The Tucker Max Movie: Idiot’s Delight (spoilers below)
July 29, 2008
I am planning to answer some questions people have been asking about my job in the next week or two, but today I’m forced to lower the bar of quality for this blog due to the fact that I feel like I have mono, so I have selected an equally low subject matter about which to write briefly and poorly: Tucker Max
If you don’t know who Tucker Max is, then congratulations on having finally managed to shake the most lunkheaded and dimwitted of your old ZBT fraternity brothers, who, if you were still talking to them, would be emailing you about how hilarious his blog and books are.
Why? Because he’s a dude who meets and sleeps with some fairly attractive women and then tells stories about it that are often unflattering to one or both parties. Since I do coverage, I am professionally equipped to summarize the majority of these stories thusly: Tucker Max is an asshole but the kind of asshole that all of his asshole friends love because his antics distract them from the thinning hair and gentle mediocrity that characterize their post-college years. Most Tucker Max stories involve him doing or saying crazy/offensive things, getting into trouble for them, and then going home with one of those girls who, when a guy says something sort of awful to her, hits him on the shoulder and says “you asshole” but also smiles and sticks to him like glue for the rest of the night. My dad was nice to me, so I don’t have this reaction, but I guess it takes all kinds. Invariably in Tucker’s stories, someone gets pissed off and says his jokes aren’t funny, and if that someone is a woman, she’s dismissed as ugly and/or fat and therefore too bitter and angry to get the joke, while if that someone is a man, he’s dismissed as being a meathead and therefore not cool or smart enough to get the joke. If you are confused by this last, let me clear it up for you: Tucker Max is unaware that he is the definition of a hazey, rapey, fratty meathead. He thinks he’s a witty humorist, which almost makes me believe that he’s fake and that Miguel de Cervantes is alive and writing.
Why this diatribe? Because a friend at an agency slipped me a copy of the script for the currently-in-production Tucker Max movie, I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell, written by Tucker Max and some dude named Nils Parker. I am very excited to talk about this script, especially since I didn’t read it for my job so I feel I can get into a bit more detail than usual. My primary goal won’t be to expose how sexist or otherwise offensive the script is because that’s obvious and easy and not the most interesting thing to talk about here. Here’s what is:
Holy crap, It’s terrible. I’m talking Godawful. Even with the offensive factor set aside, it’s in my top 10 worst comedy scripts ever read (out of probably over a thousand). This thing is poorly structured, obvious and predictable at every turn, with flat, one-dimensional characters who ALL sound exactly the same and an ending that falls flatter than humorless girl in a Tucker Max story. And even if I liked the central joke of the script –that Tucker is an offensive asshole, but if you don’t love him for it you are probably ugly and a woman— it would be still be a clunker because the way that Max and Parker make that joke (over and over and over again) is stupid and uncreative. I love broad, juvenile comedies done well. I also love real, juvenile people who make juvenile jokes and know many comedy writers do this for a living in a way that is funny and smart. But funny and smart are operative words here. And the Tucker Max jokes aren’t. Often, they aren’t even jokes, just clichés recited at the expense of some bystander in a way that just makes you feel embarrassed for everyone involved..
But this is all too vague. Let me give you an idea of what we’re dealing with. Opening scene: police are called for a domestic disturbance only to find that the ruckus is coming from a woman whom Tucker Max is pleasuring so well that she’s been screaming. Ok, fine, right off the bat the writer is proclaiming himself to be the best ever at sex. This writing technique, which I will call the “it’s more important to me that you think I’m cool than that you think my script is good” maneuver, is always laughable and assumed (at least by this reader) to be untrue/compensation for some physical or mental deficit. But that’s not why I call your attention to the scene. I call your attention to it because the address that Tucker lives at in his script about himself is 742 Evergreen Terrace. OMG, Tucker Max and Nils Parker, you guys watch The Simpsons??? I watch The Simpsons!!! This script must be funny because I’m already laughing my ass off at the fact that you were able to make meaningless reference to a fictional address!
One other highlight before I go down for my mono nap: A major comic set piece in the script is when Tucker makes his big sexual conquest over a midget. And that’s the joke. Not that that she has a big, tall or tiny, little boyfriend who comes after Tucker, or that she looks at his junk and says “I’ve had bigger” (I am not saying that’s very funny…but it is at least a joke) or, for that matter, anything anyone says throughout is humorous. Just that she’s a midget. Because midgets are inherently funny, not to mention cutting edge for comedy. Especially when the writers emphasize how grotesque it is simply to be a little person and to have short, “sausage fingers” that barely wrap around a guy’s…well you get the picture. Isn’t that hilarious? She’s small and therefore a freak. Comedy paydirt. I only wish I could get more! Wait, I’ve got it: Someone should get a bunch of midgets and like travel around the country with them so people can laugh at their comedy (i.e. that they exist) …maybe get some other inherently funny people like ladies with facial hair to join in, and draw attention to the comedy show with like a big, bright tent or something. I am on fire with ideas today. My point isn’t that the above is offensive, but that it’s not even slightly funny. Ever. Ditto the rest of the script.
But, you know, even though I felt soiled by this script, and even more soiled for spreading the mess around to some of my legitimately funny friends who in turn felt equally soiled, I also had kind of a spring in my step afterwards. Because, while the butt of Tucker Max’s jokes is always people who don’t get his humor because they’re defective in his eyes, in his own script he unknowingly turns himself into that same butt. Within the larger story of movie writing, he’s just like one of the fat, humorless, bitter women that he’s written as foils for himself in his screenplay, because no matter how much you or I tried to explain the joke to him (that he’s such a bad, unfunny screenwriter that he’s unintentionally hilarious) he wouldn’t get it, just as his foils don’t get his jokes. Only while they’re fictions he’s created to make himself seem funnier than he is, Tucker Max is a real person. And there’s nothing funnier that a real, live, foil who walks around oblivious to what he is. Even if that foil character is making money off of books and movie deals, they’re still fun to laugh at. And that makes me so happy that I almost hope his movie does well so that he’ll never gain the kind of self-awareness that humanized David Brent.
I hope that’s script reader-related enough for you. It’s definitely about industry, since I definitely have to read stuff like this all the time. It’s also the reason why people come to L.A. to write…seeing movies like this one and saying “I could do better than that.” Screenwriter bait. That’s what Tucker Max and his script are. Maybe he’ll give an actual writer the confidence to take the first step, which is one silver lining. Another is that now I get to delete this screenplay from my computer’s hard drive.
I disagree. This was one of the most intelligent scripts I’ve ever read, which I felt was surprising considering the subject matter. Normally, you have to imagine that ‘this will be funny on screen’ and give the jokes that sort of cushion. Like the book, the words on the page actually contain humor and make you laugh - no imagination, no situational comedy, and so on (although that’s there, it’s extra).
And who do you know anyway? Getting a script when the movie is half-way through production is nothing to brag about.
woo woo! negative comments already. i didn’t think i’d see much disagreement on this one but i hope i get more.
also, i didn’t think it was bragging to say that i didn’t get this script through work. just full disclosure.
Well, either the mere fact of a midget’s existence makes a script writer into an automatic genius who delights all who read his work, or it makes him kind of an obvious hack. Hmm.
To be fair, a lot of obvious hack scripts get made into major motion pictures, so maybe not everyone who is well connected in the industry can, you know, tell them apart from automatic genius scripts.
I’m going to withhold judgement until I actually see this movie. It does contain that obscure reference to The Simpsons, which many of my well-connected friends assure me is a show that a lot of automatic geniuses appreciate.
My question is if you claim to not be a fat disgusting woman, why don’t you post a picture of yourself? Now for your arguments. You say that midgets are not funny, but clearly you have never seen a real live midget. I think it’s obvious you completely lack contact with reality and are a humorless wench. Obviously your world view is polluted and perverted. Your personal attacks on Tucker Max really just show your total absence of moral character. Your hatred of him is probably the manifestation of the abuse you received as a child. It is clear you are guilty of many sins against society; you really should just get a real job.
Tucker??? Is that you? I’M SORRY. You are right about everything. Let’s DATE!
I think that tucker max is a small wiener bearing, overweight waste of sperm that was clearly touched as a child. I mean come on……the guy has about as much charisma as a worn out butt plug.
Ive read most of his stories and i will agree that some….SOME of them have humor…others are just a clear attempt to degrade others around him to make himself feel more ‘enlightened’ perhaps.
The odds of Tucker ever being able to score a solid loving relationship would be about the same as scratching the red dot on the forehead of a Hindi and winning a Ferrari. I can see from the way that he writes his blog that he is clearly a spineless twat who has no self esteem and was the brunt of all jokes in college.
So Tucker……
Next time your looking at yourself in the mirror, do us all a favour……take two steps back and F%$K yourself in the a$$.
I haven’t read any of Tucker Max’s ouevre, but the cover of his book was enough to cause a massive eye-roll. I don’t want to read anything with a title that makes me think the author wants me to high-five him.
