The Tucker Max Movie: Idiot’s Delight (spoilers below)
July 29, 2008
I am planning to answer some questions people have been asking about my job in the next week or two, but today I’m forced to lower the bar of quality for this blog due to the fact that I feel like I have mono, so I have selected an equally low subject matter about which to write briefly and poorly: Tucker Max
If you don’t know who Tucker Max is, then congratulations on having finally managed to shake the most lunkheaded and dimwitted of your old ZBT fraternity brothers, who, if you were still talking to them, would be emailing you about how hilarious his blog and books are.
Why? Because he’s a dude who meets and sleeps with some fairly attractive women and then tells stories about it that are often unflattering to one or both parties. Since I do coverage, I am professionally equipped to summarize the majority of these stories thusly: Tucker Max is an asshole but the kind of asshole that all of his asshole friends love because his antics distract them from the thinning hair and gentle mediocrity that characterize their post-college years. Most Tucker Max stories involve him doing or saying crazy/offensive things, getting into trouble for them, and then going home with one of those girls who, when a guy says something sort of awful to her, hits him on the shoulder and says “you asshole” but also smiles and sticks to him like glue for the rest of the night. My dad was nice to me, so I don’t have this reaction, but I guess it takes all kinds. Invariably in Tucker’s stories, someone gets pissed off and says his jokes aren’t funny, and if that someone is a woman, she’s dismissed as ugly and/or fat and therefore too bitter and angry to get the joke, while if that someone is a man, he’s dismissed as being a meathead and therefore not cool or smart enough to get the joke. If you are confused by this last, let me clear it up for you: Tucker Max is unaware that he is the definition of a hazey, rapey, fratty meathead. He thinks he’s a witty humorist, which almost makes me believe that he’s fake and that Miguel de Cervantes is alive and writing.
Why this diatribe? Because a friend at an agency slipped me a copy of the script for the currently-in-production Tucker Max movie, I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell, written by Tucker Max and some dude named Nils Parker. I am very excited to talk about this script, especially since I didn’t read it for my job so I feel I can get into a bit more detail than usual. My primary goal won’t be to expose how sexist or otherwise offensive the script is because that’s obvious and easy and not the most interesting thing to talk about here. Here’s what is:
Holy crap, It’s terrible. I’m talking Godawful. Even with the offensive factor set aside, it’s in my top 10 worst comedy scripts ever read (out of probably over a thousand). This thing is poorly structured, obvious and predictable at every turn, with flat, one-dimensional characters who ALL sound exactly the same and an ending that falls flatter than humorless girl in a Tucker Max story. And even if I liked the central joke of the script –that Tucker is an offensive asshole, but if you don’t love him for it you are probably ugly and a woman— it would be still be a clunker because the way that Max and Parker make that joke (over and over and over again) is stupid and uncreative. I love broad, juvenile comedies done well. I also love real, juvenile people who make juvenile jokes and know many comedy writers do this for a living in a way that is funny and smart. But funny and smart are operative words here. And the Tucker Max jokes aren’t. Often, they aren’t even jokes, just clichés recited at the expense of some bystander in a way that just makes you feel embarrassed for everyone involved..
But this is all too vague. Let me give you an idea of what we’re dealing with. Opening scene: police are called for a domestic disturbance only to find that the ruckus is coming from a woman whom Tucker Max is pleasuring so well that she’s been screaming. Ok, fine, right off the bat the writer is proclaiming himself to be the best ever at sex. This writing technique, which I will call the “it’s more important to me that you think I’m cool than that you think my script is good” maneuver, is always laughable and assumed (at least by this reader) to be untrue/compensation for some physical or mental deficit. But that’s not why I call your attention to the scene. I call your attention to it because the address that Tucker lives at in his script about himself is 742 Evergreen Terrace. OMG, Tucker Max and Nils Parker, you guys watch The Simpsons??? I watch The Simpsons!!! This script must be funny because I’m already laughing my ass off at the fact that you were able to make meaningless reference to a fictional address!
One other highlight before I go down for my mono nap: A major comic set piece in the script is when Tucker makes his big sexual conquest over a midget. And that’s the joke. Not that that she has a big, tall or tiny, little boyfriend who comes after Tucker, or that she looks at his junk and says “I’ve had bigger” (I am not saying that’s very funny…but it is at least a joke) or, for that matter, anything anyone says throughout is humorous. Just that she’s a midget. Because midgets are inherently funny, not to mention cutting edge for comedy. Especially when the writers emphasize how grotesque it is simply to be a little person and to have short, “sausage fingers” that barely wrap around a guy’s…well you get the picture. Isn’t that hilarious? She’s small and therefore a freak. Comedy paydirt. I only wish I could get more! Wait, I’ve got it: Someone should get a bunch of midgets and like travel around the country with them so people can laugh at their comedy (i.e. that they exist) …maybe get some other inherently funny people like ladies with facial hair to join in, and draw attention to the comedy show with like a big, bright tent or something. I am on fire with ideas today. My point isn’t that the above is offensive, but that it’s not even slightly funny. Ever. Ditto the rest of the script.
But, you know, even though I felt soiled by this script, and even more soiled for spreading the mess around to some of my legitimately funny friends who in turn felt equally soiled, I also had kind of a spring in my step afterwards. Because, while the butt of Tucker Max’s jokes is always people who don’t get his humor because they’re defective in his eyes, in his own script he unknowingly turns himself into that same butt. Within the larger story of movie writing, he’s just like one of the fat, humorless, bitter women that he’s written as foils for himself in his screenplay, because no matter how much you or I tried to explain the joke to him (that he’s such a bad, unfunny screenwriter that he’s unintentionally hilarious) he wouldn’t get it, just as his foils don’t get his jokes. Only while they’re fictions he’s created to make himself seem funnier than he is, Tucker Max is a real person. And there’s nothing funnier that a real, live, foil who walks around oblivious to what he is. Even if that foil character is making money off of books and movie deals, they’re still fun to laugh at. And that makes me so happy that I almost hope his movie does well so that he’ll never gain the kind of self-awareness that humanized David Brent.
I hope that’s script reader-related enough for you. It’s definitely about industry, since I definitely have to read stuff like this all the time. It’s also the reason why people come to L.A. to write…seeing movies like this one and saying “I could do better than that.” Screenwriter bait. That’s what Tucker Max and his script are. Maybe he’ll give an actual writer the confidence to take the first step, which is one silver lining. Another is that now I get to delete this screenplay from my computer’s hard drive.
I disagree. This was one of the most intelligent scripts I’ve ever read, which I felt was surprising considering the subject matter. Normally, you have to imagine that ‘this will be funny on screen’ and give the jokes that sort of cushion. Like the book, the words on the page actually contain humor and make you laugh - no imagination, no situational comedy, and so on (although that’s there, it’s extra).
And who do you know anyway? Getting a script when the movie is half-way through production is nothing to brag about.
woo woo! negative comments already. i didn’t think i’d see much disagreement on this one but i hope i get more.
also, i didn’t think it was bragging to say that i didn’t get this script through work. just full disclosure.
Well, either the mere fact of a midget’s existence makes a script writer into an automatic genius who delights all who read his work, or it makes him kind of an obvious hack. Hmm.
To be fair, a lot of obvious hack scripts get made into major motion pictures, so maybe not everyone who is well connected in the industry can, you know, tell them apart from automatic genius scripts.
I’m going to withhold judgement until I actually see this movie. It does contain that obscure reference to The Simpsons, which many of my well-connected friends assure me is a show that a lot of automatic geniuses appreciate.
My question is if you claim to not be a fat disgusting woman, why don’t you post a picture of yourself? Now for your arguments. You say that midgets are not funny, but clearly you have never seen a real live midget. I think it’s obvious you completely lack contact with reality and are a humorless wench. Obviously your world view is polluted and perverted. Your personal attacks on Tucker Max really just show your total absence of moral character. Your hatred of him is probably the manifestation of the abuse you received as a child. It is clear you are guilty of many sins against society; you really should just get a real job.
Tucker??? Is that you? I’M SORRY. You are right about everything. Let’s DATE!
I think that tucker max is a small wiener bearing, overweight waste of sperm that was clearly touched as a child. I mean come on……the guy has about as much charisma as a worn out butt plug.
Ive read most of his stories and i will agree that some….SOME of them have humor…others are just a clear attempt to degrade others around him to make himself feel more ‘enlightened’ perhaps.
The odds of Tucker ever being able to score a solid loving relationship would be about the same as scratching the red dot on the forehead of a Hindi and winning a Ferrari. I can see from the way that he writes his blog that he is clearly a spineless twat who has no self esteem and was the brunt of all jokes in college.
So Tucker……
Next time your looking at yourself in the mirror, do us all a favour……take two steps back and F%$K yourself in the a$$.
I haven’t read any of Tucker Max’s ouevre, but the cover of his book was enough to cause a massive eye-roll. I don’t want to read anything with a title that makes me think the author wants me to high-five him.
Go, girl! If you’re going to criticize, do so intelligently and with purpose. This takedown of the script is sharper and wittier than anything Tucker has said concerning ugly, fat chicks. The things that make people famous these days…… With the world getting smaller, as they say, it seems that anyone can get noticed for anything. Honestly, the fact that Tucker Max’s book is selling like it is should tell us all something about who we are. It will be an absolute travesty if this movie actually has legs at the box office.
Note: The man came to my school, had some adventures, and blogged about it. It happened on my freshman year hallway. True story.
“I don’t want to read anything with a title that makes me think the author wants me to high-five him.”
i am jealous of this comment and wish i had written it.
That guy Rupert was high-larious. Every dude I ever met who had a problem getting laid knows who Tucker Max is and likes him. Stop living vicariously through a joke and you might actually trick someone worthy into bed, dude.
I don’t think a lot of dudes would even like something like this. Most guys have a lot of trouble getting laid and get jealous and angry at dudes who get a lot of ass. I’m even a little jealous and angry at Tucker Max, and I’ve had sex with at least 4 girls in my life.
Alright Script -Reader, this isn’t tucker max but I would go on a date with you. But only if you pay and cut my food for me.
Son, first of all, you need to check your bitter critique for typos. Second, you need to go get laid and stop being such a faggot. Nobody in the real world cares. It’s all about the bottom line. If the movie has an audience who can relate, and it’s funny on the screen, then it’s good. This isn’t a fucking Oscar contender.
Dear Guy Who Dislikes Me So Much He Created A Profile With My Name In The Title,
Nice one. Sadly, i am not a faggot but a girl, which you somehow overlooked in your close-reading of my blog. You seem also to have missed that I was not saying that there was no one out there who would relate to this script if filmed as written, or that there was no one out there who would find it funny. I was saying that those people -who definitely do exist- are idiots. I am glad that even idiots can agree with me that this isn’t an Oscar contender, though. World peace can’t be far off.
Your lecture on the real world has inspired me to google capitalism and see what all the fuss is about. While I’m doing that i would love to be notified of any typos you saw. I am bad at proofreading, to be sure. So is Tucker Max, by the way, but my blog didn’t include that detail because i think pointing out spelling and punctuation errors when writing a critique of something is a sure sign that the rest of your argument is weak.
Your daughter from another father (and mother),
-The Script Reader
First of all, I would just like to say that I have actually met Mr. Max. And for all his stories and escapades he is one of the kindest people I have ever met. In his book and script he is normally viewed in his drunken state, which is not becoming for anyone. You chastising him for writing about his exploits is slightly unfair, the point of them is to be stupid and childish and not make much sense. I don’t believe anyone picked up his book and went, “Wow, this might be the next War and Peace, I’m going to buy this for it’s literary value.” Anyone who was intelligent enough to read the back of the book knew what it was going to be about, and the book held no surprises as far as being about the drunken triumphs and follies of a 20 something male. Now, back to Mr. Max as a person. He is actually very nice, and quite charming. I think you should be ashamed of judging someone’s writings about their life as if it were supposed to be the next epic masterpiece. It is not. And as far as the script goes, it is mainly a visual interpretation of Tucker’s book and life. I don’t expect it to be as good as the book, for with reading, we are able to create our own images, unlike with screen where we are forced to accept the looks of the characters and scenery. And finally let’s remember that Tucker’s movie will make money, he has a substantial fan base and that alone will make it break even. So in the end he will make a difference in the world, even if it is just making teenage virgins have a giggle at what they one day might dream of doing. Tucker Max is out there in the world and making money, which is more than I can say for you, someone who sits at home blogging and degrading people that have had more success than them. I suggest you rearrange you’re life priorities. Bitch.
xoxo Betty
P.S. Tucker if somehow you read this, I would like to meet you again.
Dear Betty,
i don’t know how to respond to such an outpouring of pathos and emotion on behalf of poor tucker max other than to say that i call ‘em like i see ‘em and i am forced to call ‘em based not on what tucker was like when you met him, but on what he has published for my consumption.
I sincerely hope you get to meet him again, milady, if that’s what you want. other than calling me a bitch, you sound like a compassionate person. Feel free to continue to imagine me however you would like -even if it’s sitting in some box not contributing to the world- if it makes you feel better. That’s one reason i write anonymously. These wounds (from me saying on my internet blog to my 10 readers that in my opinion someone isn’t a good writer) will heal.
-Cecilia
This is from the IMDB page for I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell. Whoever this guy is, it seems like he knows Tucker personally, and is involved with the production somehow.
“A story, huh?
Here’s one for you:
Once upon a time, there was an utterly unremarkable douchebag named Tucker Max who grew up with a silver spoon in his mouth. He was unable to pass a bar exam and become a properly-licensed attorney, and so he decided to find some other way to become a drain on society.
Finally, he hit upon a brilliant scheme to avoid becoming a responsible hard-working adult: make up a bunch of mildly amusing stories that featured scatology, inebriation, and promiscuity, and pass them off as true accounts of his exploits.
At first, everything went swimmingly. The douchebag found a ready-made audience of teenagers, frat boys, and similarly intellectually-deficient types who hung on his every word because they had neither the acumen or inclination to question the veracity of his outlandish tales. And he saw that it was good…
As time went by, the douchebag garnered more and more notoriety, and began to attract the attention of various media outlets. Now normally, this would be a good thing. But in Tucker’s case, scrutiny is not his friend, so after a series of embarrassing incidents, such as getting clowned on a radio show for his obvious fabrications, lisping the immortal phrase “I’m not even the cooletht one of my freindth” on Fox News, and participating in a miserable failure of a radio endeavour of his own, the douchebag decided that exposure in uncontrolled environments was hindering his ability to keep his mongolioid fans oblivious as to the fictional nature of his “true” stories.
Now most talented people welcome exposure in third-party media. Tucker, being possessed of precisely as much talent as a tuber of some sort, shunned this expanded coverage, retreated to his website, and began to attempt to ply his douchbaggery in the hills of Hollywood.
He soon found that successful people recognize a charlatan from a mile away, having run across numerous such types in their rise to the top, and that serious individuals working in the entertainment industry can’t stand a self-aggrandizing idiot with no discernable talent. Yet even this potentialy career-ending setback did not discourage our douchebag protagonist. He managed to woo some executives at Comedy Central with his fabrications, and for a time, it was good.
But then Tucker went a little too far, and insisted that he knew better as to what the American television viewer prefers than people who had been working in the television industry for decades. After all, who the hell were THEY to question his vision? He was Tucker Max, New York Times Best Selling Author, and nobody was going to tell him where to go or what to do with his material, goddamnit, and those idiot TV executives could go to hell if they didn’t understand how revolutionary and groundbreaking his material was.
So, in a ritual that has been repeated since time immemorial (OK, since the early 1900s, to be fair) Tucker quickly learned what an intelligent person would have surmised all along: DO NOT PISS HOLLYWOOD OFF. He soon found that all of the doors to Hollywood fame and fortune the were previously so accessable had been slammed shut, and permanently. He rapidly learned that “blacklist” is not just an historical relic to be utilized when discussing the McCarthy era. But this did not concern the douchebag, no, demonstrating the tenacity of a rabid pit bull, he persevered, and eventually found some gullible idiots, fringe players, really, who were willing to take a gamble on his confabulations.
And so he unceremoniously discarded everyone and anyone who helped him get to that point, packed up, went to Shreveport, and started to make a movie. But then a funny thing happened… His antics were just as off-putting to people who had actually worked in the film industry as they were to anyone else. In short order, he alienated everyone involved with the production of “I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell”, to the point that the director and financiers are hellbent on keeping him as far away from the post-production process as possible.
I’ll let the epilogue write itself. I’m sure that nothing that *I* could fabricate could begin to approach the epic grandeur of Tucker’s impending failure. I thought that the Comedy Central thing would have killed this douchebag’s career, but the inevitable failure of IHTSBIH: The Movie will be his ultimate undoing. Tucker will retreat (again) to his mongoloid fanboys, play the website out for all that it’s worth, and get a real job out of necessity when he hits 40, 45 tops.”
What’s even funnier than your very well written piece on Tucker’s “work” is Tucker writing about his awesome script on his blog. It’s like he’s leaving pages worth of evidence on how much of a total douchebag he is.
Yeah, seriously, who thought Tucker’s script would be good? He just isn’t funny.
Awesome review.
And James K (very nice, btw…like you weren’t channeling your dead Rudius site) fess up. You’re Tucker. You talentless douche.
HAHAHAHAHAH! This was awesome. God Tucker sucks so much.
I think the funniest thing is how bad he’s actually going to fail at this.
Dead on. Tucker comes off like an unfunny douche in every thing he does. It’s not that he’s a bad writer (he’s an ok-average writer) but he’s just. not. that. funny. And neither is his fat fuck friend.
i hope they serve beer in hell is destined for failure; the meathead fratboys won’t relate to his nerdy, spoiled, rich kid antics.
tucker can’t keep his finger on the pulse because he’s too busy pleasuring nils’ asshole with it.
also, if you wanna understand what kind of delusional fuckwit you’re dealing with here, go read some of tucker’s posts on his message board. not only did he say the script for i hope they serve beer in hell was “at least” the funniest comedy written in the past 10 years, but also that he and nils have written another script that will become the highest-grossing comedy of all time.
^ Wow, dude. Way to keep the discussion classy and above-board.
That’s tough when you’re talking about the colossal douche that is Tucker
Congrats, The Script Reader, you’ve arrived as an “Internet Personality” in the eyes of the Tucker Max message board. You will note that the usual Tucker Max defense is as follows:
1. You’re just jealous (cite Internet fame and unverifiable fortune of Max).
2. You don’t get it, due to your physical appearance, education, gender, ethnicity, or any other easily labeled quality that empowers Max to ridicule you.
3. The stories don’t have to be true to be funny (a favorite fallback, because his stories fall apart when he’s questioned live during interviews… see Opie & Anthony interview of youtube).
4. People live like Max. They are just way cool. We cannot accept their existence, because we aren’t cool like them (it’s a great religious argument, as you buy into the Max fabrications as a matter of faith).
I’m one of those fraternity lunkheads (Sigma Chi). We all knew a few guys during our undergrad years who pretended to live on the edge, and after a drink or two, their oft-repeated stories would get wilder and wilder. The stories can be charming, even though they’re lies, because the story teller is a friend. Max is an Internet Personality because we live in an age where friendships are virtual. They are fake friendships created by a few mouse clicks and key strokes. Max stories are funny to the few shut-ins who have invested themselves in a virtual Max friendship. They inhabit the Tucker Max message board, and they’ve invaded your blog. And you can bet they’re giving themselves masturabatory “virtual” high fives back on their message board.
Their existence helps illustrate why the Max movie will fail. In ther real world, few know who he is, or will even care. The script (I read an earlier version) doesn’t present him as a sympathetic (or even interesting) character. Thus any audience won’t care or believe the experiences, because there is no reason to give a damn about Tucker Max.
The “Cult of Tucker” is amazing. Max was pwned on the Dopey & Anthony show and if those two mental midgets can show the guy as a fraud & liar then imagine what a real reporter could do. Nevertheless, Max’s following still insists the guy’s tales are “100% true & accurate” and show up with their ad hominem attacks anyplace that offers valid criticism of the clown. Jim Jones must be envious.
This was a great post about the saga of this lisping clown. And I met Tucker once, too, and he isn’t 6′ tall. I’m barely 6′ and was looking down at the guy while wearing Chuck Taylor sneakers.
Oh and BTW I must be a genius on Tucker’s level because I just left a reference to “Clerks” in this message.
What you need to understand is that Tucker’s fans are usually either his real life friends, 16 year olds, or 25 year old virgins.
The Tucker Max message board has a section called
Reviews, discussions, and blog posts’, wherein all blogs and other instances of this movie are to be posted and discussed - especially ones that are in some way critical of Tucker and his movie.
It’s interesting and telling that this blog hasn’t been posted there.
Does any one know where I can find a copy of the script online?
This isn’t just going to fail, this is going to Tucker Max fail.
The funny part is, what is happening to Tucker in reality is a lot more interesting than his own script. Cecelia nailed it, a douchebag who is clueless to their own douchebaggery is a lot funnier than anything Tucker could imagine.
Tucker’s piece-of-shit script:
http://rapidshare.com/files/104350531/script.doc.html
This thing is SO terrible that it defies comprehension.
Ridicule away!
Vincenzo,
Are you out of your mind? Are you dense? Do you not read? That’s Tucker’s old script, the one he was touting all of last year after his TV show fell through, the same script that he disavowed when it was leaked in February.
Right now, the script they are using is totally awesome and totally cool. Do you not understand? He fucks a midget. Say it with me here: “He. Fucks. A. Midget.” If that is not the basis of art to you, then you suck.
I’ve read both scripts. They both suck ass. The funny part is that the rewrite actually might be worse than the original. Really they both come off just as Cecilia says, it’s all about “how cool the character of Tucker is”. There aren’t really any character arcs, other than the Sling Blade role, which was… um… not that interesting to begin with.
I don’t even think this film gets distributed. The script is that bad and doesn’t have enough of a cast to warrant distributors pressing DVD’s of a really bad movie with a bunch of no-names. At best Tucker goes college to college and gets it shown for students. It’s pretty much what Troy Duffy did, and Tucker is nothing more than a poor man’s Troy Duffy.
Cecilia, did you already delete the script? We’d sure love to see it.
To all the disbelievers: you fucking pussies.
You’re obviously getting your emotions involved with these script critiques. Let’s be real here. Why not give an objective account of the script? Are you that pissed off that someone achieved the unachievable? While your nose deep in “How to Decorate Your Cubicle” articles to make yourself feel like you have a purpose, he’s busting his ass to reach his goals. He refused to be a cog in the corporate world aka “getting a real job” as you all so eloquently put it.
You’re proof that society settles on mediocrity. You see someone who achieved something great, who defied what it means to push the envelopes of society, and you get scared. When you have your own desires and you see them dumped in the wastebasket or put through the shredder at work, you get pissed when you see someone else with the determination to reach them.
Making fun of a lisp? Gimme-a-fuckin-break. Have you heard Shaq talk? You can’t understand a damn thing that comes out of his mouth. You almost need subtitles. But that doesn’t matter because he’s doesn’t need to talk to play ball. Who cares about his voice? He’s not a DJ. It’s not important.
How can you frown on someone who decided they didn’t want to be a suit? Because someone opted out of that boring fucking existence, you frown upon that? What kind of shit is that? If you’re writing this from your cubicle, with your suit and tie on, and you’re smiting him, look into your core and ask yourself why. Why are you sad? Are you sad beacuse you’re jealous? I’m glad someone here admitted they’re pissed because they’re jealous. The first step is to admit you have a problem. At least someone here has half a brain. To the rest who are stuck in denial: don’t see the movie, because you’re only going to get more depressed.
Yea, I’m just another one of his 25 year old virgin cronies, right? I probably get laid more than anyone else that’s commented here, but that’s not the point. The point is that Tucker is an inspiration. You talk about how much of a clown the guy is, but what you don’t see is that people look up to him. Read his blog. Read his advice board. Dare to look at life a little different. Learn something.
This is like an older kids version of YouTube comment boards.
Haters.
Wrong, wrong, wrong, my2cents.
“You see someone who achieved something great…”
What has he achieved that’s great? Like the rest of his disciples, you have confused relative fame and relative wealth with greatness. That’s your first mistake. Tucker isn’t doing anything new- he’s garnering this relative fame and wealth by defying self-evident standards of virtuous social conduct, and while it may seem that he’s ‘achieving something’ in the here-and-now, the question you must ask of him, and of all others - the question that truly determines whether someone is actually doing something ‘great’- is this: is he doing anything to make the world a better place? I submit that he is not.
“…who defied what it means to push the envelopes of society…”
What happens when we all ‘push the boundaries of society’? Well, if we’re successful, what happens is that boundaries are destroyed. What Tucker doesn’t understand, and what his army of fans don’t understand, is that boundaries exist to protect people. There isn’t anything more I can say to that point, because those who believe that pushing, pushing, pushing, is the right thing to do, NEVER see -until it’s too late, and society has already been damaged - that it isn’t. It won’t be until those boundary-pushers have their way, and society is bedlam, that that they will recognize the crucial importance of boundaries. All societies that cease to function do so because of boundary-pushers. Hindsight is 20/20. You can’t see this now, because you’re a ‘boundary-pusher’ yourself, but I’m right, and you’ll know it one day.
“The point is that Tucker is an inspiration.”
Yeah, this is pretty much the default justification Tucker-fans use to justify his greatness. ‘It isn’t about having lots of sex/getting drunk.acting crazy.whatever, it’s about refusing to let others define you/doing what you want to do/being honest.’ No, it’s about refusing to learn the lessons of those who have gone before, and in the process, making different versions of the same mistakes, and damaging society in the process. Those who refuse to acknowledge the boundaries of society invariably end up participating in the destruction of those boundaries, and when we destroy boundaries, we destroy that which defines a thing. Destroy the boundaries of society, and you destroy society.
But it’s no use trying to make this point. Tucker, and those like him, are going to do what they’re going to do, and it won’t be until society has suffered the consequences of their short-sighted and self-interested actions, that they see the undeniable truth of what I’ve written. I don’t expect you to understand now, but you will someday.
^
Excellent summary, you’re the best example of Tuckerphile yet. I love how you equate who you are and your self-worth with how often you allege to have sex. Next time try to be more succinct: “I fuck, therefore I am”.
Cecilia had no bone to pick with Tucker, her review was about as objective as can be. Now unless you mean by “objective”, you mean it should be reviewed by a fanboy like yourself who will give him nothing but praise for whatever he writes, then you might… want to get a dictionary dude and look up the word “objective”.
You might also want to look up the word “douchebag” because it most likely will say something about a sucker like yourself who totally follows the word of a known fraud like Tucker Max. Tucker seriously doesn’t even listen to his own advice, and probably should not be giving any out, being that he’s a complete and total mess of a human being. If you got something deeper from stories about a guy who writes about shitting himself, (or he went to a party and something shitty happened, or he shat then had a drink that tasted of shit then realized a girl he shat on blah blah blah) then perhaps it is you who has something wrong and not a writer who gave her objective opinion on a really bad script. On top of that, he lies and embellished on most of his “100% true stories”. Any and all stories that COULD BE VERIFIED have been proven to not be “100% true” or even “50%” or even “25%”. You are in a small cult following a fucking liar, says less about you then anything I can imagine.
Cecilia, is there a chance that you could do a few pages of coverage on this script so we can get a better idea on how you came to your conclusion. I too read the script and thought it was horrible, but you’re most likely going to have a bunch of Tucker’s fan boys out there, I think they’d want it spelled out for them.
