good, but good. Indiana Jones was the same. Completely over hyped, worst movie of the series, yet still entertaining. Way better than 88 Minutes. What was with Pacinos hair?
Benjamin Button: It seems like most of the film-makers from “Generation X” have grown up watching great movies…and idiolizing directors like Scorsese, Kubrick, Coppola, Altman, Gilliam and Spielberg…And, now that they’re adults they can immitate those guys pretty good. But, few of them have an actual sensibilty. To them, it’s just all about camera moves and style: “Dude, I’m totally going to film this like Kubrick!” And so they film it like Kubrick, and meanwhile the story they’re telling is some banal bullshit with a trite, kitschy message about how we shouldn’t let life pass us by (”Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” was able to tell me the same thing without all the incense burning) .
Revolutionary Road: I completely agree. When I read the book I kept thinking about Pam and Jim on the American version of “The Office’ - two characters I’ve always seen as smug, condescending assholes who hate their jobs but are, in fact, perfectly suited to work in an Office.
Okay, I was invited to go see Happy Go Lucky when it was in theatres by a British friend of mine and I watched the trailer and thought it looked great and for some reason I canceled at the last minute. DAMN.
I was a voter for the Indie Spirit Awards and The Visitor and Frozen River were both nominated for all sorts of stuff but I missed the screenings because the screening email was sent to my junk folder for phishing. DAMNIT.
Yet I’ve somehow managed to see the wretched Indy 4 and The Ruins.
I’m a bit worried I’m the epitome of what is wrong with the average movie goer right now. DOUBLE DAMN.
Ok, the most over-rated movie of this year - but, maybe not of all time - has got to be “The Reader” (aka “The Boy Who Fucked a Nazi and then Couldn’t Stop Thinking about It”).
I agree with most of what you’ve said. But you did leave out “the reader”. What a stupid movie. The first time she asks him to read something to her it is obvious she cannot read. PLUS the title of the movie is “the reader”. How dumb should one be not to see this right away?
Stop already with Nazi movies and their attrocities. I know I’ve had enough. Move on to more recent genocides.
About “revolutionary road” you clearly haven’t had a dysfunctional relationship in a while. The script is right on, plus, Kate’s acting is amazing.
And, yes, “the happening” is probably the worst movie I’ve seen in at least 10 years.