Go, girl! If you’re going to criticize, do so intelligently and with purpose. This takedown of the script is sharper and wittier than anything Tucker has said concerning ugly, fat chicks. The things that make people famous these days…… With the world getting smaller, as they say, it seems that anyone can get noticed for anything. Honestly, the fact that Tucker Max’s book is selling like it is should tell us all something about who we are. It will be an absolute travesty if this movie actually has legs at the box office.
Note: The man came to my school, had some adventures, and blogged about it. It happened on my freshman year hallway. True story.
“I don’t want to read anything with a title that makes me think the author wants me to high-five him.”
i am jealous of this comment and wish i had written it.
That guy Rupert was high-larious. Every dude I ever met who had a problem getting laid knows who Tucker Max is and likes him. Stop living vicariously through a joke and you might actually trick someone worthy into bed, dude.
I don’t think a lot of dudes would even like something like this. Most guys have a lot of trouble getting laid and get jealous and angry at dudes who get a lot of ass. I’m even a little jealous and angry at Tucker Max, and I’ve had sex with at least 4 girls in my life.
Alright Script -Reader, this isn’t tucker max but I would go on a date with you. But only if you pay and cut my food for me.
Son, first of all, you need to check your bitter critique for typos. Second, you need to go get laid and stop being such a faggot. Nobody in the real world cares. It’s all about the bottom line. If the movie has an audience who can relate, and it’s funny on the screen, then it’s good. This isn’t a fucking Oscar contender.
Dear Guy Who Dislikes Me So Much He Created A Profile With My Name In The Title,
Nice one. Sadly, i am not a faggot but a girl, which you somehow overlooked in your close-reading of my blog. You seem also to have missed that I was not saying that there was no one out there who would relate to this script if filmed as written, or that there was no one out there who would find it funny. I was saying that those people -who definitely do exist- are idiots. I am glad that even idiots can agree with me that this isn’t an Oscar contender, though. World peace can’t be far off.
Your lecture on the real world has inspired me to google capitalism and see what all the fuss is about. While I’m doing that i would love to be notified of any typos you saw. I am bad at proofreading, to be sure. So is Tucker Max, by the way, but my blog didn’t include that detail because i think pointing out spelling and punctuation errors when writing a critique of something is a sure sign that the rest of your argument is weak.
Your daughter from another father (and mother),
-The Script Reader
First of all, I would just like to say that I have actually met Mr. Max. And for all his stories and escapades he is one of the kindest people I have ever met. In his book and script he is normally viewed in his drunken state, which is not becoming for anyone. You chastising him for writing about his exploits is slightly unfair, the point of them is to be stupid and childish and not make much sense. I don’t believe anyone picked up his book and went, “Wow, this might be the next War and Peace, I’m going to buy this for it’s literary value.” Anyone who was intelligent enough to read the back of the book knew what it was going to be about, and the book held no surprises as far as being about the drunken triumphs and follies of a 20 something male. Now, back to Mr. Max as a person. He is actually very nice, and quite charming. I think you should be ashamed of judging someone’s writings about their life as if it were supposed to be the next epic masterpiece. It is not. And as far as the script goes, it is mainly a visual interpretation of Tucker’s book and life. I don’t expect it to be as good as the book, for with reading, we are able to create our own images, unlike with screen where we are forced to accept the looks of the characters and scenery. And finally let’s remember that Tucker’s movie will make money, he has a substantial fan base and that alone will make it break even. So in the end he will make a difference in the world, even if it is just making teenage virgins have a giggle at what they one day might dream of doing. Tucker Max is out there in the world and making money, which is more than I can say for you, someone who sits at home blogging and degrading people that have had more success than them. I suggest you rearrange you’re life priorities. Bitch.
xoxo Betty
P.S. Tucker if somehow you read this, I would like to meet you again.
Dear Betty,
i don’t know how to respond to such an outpouring of pathos and emotion on behalf of poor tucker max other than to say that i call ‘em like i see ‘em and i am forced to call ‘em based not on what tucker was like when you met him, but on what he has published for my consumption.
I sincerely hope you get to meet him again, milady, if that’s what you want. other than calling me a bitch, you sound like a compassionate person. Feel free to continue to imagine me however you would like -even if it’s sitting in some box not contributing to the world- if it makes you feel better. That’s one reason i write anonymously. These wounds (from me saying on my internet blog to my 10 readers that in my opinion someone isn’t a good writer) will heal.
-Cecilia
This is from the IMDB page for I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell. Whoever this guy is, it seems like he knows Tucker personally, and is involved with the production somehow.
“A story, huh?
Here’s one for you:
Once upon a time, there was an utterly unremarkable douchebag named Tucker Max who grew up with a silver spoon in his mouth. He was unable to pass a bar exam and become a properly-licensed attorney, and so he decided to find some other way to become a drain on society.
Finally, he hit upon a brilliant scheme to avoid becoming a responsible hard-working adult: make up a bunch of mildly amusing stories that featured scatology, inebriation, and promiscuity, and pass them off as true accounts of his exploits.
At first, everything went swimmingly. The douchebag found a ready-made audience of teenagers, frat boys, and similarly intellectually-deficient types who hung on his every word because they had neither the acumen or inclination to question the veracity of his outlandish tales. And he saw that it was good…
As time went by, the douchebag garnered more and more notoriety, and began to attract the attention of various media outlets. Now normally, this would be a good thing. But in Tucker’s case, scrutiny is not his friend, so after a series of embarrassing incidents, such as getting clowned on a radio show for his obvious fabrications, lisping the immortal phrase “I’m not even the cooletht one of my freindth” on Fox News, and participating in a miserable failure of a radio endeavour of his own, the douchebag decided that exposure in uncontrolled environments was hindering his ability to keep his mongolioid fans oblivious as to the fictional nature of his “true” stories.
Now most talented people welcome exposure in third-party media. Tucker, being possessed of precisely as much talent as a tuber of some sort, shunned this expanded coverage, retreated to his website, and began to attempt to ply his douchbaggery in the hills of Hollywood.
He soon found that successful people recognize a charlatan from a mile away, having run across numerous such types in their rise to the top, and that serious individuals working in the entertainment industry can’t stand a self-aggrandizing idiot with no discernable talent. Yet even this potentialy career-ending setback did not discourage our douchebag protagonist. He managed to woo some executives at Comedy Central with his fabrications, and for a time, it was good.
But then Tucker went a little too far, and insisted that he knew better as to what the American television viewer prefers than people who had been working in the television industry for decades. After all, who the hell were THEY to question his vision? He was Tucker Max, New York Times Best Selling Author, and nobody was going to tell him where to go or what to do with his material, goddamnit, and those idiot TV executives could go to hell if they didn’t understand how revolutionary and groundbreaking his material was.
So, in a ritual that has been repeated since time immemorial (OK, since the early 1900s, to be fair) Tucker quickly learned what an intelligent person would have surmised all along: DO NOT PISS HOLLYWOOD OFF. He soon found that all of the doors to Hollywood fame and fortune the were previously so accessable had been slammed shut, and permanently. He rapidly learned that “blacklist” is not just an historical relic to be utilized when discussing the McCarthy era. But this did not concern the douchebag, no, demonstrating the tenacity of a rabid pit bull, he persevered, and eventually found some gullible idiots, fringe players, really, who were willing to take a gamble on his confabulations.
And so he unceremoniously discarded everyone and anyone who helped him get to that point, packed up, went to Shreveport, and started to make a movie. But then a funny thing happened… His antics were just as off-putting to people who had actually worked in the film industry as they were to anyone else. In short order, he alienated everyone involved with the production of “I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell”, to the point that the director and financiers are hellbent on keeping him as far away from the post-production process as possible.
I’ll let the epilogue write itself. I’m sure that nothing that *I* could fabricate could begin to approach the epic grandeur of Tucker’s impending failure. I thought that the Comedy Central thing would have killed this douchebag’s career, but the inevitable failure of IHTSBIH: The Movie will be his ultimate undoing. Tucker will retreat (again) to his mongoloid fanboys, play the website out for all that it’s worth, and get a real job out of necessity when he hits 40, 45 tops.”
What’s even funnier than your very well written piece on Tucker’s “work” is Tucker writing about his awesome script on his blog. It’s like he’s leaving pages worth of evidence on how much of a total douchebag he is.
Yeah, seriously, who thought Tucker’s script would be good? He just isn’t funny.
Awesome review.
And James K (very nice, btw…like you weren’t channeling your dead Rudius site) fess up. You’re Tucker. You talentless douche.
HAHAHAHAHAH! This was awesome. God Tucker sucks so much.
I think the funniest thing is how bad he’s actually going to fail at this.
Dead on. Tucker comes off like an unfunny douche in every thing he does. It’s not that he’s a bad writer (he’s an ok-average writer) but he’s just. not. that. funny. And neither is his fat fuck friend.
i hope they serve beer in hell is destined for failure; the meathead fratboys won’t relate to his nerdy, spoiled, rich kid antics.
tucker can’t keep his finger on the pulse because he’s too busy pleasuring nils’ asshole with it.
also, if you wanna understand what kind of delusional fuckwit you’re dealing with here, go read some of tucker’s posts on his message board. not only did he say the script for i hope they serve beer in hell was “at least” the funniest comedy written in the past 10 years, but also that he and nils have written another script that will become the highest-grossing comedy of all time.