I read some of the old leaked script that was posted a few links up.
Some of the dialog is funny, but a lot of the jokes are just so…corny.
Kevin,
Did you get to this line yet?
“Don’t mess with Texas!?!?! Fuck that shit!!! Don’t mess with Tucker Max!!!!”
You mean Tucker wrote something awful? The hell you say!
“Yea, I’m just another one of his 25 year old virgin cronies, right? I probably get laid more than anyone else that’s commented here, but that’s not the point. The point is that Tucker is an inspiration.”
20 bucks says this is Ryan Holiday or Tucker.
Tucker is this the tipping point you were speaking of? Because if it is, I for one am very impressed.
Nikolai, that’s Tucker for sure.
Not even one of his fanboys would try to pull that “out-of-the-box” line of bullshit.
No, Tucker, we don’t think you’re a douchebag because we’re jealous of you. We think you’re a douchebag because, well, you’re a douchebag.
That, and you’re a liar, Tucker.
TUCKER MAX IS A LIAR.
Wow, I love you. Someday I hope you puncture pin holes in the condoms we use.
Tucker Max never had sex with a midget. This was corrobborated by several people who were there that night.
Tucker was made fun of on the Opie and Anthony XM radio show. Tucker was humiliated and called a liar because none of his larger stories have any evidence of being true. No police report about a car being smashed into a window donut shop, no video tape of some sordid butt sex, NOTHING. O&A called him out on it and he wussed out and confronted nothing. Instead of confronting the issue on his website and talking about the things brought up in the O&A interview, Tucker would just erase every mention of the XM show from his website forum. He lost all credibility with me that day and he sucks for not being man enough to talk about it.
That’s true. Tucker is adamant about demonstrating his willingness to ‘take on’ those who would dare sully his name - witness Michael Ian Black, and the guy whose op-ed piece because the subject of Tucker’s derision on his movie blog a few weeks back.
So why does he not confront the Opie & Anthony thing? Hmmmmmmmmmmm?
because = became, by the way.
my2cents,
Wow, that was one of the biggest fanboy apologies for Tucker’s mediocrity that I’ve come across. You managed to completely ignore the criticism of the actual work, and instead defend the “artiste” for what they stand for–not what they produce.
Could you be anymore myopic?
Could you possibly be one of those idiots who actually has followed Tucker’s advice on his advice board? Perhaps the pseudo known as Ryan Holiday? Did you drop out of college to pursue what you wanted to do, not your parents, and as a result are now working in a warehouse someplace because life doesn’t end at 25, unlike Tucker’s “career”. And are now facing the horror of the real world? Pity.
Word of advice from someone who actually is quite successful: listening (or worse yet, following) almost any “life” advice from someone who is under the age of 35, who really hasn’t produced anything of value, and who is riding the coat-tails of antics from ten years prior is not a recipe for success. Most of the people in this world who have succeeded have done it on their own, not following someone else’s playbook.
And if you can read Tucker’s script, and honestly think it is anything beyond mediocre, at best, than you are lacking some serious analytical skill sets & perhaps the warehouse is perhaps the best fit for your life.
I read about halfway through the script before getting bored. Here are my thoughts:
-I think the dialog is funny. It’s all in the same vein as the site.
-When they stick closely to replicating the events of the Austin Road Trip story it’s funny.
-When they try to make up new jokes and situations that are unique to the movie, they’re too cheesy and over the top for me.
-The whole plot with his parents running through the movie doesn’t do it for me.
I have no idea what the newer script is like or how it’ll all translate into a movie, but I wouldn’t call it horrendous from what I’ve read. It could be a good comedy. You’d have to like the humor though.
I’m neither a hater or a fan boy. I think the site’s stories are funny, but also that Tucker has a lot of flaws as a human being.
I try to stay out of this kinda stuff, but I feel I need to chime in here…
I do not like Tucker Max. I have met him and spent time with him enough to form an opinion, etc. We agree to disagree and that’s that. However, I have read a copy of the shooting script for IHTSBIH.
To say that the script is not funny is untrue. In fact, It’s very funny and well written. If you don’t like Tucker, that’s fine. But to apply your jealousy, anger, hatred and other insecure BS towards your opinion of a script (AND IN YOUR CASE, an old an out dated draft) is just silly.
Do you think it’s easy to raise $6,000,000? What do you think they used to raise that money? They used a script. A solid script. That sealed the deal.
History is written by the winners. In this case it will be written by both Tucker and Nils. I look forward to plucking down my 12 bucks and having a good time watching this movie in 2009.
BTW — What you don’t understand is the fact that everyone here - ESPECIALLY the people who don’t like Tucker, will go see thsi movie. Tucker is not directing this movie. Tucker is not starring in this movie. Tucker inspired the movie and has obviously inspired all of you as well.
Now get back to losing and let these assholes finish their movie!
Brett
Brett Meisner:
You really are a worthless human being. You’re not even remotely correct with anything you say. If you think Tucker’s screenplay is funny, then maybe I could shit on some toilet paper for you and you can read that and laugh your ass off too. I wouldn’t see the difference.
Whether you’re serious or not is irrelevant, you’re just annoying like a benign tumor that is too close to a vital organ to get removed, yet you’re not actually capable of influencing anything or anyone important.
Good God, the filth crawls out from under the rocks whenever the name Tucker Max is uttered.
Brett Meisner, are you going to impress us with a tall tale, like cliaming that you turned down Heath Ledger’s request for an exclusive interview, the night before he died?
You and Tucker are feces.
Brett Meisner? Brett Meinser is defending Tucker Max? Talk about bringing out the D listers.
I love it when the hangers-on in Hollywood try to act important as if they’ve ever accomplished anything.
Still bitter about “Almost Famous” Brett? Although in your case it would be “Never Have Been, Never Will Be, Never Should Be”.
What other douchebag can Tucker drag out to defend his B- movie & his D level script?
I’m just sitting here giggling at the thought of Brett Meisner & Tucker Max hanging out together.
The bullshit & name dropping would be beyond nauseating, yet so hilarious.
Putting these two together on an unscripted, 30 minute back & forth is what Comedy Central or MTV should do. They could call it Liar-Liar, or Revenge of the D-bags. Just listening to these two bullshit & try and one-up each other would be comedic gold.
The funny (and sadly true) thing is, if such an offer were actually extended to these two they would both snatch it up in a second, thats how desperate for attention they are.
If this is true, Brett Meisner is just sad his kid died from drugs.
But then again, if my father named me “Kip” I would kill myself too. Maybe it’s for the best.
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1660133/
So… rather than discussing the merits of the script — a script none of you have read — you attack me. Ands yes, I did meet Heath Ledger the night before he died. I have pictures. But that’’s not the issue here…
Let’s look at the facts….
Tucker has been able to convince a hundred people to spend a few months on the otherside of the country filmming a movie about his life. That’s pretty impressive. Could any of you convince a single person to do that? I didn’t think so.
Tucker raised $6,000,000 to finance this movie. Could any of you here raise $600 in the next 24 hours? I’m serious. I bet you could not.
The movie is being made. It was green-lit based on one thing - it’s screenplay. They wrote a funny script. Get over it and get back to your telemarketing jobs or whatever it is you people do.
Tucker won. Game over.
Post the pictures then.
It’s just like your “movie” on IMDB. It never existed. Or your record as a writer for Rolling Stone and Spin. Nothing ever published under your name. Or your membership in the Writers Guild, which doesn’t list you as a member.
Or your son, who never existed.
Can you say… OWNED!
[url]http://www.rockandrollbadboy.com/photos/[/url]
That’s gotta sting.
Brett
What are you talking about, Brett? This entire post is based off of how bad his script is, citing specific examples from a script you probably never read.
Listen, no one is going to convince you that you’re wrong becasue I honestly believe you are just too stupid. I know that sounds like a weak answer, but everything you’ve ever posted is just genuinely stupid, and because of that, I feel bad for you. Well, I saw your pictures, so I feel bad for you in other ways, but still…
I really don’t want to detract from the crux of this post to insult you, but you just make it so damn easy. You really are useless. I think the rest of the people here would be better off ignoring you and letting you toot your worthless little unsuccessful horn.
“Let’s look at the facts….
Tucker has been able to convince a hundred people to spend a few months on the otherside of the country filmming a movie about his life. That’s pretty impressive.”
Actually, it would be impressive if none of these people WERE GETTING PAID TO HANG OUT WITH TUCKER. Since it’s one of the only films being produced down in Louisiana right now, it was kind of easy to get a crew together. Paid work has a way of facilitating loyalty.
“Could any of you convince a single person to do that?”
Yes, actually I could and I have on much bigger productions than you’ve listed.
“Tucker raised $6,000,000 to finance this movie. Could any of you here raise $600 in the next 24 hours? I’m serious. I bet you could not.”
Again, you’d be wrong, but hey.
Facts: It took Tucker a number of months to raise this money. His story about having an 8 figure deal to sell his franchise is completely untrue. Nobody in Hollywood who could raise that kind of money ever approached him. HE DIDN’T ACTUALLY “RAISE” THE MONEY. The majority of the financing is coming from Darko Productions (I believe about 5.5 million). Yes, he got them to sign, but that’s not like he’s got Darko’s investors on his speed dial, he doesn’t. Darko now basically owns IHTSBIH.
“The movie is being made. It was green-lit based on one thing - it’s screenplay.”
Well, that’s up for debate. I’d say it was more of Tucker being able to raise a few 100K based on a loan he took against his future book earnings, then buying a casting agent who wasn’t that busy at the time (who got a full fee btw, nice job). He then got it cast (once he found out that none of the big 5 would answer his calls even THOUGH HE HAD MONEY IN ESCROW). Falling back on plan B, he then was forced to cast a bunch of nobodys in Hollywood. After this, it still took him months to find a sucker… er production company who could come up with the other 5.5 million or so.
Darko based their decision on one thing, and one thing only: Tucker supposedly has a built in audience due to the “overwhelming popularity” of his web site. I personally think it’s a short sighted decision on their part, and perhaps that when this film fails they’ll find it harder to get more films produced under the “Darko” flag, but hey, at least it will be known as “A Tucker Max Film”.
I’ve read the script, my company passed on the script. It just wasn’t very good, Professionally I found Tucker to be a big mouthed poseur with little talent other than having a big mouth.
“They wrote a funny script. Get over it and get back to your telemarketing jobs or whatever it is you people do.”
Well, that’s debatable. From what I understand from Tucker, he doesn’t even know you, and from what I know about “Brett Meisner” is he doesn’t exist. He’s a joke fabrication made up by another “famous” Hollywood writer. I think that’s why the joke is on all the people who answer him, he’s actually making fun of Tucker, because really when you think about it, Tucker as a character doesn’t exist either.
oh man. i went away for a while and it got both more interesting and more slimy in here while i was gone. Speaking of slimy: hello, brett meisner. Thank you for stepping in as the voice of reason. I have never heard of you before today but after seeing your work on Bret Michaels’ Hair piece and John Kerry’s Daughter’s Nipple Slip I am really going to take to heart your wisdom about what a hateful loser I am. “Journalist”: heal thyself.
There’s a kneejerk reaction of “you must have a worse job/life than Tucker/me” from fans on repeat here that I’m sort of fascinated by. I suppose it could be true or not that anyone on here is better or worse off than anyone else -depending on what defines better or worse even though it’s all relative and unprovable. But it’s interesting that that’s often the first argument anyone makes against my criticism of the script, even though it is a lateral move away from the argument at hand with little to do with anything. It broadcasts anxiety, loud and clear. Which i love. I’m a student of human folly, and a whole boatload of it is making a guest appearance here this week. it’s all an education, come to think of it. I didn’t know who Tucker Max was until someone said “you might be interested in this script” and i looked him up. I didn’t know who some weird actor who has never booked a job and wrote a book about the experience was until he pretended to be my dad and i found his lame website. And now i’m learning about ol’ brett. I like to learn and don’t have the opportunity now that i’m writing my dissertation and not taking classes. Teach me more, internet.
Also apologies, but I’m not going to post coverage or pages from the script. I didn’t read this for work and it’s already shooting and it’s based on a book, so i didn’t feel too badly about revealing one or two spoilers that are probably things people have heard anyway, but i don’t wanna spill too much about anybody’s script on this blog. Even if it’s a lame script with a lame writer, it’s still their script. Besides, based on their comments here, i doubt it would convince anyone who is going to like the movie no matter what of anything.
thanks everyone. I’m enjoying this. Reading all these comments has distracted me from another project and now i feel guilty about it, but it was a fun and worthwhile distraction.
also, Marc, just saw your comment and wanted to say thanks for continuing my brett meisner education. And that I agree with you generally. if Darko has a brand, it’s definitely going to be damaged by funding this movie, which telegraphs that the producers don’t really care about what the property is so long as it’s presold in some way. I had some hope for “the box” to at least be a sort of atmospheric genre picture in keeping with what i thought they were trying to do. But then i heard it had been rewritten in the years since i’d read it -it was never perfect but i thought it was interesting and i like twilight zone–so maybe this is a sign of the way the wind is blowing with that company…
Cecilia,
I think Darko began to panic (along with a lot of companies) when there was a real threat of a the SAG strike. They needed something as their slate was clear, and if the strike actually occurred they would have to explain why they didn’t have anything on tap by their investors.
The deal between them and Tucker occurred very late in the game, and the contract went very quickly (at least in Hollywood time). The bad news is that they now are the owners of a potentially career ending film (at least for Tucker Max), the good news is that they are already getting ready to lock him out of the edit room.
Anyway, I enjoy your site very much, keep up the good work.
Bret: does it just suck to be you?
Someotherguy,alsoontheinternet was jealous and wrote…
“Bret: does it just suck to be you?”
—-
Hmmmm, let’s see…
Millions of dollars in real estate. Working in Hollywood. Home in Hollywood Hills. Banging ANY chick I decide on. Sleeping in late. Eating anything whenever and wherever I want. Being recognized on the street. Friends with Tommy Lee and Josh Richman. Having more money in my pocket right now than anyone on this site has in the bank right now. Shall I go on?
Brett
Hey, Brett, you dropped your names.
…I wouldn’t bet too heavily on having more money than anyone else, either.
By the way, who’s Josh Richman?
Who the hell in their right mind would even WANT to be friends with Tommy Lee? Didn’t that guy stop being important around 1991 or so when Nirvana came out and clipped hair metal? Do the phrases “my bandmate killed a guy” and “I let a kid drown at my son’s birthday party” ring a bell?
Brett Meisner is Sacha Cohen’s best work yet. It’s amazing how he’s totally transformed himself into a caricature of a talentless loser who lies all the time. I can’t wait to see the movie of this. You can see the artistic growth in his work. I mean look at that gut, Sacha must have put on like two hundred pounds to play BM, that’s dedication to the craft, my friends. My favorite part is where he says that Radiohead sucks, but Poison is awesome. Talk about unmitigated stupidity. A few years ago, I doubt that SBC would have dared to write something so foolish, for fear that it would give up the game, but then POW, he’s done it again. My one comment, is that he should take this new character farther. Yeah he’s a fat, never was, arrogant, quasi illiterate, narcissist idiot, but now is the time to dream big. Run BM for President. I mean, he’s only marginally dumber than the one we have now. Kudos Mr. Cohen, kudos.
I still wanna know who the hell Josh Richman is.
Tucker’s stories are humorous not at all because of the events, but because as a writer he actually crafts a good story. If that writing is transferred well to dialogue, the movie will likely appear smarter than the events taking place.
However, the comments on this entry from both sides look as if crafted by sixth graders. Seriously, “you suck bitch” and “you dropped your names”? Are you people really so terrible at arguing that you result to personal attacks out of the gate? Try reading this and get back to me:
http://www.powerseductionandwar.com/archives/only_the_dull_a.phtml
Not to mention, thescriptreader, you’re obviously entitled to your opinion, but your incessant need to reply to every single comment as if this was a chat room is pretty overbearing, even given the fact that this is your publishing space.
Regardless of everyone’s opinion on the quality of the script, if/when the finished movie is picked up and marketed by a major studio, it will be successful. At the low cost of $6 million for production, it won’t take a lot in box office sales to be deemed a success. As previously stated, it can be carried to moderate success from his installed fanbase alone (IHTSBIH Currently #7 on NYT in Paperback NonFiction, 42 weeks on the list).
Now I look forward to whether I am assumed to be a real life friend (negative), 16 year old (26) or a virgin (not by a long shot). Please, flame away defensive flamers.
Nobody’s a virgin on the internet.
“Tucker’s stories are humorous not at all because of the events, but because as a writer he actually crafts a good story.”
Well, that’s debatable. He does tend to borrow heavily from other people’s work (at least literary devices).
“If that writing is transferred well to dialogue, the movie will likely appear smarter than the events taking place.”
Dialogue and story crafting are two totally different things. They are not mutually exclusive of each other, but because he’s a good storyteller doesn’t mean it’s going to transfer well into the dialogue. Tucker’s main problem in his stories is that all the people he introduces are basically props in his stories. People in real life simply do not talk the way they do in Tucker’s “100% true” stories.
That being said, the dialogue from both scripts is so bad that it’s distracting. Tucker COULD HAVE HAD a much smarter and funnier script if it didn’t reek of being a horrible vanity project. Unfortunately, like Cecilia said, he simply does not have the ability to step back and look at what he’s created without being honest to himself.
“Not to mention, thescriptreader, you’re obviously entitled to your opinion, but your incessant need to reply to every single comment as if this was a chat room is pretty overbearing, even given the fact that this is your publishing space.”
She’s replied to about 3 different people on this thread. That doesn’t sound “incessant” nor “overbearing”. Now in my case, I am being incessant.
“Regardless of everyone’s opinion on the quality of the script, if/when the finished movie is picked up and marketed by a major studio. it will be successful.”
Well, the general consensus around Hollywood is that the script is horrific. I am of that school having read both versions of the script. The only people who are really saying that it’s a great script are Tucker, his sycophants and people who are being paid to work on his movie. I’m assuming you are a fan of his, which is why you are here.
This film has no chance of getting picked up by a major studio. You’ve heard it here first. This film has absolutely zero chance of getting major distribution. Tucker blew it in Hollywood and nobody wants to work with him on any level. To those in Hollywood, Tucker is the new Troy Duffy, except Duffy actually wrote an entertaining and competent script.
He’ll be lucky if some company like National Lampoon buys the film back to get it straight to DVD. Other than that there is no chance of this movie getting a major studio behind this picture. What I think might happen to him is that he will go out and bang on people’s doors at smaller individually owned theaters located near major colleges.
Even then, the script is crap and won’t get him any new fans. In fact I believe he loses fans over his movie. He promises something “groundbreaking” and “revolutionary” and like most bullshit artists he oversold his own talents and people are going to be disappointed.
The script simply was not there, they got a bunch of no-names to act in it (sorry, Matt Czuchry isn’t going to sell tickets, neither is Jesse Bradford), a director and production company who are not known for comedy as well as the massive mountain of failure baggage that Tucker brings to the table.
“At the low cost of $6 million for production, it won’t take a lot in box office sales to be deemed a success.”
Well, Tucker claims his book has sold about 120000 copies. The cost of the book was around 14 bucks (guesstamite). That means the book made about 1.7 million dollars. Now, if every one of the people who bought this book went to the movie with a friend, that’s 200K worth of people going to the film for an average of 10 dollars a ticket.
240,000 X 10 = 2.4 million dollars
Budget = 6 million.
And that’s IF THE MOVIE GETS DISTRIBUTION. I doubt half of the people who were fans of Tucker 2 years ago even go by the message board. Tucker will be very lucky if 20% of his fanbase pays to see his film in a theater.
For all intents and purposes, he wont get it. This is straight to DVD city. Yes he’s got a “best selling” book, but the sales of the book aren’t even that good. 120K worth of sales over a 2 and a 1/2 year period is okay, but not groundbreaking. It certainly doesn’t mean that it will open big.
“As previously stated, it can be carried to moderate success from his installed fanbase alone (IHTSBIH Currently #7 on NYT in Paperback NonFiction, 42 weeks on the list).”
Yes, it’s been there for a while, yet he claims the book only sold 120K in units.
“Now I look forward to whether I am assumed to be a real life friend (negative), 16 year old (26) or a virgin (not by a long shot). Please, flame away defensive flamers.”
No, I don’t believe I picked on you, called you a name. I simply tore your pro-Tucker argument to shreds. You are entitled to your opinion, even when you are wrong.
Who the hell is Brett Meisner?
Shaun…did Tucker tell you to comment on it on his mod board? A-Dorable.
Haters. All of you. You’re losers and he’s not, so you hate. A script reader? Puhleez.
I don’t really care to get involved in the debate, but something that was mentioned more than once caught my eye. Marc, you and someone else mentioned steps being taken to lock Tucker out of the post production process.
Would you elaborate? I’m interested, and honestly skeptical, because it seems like you don’t get along with anyone who might be able to provide that information. I’m interested to know how one comes by that kind of inside info, without connection to the film.
It’s fascinating that, no matter how many people articulate rational, well-thought-out explanations of their derision for Tucker, the response is always that they are ‘haterz’ and ‘loserz’ who are ‘jealous’ and who ‘just don’t get it.’
Could it be that Tucker truly doesn’t have anything to offer? Could it be that a guy whose ticket is that he ‘did it his way’ and ‘broke all the rules’ just doesn’t have staying power - that it’s simply a routine that gets old after a while?
No, it couldn’t be that.
Hey, Gina, I do believe that you misspelled your name.
The proper spelling is “Gene”.
I know this because no woman anywhere, ever, would come on to a stranger’s message board, and defend Tucker Max by calling his critics “haters”.
Okay, then, VINCENZO. What the hell kind of name is that? Self important much?
Look at you hating on a comment hating on a post hating on Tucker Max. You’re the barnacle, buddy. I’m the truth. He won, and you hate him for it.
This isn’t criticism. This is a bunch of trolls doing their troll thing.
“Could it be that Tucker truly doesn’t have anything to offer?”
I’m sure a book that’s spent three years on the best seller list has nothing to offer. Seriously, where is the logic in your arguments, people?
“Scott on August 2nd, 2008 12:12 am
….something that was mentioned more than once caught my eye. Marc, you and someone else mentioned steps being taken to lock Tucker out of the post production process.
Would you elaborate? I’m interested, and honestly skeptical, because it seems like you don’t get along with anyone who might be able to provide that information. I’m interested to know how one comes by that kind of inside info, without connection to the film.”
Sure Scott,
It’s all a game of “perhaps” on the internet, and I can understand you being skeptical, this is the internet afterall. I won’t reveal my sources, but Hollywood is a very small town. It’s sort of like high school, only for adults, and things have a way of getting back to people.
Perhaps I know somebody in the know on the set.
Perhaps that person is somebody in the production company who is making the film.
Perhaps this person from that production company thought it was a HUGE mistake to make this film and thought Tucker was full of shit from the beginning and his “art” doesn’t fit in with THEIR brand image.
Perhaps that during preproduction it became clear that dealing with Tucker was a job in itself, that the guy who has no idea what he’s doing believes he is calling all the shots.
Perhaps that production company saw what Tucker was writing, and how he was taking credit for things he shouldn’t be (like raising 6 million dollars by himself, which is a flat out lie).
Perhaps that company realizes that Tucker’s “vision” is going to hurt the film overall, that he’s overbearing, doesn’t get along with talent or the director, and that him being in the edit would 1) be a huge pain in the ass 2) costly in both time and money.
Perhaps those guys in that production company have told a few people in Hollywood (did I mention that Hollywood is like high school?).
Perhaps those people are now telling that production company “I told you so”. Perhaps they realize that the only thing Tucker is really doing is getting in the way of the real professionals on the movie.
Perhaps they are now telling those in Hollywood that they couldn’t stand to spend 4-5 months stuck in an edit room with somebody who is a pain in the ass, doesn’t know what he’s doing and is overly demanding.
Perhaps since the production company raised the money for the movie, they have control over who does and doesn’t get into the edit.
Perhaps they have their lawyers looking for ways to get him out of the edit so they can come up with a viable film from Tucker’s awful script without his input.
Anyway, regardless of what you think of this story, there are already major problems going on with the movie.
“I’m sure a book that’s spent three years on the best seller list has nothing to offer. Seriously, where is the logic in your arguments, people?”
There you go… you haven’t demonstrated the worth of Tucker’s ‘work’, you’ve just referenced the NYT Times bestseller list - that’s the default response Tucker-acolytes employ when called upon to demonstrate what Tucker has to offer that’s of any substance.
So I’ll ask it a different way. I don’t want you to show me that he has some measure of popularity, I want you to show me what he has to offer that actually matters.
Marc,
Book has moved like 400,000 units so far — just correcting your 120k figure.
Brett
Well, Gene, if you had any education it all, you would know that Vincenzo is an Italian name.
Oh, and Scott, unlike Marc, I prefer not to speak in hypotheticals, so here’s what I know:
Tucker has attempted to grab the reins of the film, and “take charge of his creative vision” and has gotten in Bob Gosse’s way so much that Bob almost wants to take a modern-day Alan Smithee credit (the name Alan Smithee is no longer used… now psuedonyms are assigned on a case by case basis) so that when this trainwreck of a film is roundly derided, it won’t end Gosse’s career.
The only things that are possibly preventing him from doing so are the performance of Matt Czuchry, who by all accounts is doing a wonderful job, and the fact that thanks to IMDB, an alternate credit doesn’t mean what it used to, because anyone can find out about your involvement in a project at any time through Google cache even if IMDB scrubs their site.
Tucker is doing things like giving the actors instructions for blocking that expose alternate cameras, complaining that “this scene needs to happen like this, because that’s the way that it really happened” as if A: it matters and B: as if any of this bullshit happened in the first place. Not to mention that everyone on set is getting a little (read: a lot) sick of Tucker Max’s bragging about his fictional exploits during each and every shooting break.
Oh, and Keri Pratt can’t stand Tucker. If she didn’t need the work, she would have quit this project, though I think she’s done shooting her scenes by now. I think she started to hate him when he clumsily hit on her. Tucker insulted her intelligence by insinuating that since she was a beauty queen, she must be dumb, because after all, he dated a beauty queen once, and they’re all the same. Fortunatley for Tucker, by all accounts she’s such a sweet person that she would never tell him straight out that she hates him… Maybe it’s unfortunate, though, because getting cut down a few pegs would probably do wonders for his extreme ego issues.
Brett,
Thanks for the correction. Let’s say it is 400000 as per your sales figures.
The book is priced at 12.95, but can be bought on-line for as low as 7.77 (new too).
But we’ll go in a best case scenerio here. Each owner of IHTSBIH will now pay to see the movie.
400,000 X 10 bucks = 4 million dollars
Budget for TM’s movie = 6 million dollars
Now, those are his fans. That is a 2 million dollar shortfall in a perfect scenerio.
BTW Brett, I’m sorry for blowing your cover. I actually am a big fan of your work and the character you’ve created. The fact that people buy into it is hysterical, but the fact that you’ve targetted Tucker Max is inspiring. In other words, I get the joke.
Vincenzo,
Yes, all my thoughts are “hypothetical” (wink wink, nudge nudge).
You forgot to mention that Darko is completely on Bob’s side.
“You forgot to mention that Darko is completely on Bob’s side.”
I did indeed. I’d like to know who in the hell at Darko was foolish enough to think that woking with Tucker was a good idea in the first place. I know that Ted Hamm, Darko’s money man, is FURIOUS that they’re wasting time, money and effort on Tucker’s vanity project. The bulk of that $5+ million was his money, so I can’t blame him.
I’m also amazed that everyone involved in the production of IHTSBIH has been able to restrain themselves from telling Tucker what a lying, arrogant, talentless piece-of-shit he is. How anyone can stand to be around that douchebag for more than five minutes is beyond me.
Oh, why don’t you all tell me what’s going on behind the scenes, as if I wasn’t just on set in Shreveport.
I met Tucker. He is a fucking asshole, just like he says he is. He is intolerable, actually, but if you say the script or book don’t have funny moments, you’re lying as much as this script reader. Top ten worst? Seriously? It aint Shakespeare, but it aint bad either. Get some Jenny Craig.
And though you say Darko may side with Bob, Bob couldn’t tell a joke to save his life. Nils and Sean are running this film, and running it well. So sorry it won’t be the disaster your egos need it to be.
Cocksucker, yes. He still raised 6 mil and spent three years on the best seller list, against all odds. He’s never been reviewed; he did it on his own steam, and if you think he won’t do this on his own steam either, then you know nothing about malignant narcissists.
You’ll probably all be kissing his ass in six months.
And since I’m surrounded by fancy “Hollywood Insiders”–oh goody!–can anybody tell me why 98 percent of your films fucking blow, and my wallet feels anally raped every time I go to see one of your piece of shit, derivative, clunky, trite, predictable products? I think you should spend less time on blogs and more time on actually doing your jobs, because you have about one more year of controlling all streams of distribution, and then the party’s over, fuckers.
tucker’s book selling x number of copies is bullshit; a lot of those he bought himself and then resells on his cheesy college tours (which are hilarious in and of themselves, the asshole has some student group rent a room or just sets up a table outside a frathouse and calls it giving a “speech”).
I think Gina actually has a good point here. Have any of you guys been to the movies you make lately? I don’t think i could take anything you say about what’s good and what’s not good seriously. Actually, I’m going to go out and see this movie now. I figure if you don’t like it, it might be good.
Tucker Max came to my school and sold out a huge lecture hall. i’m not sure what “suckermax” is talking about. I think he’s lying.
Well, Gene, I find it interesting that you didn’t refute anything that Marc or I have said about Tucker’s little vanity project.
“Bob couldn’t tell a joke to save his life”
Bob doesn’t need to tell jokes. He’s actually possessed of some real talent, though admittedly questionable judgment, since he was willing to wok with Tucker.
Oh, and tell me, Gene, who is the DP for IHTSBIH? Who is the key grip? Who is the prop master?
I know who they are. IMDB doesn’t as of yet. So if you’re on set, you should know these things, right?
[…] The Tucker Max Movie: Idiot’s Delight (spoilers below) [Film Industry Bloggers] […]
this argument is going great without me by now, but in the interest of full disclosure, since i’m the one who gets sent the ip addresses of all the comments, i just wanted to put in that one camp in this argument tends to list real email addresses (which only i see), often from reputable film companies or studios, and to post their credible information consistently under whatever name they’ve chosen to use on this site, from a consistent, unique IP address. the other camp of arguers tends to post several comments in a row under different names, but all from the same IP address/computer. Only had time to go back 30 comments when i noticed this was happening so can’t speak for the entire thread, but two guesses as to which camp does which. hint: gina, anon and suckermax lies all appear to be the same person.
away and probably won’t be back here until i post my next blog, so now would be a good time for you tucker max lovers to call me fat or a bitch or a whore, since i won’t be around to defend myself. enjoy yourselves!
Reputable people from reputable firms? Reputable at what? Making shit?
You people suck at your jobs; that is the the goddamned truth. If I produced at your level of quality in my industry or any other industry in which distribution isn’t controlled I would be out on my ass, and fuck me, I ought to be.
So glad to see you’ve got an art form all figured out with math (you don’t; there’s only two stars left that “open” movies). I will enjoy watching you become completely obsolete.
and yet again, Anon comes out with a swing and a miss.
I’m surprised you’re back, given that your IP address/penchant for posting multiple times under different names.
I’m neither a fan nor a foe of Tucker Max. I’ve read his book and I’ll more likely than not watch his movie. I’m quite curious as to how steamy Shreveport locales will be turned into hot (yet not particularly humid) Austin.
The funny thing is that he’s pretty much a joke around these here parts. People know who he is (sort of–not the number of people I’d expect considering he’s chosen his Austin story to turn into a movie), but the DJs make fun of him more than respect him.
I’m not sayin’ nothin’, I’m just sayin’.
Celia, nobody called you a whore, so quit the victim shit.
“Reputable people from reputable firms? Reputable at what? Making shit?
You people suck at your jobs; that is the the goddamned truth. If I produced at your level of quality in my industry or any other industry in which distribution isn’t controlled I would be out on my ass, and fuck me, I ought to be.
So glad to see you’ve got an art form all figured out with math (you don’t; there’s only two stars left that “open” movies). I will enjoy watching you become completely obsolete.”
Hi Tucker,
I loved you when you were Gina. Fulfil any fantasies of wanting to be a woman?
“Oh, why don’t you all tell me what’s going on behind the scenes, as if I wasn’t just on set in Shreveport.”
We just did, we’re actually telling you what’s going on behind Tucker’s back.
“I met Tucker. He is a fucking asshole, just like he says he is. He is intolerable, actually,”
I’ve met Tucker a few times. Big mouth, full of shit, really knows his sports, thinks his opinion on everything is Gospel.
“but if you say the script or book don’t have funny moments, you’re lying as much as this script reader. Top ten worst? Seriously? It aint Shakespeare, but it aint bad either. Get some Jenny Craig.”
The book definitely had a lot of funny moments, which is why it WAS a hot property. Had Tucker sucked up his ego and perhaps had a real screenwriter take a pass at adapting his book (which was recommended to him by pretty much everybody in Hollywood who read his script), then we might not be having this conversation. Facts are this film could have been very good. I felt that he had the right combination of things going on that would have made an excellent movie. Unfortunately for Tucker, he’s got a huge ego, and well…
His script is horrible, it’s the rotting skeleton’s version of his book. If I were a fan, it would turn me off to him as a writer, because it contains almost nothing that made his book charming and funny. Are there funny moments? Absolutely, I counted maybe 3 times where I laughed. However, that’s not enough to keep me going or want to option or purchase this project.
“And though you say Darko may side with Bob, Bob couldn’t tell a joke to save his life. Nils and Sean are running this film, and running it well. So sorry it won’t be the disaster your egos need it to be.”
“Darko sides with Bob because Bob is a professional with 20 years experience producing and directing. I’m not there to know why they are siding with him, but whatever. It probably has to do with the fact that everybody above the line knows Tucker doesn’t know what he’s doing.”
So you’re telling me a guy with no experience producing (like Nils) is “running the film”? Thanks Gina, then my fears were validated. Who hands the keys of a 6 million dollar vehicle to an infant? Because that’s exactly what you are saying they’re doing. Actually I know for a fact that the Darko people are actually “running” the film, don’t fool yourself.
And again, Bob isn’t there to tell jokes, he’s there to direct a film. He’s there to get the best performance out of the actors (which from what I’ve read, he’s already doing) From what I understand he’s turned a lot of chicken shit into chicken salad, but he is burdened by a bad script. Anyway, when this movie fails it won’t be Bob’s fault.
“Cocksucker, yes. He still raised 6 mil and spent three years on the best seller list, against all odds.”
Well, I don’t know if he sucks cock, so I’ll just take your word on it.
He didn’t “raise” 6 million dollars. He got a production company to partner with him, he does not have that production company’s investors on speed dial. He did not write up the PPM for people to invest, he did not wine and dine investors, he was not the person who got the checks from investors. Don’t overstate this, Tucker does not have access to that kind of money.
Congratulations to Tucker on making the EXTENDED NYTimes best seller list. 400K sold copies is something to be proud of, especially over the course of about 3 years.
“He’s never been reviewed; he did it on his own steam, and if you think he won’t do this on his own steam either, then you know nothing about malignant narcissists.”
He’s better off that he hasn’t been reviewed yet, because then people would begin picking apart his stories and their “100% truthful” claim. If he ever does make it onto the radar he’s toast, and he won’t have the time to fake names like “Gina” or whatever to try and take the heat off of LEGITIMATE criticism of his work.
BTW, he’s not the next James Frey. James Frey sold a couple million copies of his book over a few months.
“You’ll probably all be kissing his ass in six months.”
Probably not, but good luck with that.
“Gina on August 2nd, 2008 8:54 pm
And since I’m surrounded by fancy “Hollywood Insiders”–oh goody!–can anybody tell me why 98 percent of your films fucking blow, and my wallet feels anally raped every time I go to see one of your piece of shit, derivative, clunky, trite, predictable products?”
Well, if you feel “anally raped”, then why keep going to see films? Do you enjoy getting “anally raped” by people you dislike? Of course you list no examples that I could defend other than “98%”, but hey, you’re probably drunk, so…
“I think you should spend less time on blogs and more time on actually doing your jobs, because you have about one more year of controlling all streams of distribution, and then the party’s over, fuckers.”
I’d say the same about TUcker. Had he spent less time working on his blog and hooking up with random women and more on making his script better, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. His scripts were both pretty awful. Structurally they are completely unsound, the dialogue is cliche’ ladden, the character arcs are null and void and they’re just not funny. But hey, it’s his name and “Brand” attached to the film and not mine.
As far as “controlling all streams of distribution”, I’m assuming you mean that Tucker is going to control a stream of distribution and become some sort of internet movie mogul. I disagree with that, as your statement was obtuse to begin with, and it’s statement s like these which are the reasons why nobody in Hollywood is ever going to want to work with Tucker again.
Here’s a guess, in about two years after this film gets released and Darko signs off on it as a loss, Tucker is selling the DVD for his movie on his website for 20 dollars (30 if you want him to sign the box). This is the road that Troy Duffy took, and it’s most likely the only road that will be open for Tucker. Then, like Duffy, he could make YouTube videos badmouthing Hollywood and telling his fans how he’s still going to take over Hollywood by storm with whatever… It’s too late for him, and it’s almost too late for Tucker.
Hey Marc,
Why does the vast majority of the product you guys put out completely fucking suck? Why do you keep making the same movie over, and over, and over again? Why do I know the ending to EVERY movie EVERY time I go to them because they’re remakes of something successful from ten years ago? Why is it a red letter year when there are two movies worth seeing at my local theater? Why do I not even bother turning on the television?
Check your facts. He made THE list, and he should have because the book was what’s called “funny.” It was what’s called “enjoyable.” This next word will blow your mind: “original.” That’s what it was. That’s what happens when someone tells a story that hasn’t been told over, and over, and over, and over…
So how bout it, buddy…why the fuck do you people suck at your jobs so much?
That’s my fucking rub, buddy. Not Tucker. You think he’s a joke? Your entire industry is a fucking joke, but something tells me you have no answer for me. Probably too busy pitching “Beverly Hills Chihauhau 2; The Search for Curley’s Gold.”
Oh, and Marc, this part is beautiful:
“As far as “controlling all streams of distribution”, I’m assuming you mean that Tucker is going to control a stream of distribution and become some sort of internet movie mogul. I disagree with that, as your statement was obtuse to begin with, and it’s statement s like these which are the reasons why nobody in Hollywood is ever going to want to work with Tucker again.”
You are technologically clueless.
That’s amusing (it’s chihuahua, btw) that you think the entire industry is a joke based on the same story being told over and over and over again considering that Tucker’s doing a “buddy road trip” movie.
Like that’s never been done before? Please.
Your arguments are flawed, anon.
Oh, sorry I don’t deal in designer dogs. I’m more concerned with this thing called “substance.”
Keep dodging my very legitimate question, people. That’s okay. I wouldn’t expect any of you to be self aware anyway, and in scattering instead of answering you sort of answered my question anyway.
So like I said before, I will very much enjoy watching all of you become totally obsolete in a few years’ time.
hey, it’s ryan holliday, the college-dropout, wannabe-pr-rep, future starbucks barista that tucker hired to be his lackey for sub-minimum wage. shouldn’t you be out doing max’s laundry kid?
“Why do you people suck at your jobs?”
Before they can answer that, this Anon/Gina/Tucker/Ryan person should probably establish what he think their jobs ARE, then demonstrate why he believes they are failing at those jobs.
My guess is that he’ll say something like “all you produce is garbage” (which is largely true), all-the-while maintaining that Tucker’s movie is going to be objectively better than whatever’s coming out of Hollywood now.
Well that’s all fine and good, Jason L, but I can’t answer his freaking question as I’m not in “the industry”, nor have I claimed to be.
It just doesn’t a genius to realize that anon’s statements are flawed when it comes to Tucker Max.
ahem. doesn’t take a genius.
Still no answer. Wow.
Seriously, if you’re so good at making movies, why can’t you make good movies? Simple question, and you can’t answer.
Oh, and I’m not any of those people you’ve mentioned, and don’t actually even know who they are aside from Tucker. I’m just a consumer, which is probably why you people have such little respect for my questions. I bet you don’t respect your consumers at all, considering the shit product you put out all year long, every year. Without fail, you fail, and you know it. You’re cogs in the mega machine of failure.
I’m so fucking tired of going to the movies and wasting my money on your garbage, so when I read a book that is actually pretty funny, and hear it’s going to be made into a movie by the guy who made it funny, and then come here to this bullshit site, and hear a bunch of fail-mongerers use inter-Hollywood political fucking bullshit to dis it, I get ever more angry.
We’re all angry, because you suck and we’re tired of it.
Sure you are Anon/ SuckerMax/ Gina/ Ryan Holiday
Anon wrote: “Hey Marc,
Why does the vast majority of the product you guys put out completely fucking suck? Why do you keep making the same movie over, and over, and over again? Why do I know the ending to EVERY movie EVERY time I go to them because they’re remakes of something successful from ten years ago? Why is it a red letter year when there are two movies worth seeing at my local theater? Why do I not even bother turning on the television?
Check your facts. He made THE list, and he should have because the book was what’s called “funny.” It was what’s called “enjoyable.” This next word will blow your mind: “original.” That’s what it was. That’s what happens when someone tells a story that hasn’t been told over, and over, and over, and over…
So how bout it, buddy…why the fuck do you people suck at your jobs so much?”
Hey Tucker/Tucker’s Paid Friends,
You assume a lot, enough to make your rants very enjoyable. But since you think you know exactly what I do, I’ll answer your question in as coherent a fashion as one of your rants.
We make sure that when we make a movie that everybody likes it BUT you and Tucker Max. 99% of the time we get it right and you hate our product. I guess I’m not working hard enough at my job to get that 100%, but I’m young. So I’ll make sure to greenlight films that you hate, only because it’s enjoyable to know that I piss you off. We make sure to make only movies you dislike because somehow, you are just that important to Hollywood.
By the way, does your rant on Hollywood suddenly make his script better? I hope so, because what I read was absolutely horrible and it seems he needs every little thing he can get.
Here’s the funny part, if Tucker stayed away from trying to turn his film into a bad rehashing of Road Trip, American Pie, etc he might have had something. He could have stayed close to the source material and had a great film out of it. I still think the ending of his book was one of the better ending I’ve read in years, and it’s a shame he turned that into a schlocky piece of garbage.
He never made THE list, so I am “checking my facts.” He wrote a paperback book. He’s never been printed in hardcover. Anything else that you say on the matter that he was competing with the big boys is a flat out lie. He made the New York Times Extended Best Seller List, which is no small accomplishment, nor did I mean to demean his success. However, it’s still the extended list.
I hope to continually ruin your day Anon because it brings me joy.
To Anon:
I don’t work in the film industry. I used to work for a very well-known T.V. production company, but I’m currently not doing that anymore. I have many friends who do work in film, including some who are associated with the production of IHTSBIH in a below-the-line capacity. (No, I’m not going to tell you who, Tucker)
I’ll be sure to ask them why “the vast majority of movies suck in some Tucker Max fanboy’s opinion”. Or should I tell them that it’s Tucker’s opinion? After all, I’m fairly sure that that’s who I’m corresponding with… Tucker himself, the arrogant, loudmouthed lying fraud extraordinaire.
the pro tucker people are easy to spot. they attempt to ease you with statements like ‘i think tucker is an asshole, but …’ and then proceed to say how awesome and successful he is. clearly tucker max is a liar and he has been caught lying repeatedly, such as by opie and anthony, but the pro tucker douches (who are probably either tucker or one of his 4 legitimate retard fans) are too far sucked into tucker’s sociopathic and narcissistic garbage to realize what a gigantic tool he is.
Do you guy really think Tucker is sitting on the set of his movie with a computer open reading random message boards and creating fake accounts to reply?
They’re shooting a movie — he is on set helping to make daily/hourly decisions as a producer. Maybe his fan boys are replying, but certainlly not under his direction.
He has some set of stones to post daily blogs and videos from the set - many which are pretty informative. Does that sound like someone who plans on failing? I don’t think so.
Brett
Brett,
Please explain this:
http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showpost.php?p=668186
Since this is a film industry blog, I suggest you rent Rashomon the next time you pass a Blockbuster.
Brett, I am 100% convinced that tucker is directly involved in these responses. What I am about to say is pure speculation that i heard on the internet, and I don’t even believe it personally, so don’t sue me Tucker!!! I heard a nasty, vile rumor, which is highly suspicious in nature and not very plausible, that Tucker ALLEGEDLY POSSIBLY MAYBE has a hidden part of his message board only open and visible to admins/close and trusted friends, where Tucker ALLEGEDLY coordinates his positive reviews on amazon.com, and his other aspects of internet PR, such as defending him in Blogs. Now, this is totally speculation, and I don’t believe it for one second because I believe Tucker is an internet celebrity who is above that type of behavior, but this is the rumor that I heard. If this rumor is true, that Tucker has this private board to communicate and coordinate with his friends, then I suppose it’s possible that he has coordinated a response here and other places. BUT I DOUBT IT’S TRUE. Tucker probably doesn’t care about PR that much. He probably believes that any publicity is good publicity and would never resort to this type of behavior. He is too busy making a movie. And getting involved in drunken shenanigans that really happened.
Tucker Max makes me want to die. I wish he would get hit by a bus and I’m not exaggerating. The reason people glorify dicks like him is beyond me.
At “Hey”
That sounds exactly like something he’d do on his hidden mod board or something.
hey scriptreader,
i dont care how bad it was…if hollywood greenlighted the script for “freddy got fingered,” then anything’s possible.
rock on,
aitch
You guys are all haterz, this is gonna be the best movie in the whole wide world! It’s gonna be way better than The Dark Knight and Hottie and the Nottie!
How did I get drawn into this?
Why are you idiots getting your panties in a bunch? These guys are making a movie, and that’s a pretty cool goal.
You don’t believe his stories? So what. Was anyone hurt? Is he writing the 9/11 report? No! He’s writing about drinking and banging chicks, It’s not rocket science.
Get a life. The movie doesn’t even come out till next year.
Brett
I’ve never heard of this man but I know people like him.
It seems that all of their stories start out with “No shit dude, there I was….” which is really little more then “Dear penthouse, I never thought I’d be writing you but…”
Yawn…
Tucker seems to have the same kind of supporters, defenders, and devoted fans as Howard Stern (is he still relevant?), or some of the other schmuck radio/TV/internet personalities.
Apparently it’s a cheap movie and will make enough to net Tucker enough money to keep going.
While in the abstract he’s marginally talented in self-promotion, he HAS recognized a gimmick and capitalized on it. On that level he is a success. It seems he is proud of being one of the smelliest turds on a dung heap.
It’s genuinely liberating and convenient to have an ego which insulates one from self-awareness.
FYIS, this review was posted in the ‘reviews, discussions, and blogs’ post on tuckers site at http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=21503&page=6. But don’t blink! because the message board admins removed any mention of it. Oops!
Brett,
Please address my question above. Tucker Max claimed on his BBS that the laptop confiscation story never happened and that he does not know you. You still claim that it did occur and that you know the guy.
As a “journalist” I am sure you’ve used that “the public has a right to know” trope. I think the people here have a right to know who is lying here.
Looks like you got picked up by Gawker:
http://gawker.com/5032804/the-kind-of-asshole-that-all-of-his-asshole-friends-love
I love this comment from there:
“officegirl at 04:25 PM
I don’t believe that there was frat in college who did not ban this guy from their parties by the time graduation rolled around….And not because he was banging anyone’s hot girlfriend or making awesomely humorous simulatenously cruel jokes while loaded on Busch Light, but because he was constantly puking everywhere like the socially-alienated loser he apparently still is. Note: Being banned from a University of Chicago frat house for nuisance factor alone = a challenging level of lameness to achieve.”
And then she clarifies:
officegirl at 04:36 PM
i not speaking hypothetically - i went to college with this dork. he was not a frat dude and was hated by them. and they were not cool either. that was my point.”
What Tucker’s fans have not realized - and will probably never realize - is that despite what he says over and over and over again… He does not give a squat about them. He does not care about you. He will not descend from Blog Heaven at the beginning of the Internet Rapture and save you.
This blog is up on Tucker’s messageboard again, here:
http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=21503&page=6
Let’s see how long it lasts THIS time.
^ …and it’s gone. It was posted, for a second time, at 6:14 PM. As of 6:44 PM, it’s gone.
I wonder whose full-time job it is to so heavily police those messageboards? Because that’s a really meaningful job.
Hey you guys, This is Nils Parker
I want you all to stop making fun of us this instant! Tucker and I worked really really super duper hard on this script, and it wasn’t easy. I had to learn how to write a screenplay, as it turned out I couldn’t just copy and paste Tucker’s book. But I learned how to make it into what it is today with my pirated copy of Final Draft. So Stop making fun of us. We’re professional writers and we don’t need this from people, it isn’t fair!
I want you all to stop making fun of us right away!
And I don’t have 4 chins! Gosh!
No this is Nils and I’d just like to say I’m abominably fat and have a head like a Stegosaurus. That’s why they call me Stegosaurus Nex.
Hey, guys… Nils here again. I’m just wondering if anyone knows of any openings for paralegals in the LA area. The movie opens next Spring, so I should be needing a new job by then. Thanks in advance!
By the way, I discovered that if you buy Twinkies in the 12-pack box instead of individually, it’s cheaper, and it’s not as difficult to tear through the wrappers during those little ‘midnight binges.’
You know, ‘cuz I’m really damn fat.
Just to add…
Really really FUCKING FAT!
Like Really fat.
The best part about Tucker’s minions deleting the link to this article on his messageboard is this, the introductory post from Max himself, stating the purpose of the thread:
“As we continue to build out the site for the movie, one of the things we will do is link every review or discussion of the movie we can find online. Good or bad, it doesn’t matter what people say, as long as they talk about the movie, we will link it (and of course, I don’t give a shit if the writer is a notable film critic or just some dude with a blogspot site, we will link you, everyone knows the critic is dead anyway).
Aside from giving people incentive to write about the movie or the movie blog, I want to make sure we have an independent record of what people say, because I want people responsible for their views after the results are in. There is no doubt in my mind that a lot of people are going to shit all over this movie long before they see it and long before it opens at the box office, and I want to make sure that they can’t hide or claim another view once it comes out. This is going to be a polarizing movie for a LOT of reasons, and I want there to be a record of who is on what side. So here’s what I want you people to do:
Every review, blog post, commentary, whatever opinion piece it is, please post a link here. I don’t care if you wrote it, someone else wrote it, you found it by accident, whatever. This thread is going to act as the temporary page for posting things we find about the movie until the main site page is up, then we’ll move it all there.”
I guess the “good or bad” part is only half true. Or maybe this script review just cut a little to close to the bone. Bravo.
I just read this entire comment section after this link was posted on his movie blog(which I’ve been reading on a regular basis, as a fan and just as someone who’s interested in reading about behind the scenes stuff). Anyway, the link is now gone. It was in a section where you are ‘free’ to post all blog comments/critics of people talking shit about the movie, so that he can call everyone out when it’s a success. Unless he’s pulling the link b/c of the spoilers, he’s a chump for doing it. He should at least post it and warn of the spoiler. This leads me to believe he’s a bit phony.
I happen to believe now that he’s over-hyping the shit out of this film, and I’m a sucker for being one of his former ‘fanboys.’ If this movie comes straight to DVD, I’m going to feel pretty retarded for believing his hype. He’s a great writer(whether you like his stuff or not), he’s incredibly smart(he did graduate from Duke Law, unless that’s bogus too, which I doubt), and he’s pretty funny. However, every time I’ve actually seen him in a video(you tube postings or whatever), he definitely comes across as a big jack-bag. I’ve managed to overlook that though, because his writing is so good.
I remember when MTV was shooting a ‘True Life’ special on him, and he hyped the shit out of that too. He was writing on his blog during his shooting, and was talking about how ‘you won’t believe this shit until you see it on MTV’ and ‘the segment on me is going to revolutionize TV’ and all this other bullshit about how funny he was being. Then the show came on a few months later, and I’m not sure I laughed once at it. Every time I see “True Life” on the TV guide since the first airing, I’ve checked to see if they were showing his episode just to give it a second chanceI(maybe he’s the type who gets funnier the more you see him). I’m pretty sure that episode never got a second airing, as I’ve NEVER seen it since.
My point is that the few occasions he’s pumped something up on his blog, I have been disappointed. I’m hoping it’s not the case with this movie, but after reading this, I’m starting to think it’s all hype. On his blog he brags about how his set is revolutionary in that everyone gets along and everyone believes in the product/art they are creating. But if you watch the crew interviews on his production blog, there’s not a single person who comes across as even remotely energetic about this movie. If you watch the interview with Keri Lynn Pratt, you can see a look on her face of when she talks about tucker always being around as if he’s incredibly annoying but knows she has to smile it off.
I hope the haters here are wrong, because I know he’s capable of writing great stories. But I won’t be COMPLETELY surprised if this flops or even comes out straight to DVD. If it does, he’s going to lose a LOT of fans. I mean, if it sucks, none of us are going to believe his hype EVER again.
I do, however, genuinely hope it’s American Pie-esque in the Box Office.
^^ Bravo to everything you wrote, except the parts about Tucker being a great writer or funny. To each his own on that stuff, I guess, but everything else was on-point. It’s nice to see that not all Tucker-acolytes are idiots.
Actually, correction on all the above. I love sucking Tucker Max’s dick, because I like to engage in Homosaurus Sex. Fuck me, and I’m fat.
“I do, however, genuinely hope it’s American Pie-esque in the Box Office.”
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Oh God. If it even gets distribution I’d consider it amazing.
@ MovieFan:
Don’t feel too badly about Tucker being a douche. Lots of people get suckered into believing that fraud’s bullshit. Smart people too. I was one. I read the guy’s book, and hyped it to my friends. Then I saw the Opie & Anthony interview, and realized that I’d been had. The Fox News segment was the icing on the proverbial cake.
“I’m not even the cooletht one of my friendth”… “Tho I met this girl, and she had never tried butt-thex before…” You get the idea.
Then Tucker tried to break into Hollywood. Unfortunately for Tucker, working in Hollywood is like trying to live in a tank of pirhana: Perilous at best.
You have no idea how poorly regarded this loser is regarded in that town (and Marc is right, High School for adults, 100%).
After IHTSBIH fails, and in spectacular fashion, Tucker will never find work in Hollywood ever again. He’ll retreat back to his l’il messageboard, and milk it for all that it’s worth. But he’ll totally blame everyone and anyone associated with the production for its failure, you can be sure. Everyone but Tucker Max.
Why don’t we all wait until next year when the film is released and let it be judged on it’s own merits?