^ Wow, dude. Way to keep the discussion classy and above-board.
That’s tough when you’re talking about the colossal douche that is Tucker
Congrats, The Script Reader, you’ve arrived as an “Internet Personality” in the eyes of the Tucker Max message board. You will note that the usual Tucker Max defense is as follows:
1. You’re just jealous (cite Internet fame and unverifiable fortune of Max).
2. You don’t get it, due to your physical appearance, education, gender, ethnicity, or any other easily labeled quality that empowers Max to ridicule you.
3. The stories don’t have to be true to be funny (a favorite fallback, because his stories fall apart when he’s questioned live during interviews… see Opie & Anthony interview of youtube).
4. People live like Max. They are just way cool. We cannot accept their existence, because we aren’t cool like them (it’s a great religious argument, as you buy into the Max fabrications as a matter of faith).
I’m one of those fraternity lunkheads (Sigma Chi). We all knew a few guys during our undergrad years who pretended to live on the edge, and after a drink or two, their oft-repeated stories would get wilder and wilder. The stories can be charming, even though they’re lies, because the story teller is a friend. Max is an Internet Personality because we live in an age where friendships are virtual. They are fake friendships created by a few mouse clicks and key strokes. Max stories are funny to the few shut-ins who have invested themselves in a virtual Max friendship. They inhabit the Tucker Max message board, and they’ve invaded your blog. And you can bet they’re giving themselves masturabatory “virtual” high fives back on their message board.
Their existence helps illustrate why the Max movie will fail. In ther real world, few know who he is, or will even care. The script (I read an earlier version) doesn’t present him as a sympathetic (or even interesting) character. Thus any audience won’t care or believe the experiences, because there is no reason to give a damn about Tucker Max.
The “Cult of Tucker” is amazing. Max was pwned on the Dopey & Anthony show and if those two mental midgets can show the guy as a fraud & liar then imagine what a real reporter could do. Nevertheless, Max’s following still insists the guy’s tales are “100% true & accurate” and show up with their ad hominem attacks anyplace that offers valid criticism of the clown. Jim Jones must be envious.
This was a great post about the saga of this lisping clown. And I met Tucker once, too, and he isn’t 6′ tall. I’m barely 6′ and was looking down at the guy while wearing Chuck Taylor sneakers.
Oh and BTW I must be a genius on Tucker’s level because I just left a reference to “Clerks” in this message.
What you need to understand is that Tucker’s fans are usually either his real life friends, 16 year olds, or 25 year old virgins.
The Tucker Max message board has a section called
Reviews, discussions, and blog posts’, wherein all blogs and other instances of this movie are to be posted and discussed - especially ones that are in some way critical of Tucker and his movie.
It’s interesting and telling that this blog hasn’t been posted there.
Does any one know where I can find a copy of the script online?
This isn’t just going to fail, this is going to Tucker Max fail.
The funny part is, what is happening to Tucker in reality is a lot more interesting than his own script. Cecelia nailed it, a douchebag who is clueless to their own douchebaggery is a lot funnier than anything Tucker could imagine.
Tucker’s piece-of-shit script:
http://rapidshare.com/files/104350531/script.doc.html
This thing is SO terrible that it defies comprehension.
Ridicule away!
Vincenzo,
Are you out of your mind? Are you dense? Do you not read? That’s Tucker’s old script, the one he was touting all of last year after his TV show fell through, the same script that he disavowed when it was leaked in February.
Right now, the script they are using is totally awesome and totally cool. Do you not understand? He fucks a midget. Say it with me here: “He. Fucks. A. Midget.” If that is not the basis of art to you, then you suck.
I’ve read both scripts. They both suck ass. The funny part is that the rewrite actually might be worse than the original. Really they both come off just as Cecilia says, it’s all about “how cool the character of Tucker is”. There aren’t really any character arcs, other than the Sling Blade role, which was… um… not that interesting to begin with.
I don’t even think this film gets distributed. The script is that bad and doesn’t have enough of a cast to warrant distributors pressing DVD’s of a really bad movie with a bunch of no-names. At best Tucker goes college to college and gets it shown for students. It’s pretty much what Troy Duffy did, and Tucker is nothing more than a poor man’s Troy Duffy.
Cecilia, did you already delete the script? We’d sure love to see it.
To all the disbelievers: you fucking pussies.
You’re obviously getting your emotions involved with these script critiques. Let’s be real here. Why not give an objective account of the script? Are you that pissed off that someone achieved the unachievable? While your nose deep in “How to Decorate Your Cubicle” articles to make yourself feel like you have a purpose, he’s busting his ass to reach his goals. He refused to be a cog in the corporate world aka “getting a real job” as you all so eloquently put it.
You’re proof that society settles on mediocrity. You see someone who achieved something great, who defied what it means to push the envelopes of society, and you get scared. When you have your own desires and you see them dumped in the wastebasket or put through the shredder at work, you get pissed when you see someone else with the determination to reach them.
Making fun of a lisp? Gimme-a-fuckin-break. Have you heard Shaq talk? You can’t understand a damn thing that comes out of his mouth. You almost need subtitles. But that doesn’t matter because he’s doesn’t need to talk to play ball. Who cares about his voice? He’s not a DJ. It’s not important.
How can you frown on someone who decided they didn’t want to be a suit? Because someone opted out of that boring fucking existence, you frown upon that? What kind of shit is that? If you’re writing this from your cubicle, with your suit and tie on, and you’re smiting him, look into your core and ask yourself why. Why are you sad? Are you sad beacuse you’re jealous? I’m glad someone here admitted they’re pissed because they’re jealous. The first step is to admit you have a problem. At least someone here has half a brain. To the rest who are stuck in denial: don’t see the movie, because you’re only going to get more depressed.
Yea, I’m just another one of his 25 year old virgin cronies, right? I probably get laid more than anyone else that’s commented here, but that’s not the point. The point is that Tucker is an inspiration. You talk about how much of a clown the guy is, but what you don’t see is that people look up to him. Read his blog. Read his advice board. Dare to look at life a little different. Learn something.
This is like an older kids version of YouTube comment boards.
Haters.
Wrong, wrong, wrong, my2cents.
“You see someone who achieved something great…”
What has he achieved that’s great? Like the rest of his disciples, you have confused relative fame and relative wealth with greatness. That’s your first mistake. Tucker isn’t doing anything new- he’s garnering this relative fame and wealth by defying self-evident standards of virtuous social conduct, and while it may seem that he’s ‘achieving something’ in the here-and-now, the question you must ask of him, and of all others - the question that truly determines whether someone is actually doing something ‘great’- is this: is he doing anything to make the world a better place? I submit that he is not.
“…who defied what it means to push the envelopes of society…”
What happens when we all ‘push the boundaries of society’? Well, if we’re successful, what happens is that boundaries are destroyed. What Tucker doesn’t understand, and what his army of fans don’t understand, is that boundaries exist to protect people. There isn’t anything more I can say to that point, because those who believe that pushing, pushing, pushing, is the right thing to do, NEVER see -until it’s too late, and society has already been damaged - that it isn’t. It won’t be until those boundary-pushers have their way, and society is bedlam, that that they will recognize the crucial importance of boundaries. All societies that cease to function do so because of boundary-pushers. Hindsight is 20/20. You can’t see this now, because you’re a ‘boundary-pusher’ yourself, but I’m right, and you’ll know it one day.
“The point is that Tucker is an inspiration.”
Yeah, this is pretty much the default justification Tucker-fans use to justify his greatness. ‘It isn’t about having lots of sex/getting drunk.acting crazy.whatever, it’s about refusing to let others define you/doing what you want to do/being honest.’ No, it’s about refusing to learn the lessons of those who have gone before, and in the process, making different versions of the same mistakes, and damaging society in the process. Those who refuse to acknowledge the boundaries of society invariably end up participating in the destruction of those boundaries, and when we destroy boundaries, we destroy that which defines a thing. Destroy the boundaries of society, and you destroy society.
But it’s no use trying to make this point. Tucker, and those like him, are going to do what they’re going to do, and it won’t be until society has suffered the consequences of their short-sighted and self-interested actions, that they see the undeniable truth of what I’ve written. I don’t expect you to understand now, but you will someday.
^
Excellent summary, you’re the best example of Tuckerphile yet. I love how you equate who you are and your self-worth with how often you allege to have sex. Next time try to be more succinct: “I fuck, therefore I am”.
Cecilia had no bone to pick with Tucker, her review was about as objective as can be. Now unless you mean by “objective”, you mean it should be reviewed by a fanboy like yourself who will give him nothing but praise for whatever he writes, then you might… want to get a dictionary dude and look up the word “objective”.
You might also want to look up the word “douchebag” because it most likely will say something about a sucker like yourself who totally follows the word of a known fraud like Tucker Max. Tucker seriously doesn’t even listen to his own advice, and probably should not be giving any out, being that he’s a complete and total mess of a human being. If you got something deeper from stories about a guy who writes about shitting himself, (or he went to a party and something shitty happened, or he shat then had a drink that tasted of shit then realized a girl he shat on blah blah blah) then perhaps it is you who has something wrong and not a writer who gave her objective opinion on a really bad script. On top of that, he lies and embellished on most of his “100% true stories”. Any and all stories that COULD BE VERIFIED have been proven to not be “100% true” or even “50%” or even “25%”. You are in a small cult following a fucking liar, says less about you then anything I can imagine.
Cecilia, is there a chance that you could do a few pages of coverage on this script so we can get a better idea on how you came to your conclusion. I too read the script and thought it was horrible, but you’re most likely going to have a bunch of Tucker’s fan boys out there, I think they’d want it spelled out for them.
I read some of the old leaked script that was posted a few links up.
Some of the dialog is funny, but a lot of the jokes are just so…corny.
Kevin,
Did you get to this line yet?
“Don’t mess with Texas!?!?! Fuck that shit!!! Don’t mess with Tucker Max!!!!”
You mean Tucker wrote something awful? The hell you say!
“Yea, I’m just another one of his 25 year old virgin cronies, right? I probably get laid more than anyone else that’s commented here, but that’s not the point. The point is that Tucker is an inspiration.”
20 bucks says this is Ryan Holiday or Tucker.
Tucker is this the tipping point you were speaking of? Because if it is, I for one am very impressed.
Nikolai, that’s Tucker for sure.
Not even one of his fanboys would try to pull that “out-of-the-box” line of bullshit.
No, Tucker, we don’t think you’re a douchebag because we’re jealous of you. We think you’re a douchebag because, well, you’re a douchebag.
That, and you’re a liar, Tucker.
TUCKER MAX IS A LIAR.
Wow, I love you. Someday I hope you puncture pin holes in the condoms we use.
Tucker Max never had sex with a midget. This was corrobborated by several people who were there that night.
Tucker was made fun of on the Opie and Anthony XM radio show. Tucker was humiliated and called a liar because none of his larger stories have any evidence of being true. No police report about a car being smashed into a window donut shop, no video tape of some sordid butt sex, NOTHING. O&A called him out on it and he wussed out and confronted nothing. Instead of confronting the issue on his website and talking about the things brought up in the O&A interview, Tucker would just erase every mention of the XM show from his website forum. He lost all credibility with me that day and he sucks for not being man enough to talk about it.
That’s true. Tucker is adamant about demonstrating his willingness to ‘take on’ those who would dare sully his name - witness Michael Ian Black, and the guy whose op-ed piece because the subject of Tucker’s derision on his movie blog a few weeks back.
So why does he not confront the Opie & Anthony thing? Hmmmmmmmmmmm?
because = became, by the way.
my2cents,
Wow, that was one of the biggest fanboy apologies for Tucker’s mediocrity that I’ve come across. You managed to completely ignore the criticism of the actual work, and instead defend the “artiste” for what they stand for–not what they produce.
Could you be anymore myopic?
Could you possibly be one of those idiots who actually has followed Tucker’s advice on his advice board? Perhaps the pseudo known as Ryan Holiday? Did you drop out of college to pursue what you wanted to do, not your parents, and as a result are now working in a warehouse someplace because life doesn’t end at 25, unlike Tucker’s “career”. And are now facing the horror of the real world? Pity.
Word of advice from someone who actually is quite successful: listening (or worse yet, following) almost any “life” advice from someone who is under the age of 35, who really hasn’t produced anything of value, and who is riding the coat-tails of antics from ten years prior is not a recipe for success. Most of the people in this world who have succeeded have done it on their own, not following someone else’s playbook.
And if you can read Tucker’s script, and honestly think it is anything beyond mediocre, at best, than you are lacking some serious analytical skill sets & perhaps the warehouse is perhaps the best fit for your life.
I read about halfway through the script before getting bored. Here are my thoughts:
-I think the dialog is funny. It’s all in the same vein as the site.
-When they stick closely to replicating the events of the Austin Road Trip story it’s funny.
-When they try to make up new jokes and situations that are unique to the movie, they’re too cheesy and over the top for me.
-The whole plot with his parents running through the movie doesn’t do it for me.
I have no idea what the newer script is like or how it’ll all translate into a movie, but I wouldn’t call it horrendous from what I’ve read. It could be a good comedy. You’d have to like the humor though.
I’m neither a hater or a fan boy. I think the site’s stories are funny, but also that Tucker has a lot of flaws as a human being.
I try to stay out of this kinda stuff, but I feel I need to chime in here…
I do not like Tucker Max. I have met him and spent time with him enough to form an opinion, etc. We agree to disagree and that’s that. However, I have read a copy of the shooting script for IHTSBIH.
To say that the script is not funny is untrue. In fact, It’s very funny and well written. If you don’t like Tucker, that’s fine. But to apply your jealousy, anger, hatred and other insecure BS towards your opinion of a script (AND IN YOUR CASE, an old an out dated draft) is just silly.
Do you think it’s easy to raise $6,000,000? What do you think they used to raise that money? They used a script. A solid script. That sealed the deal.
History is written by the winners. In this case it will be written by both Tucker and Nils. I look forward to plucking down my 12 bucks and having a good time watching this movie in 2009.
BTW — What you don’t understand is the fact that everyone here - ESPECIALLY the people who don’t like Tucker, will go see thsi movie. Tucker is not directing this movie. Tucker is not starring in this movie. Tucker inspired the movie and has obviously inspired all of you as well.
Now get back to losing and let these assholes finish their movie!
Brett
Brett Meisner:
You really are a worthless human being. You’re not even remotely correct with anything you say. If you think Tucker’s screenplay is funny, then maybe I could shit on some toilet paper for you and you can read that and laugh your ass off too. I wouldn’t see the difference.
Whether you’re serious or not is irrelevant, you’re just annoying like a benign tumor that is too close to a vital organ to get removed, yet you’re not actually capable of influencing anything or anyone important.
Good God, the filth crawls out from under the rocks whenever the name Tucker Max is uttered.
Brett Meisner, are you going to impress us with a tall tale, like cliaming that you turned down Heath Ledger’s request for an exclusive interview, the night before he died?
You and Tucker are feces.
Brett Meisner? Brett Meinser is defending Tucker Max? Talk about bringing out the D listers.
I love it when the hangers-on in Hollywood try to act important as if they’ve ever accomplished anything.
Still bitter about “Almost Famous” Brett? Although in your case it would be “Never Have Been, Never Will Be, Never Should Be”.
What other douchebag can Tucker drag out to defend his B- movie & his D level script?
I’m just sitting here giggling at the thought of Brett Meisner & Tucker Max hanging out together.
The bullshit & name dropping would be beyond nauseating, yet so hilarious.
Putting these two together on an unscripted, 30 minute back & forth is what Comedy Central or MTV should do. They could call it Liar-Liar, or Revenge of the D-bags. Just listening to these two bullshit & try and one-up each other would be comedic gold.
The funny (and sadly true) thing is, if such an offer were actually extended to these two they would both snatch it up in a second, thats how desperate for attention they are.
If this is true, Brett Meisner is just sad his kid died from drugs.
But then again, if my father named me “Kip” I would kill myself too. Maybe it’s for the best.
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1660133/
So… rather than discussing the merits of the script — a script none of you have read — you attack me. Ands yes, I did meet Heath Ledger the night before he died. I have pictures. But that’’s not the issue here…
Let’s look at the facts….
Tucker has been able to convince a hundred people to spend a few months on the otherside of the country filmming a movie about his life. That’s pretty impressive. Could any of you convince a single person to do that? I didn’t think so.
Tucker raised $6,000,000 to finance this movie. Could any of you here raise $600 in the next 24 hours? I’m serious. I bet you could not.
The movie is being made. It was green-lit based on one thing - it’s screenplay. They wrote a funny script. Get over it and get back to your telemarketing jobs or whatever it is you people do.
Tucker won. Game over.
Post the pictures then.
It’s just like your “movie” on IMDB. It never existed. Or your record as a writer for Rolling Stone and Spin. Nothing ever published under your name. Or your membership in the Writers Guild, which doesn’t list you as a member.
Or your son, who never existed.
Can you say… OWNED!
[url]http://www.rockandrollbadboy.com/photos/[/url]
That’s gotta sting.
Brett
What are you talking about, Brett? This entire post is based off of how bad his script is, citing specific examples from a script you probably never read.
Listen, no one is going to convince you that you’re wrong becasue I honestly believe you are just too stupid. I know that sounds like a weak answer, but everything you’ve ever posted is just genuinely stupid, and because of that, I feel bad for you. Well, I saw your pictures, so I feel bad for you in other ways, but still…
I really don’t want to detract from the crux of this post to insult you, but you just make it so damn easy. You really are useless. I think the rest of the people here would be better off ignoring you and letting you toot your worthless little unsuccessful horn.
“Let’s look at the facts….
Tucker has been able to convince a hundred people to spend a few months on the otherside of the country filmming a movie about his life. That’s pretty impressive.”
Actually, it would be impressive if none of these people WERE GETTING PAID TO HANG OUT WITH TUCKER. Since it’s one of the only films being produced down in Louisiana right now, it was kind of easy to get a crew together. Paid work has a way of facilitating loyalty.