The guy wrote a funny book, now he’s making a movie — sure he’s not the most likeable guy on the planet, but he obviously has our attention. That’s worth something…
Would you feel better if he didn’t exist? I wouldn’t. He entertains me.
I like watching this all unfold. He’s got balls to do this — give him credit for that.
Maybe he killed the link on his site because she detailed specific scenes, etc.
He’s making a movie about his life right now and were typing on a blog — think about that.
Brett
Hey Brett… Think about Tucker.
I AM, silly pants. All day, every day.
How about this…
http://www.rockandrollbadboy.com/daily_dirt/writers_strike_update/
Brett
Raise your hand if I’m fat.
even if this movie makes a 100 million dollars at the box office (i know tucker thinks it will), it’ll still be a colossal turd and tucker will still be a lazy, spoiled, talentless jagoff.
Wow, I used to love that site and his stories.
He’s been planning to revolutionize Hollywood for some time now.
Also- let me get this straight. This Brett Meisner guy is a made up character who claims to know Tucker Max (among other celebrities)? Additionally, Tucker has proclaimed that he doesn’t know the fellow and that his laptop was never stolen by him?
What’s going on here?
What’s going on is that I know Tommy Lee, and you don’t, and you’re jealous.
And that Nils Porker is fat as all hell.
Hells, yeah, I am.
I have to say that this article and the following reaction from his message board (complete silence, and removal of any mention of this article) show that you, and others in-the-know, definitely hit a nerve.
I”ve been a member of his board for 2 years now, and this is very disappointing.
He’s always quick to defend his position and/or jump on anyone he has issues with (Michael Ian Black recently). But in this instance, both Tucker and Admins/Mods are acting like fucking AMATEURS! Just the fact they delete any mention of this review without providing reasons or further commenting on this issue, is an eye opener for me.
Were you not around for the Opie and Anthony thing? This isn’t news or shocking at all.
Did you know that Nils Parker once ran for Governor of California? (He was just chubby then.)
The whole idea for this was a Tucker Max Message Board
brainshit-storm idea.http://web.archive.org/web/20031029210339/http://www.nilsparker.com/
And if anyone is paying attention, it seems that Mr. Max’s law school buddies whom he wrote so much about seem to have all but abandoned his message board.
The best thing, is that ‘SlingBlade”, who used go by AK, is now gainfully employed in law enforcement. In fact, all of Mr. Max’s buddies have pretty good careers and lives going for them, while he is still hanging on to re-telling his stories in different forms. First he had e-mails, then he used a message board, next he wrote a book (he self-published his first one), and now he’s making a movie.
Just wait for it…and soon we’ll have “Tucker Max Thkipth Along (Still Trying to Make a Career out of Being a Non-Lawyer)” The Musical! I am certain it will break all Broadway box-office records.
Not one honest, clear, concise answer about why you guys consistently put out derivative bullshit.
Just checking in to say that. Not one answer about why every movie is the same every time you make them, and why they’re absolute junk.
Tucker Max fan or no, this is the truth. You think you’re good at making movies, but cannot make good movies. I don’t think you have the foggiest fucking clue how to make a movie, and thus, your musings about a decent writer are moot.
Who actually cares if his stories are real? I saw one dude above saying he’d “been had.”
So, it was only funny when you thought it was real? Real, fake, whatever. I laughed when I read that book and that’s all I care about.
http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9A0DE6DB113BF931A35755C0A962958260
Also, I’m pretty sure he just posted about this story, and also about what a loser this script reader is. Like “bragging about working the night shift at the Waffle House for eight years.” That sheds some light.
Perhaps the irrelevant discussion about links and such can cease, and we can talk about what’s really fascinating, which is: What the hell would people who have a record of making–at-best–boring movies know about writing quality?
And what the hell does anyone care that two dorky, ugly shock jocks who no one listens to cut Tucker’s sound and talked shit about him behind his back? Seriously, they didn’t even confront him. He couldn’t hear what they were saying. What a bunch of vaginas.
Not like Tucker “was attacked” or anything, but what kind of nutless loser trolls the internet telling and retelling stories about the time two other nutless losers talked shit about someone behind their back? Who gives a crap?
Oh, Anon, you crack me up.
A New York Times article from 14 years ago? That’s the best you can come up with to bolster your argument?
Oh, and if you think that making movies is so easy, then get thy ass to Hollywood post haste, and show them how it’s done.
Put up or shut up, loser.
Hey Marc,
I ask you “Why is your product of such low quality,” and it almost objectively is. Art is something completely subjective, but you Quant losers have done your best to make it a fucking numbers game. We’ll call it objective then. Tell me why every movie is the same, I ask. You reply:
“We make sure that when we make a movie that everybody likes it BUT you and Tucker Max. 99% of the time we get it right and you hate our product. I guess I’m not working hard enough at my job to get that 100%, but I’m young. So I’ll make sure to greenlight films that you hate, only because it’s enjoyable to know that I piss you off. We make sure to make only movies you dislike because somehow, you are just that important to Hollywood.”
I ask, “Why are your movies sooooo bad,” and you say “I like pissing you off.” You also provide a cute little character assassination. Cute, but you can’t fucking write, so not as funny as you thought it would be.
YOU ARE DODGING MY QUESTION.
“A New York Times article from 14 years ago? That’s the best you can come up with to bolster your argument?”
HOW MANY SEQUELS ARE IN PRODUCTION?
And “It’s hard!” is not an excuse to be bad at something.
You people are about as self aware as a girl who fucks Tucker Max, which is super funny since you would look down on her and judge her from your wicked fancy stool at Saddle Ranch, with your fancy jeans and your fancy low-carb cocktails, and cue a whole bunch of materialist, conformist, money-grubbing, soulless idiots telling me that “Nobody cool hangs out at Saddle Ranch.”
Where you ought to hang out is your office. Maybe movies wouldn’t be such a waste of money.
to all you pole smoking tucker haters, fuck yourselves. tucker max, his books, and his website are all going to blow up after this movie and you all know it. People can do whatever they want to try to stop the sucess of this movie, but let me tell you something, its not going to happen. Live with it
Anon, HAHAHA, I love it. You can’t possibly be serious! It’s too cute. We have another Brett Meisner. Adorable.
”
Who actually cares if his stories are real? I saw one dude above saying he’d “been had.”
So, it was only funny when you thought it was real? Real, fake, whatever. I laughed when I read that book and that’s all I care about.
”
These are the best types of Tucker Max fans. Notice how when a valid point is brought up, the inevitable answer is, “so.” The creature cannot and will not be able to defend itself without its group. Oh this poor creature is far away from his pack and cannot feed on anyone without the collective. His fate is certain and unfortunate. Next up on the National Geographic: Pygmies or Bonobos, who is better at Pac-Man?
“to all you pole smoking tucker haters, fuck yourselves. tucker max, his books, and his website are all going to blow up after this movie and you all know it. People can do whatever they want to try to stop the sucess of this movie, but let me tell you something, its not going to happen. Live with it”
AHAHAHAHAHAHHAA!
I hope it’s really “sucessful.” I’m sure it will be.
You’re right, how could we be so myopic. What he is doing is truly revolutionary and is going to turn Hollywood upside down and forward and back and sideways, just like the Wonkavator. How could we be so clueless?!
Thank you for putting it into perspective for us, another asshole.
“These are the best types of Tucker Max fans. Notice how when a valid point is brought up, the inevitable answer is, “so.” The creature cannot and will not be able to defend itself without its group. Oh this poor creature is far away from his pack and cannot feed on anyone without the collective. His fate is certain and unfortunate. Next up on the National Geographic: Pygmies or Bonobos, who is better at Pac-Man?”
Yes yes yes my friend. How utterly foolish I am for reading something and enjoying it.
I apologize to you dear sir, apparently my ability to read a book and appreciate it for what’s inside it rather than what’s going on behind the scenes is stupid.
me: “Haha, I found this book in the humor section, it’s pretty funny”
armchair critics who care about style over substance: “dude, it’s not funny. all those things you just laughed at would be funny if they really happened, but they might not have really happened, so they can’t be funny”
me: “my god, you’re right! every single comedy I’ve ever seen is a lie! Are you telling me Caddyshack wasn’t a true story either! CHEVY CHASE DIDN’T REALLY BEAT TED KNIGHT IN MATCH PLAY!?!? NOOOOOOOOOO!!!”
http://gawker.com/5033233/tucker-maxs-movie-script-embarrassing-bro
Dave’s Not Here, listen, if get entertained by Tucker’s lies, that’s totally cool. I’m just fucking with you. But you should know they’re just that: Lies perpetuated as the truth. If you don’t care, that’s fine…but the guy is a liar, and you are a fan of a liar. If that’s cool with you, fine. Now quit being annoying.
Just because you think it’s impossible to do does not mean it’s a lie.
Tucker/Tucker’s Paid Employee/Tucker’s “Mod” said:
“Not one honest, clear, concise answer about why you guys consistently put out derivative bullshit.”
Because that’s not a question, that’s a statement you made and you thought you’d put everybody on the defensive. But I’ll be concise here just for you; for putting out “derivative bullshit” Hollywood still churns out a hefty profit, and that has to kill you, right?
That being said, the “derivative bullshit” that you attempt to deride is still MUCH BETTER THAN TUCKER’S SCRIPT. Tucker isn’t making a rehash of American Pie, he’s not even making American Pie: Band Camp. Tucker’s script just isn’t bad, it’s abysmal. It’s not intelligent, it’s not intriguing and it’s not funny. None of the themes that he worked with in his book are present in the film.
By the way, you saying Hollywood sucks isn’t going to make Tucker’s script any better. Your argument fails, because as much as Tucker believes his work to be “revolutionary”, it’s nothing more than a sophomoric comedy that I could go to any first year film student. It’s no better than any of Hollywood’s worst projects.
“Just checking in to say that. Not one answer about why every movie is the same every time you make them, and why they’re absolute junk.”
It’s funny that you say “every movie is the same every time” because in all honesty, what is revolutionary about IHTSBIH? Nothing, it’s derivative and below average across the board. Had he stuck closely with the source material it might have been, but it’s not. It’s a piece of hack work. BTW, I don’t remember Tucker having sex with a midget in his book, why feel the need to add it in as a plot device (from what I understand, this event never happened in real life either)? He had everything he needed in his book to make a good film. He chose to do it his way, which I have no problem with until I saw the final result.
His script is one of the worst cases of being a vanity project I’ve come across. Cecelia nailed it when she said that he seemed more interested in creating a “totally cool character” rather than a good script. I believe he created neither, and the author of this article explained it better than I could.
Oh, and here’s the best part, none of you, not one of Tucker’s fans, sycophants, paid help, etc, can explain why and how his work is better than the crap coming out of Hollywood that you deride. Facts are, I don’t have to prove myself, but Tucker does, unfortunately for him he won’t even have the added bonus of a good marketing company behind him. Oh, and having your fans create multiple accounts on IMDB to try and overrate your work like you might have done to… I dunno Amazon.com, isn’t marketing won’t work. Yeah Tucker, Jamie Tarses told us about that as well.
“Tucker Max fan or no, this is the truth. You think you’re good at making movies, but cannot make good movies. I don’t think you have the foggiest fucking clue how to make a movie, and thus, your musings about a decent writer are moot.”
Huh? What does “making good movies” have to do with “musings about a decent writer”? Your logic is completely flawed. It’s lateral logic, and it doesn’t invalidate anybody’s opinion. Tucker’s script hasn’t suddenly become better because you don’t like Hollywood’s work.
But okay, here are some questions for you Tucker.
1) Why couldn’t you get a bigger name for your film if it was such a good script. In fact, why couldn’t you get anybody from any of the agencies to even read your script? I can name a dozen movies off-hand where a big name actor or actress took on a role at a much lower rate because they believed in the project, why couldn’t you get any of them to believe in yours?
And please spare me the bullshit answer in that Tucker found the perfect actor for the role, and that there are “only 2 actors who can open a movie”. That’s great and all, but Matt Czuchry is not going to make a distribution company want to press more DVD covers.
So please let us know, why didn’t any actor (you know, those artistic types you pretend to be a part of) pick up your script, read it, and get excited about it enough to cut their rate in order to work on your “art”? (btw, when you classify yourself as an artist, that sound you hear echoing all over Los Angeles are people laughing AT you, not WITH you.)
2) Tell me, how is Tucker’s script better than anything Hollywood is putting out? Simple question. Please don’t put the “you’ll have to pay to see it to find out” answer out there either, it’s another cop out. How is his script “revolutionary”? How is it better?
That’s really all. I look forward to your answer.
“Dave’s Not Here, listen, if get entertained by Tucker’s lies, that’s totally cool. I’m just fucking with you. But you should know they’re just that: Lies perpetuated as the truth. If you don’t care, that’s fine…but the guy is a liar, and you are a fan of a liar. If that’s cool with you, fine. Now quit being annoying.”
Ok, I think this is a good point.
So, what do you propose is the difference between viral-marketed fiction and a lie?
And would you find it entertaining if it was proved true instead of false?
Though, the same thing happened on a grander scale with James Frey and he was spitroasted for it, so you have a point.
I’m going away for a few days again, but when i logged in to post my blog about not posting a blog some dude was posting a story about me shoving a screenplay up in my areas. it grossed me the f- out and i made my first delete of a comment but he seems pretty determined to keep posting it and i’m for free speech so i guess the next time he posts it it will just get left up for a while. enjoy reading mediocre slash fiction about my vag and a script. price of doing business, i guess. and at least more creative than just saying “why is it i don’t like any popular music these days???? ANSWER ME, COWARDS!!”
also, the gawker excerpts are not really the worst parts. the first scene is one of the worst, but the others could be pages chosen at random. So i guess if you read and think that that is funny, the film will delight you. if not, you might not be an idiot.
Anon said:
“HOW MANY SEQUELS ARE IN PRODUCTION?”
Zero. I would know if it were otherwise.
Dave’s Not Here said:
“So, what do you propose is the difference between viral-marketed fiction and a lie?”
Um, fiction is labeled as such. Tucker’s fiction is sold as truthful accounts of his exploits, which simply is not the case.
His book is entertaining, until you see him in person, and realize that it’s all bullshit. Why do you think that James Frey sold “A Million Little Pieces” as non-fiction? Because he shopped the manuscript around to 15+ different publishing houses as fiction, and none of them would touch it.
Finally he wised up, and said that “all that stuff really happened to me”, and they jumped at the chance to publish “such a harrowing account of human misery and survival, with a wondefully redemptive and poignant conclusion”.
Tucker did no more, and no less than James Frey. Both sold a book of outlandish and fabricated tales as factual when in fact they were no more real than the Easter Bunny.
Well, the world sure is a better place with that in it, huh? Nothing but classy moves from the Tuckerphiles.
The script is in fact pathetic. But one thing is for sure, this movie is targeting a young generation of adults that do not know the difference between a good and bad script. Look at some other comparable movies; the american pies, freddy got fingered, van wilder, they all were fairly sucessful because of the audience. TuckerMax.com gets 10.9 million page views per month, his fan base is massive no doubt and will expand. Whether the movie is in fact good or not, people are going to watch the movie.
“Tucker did no more, and no less than James Frey. Both sold a book of outlandish and fabricated tales as factual when in fact they were no more real than the Easter Bunny.”
Which is why I said “so you might have a point…”
This reminds me of that episode of South Park where Randy thought his alcoholism was cured by the virgin mary statue’s blood.
A lot of people were initially helped by that Frey book, and then went “boo hoo, his was fake i’ll go back to doing drugs too”
A lot of people laughed at Tucker’s book and then went “oh no, i was fooled, boo hoo now it’s not funny anymore”
I don’t get it. Your ego was bruised because you believed it? You really place that much importance on that? You can’t just enjoy something for what it is? What is the problem with it possibly being a lie?
I can’t say I’m surprised someone finally thought of using Michael Ian Black’s template for garnering publicity. I am surprised it took this long. Congratulations, Cecilia, you’ve increased your one-off readers by, I’m guessing, 10000%. All you had to do was write some uninspired, mad-libs style criticism of an author you’ve obviously never read with an open mind. Then, the best part, he gets your publicity FOR YOU. http://ihopetheyservebeerinhell.com/archives/strip_club_scen.html
Maybe put some work into elevating yourself from the super prestigious title of “Script reader” to something that actually earns respect.
The movie doesn’t pretend to be a real story. It’s a work of fiction- A embellished amalgam of stories and concepts the writers think are funny. I guess I’m a little confused how one can be a liar for writing a piece of fiction.
So then I assume the liar accusation comes from the series of stories he published in his book. They may very well be fabricated, too, but how do any of you know? Can you actually refute any of it or do you just have such finely tuned bull shit detectors that your intuition is enough?
For some odd reason im not entirely sure that this forum or even this review is going to make or break IHTSBIH at the box office…if the general public are curious about Max (like I tend to think they are) then they’ll shell out the $5-$10 to see the movie and decide for themselves..I dont know what to expect about the movie other than I’ve read the book and enjoyed it…im not going to let my decision on whether or not to see the movie come from a small population of people saying bad things about it
I don’t understand the hate. I really don’t. So many people hate on Tucker’s stories and claim them to be false just because those things never would happen to you, and there’s no proof of any of it either way. Aside from witness accounts, which I’m sure Tucker could provide, and which you’ll dismiss immediately because you seem to live in this state of denial.
The main point is that this is all ENTERTAINMENT. It’s meant to ENTERTAIN. If he wrote a book about him sitting around drinking beer and playing Mario Kart all day, no one would publish it, and he’d be another shmuck working in an office and nobody would know his name. Real or not, it’s not just what happens in his stories, it’s the way he’s able to tell them in a way that keeps you enthralled and entertained, and you feel like you’re actually there. Maybe he’s this international player with tons of game, or maybe he’s just got a very vivid imagination and a gift for telling it…. but I smell jealousy from anyone who hates on him for this.
But it’s because he’s made himself famous by not only getting on the NYTimes best seller list (and staying there), but by getting his story turned into a Hollywood movie… that now everyone’s got to throw their 2 cents in about the guy. Trying to take him down because he’s accomplishing what no one in here has been able to do. To “make fun” of him because he couldn’t get A-list actors, or because he had investors to raise money for the film?? Are you serious?
I do not have a “man-crush” on Tucker as his defenders are often accused of… nor do I believe everything he says or agree with what he does. However I am able to recognize talent when I see it. And he’s got a skill, and he’s very good at it. Will that transform into a good movie? Time will only tell, they’re still filming the damn thing, and no one outside of the people involved in the actual film will see it until mid-next year.
So I’ll leave this with a comment from Tucker’s production blog, where he is actually giving this blog some publicity, and gives a good insight on the author of this post:
“Script reader is almost the lowest level of existence in Hollywood; it might be above personal assistant, but it’s not above working in the mailroom. Bragging about having read 5000 scripts is like bragging that you’ve been working the overnight shift at Waffle House for a decade. It means you are so bad at your job, you can’t advance. To have read 5000 scripts and never become an executive, a producer, or even ANY position above script reader is almost breathtaking failure (of course, if you want to understand why she can’t get above an entry level position, just read her writing, the answer is right there).”
Infinite monkey theorem gives Cecelia hope that she’ll someday be published.
Face it, Tucker wins.
All these threads. blogs, etc., do one thing — promote Tucker Max.
Ask ten random friends if they know who Tucker Max is and I bet maybe, MAYBE, one will know.
In six months three to five will Know.
In one year all ten will know.
People who like Tucker will go see the movie.
People who hate Tucker will go see the movie… Twice.
Brett
Brett wrote:
“People who hate Tucker will go see the movie… Twice.”
No, they’ll just pirate it, I’m sure. I know I plan to.
Keep thinking about Tucker.
Hi Marc,
You didn’t answer my question. You just talked about Tucker. You have NO answer, do you? Why are you guys so bad at making movies that you just make the same one over and over again?
I’ll answer your questions gladly.
“1) Why couldn’t you get a bigger name for your film if it was such a good script.”
[When you ask a question, there’s this thing called “a question mark,” that goes at the end of it.]
Tucker has posted for quite some time about wanting a no-name actor to play him so that the actor doesn’t bring his previous role into the film. He’s a narcissist. Why would he want Van Wilder playing him. Not everybody thinks with their wallet; just you guys. Some things are more important than money. SHOCKING!
“2) Tell me, how is Tucker’s script better than anything Hollywood is putting out?”
You know my answer to this was different until I clicked on the link that led to the script the “Script Reader” redundantly and emotionally reviewed. I don’t have any idea who wrote that fake script, but it wasn’t Tucker Max.
Marc, I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t go around shooting my mouth off about an original thinker. Tucker’s skill set includes decent writing, for sure, but he’s no god damned Hemingway. I’d say his best assets are original thinking, malignant narcissism, an enormous IQ, and about 100 percent of paradigm-busting billionaires are both those things. Have you ever messed with a malignant narcissist? Something tells me you get the coffee, so you don’t talk to them so much. They have brutally efficient memories, Marc…Vincenzo…Keri Lynn. Talk some more shit about the malignant narcissist why don’t you? Their two options are 1) infamy, or 2) death.
Why don’t some of you come post over here: http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=22837&page=3
great logic there dipshit. so because somebody is low in the studio hierarchy that automatically makes their opinion worthless? what about the big-name actors, directors and studio excecs that passed on tucker’s script (pretty much all of them)? oh right, tucker said they don’t matter because they’re “old media”. convenient how anybody who’s critical of tucker is irrelevant.
to all you morons who’re too naive/retarded to see through tucker’s bullshit, let me break it down: there is no “deeper meaning” to tucker’s stories. none. it’s just a bunch of mostly made-up drivel glorifying the lifestyle of a spoiled daddy’s boy whose had everything handed to him and been constantly pumped-up by his parents and those around him. the guy’s a hack writer, now a hack filmmaker, and this movie won’t resonate with anybody because, aside from being really corny and obvious, most of the humor is also very geeky and esoteric. now fuck off.
^^For What It’s Worth, just do a look for a review of Sushi-Pants, and no one could find a Sushi Restaurant that had lingerie night anywhere near where Tucker claimed to be. For him being familiar with the area, he couldn’t name the restaurant.
Also, there’s mysteriously no police report connected with a vehicle being driven into a donut shop. Of course these don’t prove that he’s lying, but it’s a little suspicious.
http://www.miaminewtimes.com/2006-02-02/news/to-the-max/
“Mr. Clinton on August 5th, 2008 10:01 am”
HEY TUCKER/TUCKER’S PAID FRIENDS/BOARD MODS!!!!!,
“Aside from witness accounts, which I’m sure Tucker could provide, and which you’ll dismiss immediately because you seem to live in this state of denial.”
Tell ya what Team Tucker, you find me a police report that verifies his “Absinthe Donut Story” and I will suddenly become enlightened. Until then, he’s a liar.
“The main point is that this is all ENTERTAINMENT. It’s meant to ENTERTAIN. If he wrote a book about him sitting around drinking beer and playing Mario Kart all day, no one would publish it,”
True, but it also would be Tucker telling the truth.
“and he’d be another shmuck working in an office and nobody would know his name.”
Give it a year.
“Real or not, it’s not just what happens in his stories, it’s the way he’s able to tell them in a way that keeps you enthralled and entertained”
Cool, tell me what page it begins to enthrall and entertain an audience?
,”and you feel like you’re actually there.”
Almost like POV pornography, only without the payoff.
“Maybe he’s this international player with tons of game, or maybe he’s just got a very vivid imagination and a gift for telling it…. but I smell jealousy from anyone who hates on him for this.”
Maybe he’s a bullshit artist who gets women now the same way guys from Quiet Riot would get girls 15 years after “Cum on Feel The Noize”, because some people just want to be near fame. Tucker has “Groupie Game”, and trust me, there’s nothing international about it.
Tucker does have the “vivid imagination”, but it’s more self delusion than anything..
“But it’s because he’s made himself famous by not only getting on the NYTimes best seller list (and staying there),”
Again, that’s an embellishment. It’s the EXTENDED best seller list.
“but by getting his story turned into a Hollywood movie…”
WAIT!?!?! A HOLLYWOOD MOVIE!?!?! I thought Tucker’s goals were that he was getting around the Hollywood system (after everybody passed on his script. mind you) to make his movie? But… You fanboys are confusing.
“that now everyone’s got to throw their 2 cents in about the guy.”
Yes, it’s called “being an artist” and putting yourself out there to have your worked critiqued. Tucker hasn’t gone through this yet, and if this is any test of how he’s going to deal with bad reviews, just wait until the press gets to it (if they get to it).
“Trying to take him down because he’s accomplishing what no one in here has been able to do.”
Um, there are plenty of working professionals who have earned far more money in a year then Tucker has during his whole literary career who also have much bigger credits on movies you’ve seen, who are reading this blog. Please don’t compare him to them, because he simply doesn’t even rate.
Tucker is a joke in our circles for a great number of reasons (his new blog especially). But hey, since he feels free to badmouth Hollywood, I really hope everything goes according to plan when he tries to get distribution on any level. His film will have to be an A+ movie that strikes a chord with the public, or it’s straight to video.
“To “make fun” of him because he couldn’t get A-list actors, or because he had investors to raise money for the film?? Are you serious?”
Who made fun of him? Unlike Tucker, I was telling the truth. He couldn’t get A-List actors or even B or C list actors because he blew it HUGE with his TV show. You don’t fuck with a woman like Jamie Tarses and think you’ll get away unscathed. Troy Duffy found out what it’s like to be a dick to a powerful woman in Hollywood when he continually fought with Meryl Poster, and Tucker found out that he probably should have kept his big mouth shut sometimes. It cost him any chance to have a career in Hollywood.
Also, I’m not the one claiming on my blog that I, and I alone am responsible for raising 6 million dollars for a feature film when it was somebody else’s contacts that got the investors to sign the checks. I’m not the one who overstates things about my producing skills in a place where the actual person who raised that money can read it and realize that Tucker is full of shit. This is his fault and his alone. He’s insulated to a fault and when he goes out of that insulation and finds out that his act doesn’t go over well in the real world (Huffington Post for example), he retreats to a very easy M.O. (those people are jealous, those people aren’t successful, blah blah blah).
“I do not have a “man-crush” on Tucker as his defenders are often accused of… nor do I believe everything he says or agree with what he does.”
That’s interesting Tucker, I always thought narcassists had a hard-on for themselves, but okay.
“However I am able to recognize talent when I see it. And he’s got a skill, and he’s very good at it.”
That’s good, I assume you invested in his film then.
My belief is that Tucker is an okay storyteller, but a huge bullshit artist. His one main skill that “he’s very good at” is insulating himself behind his fanboys (an ever dwindling number too)
“Will that transform into a good movie? Time will only tell, they’re still filming the damn thing, and no one outside of the people involved in the actual film will see it until mid-next year.”
You are correct, time will tell, however his script is horrible, and nothing you can say means anything. Tucker did meet with a lot of producers, and most of them passed on the project, that’s what he’s not telling you.
“So I’ll leave this with a comment from Tucker’s production blog, where he is actually giving this blog some publicity, and gives a good insight on the author of this post:”
Does it make her critique any less true? What happens when Roger Ebert lists it as one of the worst pictures of 2009 (if it even gets distribution to warrant an Ebert review)? Does Tucker write some drivel about how film critics are failed writers and what they say mean nothing, yet still posts a few good reviews by other film critics?