“Could any of you convince a single person to do that?”
Yes, actually I could and I have on much bigger productions than you’ve listed.
“Tucker raised $6,000,000 to finance this movie. Could any of you here raise $600 in the next 24 hours? I’m serious. I bet you could not.”
Again, you’d be wrong, but hey.
Facts: It took Tucker a number of months to raise this money. His story about having an 8 figure deal to sell his franchise is completely untrue. Nobody in Hollywood who could raise that kind of money ever approached him. HE DIDN’T ACTUALLY “RAISE” THE MONEY. The majority of the financing is coming from Darko Productions (I believe about 5.5 million). Yes, he got them to sign, but that’s not like he’s got Darko’s investors on his speed dial, he doesn’t. Darko now basically owns IHTSBIH.
“The movie is being made. It was green-lit based on one thing - it’s screenplay.”
Well, that’s up for debate. I’d say it was more of Tucker being able to raise a few 100K based on a loan he took against his future book earnings, then buying a casting agent who wasn’t that busy at the time (who got a full fee btw, nice job). He then got it cast (once he found out that none of the big 5 would answer his calls even THOUGH HE HAD MONEY IN ESCROW). Falling back on plan B, he then was forced to cast a bunch of nobodys in Hollywood. After this, it still took him months to find a sucker… er production company who could come up with the other 5.5 million or so.
Darko based their decision on one thing, and one thing only: Tucker supposedly has a built in audience due to the “overwhelming popularity” of his web site. I personally think it’s a short sighted decision on their part, and perhaps that when this film fails they’ll find it harder to get more films produced under the “Darko” flag, but hey, at least it will be known as “A Tucker Max Film”.
I’ve read the script, my company passed on the script. It just wasn’t very good, Professionally I found Tucker to be a big mouthed poseur with little talent other than having a big mouth.
“They wrote a funny script. Get over it and get back to your telemarketing jobs or whatever it is you people do.”
Well, that’s debatable. From what I understand from Tucker, he doesn’t even know you, and from what I know about “Brett Meisner” is he doesn’t exist. He’s a joke fabrication made up by another “famous” Hollywood writer. I think that’s why the joke is on all the people who answer him, he’s actually making fun of Tucker, because really when you think about it, Tucker as a character doesn’t exist either.
oh man. i went away for a while and it got both more interesting and more slimy in here while i was gone. Speaking of slimy: hello, brett meisner. Thank you for stepping in as the voice of reason. I have never heard of you before today but after seeing your work on Bret Michaels’ Hair piece and John Kerry’s Daughter’s Nipple Slip I am really going to take to heart your wisdom about what a hateful loser I am. “Journalist”: heal thyself.
There’s a kneejerk reaction of “you must have a worse job/life than Tucker/me” from fans on repeat here that I’m sort of fascinated by. I suppose it could be true or not that anyone on here is better or worse off than anyone else -depending on what defines better or worse even though it’s all relative and unprovable. But it’s interesting that that’s often the first argument anyone makes against my criticism of the script, even though it is a lateral move away from the argument at hand with little to do with anything. It broadcasts anxiety, loud and clear. Which i love. I’m a student of human folly, and a whole boatload of it is making a guest appearance here this week. it’s all an education, come to think of it. I didn’t know who Tucker Max was until someone said “you might be interested in this script” and i looked him up. I didn’t know who some weird actor who has never booked a job and wrote a book about the experience was until he pretended to be my dad and i found his lame website. And now i’m learning about ol’ brett. I like to learn and don’t have the opportunity now that i’m writing my dissertation and not taking classes. Teach me more, internet.
Also apologies, but I’m not going to post coverage or pages from the script. I didn’t read this for work and it’s already shooting and it’s based on a book, so i didn’t feel too badly about revealing one or two spoilers that are probably things people have heard anyway, but i don’t wanna spill too much about anybody’s script on this blog. Even if it’s a lame script with a lame writer, it’s still their script. Besides, based on their comments here, i doubt it would convince anyone who is going to like the movie no matter what of anything.
thanks everyone. I’m enjoying this. Reading all these comments has distracted me from another project and now i feel guilty about it, but it was a fun and worthwhile distraction.
also, Marc, just saw your comment and wanted to say thanks for continuing my brett meisner education. And that I agree with you generally. if Darko has a brand, it’s definitely going to be damaged by funding this movie, which telegraphs that the producers don’t really care about what the property is so long as it’s presold in some way. I had some hope for “the box” to at least be a sort of atmospheric genre picture in keeping with what i thought they were trying to do. But then i heard it had been rewritten in the years since i’d read it -it was never perfect but i thought it was interesting and i like twilight zone–so maybe this is a sign of the way the wind is blowing with that company…
Cecilia,
I think Darko began to panic (along with a lot of companies) when there was a real threat of a the SAG strike. They needed something as their slate was clear, and if the strike actually occurred they would have to explain why they didn’t have anything on tap by their investors.
The deal between them and Tucker occurred very late in the game, and the contract went very quickly (at least in Hollywood time). The bad news is that they now are the owners of a potentially career ending film (at least for Tucker Max), the good news is that they are already getting ready to lock him out of the edit room.
Anyway, I enjoy your site very much, keep up the good work.
Bret: does it just suck to be you?
Someotherguy,alsoontheinternet was jealous and wrote…
“Bret: does it just suck to be you?”
—-
Hmmmm, let’s see…
Millions of dollars in real estate. Working in Hollywood. Home in Hollywood Hills. Banging ANY chick I decide on. Sleeping in late. Eating anything whenever and wherever I want. Being recognized on the street. Friends with Tommy Lee and Josh Richman. Having more money in my pocket right now than anyone on this site has in the bank right now. Shall I go on?
Brett
Hey, Brett, you dropped your names.
…I wouldn’t bet too heavily on having more money than anyone else, either.
By the way, who’s Josh Richman?
Who the hell in their right mind would even WANT to be friends with Tommy Lee? Didn’t that guy stop being important around 1991 or so when Nirvana came out and clipped hair metal? Do the phrases “my bandmate killed a guy” and “I let a kid drown at my son’s birthday party” ring a bell?
Brett Meisner is Sacha Cohen’s best work yet. It’s amazing how he’s totally transformed himself into a caricature of a talentless loser who lies all the time. I can’t wait to see the movie of this. You can see the artistic growth in his work. I mean look at that gut, Sacha must have put on like two hundred pounds to play BM, that’s dedication to the craft, my friends. My favorite part is where he says that Radiohead sucks, but Poison is awesome. Talk about unmitigated stupidity. A few years ago, I doubt that SBC would have dared to write something so foolish, for fear that it would give up the game, but then POW, he’s done it again. My one comment, is that he should take this new character farther. Yeah he’s a fat, never was, arrogant, quasi illiterate, narcissist idiot, but now is the time to dream big. Run BM for President. I mean, he’s only marginally dumber than the one we have now. Kudos Mr. Cohen, kudos.
I still wanna know who the hell Josh Richman is.
Tucker’s stories are humorous not at all because of the events, but because as a writer he actually crafts a good story. If that writing is transferred well to dialogue, the movie will likely appear smarter than the events taking place.
However, the comments on this entry from both sides look as if crafted by sixth graders. Seriously, “you suck bitch” and “you dropped your names”? Are you people really so terrible at arguing that you result to personal attacks out of the gate? Try reading this and get back to me:
http://www.powerseductionandwar.com/archives/only_the_dull_a.phtml
Not to mention, thescriptreader, you’re obviously entitled to your opinion, but your incessant need to reply to every single comment as if this was a chat room is pretty overbearing, even given the fact that this is your publishing space.
Regardless of everyone’s opinion on the quality of the script, if/when the finished movie is picked up and marketed by a major studio, it will be successful. At the low cost of $6 million for production, it won’t take a lot in box office sales to be deemed a success. As previously stated, it can be carried to moderate success from his installed fanbase alone (IHTSBIH Currently #7 on NYT in Paperback NonFiction, 42 weeks on the list).
Now I look forward to whether I am assumed to be a real life friend (negative), 16 year old (26) or a virgin (not by a long shot). Please, flame away defensive flamers.
Nobody’s a virgin on the internet.
“Tucker’s stories are humorous not at all because of the events, but because as a writer he actually crafts a good story.”
Well, that’s debatable. He does tend to borrow heavily from other people’s work (at least literary devices).
“If that writing is transferred well to dialogue, the movie will likely appear smarter than the events taking place.”
Dialogue and story crafting are two totally different things. They are not mutually exclusive of each other, but because he’s a good storyteller doesn’t mean it’s going to transfer well into the dialogue. Tucker’s main problem in his stories is that all the people he introduces are basically props in his stories. People in real life simply do not talk the way they do in Tucker’s “100% true” stories.
That being said, the dialogue from both scripts is so bad that it’s distracting. Tucker COULD HAVE HAD a much smarter and funnier script if it didn’t reek of being a horrible vanity project. Unfortunately, like Cecilia said, he simply does not have the ability to step back and look at what he’s created without being honest to himself.