“Script reader is almost the lowest level of existence in Hollywood; it might be above personal assistant, but it’s not above working in the mailroom. Bragging about having read 5000 scripts is like bragging that you’ve been working the overnight shift at Waffle House for a decade. It means you are so bad at your job, you can’t advance. To have read 5000 scripts and never become an executive, a producer, or even ANY position above script reader is almost breathtaking failure (of course, if you want to understand why she can’t get above an entry level position, just read her writing, the answer is right there).”
What Tucker doesn’t talk about is that script reading is a supplemental job, and usually not the main source of income for those that do that sort of job. There are many working writers in Hollywood who still script read for extra income between options and purchases. Most of them work from the comfort of their own home and make a pretty nice living. Of course he’s talking shit again because he doesn’t know how to handle a review. This doesn’t make her critique any less valid and calls into mind “does he even know what he’s talking about?”
That being said, after the movie is completed and doesn’t get distribution and/or doesn’t make it’s budget back, Tucker wont even be able to get a job as a script reader. I guess we’ll know “what’s lower than a script reader” then.
I think the debate on whether the stories that tucker max tells are lies or not is over. It doesn’t really matter. Like someone said before, the book and movie are both for entertainment. Who gives a damn if the stories are true or not, you most likely weren’t there to see them if they were. Someone name a successful comedy that is completely based on a true story.
Non one important,
Appreciate the link.
I scanned the article and missed anything particularly incriminating. One manager apparently knows Max and thinks it’s very plausible. The only thing to poke holes at it is a restaurant employee at a locale that part of a story may or may not have happened at not recalling any lingerie parties of the nature described. Even suspicious is a strong word there. I don’t see how one would automatically jump to the James Frey comparisons based upon that.
If anything, I would suspect some of the stories may have had highlights embellished or written through Tucker tinted glasses, but that’s no great crime. That’s how story telling has been for eons. However, I don’t think you just go around calling someone a liar without any real evidence for support.
marc just knows it all. close the comments on this page. everything we need to know about tucker max and the movie has been set in stone by marc. he probably can see into the future. the debate is over.
Oh Marc is SO ANGRY!!!! So mad, he is, that he STILL CANNOT ANSWER WHY EVERY MOVIE IS THE SAME PIECE OF SHIT OVER AND OVER. You people suck at what you do. There’s nothing wrong with doing your job. It’s a job and it’s money. You can put food on the table with it, but you people going around acting like you’re the arbiters of taste is a fucking joke and a half and you know it. You have no fucking clue what good writing is. If you did, you wouldn’t make such awful movies.
By the way, I would like to go ahead and thank all of the tucker max haters, including bloggers and the press, for giving tucker max free publicity. Your absolutely right, thanks for trying to convince everyone that the movie is going to be shitty, now they can pay to see it and find out themselves.
“Anon on August 5th, 2008 10:22 am
Hi Marc,”
Hi Tucker,
I’ll answer your questions gladly.
“1) Why couldn’t you get a bigger name for your film if it was such a good script.”
Tucker has posted for quite some time about wanting a no-name actor to play him so that the actor doesn’t bring his previous role into the film. He’s a narcissist. Why would he want Van Wilder playing him. Not everybody thinks with their wallet; just you guys.”
Tucker is a liar. He couldn’t get any name actors to read for the role. Not a one. The actors they tried to get through Gosse (Michael Pitt and Ryan Gosling) passed on the script. Then they tried to go through the Big 5 agencys, which by this time had their door’s locked to him and his production. This meant none of their clients would be reading for his project. This meant that “Van Wilder” never got a script to say yes or no to. This meant that he would have to take what was offered to him, a person outside of the larger agency. After that became evident, Tucker came up with that brilliant piece of logic, saying “I don’t want an actor to bring their baggage, blah blah blah”
Everybody in Hollywood who even heard about Tucker knew about his falling out with Jamie Tarses. He can fabricate anything he wants on his board because nobody there is going to go against him on his own turf, outside of his blog however reality marches on.
Tucker Max is a liar.
And I don’t want to denegrate Matt Czuchry, who I think is a good actor, but if Tucker had a chance to get Ryan Reynolds he would have gotten him.
“Some things are more important than money. SHOCKING!”
Hahahahahahaha. Please don’t say something so self deluded like Tucker is making “art”. Seriously, don’t. Hahahahahahaha.
I’m sure Darko productions is going to LOVE hearing that like repeated to them by Tucker when the film fails.
“2) Tell me, how is Tucker’s script better than anything Hollywood is putting out?”
You know my answer to this was different until I clicked on the link that led to the script the “Script Reader” redundantly and emotionally reviewed. I don’t have any idea who wrote that fake script, but it wasn’t Tucker Max.”
Are you saying the script that she reviewed was not written by Tucker Max? Well then, you’d have a bone to pick with her then. The script that was posted for download was the same script I got from somebody around November, and that IS the first draft that he handed out.
“Marc, I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t go around shooting my mouth off about an original thinker. ”
What’s original about his work that wasn’t written about before in Penthouse Letters or well written pornographic fan fiction?
Speaking of which, what are the consequences if I do? A bunch of fan boys are going to come to my office on the lot and call me “jealous”? They’re going to bombard my email account with blah blah blah.
“Tucker’s skill set includes decent writing, for sure, but he’s no god damned Hemingway. ”
Thanks for the clarification, I wasn’t sure. Somewhere in between Tucker making fun of a fat girl (brave of him too) to where he shits in a hotel (which never happened) I thought I was reading “For Whom The Bell Tolls”.
“I’d say his best assets are original thinking, malignant narcissism, an enormous IQ, and about 100 percent of paradigm-busting billionaires are both those things.”
Well, that’s up for debate. What’s his original thought by the way? What’s he saying that nobody else has said before him. Even his business model isn’t original. Rudius tried to copy GorillaMask’s business plan with bloggers, and well… there really aren’t many bloggers contributing to Rudius anymore (and when I say contribute, I mean actually publish regular articles).
You’re whole argument reminds me of some kid who really wants to make the basketball team, but can’t quite make it, but keeps telling the guys on the team “one day I’m going to be a starter and you’ll be off the team, just you wait.”
BTW, Tucker, can you get me some water and wash my jock?
“Have you ever messed with a malignant narcissist? Something tells me you get the coffee, so you don’t talk to them so much. ”
Hahahahaha, sure dude, I guess it’s my font that gives me away. You figured me out.
“They have brutally efficient memories, Marc…Vincenzo…Keri Lynn. Talk some more shit about the malignant narcissist why don’t you? Their two options are 1) infamy, or 2) death.”
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!
Dude, this post is better than anything in Tucker’s script!!!! Do you have an agent? Please tell me you wrote this in character.
Hahahahahahahahahaha.
@Bill:” Why don’t some of you come post over here: http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=22837&page=3”
Because, as we’ve seen already since the link to this post was deleted TWICE, it doesn’t do any good to post over there. If Tucker and his flock of hangers-on don’t like what you have to say, they just delete the comment and pretend it never happened, like the O&A fiasco.
That’s not how a discussion works. You have to let both sides speak. Things are working just fine over here.
Still no answer then? Have fun trying to sleep tonight. It’s been fun fucking with you.
“Anon on August 5th, 2008 11:29 am
Have fun trying to sleep tonight.”
Yeah Anon, I’ll be really busy contemplating my choice between:
1) infamy
2) death
Hahahahahahaha!!!
the fanboys are getting demolished here. this is just sad. yeah, why would tucker want somebody like ryan gosling, who could pretty much guarantee distribution and a 20+ million gross when he’s already got paul wall? what a visionary.
And the glorious finale via Gawker. Worse than I could have ever imagined:
http://gawker.com/5033356/tucker-maxs-movie-script-the-final-lowlights
As much of a womanizer Tucker might be, it’s no secret that he loves guys more. Tucker could not wait to make friends with his actors. He pretended to have animosity toward their primadonna ways and “easy” job before he even knew who they were. But when it came to actually interact with the actors, the dude fell head over heels. He was smitten. He wouldn’t shut up about how these actors are actually good guys who are actually talented (thanks for that, so now it’s official?). He couldn’t wait to fall in love with these guys, he put up a weak wall and begged them to knock it down.
And all his fans could talk about how much they respect him for beating the system or whatever, but it’s all bullshit. Any guy who calls themselves a “fan” of Tucker Max is ultimately someone who wants to smell his fingers and get fucked up with him. And Tucker wouldn’t have it any other way, why else would he brag so fucken much?
gus-
if you pay attention to tucker enough to know all this shit about him, then your probably wanting “to smell his fingers and get fucked”.
after reading more of the script on gawker, i’m convinced that tucker max is performing some kind-of social experiment here. there’s no way somebody could write something this stupid if they weren’t trying to be ironic.
ed-
“gus-
if you pay attention to tucker enough to know all this shit about him, then your probably wanting “to smell his fingers and get fucked.”
ed, this is all shit he’s blogged about. Shit he wants people to know about himself because he believes it’s cooler than anything else out there. (revolutionary?)
eat a dick.
I find it really funny how you’re STILL defending this douchebag.
Just stop, we’ve heard your arguments. You don’t care if the stories are true. We get it. Bury your head in the sand, and watch the movie when it comes out in theaters. Hopefully you’ll be old enough by then.
Actually nevermind, it probably won’t get that far. It’ll probably be released on his website in an effort to look Web 3.0-ish.
He’s the revolution after all!
So here’s the thing…I have read through many of these posts and have come to a conclusion that Tucker’s movie could actually be bad, or it could actually be pretty damn innovative because Tucker is actually honest about cutting through the bullshit that is Hollywood. Is he a little too honest sometimes? Absolutely. Does that burn some bridges? How could it not? But, like a lot of you have said, sometimes just need to be brought down a peg or two in your own self-importance and what your contributions actually are to Hollywood. I agree, he should take criticism with a little more grace.
What I don’t get is Marc & Vincenzo. You’re super proud that Hollywood is “just like high school” and don’t admit that your attitudes are exactly what contributes to that mentality and atmosphere. You must have really liked high school. So glad that you’re in the “IN” crowd, but don’t realize that, just like you claim Tucker has been, someone would be more than happy to throw you out on your ass tomorrow and leave you knocking on a door that won’t be opening for you again.
Your posts are incredibly self-important and do add to the picture Tucker has painted of Hollywood on his movie blog. It sounds like a load of self-involved people who don’t like it when someone isn’t stroking their ego or bowing down at their feet which is why I find it so hard to believe Tucker couldn’t fit in your crowd because he is a self-proclaimed narcissist. But, I guess the difference is that Tucker tends to call it like he sees it and call someone on their bullshit instead of tip-toeing around and making nicey-nice just to keep his place in the pecking order.
I am not a huge Tucker fan by any means, but I find the guy and his ambitions pretty interesting. He is a polarizing figure for sure, but some of the comments bragging about Hollywood being like high school and that you’re in the “IN” crowd just seem a little foolish and seem to be what fueled Tucker to do things differently in the first place.
Will he fail or succeed? Only time will tell.
gus-
why would you pay attention to his blog if you dont like him?
and eat a dick? real mature
To Kris:
GO back to Tucker’s mod board and work on some kind of Gawker plan, he needs you more for than now than here. Trust me, this is not even scratching the surface of all the hate he’s going to get.
Now leave. Bro. Go have a party, dude. And bring beer and shit, man.
Good. Keep hating. The more you all hate, the more advertising the movie will get which will lead to its’ great success. Awesome keep it up.
“gus-
why would you pay attention to his blog if you dont like him?
and eat a dick? real mature”
ed-
Who said I didn’t like him? I’m indeed a fan. I want to get fucked up with him and smell his fingers.
-Why are you here if you don’t like Cecilia?
Sorry bout the eat a dick thing, I really don’t want you to eat a dick.
how many movies that aren’t even coming out in this calendar year being talked about this much?? simple question..
“Good. Keep hating. The more you all hate, the more advertising the movie will get which will lead to its’ great success. Awesome keep it up.”
Oh this is just too precious! I wish I could just pinch your nose, little fella’
yeah, the script being universally panned is definitely going to entice people to shell out the $10 to see this flaming turd. that’s how the new media works.
“how many movies that aren’t even coming out in this calendar year being talked about this much?? simple question..”
A lot.
“A lot.”
hmm..like what? and if you could please link to their “script review” that has a mile long comment string that would also be wonderful
“how many movies that aren’t even coming out in this calendar year being talked about this much?? simple question..”
“A lot.”
Name some.
seriously marc, between anon (ryan holliday) making death threats and tucker calling you a liar on his board, you better watch your back. you want a short, pasty, lisping webmaster with a gut showing up at your front door? yeah, that’s what i thought.
i mean, i know tucker washed out of the army because he couldn’t hack it in basic training, but, like, he’s read a lot of books about special forces and navy seals and whatnot, which is really just as good, right?
http://widgets.alexa.com/traffic/graph/?r=max&y=r&z=3&h=300&w=470&c=1&u%5B%5D=tuckermax.com&u%5B%5D=filmindustrybloggers.com&x=2008-08-05T19%3A30%3A25.000Z&check=www.alexa.com&signature=9%2F4kMdhvkt9mdYSdYjjvNoFSosA%3D
Free publicity for Cecilia!
“Their two options are 1) infamy, or 2) death.”
What a drama queen. Let me guess, did you also pen:
“Don’t mess with Texas? FUCK THAT! DON’T MESS WITH TUCKER MAX!”
i just want to sit on tucker’s head and toot.
http://widgets.alexa.com/traffic/graph/?r=max&y=r&z=3&h=300&w=470&c=1&u%5B%5D=tuckermax.com&u%5B%5D=filmindustrybloggers.com&x=2008-08-05T19%3A30%3A25.000Z&check=www.alexa.com&signature=9%2F4kMdhvkt9mdYSdYjjvNoFSosA%3D
Free publicity for Cecilia!
thanks anon.
now all you haters should shut the fuck up and thank tucker for promoting this bitch
All of you can have your back and forth argument about how awesome Tucker is or isn’t all day long, or how his fans are so “immature” while those who don’t like him are so “enlightened,” but that doesn’t change the facts of what we are commenting on here…
It is obvious that, The Script Reader went into this blog and probably into her reading of the script with an immense bias; otherwise, she would have spent more time commenting on the merits and humor of the script instead of ranting about all the qualities of Tucker Max’s personality that match those of all guys she has learned to hate over the years due to their repeated rejection of her (or maybe I’m giving her too much credit there). Her failure to deliver an objective review here just stands as a testament to why she is stuck reviewing scripts in the first place instead of doing something more worthwhile and relevant, such as reviewing works that have already been released.
Now, I realize that, by daring to disagree with Queen Script Reader here, I must automatically be a fan of Tucker and thus an immature frat boy who still spends his time constantly drinking and acting like an asshole. Wrong. I just felt like leaving an objective comment considering both sides. However, the thing that all of you posters here absolutely cannot debate is the fact that, for one, Tucker did publish a very successful book. As much as you may think his stories are crap, the sales numbers and success of the book speak for themselves. Second, he did obtain financing for and is producing his own movie, something that I can guarantee NONE of you are doing. Thus, regardless of how bad you may think the script was, someone liked it enough to front the $6 million to film it. Now I realize that most movies coming out downright suck, but keep in mind that this is not a studio movie.
My point is this. If any of you Tucker bashers want to be taken seriously, at least critique his work in a fashion that makes you sound like you have an education beyond 8th grade. In the real world, where successful people deliver real constructive criticism that actually contributes to the good of society, the logic pattern of “I don’t like Tucker or his fans, so automatically his movie will suck and everybody that likes it is an idiot” does not work.
Script Reader, if you want to be taken seriously, keep in mind that your job is to read and review scripts. Personal attacks just show that you know you are wrong and cannot think of anything of substance to say.
http://www.surfersvillage.com/gal/pictures/Imagen015_Gal.jpg
This is a real picture of what all of you keyboard warriors look like.
“Name some.”
You’re on a blog where its sole purpose is to talk about movies. I won’t name some because it’s a click away, you fucking moron.
Go through this site, go to filmdrunk, it’s called the FUCKING INTERNET WHERE PEOPLE TALK ABOUT SHIT! Do you read the shit you write before you hit “Submit Content?”
You know what? The more you post, the more you don’t surprise me that you’re a fan of Tucker’s.
http://rcal.info/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/heath-ledger-naked-2.jpg
“Steve-O ”
Actually, her review was pretty unbiased. She didn’t bash Tucker’s book. She bashed his screenplay because it was genuinely unfunny. Ask yourself this: If someone more famous bashed Tucker, would you say the same thing? I bet you would. In fact, I bet you’re one of Tucker’s mods writing for him to sway the argument of this thread. Just stop, you’re making a fool out of yourself, and it’s not as funny anymore.
WOW! I honestly thought this movie was going to be great until about 5 minutes ago. I have been a legitimate fan following the blog/stories/etc since 2002. After I read all of the stories, many of which I thought were great(then they started to get old), I would periodically check in to his blog to see where things were with his career(brief talk of a TV show, mention of a movie, etc.). A few months back, I checked back in to his blog to find out about his movie announcement! I was honestly pretty pumped about it, and have been following the production blog literally every day(just as one of my ’surfing’ stops when I take a break from work, to check on new posts, whatever). Being a Tucker believer, he had me very pumped about the movie.
Well, last night I read this story with the excerpts of the script, and I began having minor doubts about the quality of the script. Then today, I read the 2 posts on Gawker with some script excerpts, and FUCK! If these are really from the script, this movie is going to fucking BLOW! Are you serious? I could have sat down with his book and created a better screenplay than this!! Honestly. I thought he would take his stories, intertwine the good parts, add a LOT of new stuff(everything I’ve read is rehashed jokes from the stories), and create a legitimately intriguing plot that elevated his movie far above the rest of the fratboy, high school comedies. This is terrible. This is amateur shit that I was confident Tucker and Nils were much better than. I know they’re capable of writing something good(like them or not, they’re talented). But man, even Nils admitted in one of the youtube interviews that their first effort was turning the plot-less Austin Road Trip story DIRECTLY into a screenplay. Come on, even I would have known you would have to do WAY more than cut and paste.
This is just disappointing, to be honest. I could give two shits about the haters saying his stories are fabricated(which I don’t think they are). He may be a big douche in person, which he seems to be. But I just thought he would produce something better than this! EVERY excerpt I’ve read just screams 8th grade humor. I’m pretty confident this is going straight to DVD, with an Unrated version just to convince the 13 year old boys to buy it for some new beat-material. WTF?
Because I’ve NEVER read a script before this, I have no clue how they translate onto film. But what I’ve read is just soooooo corny it’s painful. I mean,
Don’t mess with Texas? FUCK THAT! DON’T
MESS WITH TUCKER MAX!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. It is not humanly possible to deliver this line in a non-cheesedick fashion. Johnny Depp couldn’t deliver this line and make it remotely respectable.
I am thuroughly disappointed with my recent enlightenment.
WTF!
I’ll still go see it though, IF it makes distribution. If it does, it will make money though. His fanbase alone and pre-release word of mouth, on top of a attention getting title will definitely make it’s money back. But I was just hoping for something more original than what I’ve read.
“KrisFisch on August 5th, 2008 12:03 pm
So here’s the thing…I have read through many of these posts and have come to a conclusion that Tucker’s movie could actually be bad, or it could actually be pretty damn innovative because Tucker is actually honest about cutting through the bullshit that is Hollywood.”
Where has Tucker been honest? Seriously. Where? Where has he cut through the bullshit of Hollywood?
1) He has a HOLLYWOOD production company who is financing over 11/12ths of his film. Oh, and that production company get their money through Hollywood people.
2) He hired a HOLLYWOOD casting director, who despite his best efforts, couldn’t get anybody to read for the movie because Tucker already blew it IN HOLLYWOOD.
3) HIs actors are in HOLLYWOOD.
4) They are going to try and sell the final product TO HOLLYWOOD to recoup the money they invested. Do you think Darko isn’t going to shop it to Hollywood? You’re fooling yourself.
It’s not a studio film, but it certainly is a Hollywood film, just like any other film made out in Los Angeles.
“Is he a little too honest sometimes? Absolutely.”
Actually he lies a lot too, usually about things regarding his movie and work. I just wouldn’t trust any news about the movie that comes through his filter.
“Does that burn some bridges? How could it not? ”
Burn? His antics during his time working on the TV show didn’t burn anything, he liquidated them. It was an epic failure on a level that only Troy Duffy could truly appreciate. Of course you would never hear him tell you what actually happened. It’s sort of like those posts that people bring up on his board, only for them to be deleted and then banning whomever posted it. Doesn’t really matter, like I said, outside of his message board reality marches on, and that reality doesn’t mesh well with his lies.
“I agree, he should take criticism with a little more grace.”
You mean you don’t think an enemy list of bad reviewers names and addresses are a great idea?
“What I don’t get is Marc & Vincenzo. You’re super proud that Hollywood is “just like high school” and don’t admit that your attitudes are exactly what contributes to that mentality and atmosphere.”
You mean telling the truth about him and what really occurred in Hollywood with he and his project is contributing to the high school mentality? I disagree. It’s a public service, because you certainly will never get the truth of what’s really going on with his project coming from his mouth or the mouth’s of those who ride his dingy coat tails.
“You must have really liked high school. So glad that you’re in the “IN” crowd,”
Loved it actually.
“but don’t realize that, just like you claim Tucker has been, someone would be more than happy to throw you out on your ass tomorrow and leave you knocking on a door that won’t be opening for you again.”
No Kris, that hasn’t happened. I know my place in the world. People still answer my phone calls in Hollywood. I could very well be out on my ass tomorrow, especially if I greenlit movies like IHTSBIH.
“Your posts are incredibly self-important and do add to the picture Tucker has painted of Hollywood on his movie blog.”
You mean you come in here defending a self described “narcissist” on a film that he produced based on his life, and you read his blog on the same subject, and you call me “self important”?
Step back and read my last sentence again in 10 seconds and think of how hard I’m laughing right now.
“It sounds like a load of self-involved people who don’t like it when someone isn’t stroking their ego or bowing down at their feet which is why I find it so hard to believe Tucker couldn’t fit in your crowd because he is a self-proclaimed narcissist.”
Telling the truth is “self-involved”? You just gave Tucker props for supposedly being truthful above, but when you apply that logic to somebody to your idol it suddenly becomes “self-involved”?
I could care less if Tucker can hang out with me, nobody ever asked him to bow down and do anything. We read his script, we looked at his project, and passed on it and gave him some good advice on what we thought was a good way to make his project better. Tucker talks about listening to successful people, but in a way, he really didn’t. He rewrote the film a little bit, and came up with something that wasn’t much better than the first script I saw.
If that makes me self-involved to actually tell my actual feelings about what I read, then so be it.
“But, I guess the difference is that Tucker tends to call it like he sees it and call someone on their bullshit instead of tip-toeing around and making nicey-nice just to keep his place in the pecking order.”
Unless of course it’s on a site that he can’t defend himself and can’t control, like this site for example.
By the way, his place on the pecking order is pretty low.
“I am not a huge Tucker fan by any means, but I find the guy and his ambitions pretty interesting.”
Sure you’re not a huge fan.
“He is a polarizing figure for sure,”
Polarizing would mean that 50% go one way and 50% go another. I think most people think Tucker is a douchebag besides the 1000 or so fan boys on his site who regularly go there (out of which 500 actually contribute).
“but some of the comments bragging about Hollywood being like high school and that you’re in the “IN” crowd just seem a little foolish”
You say you want the truth, but when the truth about Hollywood comes out, you say it’s foolish. To paraphrase a great play that was adapted into a HOLLYWOOD movie:
You can’t handle the truth.
And when I said that it’s like HS, I said so in that news travels fast. I dunno, deal with it.
BTW: I’ve never said I’m in the “IN” crowd.
“and seem to be what fueled Tucker to do things differently in the first place.
Will he fail or succeed? Only time will tell.”
Here’s the think Kris, what is Tucker doing differently? See, right there is a lie that he’s been telling over and over to the point his fans believe it as truth. He’s not doing anything differently. Not one thing. Not one innovative thing that other people haven’t done, and have done better.
If you could possibly tell me what he’s doing differently, I will stop refuting Tucker fans. You are being lied to by him, and I’d be more angry with him and less with Hollywood if I were you. He’s selling you a piece of shit and telling you it’s a diamond.
wow, you guys have made me totally realize how juvenile i was being. my apologies bro. tucker’s script is like, genius man. like, that scene where he shits himself in the hotel lobby like totally made me realize how society forces us to conform to a certain standard and how we all like have to find our own path in life. thanks for like enlightening me dude.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v254/swansearescue/HATERS.jpg
Steve-O, her critique isn’t any less severe than what you’d expect of a film critic who has a negative reaction to a movie. Some of that criticism is directed at the Tucker Max character. It isn’t personal, as I doubt she knows Tucker, but then Tucker’s fans don’t know Tucker either. All we know is the carefully cultivated image that he wishes to project, which has been to his commercial gain.
Frankly, the problem isn’t what the character espouses (sex, liquor and rebellion for me as comedic themes), but rather the poor nature of the script. The draft I read wasn’t funny. Worse, it was both pretentious (McGriddle monolog for example), and insincere (stilted bonding scene with the stripper’s son).
man i don’t know this tucker max shit but it seems real soft.
why can’t we just all talk about how awesomely nuts robin tunney was by the end of niagara, niagara?
“why can’t we just all talk about how awesomely nuts robin tunney was by the end of niagara, niagara?”
Deal.
Oh, and Nils is fat. Really fat.
What company do you work for Marc? What is your actual job title? If you posted this information earlier I apologize for missing it. Otherwise, I have a hard time believing “insider information” from someone who won’t corroborate how he comes across said information. In fact, you seem to be spending way too much time on a blog written by a relative nobody to actually have things to do.
On another note, this movie could be worse than the handjobs Louis C.K. gets from his wife and it would be no different than studios putting out Bring It On and The Fast and the Furious, AND giving them sequels. The age groups those movies appeal to will go see this movie, they don’t care if it’s horrible.
Really? Honest about cutting through the bullshit in Hollywood? Was that done by his fake internet hype machine making all negative reviews of his “art” go away? By a spam campaign to spread news of his book? He’s a bullshit artist. He’s using the same trick he bragged about in the Infamous Charity Debaucle by posting fake b/s on a website to raise his stats/pay.
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/03/11/tucker_max_sxsw/
I think his marketing was genius, but his product had no substance. Once the product was found lacking, the rest fell apart (See Ford Pinto).
Who in bloody hell is making death threats? I merely said he’s a narcissist, and narcissists would rather die than give up their infamy. I wouldn’t step between a narcissist and what they want, particularly a narcissist who graduated University of Chicago in three years, but that’s me and I’m not a moron.
God, you people are dumb.
“What I don’t get is Marc & Vincenzo. You’re super proud that Hollywood is “just like high school” and don’t admit that your attitudes are exactly what contributes to that mentality and atmosphere. You must have really liked high school. So glad that you’re in the “IN” crowd…”
Well, when Marc said “Hollywood is just like high school”, I believe that he was trying to communicate that it’s a very insular, close-knit culture in which word travels UNBELIEVABLY fast, especially when the word is about some self-important dickhead who thinks he’s hot shit, and that everybody else is an idiot, and that he’ll by-God show them how it’s DONE!
It has nothing to do with the so-called “in crowd”. What Marc was trying to say is that if you fuck up badly enough just ONCE (and did Tucker ever fuck up badly at Comedy Central), you’ll never work in Hollywood again, because word travels fast that someone isn’t worth working with or taking seriously.
“…but don’t realize that, just like you claim Tucker has been, someone would be more than happy to throw you out on your ass tomorrow and leave you knocking on a door that won’t be opening for you again.”
If I acted the way that Tucker acted, treated people the way he treated people, I’d expect to be thrown out on my ass. But in my days of working in TV, I was a consummate professional who knew how to do my job, and do it well. I found work because I earned a reputation as a serious individual who was highly skilled in a particular field.
Tucker is an arrogant know-it-all, who in actuality knows nothing, yet is convinced of his own superiority. Not a winning mix if you’re trying to convince people to take you seriously, let alone spend millions of dollars on a project of yours.
If Tucker hadn’t let his ego get in the way, he would have probably had a successful TV show that would be going into its second or third season by now. All that douchebag had to do was relinquish creative control, and let Comedy Central hire writers to adapt his book, and that was it. They were going to keep him on staff as a creative consultant, he would have gotten a writer’s credit, and all would have been well.
But Tucker was so convinced of his superiority that he demanded that HE be the final (read only) arbiter of what was written for the pilot. Only HE had the “creative vision to bring Tucker Max to life”, that his book was “revolutionary”, and that no other writer could possibly comprehend the granduer of Tucker Max.
Comedy Central told him to go fuck himself, because they saw that Tucker was somebody who had no idea what he was doing, had extreme ego issues, and was just an all-around pain in the ass. In other words, Tucker Max failed because he was unwilling to climb down off of his imaginary pedestal and admit that there were people much more talented than him, much smarter than him, and much more capable than him that were better suited to get the job of producing a pilot from his little fabricated stories done.
I wish Anon would shut the hell up. He keeps harping on this ‘why does every Hollywood movie suck?’ nonsense, as though, because SOME Hollywood movies suck, ALL Hollywood movies suck, and nobody in Hollywood ever knows what they’re doing at all.
Anon, lots of Hollywood movies suck, and some are good, and a few are really good. Welcome to the community of artists, buddy. They can’t all be winners.
http://ihopetheyservebeerinhell.com/archives/strip_club_scen.html
This is Tucker Max’s response to this review, just in case you guys haven’t seen it yet….
So of course, this is the week that a tempest in a tea pot scandal breaks out over the movie. Here’s what happened:
Some random person who says they are a script reader got a hold of a (recent) copy of the script, and posted a review. I won’t link to it because it has spoilers in it (you can find the link pretty easily if you look), but, to summarize, she shit all over it. Here are some relevant excerpts that don’t include spoilers:
“Tucker Max is an asshole but the kind of asshole that all of his asshole friends love because his antics distract them from the thinning hair and gentle mediocrity that characterize their post-college years.
…
Most Tucker Max stories involve him doing or saying crazy/offensive things, getting into trouble for them, and then going home with one of those girls who, when a guy says something sort of awful to her, hits him on the shoulder and says “you asshole” but also smiles and sticks to him like glue for the rest of the night.
…
Invariably in Tucker’s stories, someone gets pissed off and says his jokes aren’t funny, and if that someone is a woman, she’s dismissed as ugly and/or fat and therefore too bitter and angry to get the joke, while if that someone is a man, he’s dismissed as being a meathead and therefore not cool or smart enough to get the joke. If you are confused by this last, let me clear it up for you: Tucker Max is unaware that he is the definition of a hazey, rapey, fratty meathead.”
The whole post is just that same sentiment, repeated over and over again. It’s not really even a script review, it’s just a piece of naked contempt and disdain, thinly veiled as a script review. When someone doesn’t critique your work, but instead just hurls scattered vitriol, it always makes me wonder: What is she so angry about?
Then I looked at her bio, and it all made sense. From her own site:
“Cecelia has worked as a story analyst in the film industry since practically the day she arrived in Los Angeles almost eight years ago, and in that time has worked for a number of LA-based companies and read an estimated 4-5000 scripts, books and plays.”
If you don’t know anything about Hollywood, that might sound impressive, in fact, it might even make you think she’s something of an expert. But that’s not what it says. Let me translate that for you:
Script reader is almost the lowest level of existence in Hollywood; it might be above personal assistant, but it’s not above working in the mailroom. Bragging about having read 5000 scripts is like bragging that you’ve been working the overnight shift at Waffle House for a decade. It means you are so bad at your job, you can’t advance. To have read 5000 scripts and never become an executive, a producer, or even ANY position above script reader is almost breathtaking failure (of course, if you want to understand why she can’t get above an entry level position, just read her writing, the answer is right there).
I have always believed in getting the most honest feedback possible from people, and respecting the judgment of those who have accomplished what you are trying to do. If you are a rookie, listen to the veterans. In that vein, when I showed the first draft of the script–a draft that Nils and I were pretty proud of–to David Zuckerman, and he came back with some pretty substantial notes, at first Nils and I balked. But then we looked at them again and realized that not only was he one of the best writers in Hollywood and we were lucky that he was even talking to us, but he was right. So Nils and I swallowed our pride and took his feedback and guess what? It made the script much better. That set of notes is what made the script great, and that set of notes is what got the movie made. We learned how to win by listening to a winner.
There are two sides to that coin, though. The reverse side is that, generally speaking, you should NOT take advice or counsel from those who have FAILED in your field. If your thoughts and instincts line up with those who are winners, you are probably on the right course. If your thoughts and instincts line up with those who are losers, you might want to reevaluate your position. Losers are usually losers for a reason.
Yeah, it was great to hear big time, established artists like David Zuckerman and Richard Kelly (and tons of others, but I’ve name-dropped enough) lavish praise on our script. But in it’s own way, it’s just as good that some random who can’t get above an entry level position, and a website who’s book couldn’t even sell 1000 copies, doesn’t think my script is very good. When a loser thinks you’re on the right path, then it’s time to worry.
[For comparison, my book just passed 400k copies sold. You can check it out on BookScan. And almost three years after it’s release, it’s the highest it’s ever been on the NY Times Best Seller List.]
Here is another take on this issue by David Cohen at Variety (warning, he quotes a spoiler, but I loved his last line too much to not link this piece).
I’m back to the strip club shooting (which I will write about extensively when it’s done). We have some more video interviews going up this week, but my post will probably be sporadic until Saturdayish.
one word: Cecelia = Pwned
Jason L., if you think you’re saying something about art, you just don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. Hollywood pumps out the same, derivative bullshit in unacceptable numbers year after year. Yes, there are some good films, but if other businesses produced at the level of quality that Hollywood does, they would be out of fucking business. Hollywood is not, because up till now, they’ve owned all streams of distribution. Up till now. Hello internet. You’re such a welcome innovation. Perhaps now, NO ONE will have to sit through “Deuce Bigalow Geriatric Gigalow.”
But this is all fantasy, right? Of course it is. Hollywood has always been lazy and self indulgent and it always will be, right? I think there are a few people in the recording industry who would beg to fucking differ.
Obsolete. All of you. And soon.
Hi Marc,
“Burn? His antics during his time working on the TV show didn’t burn anything, he
liquidated them. It was an epic failure on a level that only Troy Duffy could truly
appreciate. Of course you would never hear him tell you what actually happened.”
Could you please expand on this? I always wondered what it was that
ended the TV deal.
one word: Cecelia = Pwned
That’s two words and an equals sign you idiot. My fucking Christ.
It’s funny how he quotes the lines that aren’t relevant to the actual review…ya know, because then they’d be spoilers. It makes a lot more sense when you quote the relevant information, not just taking shit out of context, but yeah…if you want to believe she was “Pwned” ok.
Not only that, he makes a ton of unfounded suppositions like, oh I don’t know, assuming the writer’s goal is to make a movie and not just review scripts in her spare time. It’s a lot more convenient to assume when you’re Tucker…but then again, it’s a lot easier to bash people by picking and choosing what they say, and warping it out of context to assure yourself you’re not a complete and total douchebag. Which is working out swimmingly for him, if I may add.
I’m just laughing at the fact that sooo many people commented on this, and sadly I’m now going to have to count myself. Why cares anything about what a script reader has to say? Whatever a scrip reader thinks is highly irrelevant, and no one should pay them any attention, whether their review is good or bad.
Anon wrote: ”
Jason L., if you think you’re saying something about art, you just don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. Hollywood pumps out the same, derivative bullshit in unacceptable numbers year after year. Yes, there are some good films, but if other businesses produced at the level of quality that Hollywood does, they would be out of fucking business. Hollywood is not, because up till now, they’ve owned all streams of distribution. Up till now. Hello internet. You’re such a welcome innovation. Perhaps now, NO ONE will have to sit through “Deuce Bigalow Geriatric Gigalow.”
But this is all fantasy, right? Of course it is. Hollywood has always been lazy and self indulgent and it always will be, right? I think there are a few people in the recording industry who would beg to fucking differ.
Obsolete. All of you. And soon.”
I’m not challenging the position that most of Hollywood’s ‘art’ is designed to sell tickets and merchandise, at the expense of artistic integrity. But it works. I agree, it sucks for consumers of good art, but there’s a ton of rich people in Hollywood because of it. The system is broken, but its beneficiaries are laughing all the way to the bank.
And let’s face it: the only way Tucker’s going to be able to claim success in all of this is if he goes out and gets rich, which he may well do. But if that happens, doesn’t that make him a major-league hypocrite? He’s criticizing the Hollywood system for being ‘broken,’, then going out and getting rich by doing everything EXCEPT actually making great art (and if you think that either his book or his script are great art, you are to be pitied).
Nikolai,
Isn’t picking and choosing various text excerpts of the screen play for the same purpose essentially what the author of this blog and Gawker have done?
What I find astounding is that so many people think that Tucker’s stories are outlandish enough to be called into question (Absinthe Donuts aside, which is extreme by anyone’s standards).
Anyone who lived through a fun time in college (and maybe grad school), had fun in their 20’s, and allowed themselves to follow the good times to where they led has at least a couple of those stories. What has always seemed to set Tucker apart is not the content of his stories, but rather his ability to consistently not stop himself from allowing them to happen while he’s in that moment and then, more importantly, to write them up in a consistently entertaining fashion.
“Script reader is almost the lowest level of existence in Hollywood; it might be above personal assistant, but it’s not above working in the mailroom. Bragging about having read 5000 scripts is like bragging that you’ve been working the overnight shift at Waffle House for a decade. It means you are so bad at your job, you can’t advance. To have read 5000 scripts and never become an executive, a producer, or even ANY position above script reader is almost breathtaking failure (of course, if you want to understand why she can’t get above an entry level position, just read her writing, the answer is right there).”
- Tucker Max
Why are women who are stuck in dead-end, worthless jobs so bitter? Buy a fucking vibrator and stop hating other people because you’re a middle-aged failure.
Holy shit, it makes sense now. It appears she hates Tucker because she, too, is a blogger, yet he’s gone onto success with a book that still sits on the New York Times Bestseller List three years after its publication and a highly-anticipated film release.
Another point. From Tucker Max himself.
http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?p=690694#post690694
“The script is at every agency and management company in Hollywood, anyone can get a copy.
But I can’t love this scenario anymore than I do–I am getting millions of dollars of free press, months before the movie comes out. This is so awesome. That’s the best part of being controversial–you can spend a tenth of what something vanilla has to spend, and get the same results.
Every time they think they are ripping on me, they are actually just throwing another gasoline soaked log on the raging inferno that is my ego, and by extension, the press for this movie.
God bless the haters. They are going to do more to help the success of this movie than possibly anyone else.”
Hilariously enough, most of the Tucker Max haters don’t even see this point. They think that by rallying all the anti-Tucker crowd up into a frenzy today by shitting on the script, or how Darko is trying to get final cut away from Tucker, or whatever nausea they spew today or tomorrow that somehow it’s going to hurt the credibility of the movie, and the fact is that the movie simply getting made makes them all look stupid.
“Isn’t picking and choosing various text excerpts of the screen play for the same purpose essentially what the author of this blog and Gawker have done?”
I don’t want to speak for anyone, but I don’t see how. They’re picking excerpts and backing up what they say. I’m sure if they could do it without Tucker suing them, they’d post the entire thing and it wouldn’t make it any worse.
The point is that Tucker is using the “spoiler” argument to hide bad press, which I find funny considering you can’t have a review without some part of the story backing it up, right? Well Tucker misses that. Oh and he’s a douche.
Really? Because he just basically admitted on his web site to falsifying a crap script and emailing it around to a bunch of hater sites on purpose from made up email addresses. I told you the script was a fake, and also that you’re all very stupid. Both are true.
“God bless the haters. They are going to do more to help the success of this movie than possibly anyone else.
Wow, I guess the whole “really bad reviews of a shitty movie script actually helping the movie,” is just another part of Tucker’s media takeover. He really is turning it upside down. Revolutionary I say.
But since all of this moot now, why doesn’t one single fucking person answer my question, “Why do you act like you know what good writing is if every movie you put out is the same piece of shit drivel?”
Money isn’t an excuse. Juno made an assload of money.
For the record, “Andre” and “Jaberwockey” are TM board members who are over here cutting and pasting the same posts they posted over there. It must be Operation Damage Control. Er, wait, couldn’t be. I mean, according to Tucker himself, having his script lambasted all over the internet is a good thing and a marketing “win” for him. Guess Andre and Jaberwockey just felt like their hero-worshipping comments needed to be seen by a wider audience.
@Anon: I haven’t seen Tucker deny that the pages posted on Gawker are part of the current shooting script. If he leaked a fake script, and the lame-ass jokes Gawker posted are from that alleged fake script, why doesn’t he just say, “The pages they’re showing were from an old draft, we’ve improved on it?”
“david on August 5th, 2008 1:55 pm
Hi Marc,
Could you please expand on this? I always wondered what it was that
ended the TV deal.”
Sure David,
Basically what Vincenzo said is what I’ve heard happened with CC. There’s obviously a lot more to it that I do not know about.
What I can say definitively is that you should NEVER call a female production executive a “dumb cunt”, especially if that female executive used to run a network and can end your career with a few well placed phone calls.
Hope that’s a help
I just got caught up on this. HOLY SHIT TUCKER IS AN IDIOT!
He and his fans remind me of that cult in the 50’s or something, where this UFO’s thought the world was going to end, they were so adamant about it. And when the world didn’t end, they kept trying to spin it like they were right and it was a win for them all along, and the entire cult believed it.
This isn’t just stupid, it’s borderline cultish and creepy.
“Guy on August 5th, 2008 1:27 pm
What company do you work for Marc? What is your actual job title? If you posted this information earlier I apologize for missing it. Otherwise, I have a hard time believing “insider information” from someone who won’t corroborate how he comes across said information. In fact, you seem to be spending way too much time on a blog written by a relative nobody to actually have things to do.
On another note, this movie could be worse than the handjobs Louis C.K. gets from his wife and it would be no different than studios putting out Bring It On and The Fast and the Furious, AND giving them sequels. The age groups those movies appeal to will go see this movie, they don’t care if it’s horrible.”
Hey Guy,
Sorry, I don’t give out relative information about my personal life. You can believe me or not, it makes no difference to me and it won’t make Tucker’s script any better or worse (I doubt it can get worse). I have listed how I’ve seen this project unfold, and that I work on “an office on a lot”.
I appreciate the respectful tone to your message, but I hope you understand my need for privacy.
That being said, you are correct about people going to see anything, except the age group who goes to see “Bring It On” probably isn’t old enough to see this movie in theaters (if it gets to theaters).
Shorter Anon:
Why will no one pay attention to my totally rhetorical question about why you guys suck? I don’t need any of you! PAY ATTENTION TO ME!!!
Shorter TM:
I have one word for Cecilia, that totally proves she’s a fat bitch: Cecilia = fat bitch. What? Why is everyone laughing at me?
What I truly love in that script is that Tucker Max has himself dissing a fratboy for being named “Logan”, which is allegedly a dumb, douchey first name, when he’s walking around calling himself “Tucker”, the ne plus ultra of dumb, douchey first names. I think that illustrates Cecelia’s point pretty well that Tucker Max doesn’t get the joke that he is.
Having said that, there certainly is a huge potential audience for his film (I’m thinking Howard Stern fans). There have been some terribly written movies which made money. Alas, those usually have big name actors….
Tucker Max purports to be this big frat type guy, yet he went to a dorky little private school where I’m sure he was head bad ass, and then onto U Chicago, which is well known for being the nerd capital of all undergrad schools in the USA. Why would a guy who pretends to be such a huge athlete and so into NCAA and parties, go to what is widely known as the most bookish school in the US? Then he goes on to Duke, which really isn’t much better student body wise. The dude is like 34, still dressing like and trying to act like a frat guy who are half his lifetime in age. It is really quite pathetic. Now he refers to himself as an “artist” at every possible opportunity. There is nothing artistic about any of his work. The jokes are well written and decently illustrated. He is certainly not a writer but considering his douchebag audience, it’s an achievement. He is far from being an artist, and the fact that he tries to make himself out to be Fellini working with these incredible actors (7th Heaven, Gilmour Girls etc…), is just pathetic. He basically has a bunch of teenage soap actors and is proclaiming their great talent. I really do have to believe what the producer above said. The script is garbage, the writing is pretty generic. Something you would find in a high school newspaper.
I’m not sure what to think about this Brett Meisner dude. He has a couple of humorous martial arts videos on youtube. Maybe he is SBC.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KVlJeDmMUc4
When i said the writing was decent, I was refering to his book. The script is trash.
RE: “Script reader is almost the lowest level of existence in Hollywood; it might be above personal assistant, but it’s not above working in the mailroom. Bragging about having read 5000 scripts is like bragging that you’ve been working the overnight shift at Waffle House for a decade. It means you are so bad at your job, you can’t advance. To have read 5000 scripts and never become an executive, a producer, or even ANY position above script reader is almost breathtaking failure”
Apparently Tucker wrote this on his site. The funny thing is -it shows just how little he knows about the industry. Sure low level interns cover scripts - but not for agencies or studios. They have professionals they pay a hell of a lot -from $50-200 an hour depending on how fast they have to turn it around. Writers, indie filmmakers and phD candidates do it. Anyone who has read 5000 scripts is obviously fucking good at their job, and is probably supporting something way beyond Tucker’s intellect. So thanks for writing this Tucker -it just proves the script reader’s point -you’re fucking clueless when it comes to the film industry. Oh but you totally know good tits when you see ‘em -so take heart.
I can’t believe how much work I just avoided to read all those comments. That is a staggering amount of dedication to inertia on my part. I’ve taken away a lot. For the record, I believe the script reader of this blog is probably semi successful in her craft (and neither as ugly as her detractors have been slamming or as wonderful and talented as her boosters have been promoting). And I DO think she took a slightly moralizing, patronizing, and dismissive tone. Taking it out would have sold me more on her take on the script. Luckily, the pages are out there so I could read it independent of that tone. That said, here in the comments, it’s been a field day. But since I have read it all, I now feel qualified to comment objectively on what I’ve read from both sides.
Ahem.
1) The TuckerMax franchise is, in its own limited way, a successful one. Disparage it all you like for a point of view you don’t agree with and the decidely moronic clientele it plays to. But just as pro-wrestling makes its nut each week by playing to the PBR and tank top crowd, Tucker does the same by playing to the men in their late 20’s desperately trying to hold onto the good times of college. The fact that he does it in spite of his proven track record of personal mismanagement and brand self destruction (see Opie and Anthony interview) is only testament to how strong a brand it is. It lives on with an immature douche directing said franchise by throwing darts at the wall.
2) The script pages posted, if they are from the actual script, are not that great. But they’re not horrible either. They’re just average. A great actor could make them above average and bad actors could make them a filmic abortion. But they are not that much worse than most of the mediocre films currently on the market.
3) If you don’t believe point 2, see Hancock. It made 62 million its opening weekend and it’s three crap movies that someone blended together at random.
4) If all tuckermax fans who bought the book then paid to see the movie and it made 4 million in the opening weekend, then the film would eventually be profitable. Because the comedy central rebroadcast rights would be worth another half a mil. And the overseas would be worth another half. And the DVD sales would put it over the top. To say nothing of the merchandising involved. Which, no argument, would likely suck in all the ways that people have argued of the movie, but to which his devoted fans would flock nonetheless.
That said, contrary to the pontifications of the backwards baseball cap wearing masses of the Tuckerdom, this movie, all in, will be profitable. And, at the very most, an incredibly modest success. And nowhere near the definitive cinematic donkey punch they’ve spent nights in wood paneled basements dreaming of.
But profitable nonetheless.
5) Which brings us to the scary part for some of you. God forbid that even HALF of his booksales fanbase shows up, then in spite of personally mismanaging his brand by being the douche he is, Hollywood would throw money at him for something else. Why? Among all the demos that have gone down for TV viewing in the last ten years, the biggest flight has been from men 18-34. They’re all off watching youtube, or playing GTA or watching entire seasons of Family Guy back to back on DVD. If Tucker demonstrates the ability to get even 200,000 of them to show up on demand based on no more than a few blog posts, then someone will give him a cable show out of desperation. Or give him a deal to develop content. Or buy his site outright.
Why? Because execs in Hollywood are scared shitless. All the ways they’ve made money in the past are not working they way they used to - from the internet, to reality tv, to video games making more each year than movies - and they have literally no idea how to fix it. So should someone like Tucker deliver even halfway, they’ll point to them, throw money in a public way, and hope it helps them to hold on a little bit longer.
6) For the record, I also believe Tucker would screw that up. But it doesn’t mean that it won’t happen.
So, summing up, there’s a lot of people who are using the pages of what looks to be an admittedly mediocre script to scream righteously and get some shadenfreude in for Tucker being an objectively huge douchebag.
But, being a crap movie doesn’t mean no one will see it. Because in the grand media network of the world, being a douchebag in the right circumstances with the right amount of publicity and promotion, is a MARKETABLE commodity. One that Tucker has proven before and, at a very modest level and with the questionable management of himself involved, already delivered on.
That the above statement is true isn’t a great comment on our society and what we believe in. But since I produce and sell reality TV - often truly horrible TV - I can’t say I’m in much of a position to get all righteous about it.
I can’t believe Tucker Max is still peddling this tired act. I remember seeing him impress no one on some MTV special ages ago. In his segment’s dramatic ending he stumbled out of a bar alone and paused by a street light to thoughtfully reflect on the choices he’d made in his life. No, wait, it was to vomit all over his raggedy sweatshirt. I can’t believe he reached middle age without finding some innovative way to dispatch himself from the planet, leaving behind the proud legacy of an alcohol-related statistic.
I loved this blog. I shudder at the thought of the verbal evisceration Tucker would have suffered had you NOT been nursing yourself through mono when you wrote it.
Well since there is STILL NO ANSWER to my question, I’ll go ahead and tell you why you stink at making movies. You don’t fucking know what you’re talking about, and you spend the majority of your time being just trite enough not to lose your job. All you get for that is money and a little more power than the underlings. Then you toss your “weight” around frivolously when a guy who can write doesn’t kiss your ass as is he is supposed to according to the system. Why should he?
YOU PEOPLE FUCKING SUCK AT MAKING MOVIES.
Love scriptwriter’s comments. LOVE THEM LOVE THEM LOVE them. As some have said (over and over again above), many of the Tuckerfiles have missed the point — and by the way: the a**wipe that mentioned cubicles — how the frig would you know about anyone having a real job? Scriptwiter knows their sh*t and according to the stuff above, if they’re in a cubicle (which I doubt they are), they really SHOULD be in an office. Waiting. To. Make. Sure. Sh*t. Like. Tucker. Max. Movies. NEVER. Get. Made. But if it does, it’ll tank, go straight to video, get lost in Blockbuster’s back room in a box, and we won’t have to worry about some studio making the same mistake again.
Why do some of the posters here insist on attacking Nils Parker and Ryan Holiday? Nils co-wrote the script, and apparently the script sucks, so this is an acceptable reason to make fun of someone for being fat? Nils isn’t the lying “rapey fratty” douchebag you all hate. I am not sure why the attacks on Ryan Holiday either. The consensus is obvious that this script sucks, and there is certainly some animosity directed at Tucker for reasons other than writing a bad script. I can certainly understand why people wouldn’t like him, and also how some find him funny. But the people ripping on Nils and Ryan are just highlighting their own ignorance and therefore weakening any of their other arguments.
Ok, GHM, but you have to admit Nils is fat. Like really fat.
tucker’s now claiming that this is all a big set-up. so, if i’m understanding this correctly, sending out a fake script that looks to be the biggest artistic abortion since gigli is somehow going to generate big box office?
wow, this is a new media move so cutting-edge it makes absolutely 0 sense to anybody. it’s tough to imagine tucker being such a failure in every phase of his adult life when he possess such forward-thinking business acumen.
I saw his MTV TL episode first before reading his stories. Other then getting the girl to throw the plate against the wall it was remarkably unfunny but intriguing enough that I checked out his site a few weeks later when I finally got around to looking him up. I couldn’t remember his name so I typed “date application page” into google and his site came up #1. And I thought his stories were hilarious and a far cry from the very ordinary guy I saw on tv.
Yet in reading his synopsis of the MTV experience he made it sound like they were trying to make him look like a complete loser and all of the funny things he described in the MTV story on his site did not make it on the air. I’ve been skeptical ever since. Not saying that his stories are completely untrue because I’ve seen and been involved in some crazy shit, and some of the events are well within the realm of possibility, but I think there’s a ton of embellishment and half truths ..several of which have been pointed out on other sites.
But the bottom line is Tucker has talent for writing funny stories (even if they aren’t 100% true, I still enjoy reading them and that’s all that matters), and Nils is one of the funniest messageboard posters I’ve ever read, so I can’t help but think between the two of them they can come up with something pretty damn funny. I’ve also seen them both on their youtube channels being interviewed and they are both very intelligent, especially Nils. And I refuse to believe that Tucker and Nils put out such a shitty script as the one linked above. There was nothing remotely funny about what I read on Gawker either. Maybe those iterations were early rough drafts, but nobody would ever put $6 million behind something that bad. Or maybe they would…fuck I don’t know…I guess we’ll find out eventually.
The fact is that this movie will make or break him once and for all. Right now his book is at 400k+ copies sold, and will probably be at at least 500k+ sold by the time this movie comes out especially with sites like Gawker hating on him so much. Shit they’ve posted about how shitty the script is 3 times in the last couple days…imagine what it will be like in the weeks leading up to the movie after people see advance screenings and talk about how horrible it is. He also has a follow up that will come out around when the movie is released. If the movie bombs, then the new book will bomb and the original will stop selling and then all the haters can gloat and laugh and say “I told you so.” But somehow I just don’t see that happening…
A fake script? Ok.
Although after I read it, it’s not that hard to believe.
If anyone needs proof as to why Nils is a douchebag, all you’d have to do is go read his profile on his blog. What a loser.
To anon’s repeated claim that people in Hollywood suck at making movies: yes, 90% of everything is crap. But there are some good Hollywood movies out there. No Country for Old Men, There Will Be Blood, Office Space, The Dark Knight, any Pixar movie except for Cars, The Godfather I and II, Raging Bull, Goodfellas, Galaxy Quest, Adaptation, Being John Malkovich, The Lord of the Rings trilogy, Juno, Iron Man, and I could go on. Do you think the vast majority of books, unlike films, are good? Or paintings? Or poems? Or papers in scientific journals?
Moreover, even though the vast majority of movies aren’t good, it doesn’t follow from that that the vast majority of people in Hollywood don’t know what a bad script is. I’m not the greatest philosopher ever, but I can tell a mediocre philosophy paper almost every time, and give my reasons for it, even if I can’t write a great one myself.