“Not to mention, thescriptreader, you’re obviously entitled to your opinion, but your incessant need to reply to every single comment as if this was a chat room is pretty overbearing, even given the fact that this is your publishing space.”
She’s replied to about 3 different people on this thread. That doesn’t sound “incessant” nor “overbearing”. Now in my case, I am being incessant.
“Regardless of everyone’s opinion on the quality of the script, if/when the finished movie is picked up and marketed by a major studio. it will be successful.”
Well, the general consensus around Hollywood is that the script is horrific. I am of that school having read both versions of the script. The only people who are really saying that it’s a great script are Tucker, his sycophants and people who are being paid to work on his movie. I’m assuming you are a fan of his, which is why you are here.
This film has no chance of getting picked up by a major studio. You’ve heard it here first. This film has absolutely zero chance of getting major distribution. Tucker blew it in Hollywood and nobody wants to work with him on any level. To those in Hollywood, Tucker is the new Troy Duffy, except Duffy actually wrote an entertaining and competent script.
He’ll be lucky if some company like National Lampoon buys the film back to get it straight to DVD. Other than that there is no chance of this movie getting a major studio behind this picture. What I think might happen to him is that he will go out and bang on people’s doors at smaller individually owned theaters located near major colleges.
Even then, the script is crap and won’t get him any new fans. In fact I believe he loses fans over his movie. He promises something “groundbreaking” and “revolutionary” and like most bullshit artists he oversold his own talents and people are going to be disappointed.
The script simply was not there, they got a bunch of no-names to act in it (sorry, Matt Czuchry isn’t going to sell tickets, neither is Jesse Bradford), a director and production company who are not known for comedy as well as the massive mountain of failure baggage that Tucker brings to the table.
“At the low cost of $6 million for production, it won’t take a lot in box office sales to be deemed a success.”
Well, Tucker claims his book has sold about 120000 copies. The cost of the book was around 14 bucks (guesstamite). That means the book made about 1.7 million dollars. Now, if every one of the people who bought this book went to the movie with a friend, that’s 200K worth of people going to the film for an average of 10 dollars a ticket.
240,000 X 10 = 2.4 million dollars
Budget = 6 million.
And that’s IF THE MOVIE GETS DISTRIBUTION. I doubt half of the people who were fans of Tucker 2 years ago even go by the message board. Tucker will be very lucky if 20% of his fanbase pays to see his film in a theater.
For all intents and purposes, he wont get it. This is straight to DVD city. Yes he’s got a “best selling” book, but the sales of the book aren’t even that good. 120K worth of sales over a 2 and a 1/2 year period is okay, but not groundbreaking. It certainly doesn’t mean that it will open big.
“As previously stated, it can be carried to moderate success from his installed fanbase alone (IHTSBIH Currently #7 on NYT in Paperback NonFiction, 42 weeks on the list).”
Yes, it’s been there for a while, yet he claims the book only sold 120K in units.
“Now I look forward to whether I am assumed to be a real life friend (negative), 16 year old (26) or a virgin (not by a long shot). Please, flame away defensive flamers.”
No, I don’t believe I picked on you, called you a name. I simply tore your pro-Tucker argument to shreds. You are entitled to your opinion, even when you are wrong.
Who the hell is Brett Meisner?
Shaun…did Tucker tell you to comment on it on his mod board? A-Dorable.
Haters. All of you. You’re losers and he’s not, so you hate. A script reader? Puhleez.
I don’t really care to get involved in the debate, but something that was mentioned more than once caught my eye. Marc, you and someone else mentioned steps being taken to lock Tucker out of the post production process.
Would you elaborate? I’m interested, and honestly skeptical, because it seems like you don’t get along with anyone who might be able to provide that information. I’m interested to know how one comes by that kind of inside info, without connection to the film.
It’s fascinating that, no matter how many people articulate rational, well-thought-out explanations of their derision for Tucker, the response is always that they are ‘haterz’ and ‘loserz’ who are ‘jealous’ and who ‘just don’t get it.’
Could it be that Tucker truly doesn’t have anything to offer? Could it be that a guy whose ticket is that he ‘did it his way’ and ‘broke all the rules’ just doesn’t have staying power - that it’s simply a routine that gets old after a while?
No, it couldn’t be that.
Hey, Gina, I do believe that you misspelled your name.
The proper spelling is “Gene”.
I know this because no woman anywhere, ever, would come on to a stranger’s message board, and defend Tucker Max by calling his critics “haters”.
Okay, then, VINCENZO. What the hell kind of name is that? Self important much?
Look at you hating on a comment hating on a post hating on Tucker Max. You’re the barnacle, buddy. I’m the truth. He won, and you hate him for it.
This isn’t criticism. This is a bunch of trolls doing their troll thing.
“Could it be that Tucker truly doesn’t have anything to offer?”
I’m sure a book that’s spent three years on the best seller list has nothing to offer. Seriously, where is the logic in your arguments, people?
“Scott on August 2nd, 2008 12:12 am
….something that was mentioned more than once caught my eye. Marc, you and someone else mentioned steps being taken to lock Tucker out of the post production process.
Would you elaborate? I’m interested, and honestly skeptical, because it seems like you don’t get along with anyone who might be able to provide that information. I’m interested to know how one comes by that kind of inside info, without connection to the film.”
Sure Scott,
It’s all a game of “perhaps” on the internet, and I can understand you being skeptical, this is the internet afterall. I won’t reveal my sources, but Hollywood is a very small town. It’s sort of like high school, only for adults, and things have a way of getting back to people.
Perhaps I know somebody in the know on the set.
Perhaps that person is somebody in the production company who is making the film.
Perhaps this person from that production company thought it was a HUGE mistake to make this film and thought Tucker was full of shit from the beginning and his “art” doesn’t fit in with THEIR brand image.
Perhaps that during preproduction it became clear that dealing with Tucker was a job in itself, that the guy who has no idea what he’s doing believes he is calling all the shots.
Perhaps that production company saw what Tucker was writing, and how he was taking credit for things he shouldn’t be (like raising 6 million dollars by himself, which is a flat out lie).
Perhaps that company realizes that Tucker’s “vision” is going to hurt the film overall, that he’s overbearing, doesn’t get along with talent or the director, and that him being in the edit would 1) be a huge pain in the ass 2) costly in both time and money.
Perhaps those guys in that production company have told a few people in Hollywood (did I mention that Hollywood is like high school?).
Perhaps those people are now telling that production company “I told you so”. Perhaps they realize that the only thing Tucker is really doing is getting in the way of the real professionals on the movie.
Perhaps they are now telling those in Hollywood that they couldn’t stand to spend 4-5 months stuck in an edit room with somebody who is a pain in the ass, doesn’t know what he’s doing and is overly demanding.
Perhaps since the production company raised the money for the movie, they have control over who does and doesn’t get into the edit.
Perhaps they have their lawyers looking for ways to get him out of the edit so they can come up with a viable film from Tucker’s awful script without his input.
Anyway, regardless of what you think of this story, there are already major problems going on with the movie.
“I’m sure a book that’s spent three years on the best seller list has nothing to offer. Seriously, where is the logic in your arguments, people?”
There you go… you haven’t demonstrated the worth of Tucker’s ‘work’, you’ve just referenced the NYT Times bestseller list - that’s the default response Tucker-acolytes employ when called upon to demonstrate what Tucker has to offer that’s of any substance.
So I’ll ask it a different way. I don’t want you to show me that he has some measure of popularity, I want you to show me what he has to offer that actually matters.
Marc,
Book has moved like 400,000 units so far — just correcting your 120k figure.
Brett
Well, Gene, if you had any education it all, you would know that Vincenzo is an Italian name.
Oh, and Scott, unlike Marc, I prefer not to speak in hypotheticals, so here’s what I know:
Tucker has attempted to grab the reins of the film, and “take charge of his creative vision” and has gotten in Bob Gosse’s way so much that Bob almost wants to take a modern-day Alan Smithee credit (the name Alan Smithee is no longer used… now psuedonyms are assigned on a case by case basis) so that when this trainwreck of a film is roundly derided, it won’t end Gosse’s career.
The only things that are possibly preventing him from doing so are the performance of Matt Czuchry, who by all accounts is doing a wonderful job, and the fact that thanks to IMDB, an alternate credit doesn’t mean what it used to, because anyone can find out about your involvement in a project at any time through Google cache even if IMDB scrubs their site.
Tucker is doing things like giving the actors instructions for blocking that expose alternate cameras, complaining that “this scene needs to happen like this, because that’s the way that it really happened” as if A: it matters and B: as if any of this bullshit happened in the first place. Not to mention that everyone on set is getting a little (read: a lot) sick of Tucker Max’s bragging about his fictional exploits during each and every shooting break.
Oh, and Keri Pratt can’t stand Tucker. If she didn’t need the work, she would have quit this project, though I think she’s done shooting her scenes by now. I think she started to hate him when he clumsily hit on her. Tucker insulted her intelligence by insinuating that since she was a beauty queen, she must be dumb, because after all, he dated a beauty queen once, and they’re all the same. Fortunatley for Tucker, by all accounts she’s such a sweet person that she would never tell him straight out that she hates him… Maybe it’s unfortunate, though, because getting cut down a few pegs would probably do wonders for his extreme ego issues.
Brett,
Thanks for the correction. Let’s say it is 400000 as per your sales figures.
The book is priced at 12.95, but can be bought on-line for as low as 7.77 (new too).
But we’ll go in a best case scenerio here. Each owner of IHTSBIH will now pay to see the movie.
400,000 X 10 bucks = 4 million dollars
Budget for TM’s movie = 6 million dollars
Now, those are his fans. That is a 2 million dollar shortfall in a perfect scenerio.
BTW Brett, I’m sorry for blowing your cover. I actually am a big fan of your work and the character you’ve created. The fact that people buy into it is hysterical, but the fact that you’ve targetted Tucker Max is inspiring. In other words, I get the joke.
Vincenzo,
Yes, all my thoughts are “hypothetical” (wink wink, nudge nudge).
You forgot to mention that Darko is completely on Bob’s side.
“You forgot to mention that Darko is completely on Bob’s side.”
I did indeed. I’d like to know who in the hell at Darko was foolish enough to think that woking with Tucker was a good idea in the first place. I know that Ted Hamm, Darko’s money man, is FURIOUS that they’re wasting time, money and effort on Tucker’s vanity project. The bulk of that $5+ million was his money, so I can’t blame him.
I’m also amazed that everyone involved in the production of IHTSBIH has been able to restrain themselves from telling Tucker what a lying, arrogant, talentless piece-of-shit he is. How anyone can stand to be around that douchebag for more than five minutes is beyond me.
Oh, why don’t you all tell me what’s going on behind the scenes, as if I wasn’t just on set in Shreveport.
I met Tucker. He is a fucking asshole, just like he says he is. He is intolerable, actually, but if you say the script or book don’t have funny moments, you’re lying as much as this script reader. Top ten worst? Seriously? It aint Shakespeare, but it aint bad either. Get some Jenny Craig.
And though you say Darko may side with Bob, Bob couldn’t tell a joke to save his life. Nils and Sean are running this film, and running it well. So sorry it won’t be the disaster your egos need it to be.
Cocksucker, yes. He still raised 6 mil and spent three years on the best seller list, against all odds. He’s never been reviewed; he did it on his own steam, and if you think he won’t do this on his own steam either, then you know nothing about malignant narcissists.
You’ll probably all be kissing his ass in six months.
And since I’m surrounded by fancy “Hollywood Insiders”–oh goody!–can anybody tell me why 98 percent of your films fucking blow, and my wallet feels anally raped every time I go to see one of your piece of shit, derivative, clunky, trite, predictable products? I think you should spend less time on blogs and more time on actually doing your jobs, because you have about one more year of controlling all streams of distribution, and then the party’s over, fuckers.
tucker’s book selling x number of copies is bullshit; a lot of those he bought himself and then resells on his cheesy college tours (which are hilarious in and of themselves, the asshole has some student group rent a room or just sets up a table outside a frathouse and calls it giving a “speech”).
I think Gina actually has a good point here. Have any of you guys been to the movies you make lately? I don’t think i could take anything you say about what’s good and what’s not good seriously. Actually, I’m going to go out and see this movie now. I figure if you don’t like it, it might be good.
Tucker Max came to my school and sold out a huge lecture hall. i’m not sure what “suckermax” is talking about. I think he’s lying.
Well, Gene, I find it interesting that you didn’t refute anything that Marc or I have said about Tucker’s little vanity project.
“Bob couldn’t tell a joke to save his life”
Bob doesn’t need to tell jokes. He’s actually possessed of some real talent, though admittedly questionable judgment, since he was willing to wok with Tucker.
Oh, and tell me, Gene, who is the DP for IHTSBIH? Who is the key grip? Who is the prop master?
I know who they are. IMDB doesn’t as of yet. So if you’re on set, you should know these things, right?
[…] The Tucker Max Movie: Idiot’s Delight (spoilers below) [Film Industry Bloggers] […]
this argument is going great without me by now, but in the interest of full disclosure, since i’m the one who gets sent the ip addresses of all the comments, i just wanted to put in that one camp in this argument tends to list real email addresses (which only i see), often from reputable film companies or studios, and to post their credible information consistently under whatever name they’ve chosen to use on this site, from a consistent, unique IP address. the other camp of arguers tends to post several comments in a row under different names, but all from the same IP address/computer. Only had time to go back 30 comments when i noticed this was happening so can’t speak for the entire thread, but two guesses as to which camp does which. hint: gina, anon and suckermax lies all appear to be the same person.
away and probably won’t be back here until i post my next blog, so now would be a good time for you tucker max lovers to call me fat or a bitch or a whore, since i won’t be around to defend myself. enjoy yourselves!
Reputable people from reputable firms? Reputable at what? Making shit?
You people suck at your jobs; that is the the goddamned truth. If I produced at your level of quality in my industry or any other industry in which distribution isn’t controlled I would be out on my ass, and fuck me, I ought to be.
So glad to see you’ve got an art form all figured out with math (you don’t; there’s only two stars left that “open” movies). I will enjoy watching you become completely obsolete.
and yet again, Anon comes out with a swing and a miss.
I’m surprised you’re back, given that your IP address/penchant for posting multiple times under different names.
I’m neither a fan nor a foe of Tucker Max. I’ve read his book and I’ll more likely than not watch his movie. I’m quite curious as to how steamy Shreveport locales will be turned into hot (yet not particularly humid) Austin.
The funny thing is that he’s pretty much a joke around these here parts. People know who he is (sort of–not the number of people I’d expect considering he’s chosen his Austin story to turn into a movie), but the DJs make fun of him more than respect him.
I’m not sayin’ nothin’, I’m just sayin’.
Celia, nobody called you a whore, so quit the victim shit.
“Reputable people from reputable firms? Reputable at what? Making shit?
You people suck at your jobs; that is the the goddamned truth. If I produced at your level of quality in my industry or any other industry in which distribution isn’t controlled I would be out on my ass, and fuck me, I ought to be.
So glad to see you’ve got an art form all figured out with math (you don’t; there’s only two stars left that “open” movies). I will enjoy watching you become completely obsolete.”
Hi Tucker,
I loved you when you were Gina. Fulfil any fantasies of wanting to be a woman?
“Oh, why don’t you all tell me what’s going on behind the scenes, as if I wasn’t just on set in Shreveport.”
We just did, we’re actually telling you what’s going on behind Tucker’s back.
“I met Tucker. He is a fucking asshole, just like he says he is. He is intolerable, actually,”
I’ve met Tucker a few times. Big mouth, full of shit, really knows his sports, thinks his opinion on everything is Gospel.
“but if you say the script or book don’t have funny moments, you’re lying as much as this script reader. Top ten worst? Seriously? It aint Shakespeare, but it aint bad either. Get some Jenny Craig.”
The book definitely had a lot of funny moments, which is why it WAS a hot property. Had Tucker sucked up his ego and perhaps had a real screenwriter take a pass at adapting his book (which was recommended to him by pretty much everybody in Hollywood who read his script), then we might not be having this conversation. Facts are this film could have been very good. I felt that he had the right combination of things going on that would have made an excellent movie. Unfortunately for Tucker, he’s got a huge ego, and well…
His script is horrible, it’s the rotting skeleton’s version of his book. If I were a fan, it would turn me off to him as a writer, because it contains almost nothing that made his book charming and funny. Are there funny moments? Absolutely, I counted maybe 3 times where I laughed. However, that’s not enough to keep me going or want to option or purchase this project.
“And though you say Darko may side with Bob, Bob couldn’t tell a joke to save his life. Nils and Sean are running this film, and running it well. So sorry it won’t be the disaster your egos need it to be.”
“Darko sides with Bob because Bob is a professional with 20 years experience producing and directing. I’m not there to know why they are siding with him, but whatever. It probably has to do with the fact that everybody above the line knows Tucker doesn’t know what he’s doing.”
So you’re telling me a guy with no experience producing (like Nils) is “running the film”? Thanks Gina, then my fears were validated. Who hands the keys of a 6 million dollar vehicle to an infant? Because that’s exactly what you are saying they’re doing. Actually I know for a fact that the Darko people are actually “running” the film, don’t fool yourself.
And again, Bob isn’t there to tell jokes, he’s there to direct a film. He’s there to get the best performance out of the actors (which from what I’ve read, he’s already doing) From what I understand he’s turned a lot of chicken shit into chicken salad, but he is burdened by a bad script. Anyway, when this movie fails it won’t be Bob’s fault.
“Cocksucker, yes. He still raised 6 mil and spent three years on the best seller list, against all odds.”
Well, I don’t know if he sucks cock, so I’ll just take your word on it.
He didn’t “raise” 6 million dollars. He got a production company to partner with him, he does not have that production company’s investors on speed dial. He did not write up the PPM for people to invest, he did not wine and dine investors, he was not the person who got the checks from investors. Don’t overstate this, Tucker does not have access to that kind of money.