“I’m not sure what to think about this Brett Meisner dude. He has a couple of humorous martial arts videos on youtube. Maybe he is SBC.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KVlJeDmMUc4 ”
Thanks — been doing martial arts since I was 8 years old. I have also dabbled in both MMA and specific “ground and pound” techniques; however doctors had asked me to “slow down” for fears of me “over doing it.”
What is “SBC”?
Brett
Marc, I think I love you. Your responses to the Tucker mods is hilarious and smart, though no doubt completely incomprehensible to the people you’re writing to.
I think Tucker was loosely inspired by Ms. Chelsea Handler when he added a midget to the mix. The sausage fingers line was familiar to me because it was used rather affectionately in “Are You There God? It’s Me, Vodka.”
Also, to whichever Max mod bleated something about Tucker having no time for things like attempting to create a mythological demi-god of himself on the Internet and promoting/defending it at every turn: OF COURSE Tucker Max is taking the time to read this stuff. “Googling myself” is standard behavior for any self-respecting egomaniac.
GHM - Because Ryan Holiday is exactly the problem with Tucker Max. He thinks he’s so fucking smart but really he got lucky. Tucker’s site was before most blogs, when people passed funny stories along by email. You think it would do the same now?
I know where Ryan works and can tell you he got lucky. Someone _____ _____ gave him a pass on all the intern/assistant/script reading jobs we had to do and suddenly he thinks he’s a genius. You want to know why Tucker is a monster? Because 10 years ago he was where Ryan is.
Look at his site and tell me why we shouldn’t mock him too.
This movie isn’t coming out for like a year and just a few drops of blood in the water brough out a few thousand sharks. Wait till this blows wide. It’s good to be Tucker Max right now…
Brett
DeeplyShallow, thanks for the insightful comments.
I didn’t know who this tucker max guy was until today. I read a few stories on his site, and i laughed my fucking ass off. Who the fuck wouldn’t want to watch a movie called “i hope they serve beer in hell”? only self-righteous pansies like the haters here, thats all.
Maybe he is an asshole, a self-proclaimed one, mind you, but you forget that assholes finish first, and he is currently in the process of making a movie while all you people who think you’re better than him have been making 2 page posts trying to shit on him, but only doing nothing more than helping him more and more.
I must be a masochist, but I read all of these comments along with the posted links and the relevant messageboard thread.
A few points:
(1) Why would anyone assume that the script posted by gawker is (a) fake, or (b) the final, working script? Tucker’s stance on his messageboard seems to be that he welcomes the attention, negative or otherwise. Obviously, gawker didn’t reveal its source, and Marc’s opinion of the script is based on a version he read in November. The script may have been revised, or it may not have been–but Tucker’s admission that Zuckerman influenced the direction of the final product is at least a semi-strong argument that it’s not abysmal. Point is, it’s conceivable that, rather than being a fake, the script posted by gawker and read by others is not the real deal. Of course, it might be a fake, but that requires unrealistic assumptions I’m not prepared to make.
(2) Marc, the numbers you posted don’t seem intuitive. You’re basing them on the number of people who bought Tucker’s book. First, there are bound to be consumers who bought and hated the book and would never go see the movie. Second, and more importantly, far more people will see the movie than have read the book. You’re catering to an almost entirely different demographic. The movie’s marketing campaign will have a much bigger impact on how many people see the movie. Not that the readership or moviegoing audience is exactly comparable, but the number of people who saw No Country for Old Men versus how many people bought the book….obviously a staggering discrepancy. If anything, the success of Max’s book infers a far greater potential audience for the movie.
(3) DeeplyShallow’s response is basically the only objective comment of the scores written on this post. Not that I don’t necessarily believe the comments by Marc et al, but their information–even if more accurate than non-Hollywood types–is necessarily imperfect. They’re not a part of the production. And judging by the first and second-hand impressions everyone seems to have about this guy, it’s easy to understand how and why every negative tidbit of gossip could gain momentum that isn’t necessarily accurate or deserved.
Regardless, it’ll be interesting to see how this ostracized little bastard movie production turns out. That’s where DeeplyShallow and I disagree–I think the only two conceivable scenarios are wild success or utter, irredeemable flop.
ok. i just went to his site, and what the heck did i just read?!!! oh my god!!!! someone kill this guy already!!!! his stories are just tasteless and offensive to women!!!! i hope this movie flops!!!! i am so angry that this guy is in the NY best selling list, and thescriptreader is still reading scripts after being in LA for 8 years already! you deserve better, honey!
This tucker max guy has some pretty funny stuff. I’m officially a fan. If text can make me almost suffocate from laughter, the movie has to be good.
for people who are saying that hes dumb, try going to 2 top universities and getting a law degree THEN switching your education for a risk like writing…it may not be hard, but it ain’t easy either..it also takes some balls..
true or not, hes a comedic genius on paper,the fact that he seems normal in person throws people off, remember, most of his stories happen between 20-25 years of age, he must be 30 by now
Darko financed this movie. Bob Gosse is directing this movie. If that isn’t a good enough sign of how good this movie will be, maybe the title itself should be of some halp.
Yeah this guy is a douche.
tucker claims on his blog he is going to sue! but he won’t because he loves the publicity! but he previously deleted any mention of these critical reviews! but now he embraces them! fear the spin-master and his 11 fans! 100% true!!!!1
“Woodrow on August 5th, 2008 9:53 pm
I must be a masochist, but I read all of these comments along with the posted links and the relevant messageboard thread.
A few points:
(1) Why would anyone assume that the script posted by gawker is (a) fake, or (b) the final, working script? Tucker’s stance on his messageboard seems to be that he welcomes the attention, negative or otherwise. Obviously, gawker didn’t reveal its source, and Marc’s opinion of the script is based on a version he read in November. The script may have been revised, or it may not have been–but Tucker’s admission that Zuckerman influenced the direction of the final product is at least a semi-strong argument that it’s not abysmal. Point is, it’s conceivable that, rather than being a fake, the script posted by gawker and read by others is not the real deal. Of course, it might be a fake, but that requires unrealistic assumptions I’m not prepared to make.”
Hey Woodrow,
Nice post btw,
I believe this is the script that was reviewed by Scriptreader. I also believe it’s the same script they are shooting in Louisiana. The point of the matter is, there are only a few pages printed, and for the most part, they are the high points of the movie. To be fair, t’s probably unfair to Tucker that they are taken out of context, although I don’t think people will change their minds.
“(2) Marc, the numbers you posted don’t seem intuitive. You’re basing them on the number of people who bought Tucker’s book. First, there are bound to be consumers who bought and hated the book and would never go see the movie.”
Actually Woody, I was posting numbers based just on his fan’s who bought his book, which is 400K. I was looking at his base core audience and factored in a best case scenerio if every single one of them bought a ticket to his movie.
I didn’t factor in any of the 5 major indicators either or skew any of the numbers based on demographics in certain areas.
However, I also factored in that the film will open wide in over 2000 venues so all his fans will get a shot to see the movie. I don’t believe this will happen, but like I said, I used a BCS.
“Second, and more importantly, far more people will see the movie than have read the book. You’re catering to an almost entirely different demographic.”
Depends if it gets wide release. Unless this is a great film and it strikes a chord with the public, it won’t get wide distribution. Based on the scripts I’ve read I don’t think it qualifies as a great film.
You are correct though, far more people will see it, most likely on DVD or PPV rather than theaters. Even then, I can’t see this film getting more than one copy in a Blockbuster due to the names in the cast.
“The movie’s marketing campaign will have a much bigger impact on how many people see the movie.”
Well, I think if the film suffers from bad-word-of-mouth as it is now, it won’t matter how they market it. Also, they have to get a distribution company who will pick up the tab on marketing and promotion. A 6 million dollar film has to have 1) recognizable stars or 2) good word of mouth or buzz to even warrant somebody spending money to promote it.
Tucker does market himself fairly well, but bad-word-of-mouth on the script so far might negate that. It’s not like any of those people on Gawker will go to see the film.
“Not that the readership or moviegoing audience is exactly comparable, but the number of people who saw No Country for Old Men versus how many people bought the book…”
True, but factor in that you’re comparing a movie about a guy who fucks a midget with an Academy Award winning film made by one of the best directors in the business. There is a huge difference.
“If anything, the success of Max’s book infers a far greater potential audience for the movie.”
Sort of, but like I said, it has to be a good film first, and just based on the script…
“(3) DeeplyShallow’s response is basically the only objective comment of the scores written on this post. Not that I don’t necessarily believe the comments by Marc et al, but their information–even if more accurate than non-Hollywood types–is necessarily imperfect.”
True, but read what I wrote above.
“They’re not a part of the production. And judging by the first and second-hand impressions everyone seems to have about this guy, it’s easy to understand how and why every negative tidbit of gossip could gain momentum that isn’t necessarily accurate or deserved.”
Judging by what you’ve read, does that seem funny to you? What are your impressions?
“Regardless, it’ll be interesting to see how this ostracized little bastard movie production turns out. That’s where DeeplyShallow and I disagree–I think the only two conceivable scenarios are wild success or utter, irredeemable flop.”
Best Case Scenerio:
I see Tucker getting tiny distribution at a few theaters near big colleges for very short periods of time. If it catches on, and it’s found to be a good movie, he could roll to a nice monthly total of about 3-4 million and perhaps break the top 10 list for a week or two. If this does happen, studios might have their indie division go out to purchase the rights to distribute the film to a wider audience.
Again, the film has Tucker working for and against it. No studios are going to want to do business with him right now. He’s bad mouthed Hollywood, why would they want to work with him now? It’s the same quandry that Boondock Saints ran into. Piss off the wrong people and nobody will want to work with you and you have to do it on your own. I could be wrong, but Boondock Saints (which I like) cost 6 million to make and only got a weekend in Buffalo.
Of course, Tucker does realize the money is in DVD sales. His business plan made it clear that he received ownership of any and all DVD rights. I doubt he got such a choice deal with Darko Productions, but I doubt it since the DVD rights would have only been his if he pre sold the film ahead of time.
Worst Case Scenerio:
Distributors ask the question “Who?” after they say “A Tucker Max Movie” followed by “Starring who?”
Also, the quality of the movie has to be better than what people have read.
How much is Tucker paying Brett Meisner and his fanboys to hype his moviesuck on this board and destroy matt czursky’s career?
There are soooooo many paid fanboys on this board…. They act all nonchalant, bla bla bla, and then tip their hand with paid fanboy details/tenors/tones.
What’s the budget for this?
Thank you for the continued pseudo-publicity.
- A Tucker Max fan
I can’t imagine ever feeling the need to defend some self-described asshole that I never met. But then again, the internet does wonders for the lonely. I love this whole “thanks for the publicity” damage control route, too. College kids aren’t reading any of these sites, guys. It ain’t gonna help your target demo so stop spreading the propaganda. The truth is that it will hurt him. I had read a few of his stories and thought they were fine. I didn’t have anything against him. But to see his bitchy little responses and the freakshow reactions of the virgin army behind him… it makes it seem very uncool to be a Tucker fan. And that’s all the virgins want to be, right? Plus, I hadn’t heard about that Opie and Anthony thing before. That was the nail in the coffin, no? It was SO EMBARRASSING. Dude’s got to have some money in the bank now, but is — and this is a stretch — a million or two enough to have yourself exposed to the world as a lying turd? Since most superfans of Tucker are probably poor and uneducated, they’re exempt from answering.
Marc, why waste your time posting here? I have found your posts interesting and informative, and you seem intelligent…but why waste time with such bullshit?
If you peruse Tucker Max’s message board, you would think he was Orson Welles producing Citizen Kane. He loves to refer to himself as a “narcissist.” Congratulations! You’re the only one I guess. Apparently, the rest of us are selfless martyrs.
Tucker is no different then any other semi-intelligent top tier law school graduate in his early to mid 30’s: He’s prostituting himself out, plodding along aimlessly, and making a few hundred thousand dollars a year for his efforts. Big Deal! If Tucker had any true vision, he would be behind the scenes making millions of dollars a year for his efforts.
Tucker’s main problem is that he thinks he’s a face guy. He’s not. He’s short, average looking, and inarticulate. He also sports a buzz cut, lacks presence and speaks with a lisp. He’s entirely unimpressive.
I would love to head David Zuckerman actually say, “Tucker’s script is funny.”
I want to hear those words from his mouth, not Tucker’s tiny little fingers. I find it hard to believe that anyone would say it was actually good. Well actually Tucker never said David Zuckerman said his script was good, either…just that he read it. Either way, I would love to hear his account of it.
Tucker, if you’re reading this and I know you are. Why don’t you get him to post on your movie review blog site instead of some shitty person nobody cares about (like pretty much everyone you’ve had on so far.) I’m just being honest with you, brah. These are some substantial notes, duude. Try not to balk with Nils too hard, man.
I don’t consider myself a Tucker Max fan. I think some of his stories are hilarious, some of them suck, and some are probably not true. I will see this movie, but I have no idea ahead of time if it will suck or not. Here is one thing I do know:
steven -
“There are soooooo many paid fanboys on this board…. They act all nonchalant, bla bla bla, and then tip their hand with paid fanboy details/tenors/tones.”
That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. Actually, nevermind, it is highly likely that Max pays his fans to troll messageboards. I mean have you read what his fans are saying here, most of it is inane and reeks of stupidity. Why would he pay random fans to do that? Also, you ask how much is the budget. It’s been posted on this board like 30 times. Dumbass.
I’m not going to go look again, but someone asked me why not make fun of Ryan Holiday here. Because this is apparently about everyone hating Tucker Max and his shitty script. Trash him, and maybe even Nils for writing a bad script. Holiday has no ties with this project, doesn’t make sense to me. And once again, calling Nils fat is just stupid. He’s not “really really fat” either. The dude looks like he’s 6′6, he’s just a large human being. A lot of the people arguing here are really making themselves look bad with dumbass comments like those.
First hand account of what it is like to date Tucker….
Last night Tucker blew me off. Again.
I went insane. I cut off all my hair with kitchen scissors like Frida Khalo. Today I examined the fallout (actually quite cute and flippy. I am good at everything). I also thought, “Bunny… there is something terribly awry. Why are you so angry? Why have you become a bitter and horrible person since you met Tucker?”
Today, while I’m working, Tucker is hovering over me asking me the same question.
I have decided to make an itemized list of reasons why I might want to cut off all my hair like a rape victim.
[Note: This is truly humiliating. If anyone were to make a medicine to cure low self-esteem, I’d take it in spades; I’d do the 10k walk for closet self-loathers, and wear the empty wine bottle lapel pin. I wish to God these FACTS were fabricated or embellished, but the awful truth is that they are not. I only hope this helps the other girls who don’t like themselves].
What it is like to date Tucker Max…
-You will get fried chicken for your birthday. Later that night when you both go to a bar, you will want a diet coke, but won’t get one because that is one less beer that he can drink.
-He will hang up on your favorite aunt, and be stunned when you get upset that he referred to your mother as “that fucking bitch” because she called you at a late hour.
-He will scream at you because you don’t like the instant coffee he bought you.
-He will never kiss you, and barely fuck you, even if you beg him to for months. You are now the Virgin Mary. He will still try to coerce crazy whores into coming to Chicago to fuck him. He will kiss them because they are whores, and don’t you know that you’re only supposed to give good passionate sex to women that you don’t know or give a shit about? I didn’t know that either.
-You will beg him to take a shower, which he will not do. But he will shave his face to have long make-out sessions with any random girl.
-You will read every piece of writing he has ever done and be supportive of all his creative outlets. When you then ask him to read your own novel he will drop it after chapter one because it’s a waste of his time. He’s not good at editing.
-You will give him the greatest head of his life on a regular basis. He will still suck in bed.
-He will make sure you know that you aren’t very hot, only sort of cute, and that your head is too big for the rest of your body. You also have unattractive dark circles under your eyes and your tits are too small. He will never compliment you.
-You will be bi-sexual and okay with him sleeping with other women, but this will not be enough. He needs freedom.
-If he is an insensitive asshole to you, it is only because you are selfish. You should understand that his parents sucked and now you have to pay for this. How this is logical, I’m not really sure.
-When he has major surgery you will not leave his side. You will spend day night waiting on him hand and foot, making sure he is comfortable and well cared for. You will even wipe his ass when he takes a shit. Later he will tell you that it was all unnecessary. He didn’t need or want you to be there.
-When he is supposed to pick you up and take you to a party, he will get black-out drunk and fuck some girl instead of showing up.
-He will tell you he loves you and wants to have children with you. When you then get pregnant, he will say that he has about two to four more years of drinking and whoring left to do, so a baby isn’t in the cards. He will coerce you into an abortion by threatening to give away your dog if you try to have the child. Then he will be evasive so that you will be forced to dump him and he can get off scot-free.
-When you get upset about this, he will tell you that you are over-emotional. When you try to explain how this hurts, he will ignore you till you find yourself screaming and breaking things. He will explain these outbursts to his drinking buddies as so: “Yeah she’s fucking crazy. She flips out on me like every third day.”
-When you go to stay with your parents (read: bawl day and night) for two weeks, he will fuck other women in your bed. The night you return he will try to go out with a whore he’s just met and wonder why you’re upset about that. He needs his freedom.
-When you are at your parents, he won’t take your calls. Instead he will spend his time e-mailing some whore. Later, he will not stop e-mailing this same whore, because all whores come before your feelings even if the whores are half as attractive and barely capable of forming cogent sentences.
-When his ex-girlfriend dies and then comes back to life, you will nurse him through the depression. You will even be fine with her coming to stay at your own fucking apartment so that he can decide which of you he wants. This is so that you can be fair to both of them because you are a good person… unlike them.
-Later on you will catch him telling this covert bitch who pretended to be nice to you that he is only keeping you around because you are willing to support him financially. They will laugh at you behind your back for being “over-emotional.” Oh how silly you are!
-When Tucker bounces back from his depression you will not be needed anymore. You will just hand over the keys to his car and not say a word when he drives it all over Chicagoland while black-out drunk.
-When girls come to the apartment, he will become “Cooooool Tucker Max.” He will dress and act differently. He will be an asshole to you. Why are you upset? Don’t you know “this is the Tucker Max show?” This pathetic statement is his actual quote.
-And finally (though I could write pages and pages of this horrible shit): When you’ve been stood up by the very first date you’ve planned in a year, you will call Tucker and ask to hang out with him. He will not come pick you up in YOUR OWN FUCKING CAR, because HE lost your license the night before and you won’t be able to get into the club he’s going to. When you ask if it’s possible to go anywhere else he will refuse because there are free drinks and whores in said club. Whores are very special. Much more special than the woman that did all the above things out of unconditional love FOR A FUCKING YEAR!
The original blog and the three hundred or so comments thus far point towards the real movie in this story, a Grand Canyon of the blogosphere. Any casting thoughts?
The Genre Director
Film Industry Bloggers.com
I’m sure Matt Czuchhryhahryryry will need some work soon.
GHM
You’re missing a few points:
Tucker doesn’t pay anyone to be here, he can barely pay his “staff.” The true reason they all defend them becomes far creepier; they do it because they honestly believe he’s cool. And, I can see if you’re 15 or 16 or maybe even 18 why you’d think that. It’s really not their fault that they’re dumb kids because everyone has been there (except that guy Nick Hogan smashed up).
And I call Nils fat because if you do a cursory reading of his message board, their whole shtick is calling people fat. One of the first replies here did that. And Nils who posts on Drunkasauraswhothefuckcaresrex does it a lot. A real lot. I find it funny, and yet strangely unsurprising. I’m just clarifying.
Besides, he IS really fat. If that soils the integrity of what people say, then so be it. But he is fat.
Really really really fat.
You know, there is another movie that tried to be a success based on the bad publicity is better then no publicity.
“Expelled: No intelligence allowed” Since I’m a hick from Ohio…how well did that one do again? I guess they had Ben Stein and a few public court battles to prop their numbers up.
I do enjoy reading a bit about an industry that I have little to no idea about. It is entertaining
Thanks Marc for keeping it entertaining.
Anon and the rest: Internet tough guys are awesome. Please tell us more about how smart you are, how stupid everyone else is, and how your mom gets semen and cheetos out of your socks.
It’s amazing how much debate this article has sparked. Let me just start by saying I don’t agree with everything Tucker does, I think he’s very disrespectful to women, and really tests the limits when it comes to authority. But at the same time he’s also very funny and very smart. I feel divided on my opinion of him. I suppose meeting him would push me one way or the other, but that will never happen, and I think I know which way I’d be pushed anyway.
A lot of people brand this as frat humor, but I don’t see it that way. Yes all the stories involve the frat boy type life, but the real humor is the interaction between Tucker and his friends. That’s what really makes me laugh. I could care less about his escapades between the legs of random women. His friend “Slingblade” really makes my point clear. Read one of the stories that he is involved in and focus on what he says. Put aside the Tucker ego and just read his quotes. It’s easy to breeze over them and be disgusted with what the story is about.
I laugh at the snide and clever comments Tucker and his friends make back and forth to each other. Tucker as a person is probably 100% correct in his description, an asshole. But he has a very good sense of humor and is very witty. That is why I think this film will be funny. Forget the midgets, the sex, the getting hammered drunk, the movie will be good because of the dialogue and the way the actors/actresses play off each other. It makes sense why Tucker gets so involved in directing the actors. I’m sure that at least 75% of the script is comprised of lines that he’s already heard. Either he made them up, or one of his friends did and he’s just trying to duplicate how funny it was when it actually happened. Anyone who’s been out with their group of friends knows exactly what I mean. Whether or not that will work in the movie is entirely dependent on the actors. If they pull it off this movie will be hilarious, if not it will flop. There’s no happy medium.
“Kevin on August 6th, 2008 2:34 am
Marc, why waste your time posting here? I have found your posts interesting and informative, and you seem intelligent…but why waste time with such bullshit?”
Tore apart knee while visiting my mom in New York. Getting stuck in bed over a long period of time while on massive amounts of pain killers has a way of giving me a lot of time (PS3 is also home in LA). Once I’m back in LA I won’t have that time. Thanks for the compliments btw.
“Brian Trenchard-Smith on August 6th, 2008 7:42 am
The original blog and the three hundred or so comments thus far point towards the real movie in this story, a Grand Canyon of the blogosphere. Any casting thoughts?
The Genre Director
Film Industry Bloggers.com”
Scott Caan.
I like how as soon as there was a slight air of insubordination on his message board, he locked it.
i love how the above posts are written by lawyer fanboys.
this is tucker’s tactic–his talking points memo for all his hired spammers:
1) say i don’t agree with everything tucker does bl bla bla
2) say that he is smart and funny, which he isn’t
3) fill the rest of the post with legal verbiage
but they all fail to see the succinct, exalted truth.
tucker is a lying, hyping douchebag.
and too, he is a douchebag.
and they also fail to see that he is a douchebag.
that’s how you can tell his hired fanboys–they write paragraph after paragraph after paragraph and never once mention that “yeah–he’s a douchebag.”
and with this glaring omission of truth and reality, all their legal verbiage is for nuaght, like the rest of matt czursky’s acting career.
“but they all fail to see the succinct, exalted truth.”
No dude, you’re missing the most CRUCIAL point of all of this.
HIS SCREENPLAY IS AWFUL!
Focus on that. Tucker IS a douche, he IS a liar and a fraud. That’s ok.
But the whole point of all of this is that is screenplay is downright awful and unfunny. Everything else is irrelevant. You can’t deny him his NYT success (although I really question how he got there, and I bet if people did digging they’d see some shady shit going on).
The point is his screenplay is laughable but not in the way that he’d want it to be.
study “Mike’s” post for a moment–is this a hired fanboy or what?
tucker has oft referred to how instead of buying billboards, advertising, he will hire fanboys/etc. notice the legalist subtleties of the finely-crafted post. how much Darko $$$ do you think the fangirl received? is it brett meisner? is he on the darko payroll?
“It’s amazing how much debate this article has sparked. Let me just start by saying I don’t agree with everything Tucker does, I think he’s very disrespectful to women, and really tests the limits when it comes to authority. But at the same time he’s also very funny and very smart. I feel divided on my opinion of him. I suppose meeting him would push me one way or the other, but that will never happen, and I think I know which way I’d be pushed anyway.
A lot of people brand this as frat humor, but I don’t see it that way. Yes all the stories involve the frat boy type life, but the real humor is the interaction between Tucker and his friends. That’s what really makes me laugh. I could care less about his escapades between the legs of random women. His friend “Slingblade” really makes my point clear. Read one of the stories that he is involved in and focus on what he says. Put aside the Tucker ego and just read his quotes. It’s easy to breeze over them and be disgusted with what the story is about.
I laugh at the snide and clever comments Tucker and his friends make back and forth to each other. Tucker as a person is probably 100% correct in his description, an asshole. But he has a very good sense of humor and is very witty. That is why I think this film will be funny. Forget the midgets, the sex, the getting hammered drunk, the movie will be good because of the dialogue and the way the actors/actresses play off each other. It makes sense why Tucker gets so involved in directing the actors. I’m sure that at least 75% of the script is comprised of lines that he’s already heard. Either he made them up, or one of his friends did and he’s just trying to duplicate how funny it was when it actually happened. Anyone who’s been out with their group of friends knows exactly what I mean. Whether or not that will work in the movie is entirely dependent on the actors. If they pull it off this movie will be hilarious, if not it will flop. There’s no happy medium.”
i love how the above posts are written by lawyer fanboys.
this is tucker’s tactic–his talking points memo for all his hired spammers:
1) say i don’t agree with everything tucker does bl bla bla
2) say that he is smart and funny, which he isn’t
3) fill the rest of the post with legal verbiage
but they all fail to see the succinct, exalted truth.
tucker is a lying, hyping douchebag.
and too, he is a douchebag.
and they also fail to see that he is a douchebag.
that’s how you can tell his hired fanboys–they write paragraph after paragraph after paragraph and never once mention that “yeah–he’s a douchebag.”
and with this glaring omission of truth and reality, all their legal verbiage is for naught, like the rest of matt czursky’s acting career.
study “Mike’s” post for a moment–is this a hired fanboy or what?
tucker has oft referred to how instead of buying billboards, advertising, he will hire fanboys/etc. notice the legalist subtleties of the finely-crafted post. how much Darko $$$ do you think the fangirl received? is it brett meisner? is he on the darko payroll?
i love how the above posts are written by lawyer fanboys.
this is tucker’s tactic–his talking points memo for all his hired spammers:
1) say i don’t agree with everything tucker does bl bla bla
2) say that he is smart and funny, which he isn’t
3) fill the rest of the post with legal verbiage
but they all fail to see the succinct, exalted truth.
tucker is a lying, hyping douchebag.
and too, he is a douchebag.
and they also fail to see that he is a douchebag.
that’s how you can tell his hired fanboys–they write paragraph after paragraph after paragraph and never once mention that “yeah–he’s a douchebag.”
and with this glaring omission of truth and reality, all their legal verbiage is for naught, like the rest of matt czursky’s acting career.
“steven on August 6th, 2008 8:35 am
study “Mike’s” post for a moment–is this a hired fanboy or what?
tucker has oft referred to how instead of buying billboards, advertising, he will hire fanboys/etc. notice the legalist subtleties of the finely-crafted post. how much Darko $$$ do you think the fangirl received? is it brett meisner? is he on the darko payroll?”