Congratulations to Tucker on making the EXTENDED NYTimes best seller list. 400K sold copies is something to be proud of, especially over the course of about 3 years.
“He’s never been reviewed; he did it on his own steam, and if you think he won’t do this on his own steam either, then you know nothing about malignant narcissists.”
He’s better off that he hasn’t been reviewed yet, because then people would begin picking apart his stories and their “100% truthful” claim. If he ever does make it onto the radar he’s toast, and he won’t have the time to fake names like “Gina” or whatever to try and take the heat off of LEGITIMATE criticism of his work.
BTW, he’s not the next James Frey. James Frey sold a couple million copies of his book over a few months.
“You’ll probably all be kissing his ass in six months.”
Probably not, but good luck with that.
“Gina on August 2nd, 2008 8:54 pm
And since I’m surrounded by fancy “Hollywood Insiders”–oh goody!–can anybody tell me why 98 percent of your films fucking blow, and my wallet feels anally raped every time I go to see one of your piece of shit, derivative, clunky, trite, predictable products?”
Well, if you feel “anally raped”, then why keep going to see films? Do you enjoy getting “anally raped” by people you dislike? Of course you list no examples that I could defend other than “98%”, but hey, you’re probably drunk, so…
“I think you should spend less time on blogs and more time on actually doing your jobs, because you have about one more year of controlling all streams of distribution, and then the party’s over, fuckers.”
I’d say the same about TUcker. Had he spent less time working on his blog and hooking up with random women and more on making his script better, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. His scripts were both pretty awful. Structurally they are completely unsound, the dialogue is cliche’ ladden, the character arcs are null and void and they’re just not funny. But hey, it’s his name and “Brand” attached to the film and not mine.
As far as “controlling all streams of distribution”, I’m assuming you mean that Tucker is going to control a stream of distribution and become some sort of internet movie mogul. I disagree with that, as your statement was obtuse to begin with, and it’s statement s like these which are the reasons why nobody in Hollywood is ever going to want to work with Tucker again.
Here’s a guess, in about two years after this film gets released and Darko signs off on it as a loss, Tucker is selling the DVD for his movie on his website for 20 dollars (30 if you want him to sign the box). This is the road that Troy Duffy took, and it’s most likely the only road that will be open for Tucker. Then, like Duffy, he could make YouTube videos badmouthing Hollywood and telling his fans how he’s still going to take over Hollywood by storm with whatever… It’s too late for him, and it’s almost too late for Tucker.
Hey Marc,
Why does the vast majority of the product you guys put out completely fucking suck? Why do you keep making the same movie over, and over, and over again? Why do I know the ending to EVERY movie EVERY time I go to them because they’re remakes of something successful from ten years ago? Why is it a red letter year when there are two movies worth seeing at my local theater? Why do I not even bother turning on the television?
Check your facts. He made THE list, and he should have because the book was what’s called “funny.” It was what’s called “enjoyable.” This next word will blow your mind: “original.” That’s what it was. That’s what happens when someone tells a story that hasn’t been told over, and over, and over, and over…
So how bout it, buddy…why the fuck do you people suck at your jobs so much?
That’s my fucking rub, buddy. Not Tucker. You think he’s a joke? Your entire industry is a fucking joke, but something tells me you have no answer for me. Probably too busy pitching “Beverly Hills Chihauhau 2; The Search for Curley’s Gold.”
Oh, and Marc, this part is beautiful:
“As far as “controlling all streams of distribution”, I’m assuming you mean that Tucker is going to control a stream of distribution and become some sort of internet movie mogul. I disagree with that, as your statement was obtuse to begin with, and it’s statement s like these which are the reasons why nobody in Hollywood is ever going to want to work with Tucker again.”
You are technologically clueless.
That’s amusing (it’s chihuahua, btw) that you think the entire industry is a joke based on the same story being told over and over and over again considering that Tucker’s doing a “buddy road trip” movie.
Like that’s never been done before? Please.
Your arguments are flawed, anon.
Oh, sorry I don’t deal in designer dogs. I’m more concerned with this thing called “substance.”
Keep dodging my very legitimate question, people. That’s okay. I wouldn’t expect any of you to be self aware anyway, and in scattering instead of answering you sort of answered my question anyway.
So like I said before, I will very much enjoy watching all of you become totally obsolete in a few years’ time.
hey, it’s ryan holliday, the college-dropout, wannabe-pr-rep, future starbucks barista that tucker hired to be his lackey for sub-minimum wage. shouldn’t you be out doing max’s laundry kid?
“Why do you people suck at your jobs?”
Before they can answer that, this Anon/Gina/Tucker/Ryan person should probably establish what he think their jobs ARE, then demonstrate why he believes they are failing at those jobs.
My guess is that he’ll say something like “all you produce is garbage” (which is largely true), all-the-while maintaining that Tucker’s movie is going to be objectively better than whatever’s coming out of Hollywood now.
Well that’s all fine and good, Jason L, but I can’t answer his freaking question as I’m not in “the industry”, nor have I claimed to be.
It just doesn’t a genius to realize that anon’s statements are flawed when it comes to Tucker Max.
ahem. doesn’t take a genius.
Still no answer. Wow.
Seriously, if you’re so good at making movies, why can’t you make good movies? Simple question, and you can’t answer.
Oh, and I’m not any of those people you’ve mentioned, and don’t actually even know who they are aside from Tucker. I’m just a consumer, which is probably why you people have such little respect for my questions. I bet you don’t respect your consumers at all, considering the shit product you put out all year long, every year. Without fail, you fail, and you know it. You’re cogs in the mega machine of failure.
I’m so fucking tired of going to the movies and wasting my money on your garbage, so when I read a book that is actually pretty funny, and hear it’s going to be made into a movie by the guy who made it funny, and then come here to this bullshit site, and hear a bunch of fail-mongerers use inter-Hollywood political fucking bullshit to dis it, I get ever more angry.
We’re all angry, because you suck and we’re tired of it.
Sure you are Anon/ SuckerMax/ Gina/ Ryan Holiday
Anon wrote: “Hey Marc,
Why does the vast majority of the product you guys put out completely fucking suck? Why do you keep making the same movie over, and over, and over again? Why do I know the ending to EVERY movie EVERY time I go to them because they’re remakes of something successful from ten years ago? Why is it a red letter year when there are two movies worth seeing at my local theater? Why do I not even bother turning on the television?
Check your facts. He made THE list, and he should have because the book was what’s called “funny.” It was what’s called “enjoyable.” This next word will blow your mind: “original.” That’s what it was. That’s what happens when someone tells a story that hasn’t been told over, and over, and over, and over…
So how bout it, buddy…why the fuck do you people suck at your jobs so much?”
Hey Tucker/Tucker’s Paid Friends,
You assume a lot, enough to make your rants very enjoyable. But since you think you know exactly what I do, I’ll answer your question in as coherent a fashion as one of your rants.
We make sure that when we make a movie that everybody likes it BUT you and Tucker Max. 99% of the time we get it right and you hate our product. I guess I’m not working hard enough at my job to get that 100%, but I’m young. So I’ll make sure to greenlight films that you hate, only because it’s enjoyable to know that I piss you off. We make sure to make only movies you dislike because somehow, you are just that important to Hollywood.
By the way, does your rant on Hollywood suddenly make his script better? I hope so, because what I read was absolutely horrible and it seems he needs every little thing he can get.
Here’s the funny part, if Tucker stayed away from trying to turn his film into a bad rehashing of Road Trip, American Pie, etc he might have had something. He could have stayed close to the source material and had a great film out of it. I still think the ending of his book was one of the better ending I’ve read in years, and it’s a shame he turned that into a schlocky piece of garbage.
He never made THE list, so I am “checking my facts.” He wrote a paperback book. He’s never been printed in hardcover. Anything else that you say on the matter that he was competing with the big boys is a flat out lie. He made the New York Times Extended Best Seller List, which is no small accomplishment, nor did I mean to demean his success. However, it’s still the extended list.
I hope to continually ruin your day Anon because it brings me joy.
To Anon:
I don’t work in the film industry. I used to work for a very well-known T.V. production company, but I’m currently not doing that anymore. I have many friends who do work in film, including some who are associated with the production of IHTSBIH in a below-the-line capacity. (No, I’m not going to tell you who, Tucker)
I’ll be sure to ask them why “the vast majority of movies suck in some Tucker Max fanboy’s opinion”. Or should I tell them that it’s Tucker’s opinion? After all, I’m fairly sure that that’s who I’m corresponding with… Tucker himself, the arrogant, loudmouthed lying fraud extraordinaire.
the pro tucker people are easy to spot. they attempt to ease you with statements like ‘i think tucker is an asshole, but …’ and then proceed to say how awesome and successful he is. clearly tucker max is a liar and he has been caught lying repeatedly, such as by opie and anthony, but the pro tucker douches (who are probably either tucker or one of his 4 legitimate retard fans) are too far sucked into tucker’s sociopathic and narcissistic garbage to realize what a gigantic tool he is.
Do you guy really think Tucker is sitting on the set of his movie with a computer open reading random message boards and creating fake accounts to reply?
They’re shooting a movie &#