Tucker doesn’t need to “hire” anybody to do guerilla marketing. He’s got about 10-15 guys on his board who will come over and post on sites like this for free. I’d say 95% of his Amazon.com reviews on his book are total bullshit, and from what I’ve read he had moderators on his message board come over to do that en masse. It’s a fairly decent marketing plan I guess, although it’s dishonest. It might have effectively given him 1-2% more in overall book sales, but I’d say he does the majority of his book sales during when the semester opens and college book stores stock his book up front near the gum and pens that have the school mascot on them.
To these fans of Tucker, he is Tyler Durden and they are space monkey’s on Project Mayhem (which is funny, because the ego of Tucker in truth is merely a construct much like Tyler Durden was the Narrarator’s construct).
I’m guessing that he’s going to try the same thing on IMDB.
You want to counter it, go to places like IMDB to tell people how you felt about the movie. Don’t call him a douchebag, don’t call him names, don’t get into pissing matches with his fans. Just tell bombard IMDB under a number of faked names and post reviews under those alias. That’s exactly what Tucker and his people do, and it’s a fairly easy way to counteract his marketing if it bothers you so much.
^^^^^Steven ” is it brett meisner? is he on the darko payroll?”
HUH?
Payroll?
Any monies I receive from either Rudius or Darko are unrelated to blog posting.
Get a life.
Brett
“Mike on August 6th, 2008 8:20 am: It’s amazing how much debate this article has sparked. Let me just start by saying I don’t agree with everything Tucker does, I think he’s very disrespectful to women, and really tests the limits when it comes to authority. But at the same time he’s also very funny and very smart.”
Mike, the script isn’t really funny, nor is it smart. The problem with the script is that what Tucker passes off as humor is in reality a caustic hostility towards anyone who isn’t a carbon copy of himself. In short, he’s a narrow-minded bigot and a bully. Like most bullies, he cowers from fair fights, which explains why he doesn’t defend himself here, and why his message board is so heavily moderated.
Ignore ”Brett,” he is a troll. Tucker is inelegant, unfunny, and a huge liar. Check out his Wikipedia how he has people censoring any negative info about him and removing all references to him being caught as a liar (Opie and ANthony). Haha.
Well this has been an amusing waste of a few hours, and for all the effort on both sides of the Tucker love/hate-fest, very little was accomplished. Here is what we know:
1. Tucker’s minions are just as delusional as his detractors. Visit http://tuckermaxdoucebag.blogspot.com if you want to view some real off-the-reservation hating. On a similar note just goto Tucker’s webpage & message board for unadulterated man-love. Both are equally as creepy, and both sides biggest detractors/defenders are obviously broken/damaged in some way.
2. Tucker’s detractors (and one has to question how many really are haterz vs Tucker (and his minions) simply keeping the “TM is an asshole” perception going) really aren’t doing themselves any favors. Yes his book isn’t literary genius: however it has sold 400k+ copies—-nobody ever went poor peddling crap targeted at the basest levels of the uncultured U.S. consumer. Yes, if you’ve ever met him or heard him speak, you quickly realize what a raging douchebag he is, and everything that he mocks can be easily turned against him. Yes, I’m sure TM is a horrible person & probably banned you from his message board—get over it: you don’t know TM, and unless he banged your mother or your girlfriend an awful lot of you are getting overly emotional over a friggin internet personality. Get. A. Life. On the other side it is pretty evident that TM is at best a massive hypocrite, and probably a liar; however these aren’t crimes, and if TM gets rich off of peddling crap to the masses so be it—go talk with James Frey, on his yacht somewhere. However TM is not without his smarts & his charms—he couldn’t have come this far w/o them, and anyone denying him a certain amount of credit for his success is seemingly in the grip of the green-eyed monster. As someone who finds this whole entanglement fascinating from afar, I’ve read his book, scripts & visited his website (and the anti-TM site) for some time; I have no dog in this fight and little personally invested. The website used to be amusing, and would be a daily visit….now it is more like once a week or every-other-week as it has been a long time since anything original or humorous originated there. Personally I find TM insufferable & overly boisterous in always hyping himself & his works, however I’ve always felt the same about Howard Stern, and he isn’t exactly starving to death. They are entertainers, nothing more, and whether you admire or detest him on a personal level, or for what his work seemingly represents (and TM’s declaring his work “Art” has made him (among other reasons) the laughingstock of quite a few in Hollywood), if you are spending a serious amount of time thinking or worrying about what he is doing on a daily basis, you really need to get outside more. That goes for both sides.
3. If you’ve read Tucker’s script (both the early version that is readily available on the net & then the new “in-production” version) with an ounce of integrity and impartiality you may come to the same conclusion that most of Hollywood has: it just isn’t very good, but there are some amusing scenes. Whether the film version turns out to be funny or cringe-worthy will likely depend on the actors & director, as the script by itself certainly isn’t brilliant. The first version was awful, and the second just isn’t very original, and how some of these jokes will play 2+ years after they have been released into the public (the “don’t taze me bro” was especially cringe-worthy) should be a matter of concern to Darko. However $6m isn’t alot of $$ to make a movie, and if you figure it will cost another $1-3m to finish/edit & get it sold, anything above $20m at the box office + all the other DVD/foreign sales & everyone will do quite well financially, or at least won’t get hurt. Will it do $100m like TM was bragging about? Depends. Tucker’s biggest fear is that the script becomes widely available, widely read, and that the jokes & witty lines in it become part of public vernacular 6-12 months before the movie comes out (actually Tucker’s biggest fear is that nobody pays attention), so that by the time the movie is actually released the jokes are tired and old, and there is no buzz about the film. That, more than any critical panning (go lookup critical reviews of Porkys, American Pie, Animal House, etc to see if critical reviews are good indicators of a film’s economic success) will determine whether this film is a hit. Even if they are unable to achieve widespread distribution (which is really doubtful given the cast–however media attention & controversy such as this & Gawker really help him), if they are able to get limited release, and then good word of mouth within their targeted demographic (M17-35 (and with all the T&A they are putting in the film, + the raunchy comedy, that may be enough)), they could have a nice sustainable box office, not unlike My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Will it be a flop? Probably not—there is enough of a built-in fan base + residual sales etc. to make their $$ back & then some. The question I have is whether this is a one-shot deal—TM seemingly hasn’t produced anything original in quite some time, and while he is obviously a good story teller, his attempts at creating fiction (vs simply embellishing) have failed. Most of the funniest parts in his book/script occurred 7-12 years ago, and it is quite possible that TM has shot his wad on this one project. Whatever happens, it is likely that in five years nobody outside of his inner circle of long-tme friends will remember or care who TM is/was.
“Voice of Reason on August 6th, 2008 10:28 am”
Well said.
Voice of Reason: The first draft doesn’t seem as readily available as it should. Seems the only place I saw it in a search was from the link posted above.
I already read it, but was still curious as to how widely available it truly is.
To me, “widely available” would mean that a google search for “I hope they serve beer in hell” “script” would populate a result to download the script.
Just doesn’t seem to be the case. Not that it matters, though.
My two pennies.
TM is a jackass… I’ve thought so since the first time I read his self-involved, egomaniacal ramblings. ’nuff said on that front.
There is a direct correlation between TM and Stern… they’re the lowest common denominator. Only difference I see is that Stern is occasionally self-deprecating (I hate that moron, as well, btw)
As for people who believe that TM is ‘original’; How many people, in their life, haven’t known at least one person who perfectly fit the mold of TM? Originality entails far more than a cookie-cutter image rehashed and a bold self-proclamation of differentiation.
I’m happy to have stumbled upon this site, as I was beginning to doubt that there were people out there who saw through his ignorant facade.
Yea I’m very happy that other people see what I see. I’ll give him his credit where it is due, but I do think he’s basically a nerd who made a nice little niche for himself. If you go out a lot and meet total guidos and typical douchebag guys in bars, even they would completely tear tucker max apart. It wouldn’t really be about matching wits, but more just shouting him down and probably beating the living shit out of him. I give him credit for not having had to visit the emergency room in all his years of being a douchebag. What that means is that he’s savvy with choosing his targets, so basically fat girls and guys weaker than him. Not exactly the hardest thing to do, and pretty cowardly at that. He embellishes well, but as most of you know, his stories are quite obviously edited and have a loose relationship with the truth. Guys like Opie and Anthony are typical dudes you’d find in a regular frat, not a UChicago nerd fest, and they completely annihilated Tucker Max. If he had any balls or skill whatsoever, he would have visited upon them ten times what they did to him. I can’t wait until he tries to go on Letterman or Kimmel. It will be like when Spencer Pratt went there. Kimmel will just tear him apart too.
Anyone critical of him gets banned and their posts deleted on his site. He’s obviously extremely pathetic. As for “spending time worrying about him”, I agree, but it only takes about 3 minutes to write a post on this website, and it doesn’t require a person of even mediocre intelligence that ascertain that he’s just a nerdy loser trying to pose as something more menacing. I don’t for a second think that his movie is a sure fire failure. Anyone who read American Pie a few years ago might have thought the same. It was just dumb, generic teen humor. This is following more or less the same formula (although tucker max thinks it’s ‘art’ and that director he has thinks ‘Slingblade’ will be one of the great characters in american cinema). It’s a question of the emperor having no clothes, but it can still make money. Far worse movies have at least broken even, and that can be enough to get him another crack at a small project.
The success of his brand from now on will depend on him staying the fuck out of public scrutiny. If you act like that, you will come under a lot of consideration, so it’s best that a decidedly average looking guy with hands the size of a 12 year old girl (though he curiously says he was some incredible basketball player) should hide behind his book and not appear in public, or else he might suffer the Spencer Pratt fate.
Looks like Tucker is a joke thief:
http://gawker.com/5033788/expression-creep
From bro-blogger and aspiring Hollywood mogul Tucker Max’s execrable movie script, p. 89: “TUCKER: I am going to hit it so hard, whoever pulls me out of you will become King of England.” From Overheard In New York: “Guy #1: I’d totally hit that. Guy #2: Dude, I’d hit that so hard whoever could pull me out would become the King of England.” Plagiarism, a sign of Tucker’s fame, or just a widespread expression? Either way, it was only funny once.
Wow, I NEVER thought he would do something this fucking lame, but I am constantly surprised.
It’s funny that Tucker started spinning this as something he’s been planning all along. While that approach is in itself pretty clever, Max has sort of blown it, because now, every post he puts on his messageboard ‘drops the hint.’
“Let’s keep talking about this set-up - oops, I mean, ’situation.’ tee hee! *wink wink*”
Yeah, Tucker, we get it- this is all part of the plan.
Amzing how many of you are obsessed with Tucker. Get lives.
“Max has sort of blown it, because now, every post he puts on his messageboard ‘drops the hint.’”
That really doesn’t matter. Those websites are still going to talk shit about him and the movie every chance they get. 5 posts from Gawker about it in 2 days. The best thing they could do is not talk about it at all but that won’t happen because every time they post about him it generates traffic and discussion.
I can’t be the first one to realize what is going on here. Isn’t it amazing how “thescriptreader,” an anonymous blogger who appeared out of nowhere 3 weeks ago, in her 3rd post ever, leaked a script and broke a story that was picked up by Gawker, Variety, etc.
I mean, how often does something like that happen.
Dont taze me bro?
Tucker got us all pretty good.
Eric P: Maybe so. However, I just don’t see this site looking to tarnish their reputation by spoofing something for Tucker Max.
If there’s any odd occurrence here, it could be that Tucker spoofed the script to look authentic. However, reading the first draft, I don’t see that too likely. The first draft had both of their contact information in it and is quite known that he was shopping it around at some point.
And that first draft that was leaked carries over some pieces into this new leaked draft.
It could be that the script is just bad. Anybody want to post a link to the “shooting” version?
As I said, if the scriptreader is in fact a plant, it wouldn’t surprise me at all. That script is really fucking bad.
Oh my GOD are you people still talking?
Obviously Tucker Max invented computers so that someday he could fake leak his joke script out of this blog, pretending to slam it to get it picked up by Gawker, all for the free publicity that will snowball into a revolutionary storm of buzz, which will make his movie so popular that it becomes an all-powerful deity that will be worshiped by aliens long after the ruins of our human civilization are ground into powder, and then the universe will contract and the only thing left will be the movie, which creates a new, immortal universe in its own image.
It’s so OBVIOUS that this is what’s happening. The gears for this ingenious marketing plan started to turn centuries before we were ever born, and if anything happens between now until the end of the universe that contradicts what I just wrote, then THAT was part of the plan all along, FOOLS, and then the NEW REAL marketing plan will be revealed, replacing the fake marketing plan that was fake leaked through this comment on this fake blog.
more retarded conspiracy theories only serving to try to make tucker look good. the script reader is legit, and so is the script. only a retarded tucker fan would try to spin this otherwise. nice try, tucker’s 8 fans. btw, tucker stole the ‘30k millionaire’ joke from “the dirty”, a gossip site.
It has to be said — Cecilia, you’ve done the world a service with this entertaining post. This is pretty much what I hoped for Tucker Max when I first discovered his blog, and I’m delighted that all my darkest wishes are coming to pass without me raising so much as a finger.
More than that, you’ve lured Marc and Vincenzo out of the woodwork — two of the most informative commenters I’ve ever found on the internet. I don’t know either of you, or where you work (although I have my suspicions…), but you’ve consistently added intriguing new information to the conversation.
As should be obvious by now, I am fat, ugly, lonely and stupid. Despite that benighted status, I’ve gotten real pleasure from this post and the great follow up comments, and for that, I thank you.
I think all of you are missing the point. But the point I will address is, I don’t care whether tuckers stories are true or fake. I read them for the purpose of entertainment, and that’s all. Who cares whether he’s real or not. I enjoy the stories, but if that “don’t tase me, bro” is in the movie, Then it might be a sign I’m in for a thorough disappointment. The point is, I’m watching until the movie comes out to pass judgement. If it’s funny, awesome. If it’s not. okay.. move on. I don’t understand why people spend so much time bickering with each other over something so absurd. If you hate Tucker, then stop paying attention. focus on the things you enjoy in life. I don’t understand why anyone would put so much effort into something they don’t enjoy that isn’t being forced upon them. If you like Tucker, awesome. Shut up and go to his site instead of posting idiotic comments on here. I’ve always found that when people put forth such effort into hating on something else, they usually become more pathetic than that object they hate. Stop focusing on negative things, enjoy life. Who cares about the bad shit. I realize this statement might seem a little hypocritical since after all,. I am posting this. But hey, someone needs to slap some sense into people.
“I mean, how often does something like that happen.”
It happens when someone writes a truly interesting take on something that cries out to be critiqued. Gawker linked because of the quality of the post, not because of the Illuminati.
8 years into your “career” and you’re still a script reader? Way to climb the ladder.
^^No ad hominems, please. Talk about the article, not the writer.
The only reason I’m writing this post is because I can’t do it on Tucker’s board. However, since there is no doubt that not only does Tucker visit this blog, but also posts under different aliases, I figured I may have a chance to get my point across. He’d like people to think that this whole script leak is calculated, when in fact it is the only thing about him that’ not. It’s so easy to tell his writing apart from other people’s, that’s why I know that all of the positive book reviews on sites like Amazon were written by Tucker himself. He obviously developed some sort of complex from his teens to mid twenties most likely due to social rejection so that now he tries to make up for those lost years by writing stories he wishes were true. These stories, if they had happened, would no doubt make him feel some sense of retribution towards the type of people who apparently scarred him. So now he’s able to take a second turn as the person he wishes he would’ve been all those years; someone with all those “cool” one liners that gets girls. But this persona he takes on, at least in his stories, isn’t even cool for a college kid, let alone a guy in his mid-thirties. That is the part I don’t get, he’s thirty something but preys upon dumb college girls and takes pride in just being drunk. Most people have fun doing these things, but Max does them b/c he feels like it makes him cool. Just being waisted is some sort of accomplishment. The worst part is the fact that he makes up these cheesy jokes that he puts in his stories and says while belligerently drunk. These, however, would’ve sounded stupid and cheesy even if someone were calculated enough to use them, yet he lies about doing and saying the stuff that would’ve been lame in the first place. Now his ego has reached a whole new level with his movie. Even though he has no experience in movies, he talks about every aspect of it like he’s an expert , and apparently everything he’s doing is “genious” and is going to make one of the best movies ever on the first try.
I met Tucker Max for an interview for a german newspaper in NYC two years ago, because I laughed my ass off at his stories and subsequently wanted to run a big piece on “fratire” writers and their european counterparts. From his writing, I expected someone funny, smart and prone to self-mockery. I also expected intelligent, witty conversation and a mind capable of a level of abstraction that would allow Tucker to explain his - undoubted - success to me with a reference to the current undertows in US culture. I simply expected a fun night out with stimulating conversation.
Not so. First of all, I barely recognised Tucker, because he was rather overweight. Not at all what you’d expect from after having seen the picture on his website. The ensuing conversation was uninspiring to say the least. Whenever I asked something remotely critical, I was, in a small-minded, petty way deemed too “old” to get it (– I’m Tucker’s age) or too “stupid” (- I run a literature critique page in newspaper with approx. 250 000 daily readers). He didn’t use the “too ugly”- or “jealous” line, though; Tucker was way more interested to find out whether I liked it up my ass or not.
Tucker proved to have no self-irony or intellectual distance to the online persona he’s generated for himself, nor did he come across as particularly bright, inspiring or educated. Kudos for his writing, though, I still think he’s got a great feeling and talent for timing. His film will still fail miserably. Mainly because Tucker Max is, let’s face it, self-aggrandising without the actual potential and intelligence to back up his shtick. He is, in fact, rather annoying and pretty stupid.
Good to see a real legend in our midst. The one and only Brian TS. Writer, Actor, Director and stuntman. And unlike Tarantin, Brian as director actually did get his ass kicked by a real kung fu maniac.. Jimmy Wang Yu. Brian, I just saw you in “Not Quite Hollywood” - a fucking brilliant peek at 60s, 70s, 80s Aussie exploitation history. Everyone go see it when you get a chance. And go watch Brian’s films like Dead End Drive In and Turkey Shoot.
The only thing I want to add is from a business perspective about SERVE BEER - people keep throwing around figures and how easy the film will recoup. Let me just state for the record that a base cost of $6m is not something that is easy to recoup. It all depends on a lot of factors.
Many I won’t bother even getting into at this time but the main one is that this film has zero marketability outside of the US college circuit. You don’t just have to gross $6m to break even, the film game doesn’t work like this. This will be a pickup and it looks like whoever Darko gets to release the film will need to pay a hefty MG to even start them towards the black. And guess what, you have to spend $12-18m at least on a decent enough campaign to release this film into a marketplace thats aware of it. Internet chatter does not translate into boxoffice clout.. see SNAKES ON A PLANE. And that was worldwide chatter.
The wise move would be to flick it to someone like HDNET and get Cubans./Wagners boys to go out on the digital Landmark circuit and bypass much of the cost of P&A and go 100% web and viral. Cut out the middlemen and go out BUBBLE style… it’d be an interesting experiment, to see a project with a strong fanbase and whether it could compete in the marketplace by hitting PAYTV, VOD, Homevideo, Theatrical all at once.
I’m really interested in seeing how this all pans out. Everyone crapping on the script needs to talk to people in the game. Marc and Co go on about how terrible the script is - they should know that 95% of every script read in Hollywood is appalling. They should read Sterns PORKY’S remake if they think SERVE BEER is bad. Or the competitor to MEET THE SPARTANS that got tanked when that came out. Or the new horror film where our protaganist starts seeing peoples screaming faces in all sorts of objects.. cue opening scene of her in a classroom looking in a microscope at amoeba.. suddenly one turns and has a screaming face on it !!!
I actually thought that Cecilia’s critique was accurate but that was her assessment of Tucker Max the individual - her analysis of the script was kinda of rudimentary and not something I would have found useful if she worked for me.
Anyway, been loving this thread. Good to have busted bones eh Marc.
Sincerely
Kroger Babb.
Brian above is a total tucker max/DARKO douchebag fanboy.
He has studied the Tucker Max/DARKO talking points, and he writes them,
“I think all of you are missing the point. But the point I will address is, I don’t care whether tuckers stories are true or fake. I read them for the purpose of entertainment, and that’s all. Who cares whether he’s real or not. I enjoy the stories, but if that “don’t tase me, bro” is in the movie, Then it might be a sign I’m in for a thorough disappointment. The point is, I’m watching until the movie comes out to pass judgement. If it’s funny, awesome. If it’s not. okay.. move on. I don’t understand why people spend so much time bickering with each other over something so absurd. If you hate Tucker, then stop paying attention. focus on the things you enjoy in life. I don’t understand why anyone would put so much effort into something they don’t enjoy that isn’t being forced upon them. If you like Tucker, awesome. Shut up and go to his site instead of posting idiotic comments on here. I’ve always found that when people put forth such effort into hating on something else, they usually become more pathetic than that object they hate. Stop focusing on negative things, enjoy life. Who cares about the bad shit. I realize this statement might seem a little hypocritical since after all,. I am posting this. But hey, someone needs to slap some sense into people.
”
I love it how TUCKERMAX/DARKO is so 1998, and this is the best they can come up with…. hiring fanboy douchebags to write law school essays defending corporate douchebaggery, supreme movie sucktardation, and epic failure.
Hey Brian–riddle me this brianman–if we enjoy calling out douchebags and speaking the truth regarding arrogant douchetards and their scriptsuckage, aren’t we allowed to? Don’t we have a Constitution? I know tucker is a douchetard lawyer, but does that allow him to abort the Constitution.
The funny thing is how TUCKERMAX/DARKO want to run the world like Tucker’s douchetard message boards, where the higher TRUTH of ART and LITERATURE are never allowed, but only pants pooping and degradiation.
One last question Brian–why do you spend so much time here? Are you on the DARKO/TUCKER MAX payroll?
Why do so many darko fanboyz spend so much time writing pretty little essays that all sound like the original tucker max/darko talking points?
“The wise move would be to flick it to someone like HDNET and get Cubans./Wagners boys to go out on the digital Landmark circuit and bypass much of the cost of P&A and go 100% web and viral. Cut out the middlemen and go out BUBBLE style… it’d be an interesting experiment, to see a project with a strong fanbase and whether it could compete in the marketplace by hitting PAYTV, VOD, Homevideo, Theatrical all at once.”
Good post, Kroger Babb.
I won’t pretend to understand the workings of your industry, but I would believe that an alternative channel of delivery would be wise. For starters, it implies a much lower marketing cost, and very direct marketing channel (they wouldn’t be spending money on wasted eyeballs during the promotion). The channel also wouldn’t quickly expire, as I imagine would happen quickly in theaters (especially the large chains that would grow impatient with the small audiences… there is an opportunity cost). By orchestrating alternative channels simultaneously, you’d probably draw the same core Max crowds (at least the ones old enough to either rent, or have a credit card), and hope that their viral advertising would draw similarly minded males (teen to early 20s).
The one real problem is that the target market is also very web literate. This is the same group that reaps illegal software (games, music, movies) for free. The web has disrupted business models, but that doesn’t mean the next generation of business models will be as profitable as the old.
“I actually thought that Cecilia’s critique was accurate but that was her assessment of Tucker Max the individual - her analysis of the script was kinda of rudimentary and not something I would have found useful if she worked for me.”
It is all but impossible for Cecelia (and others) to divorce Tucker Max the individual from the script, as the script portrays an image that Tucker is attempting to associate with his name. Much of Tucker’s humor is simply caustic hate directed towards people that he finds inferior (women, latinos, asians, lower wage earners, etc.). That’s how Tucker makes his living, and despite his personal baggage, business is good.
As an outsider, I feel that a comedy script has to be viewed as a vehicle to make money. It has to be entertaining, but that is within the context of the target market. Cecelia is a very sharp and entertaining writer, but she is the target market; she is just the target.
Just a question to the Hollywood insiders:
How will this movie be rated? I’m sure it will minimally receive an ‘R’ rating based on adult themes alone. Is it so overly sexual (and disgusting from the ‘poop scene’) to require something more?
Hey Kroger,
“Kroger Babb on August 7th, 2008 4:36 am
The only thing I want to add is from a business perspective about SERVE BEER - people keep throwing around figures and how easy the film will recoup. Let me just state for the record that a base cost of $6m is not something that is easy to recoup. It all depends on a lot of factors.”
I’d say the 6 million range is the hardest to recoup. However, Tucker does have some things going for him. He’s got a book that sold 400000 units. That does mean something and it’s why people were interested in his project in the first place. However, I completely agree with your statement.
“Many I won’t bother even getting into at this time but the main one is that this film has zero marketability outside of the US college circuit.”
Yep, not enough people know about or care about Tucker outside of the US. Perhaps military bases, but other than that his book sold like shit outside the US. On top of that foreign distributors aren’t going to touch the film for a few reasons, mostly the fact that very few people know Matt Czuchry.
“You don’t just have to gross $6m to break even, the film game doesn’t work like this. This will be a pickup and it looks like whoever Darko gets to release the film will need to pay a hefty MG to even start them towards the black.
And guess what, you have to spend $12-18m at least on a decent enough campaign to release this film into a marketplace thats aware of it. Internet chatter does not translate into boxoffice clout.. see SNAKES ON A PLANE. And that was worldwide chatter.”
12-18 million is being nice. Most people were talking about a minimum of 20 million for a campaign.
“The wise move would be to flick it to someone like HDNET and get Cubans./Wagners boys to go out on the digital Landmark circuit and bypass much of the cost of P&A and go 100% web and viral.”
Yeah, I don’t think this film fits Cuban’s M.O. This film is certainly not up to the standards of films that are shown at Landmark. It’s an “independent”, but it’s not an “indie”. HDNet has been very strict about the types of films they’ve purchased, this doesn’t fall under their umbrella.
“Cut out the middlemen and go out BUBBLE style… it’d be an interesting experiment, to see a project with a strong fanbase and whether it could compete in the marketplace by hitting PAYTV, VOD, Homevideo, Theatrical all at once.”
You mean blowing it’s wad for a big opening. That didn’t work out too well for “Weirdville” (who had a great cast working for them) and the level of success of those types of releases has been minimal.
“I’m really interested in seeing how this all pans out. Everyone crapping on the script needs to talk to people in the game. Marc and Co go on about how terrible the script is - they should know that 95% of every script read in Hollywood is appalling. They should read Sterns PORKY’S remake if they think SERVE BEER is bad. Or the competitor to MEET THE SPARTANS that got tanked when that came out.”
Kroger, you have no idea. Tucker’s script wasn’t the worst script I’ve ever read, nor the worst script to actually make it to an actual movie, however, it’s still around the bottom 5% in terms of overall script quality. I mean, the jokes are bad, and if they aren’t bad I’ve seen them before (re: he’s plagerizing a LOT of stuff from other people in this script).
“I actually thought that Cecilia’s critique was accurate but that was her assessment of Tucker Max the individual - her analysis of the script was kinda of rudimentary and not something I would have found useful if she worked for me.”
She wasn’t writing this for work though and most people wouldn’t find professional reviews made by a script writer to be entertaining. Her review was something like I’d see in Gawker or another entertainment site.
“Anyway, been loving this thread. Good to have busted bones eh Marc.”
Torn ligaments actually, but thank you for rubbing it in. Nice post btw.
Steven
So just because I think parts of Tucker’s book were funny that automatically makes me exactly like him? You know how you hate Tucker for stereotyping? You just did it to me and anyone else who didn’t have anything negative to say about him. Now let me re-iterate what you obviously didn’t grasp before. I am not a “douchebag lawyer fanboy”, nor do I think my post was “finely crafted”. I don’t know what sort of people you’ve been arguing with, although putting a simple sentence together is a fairly lofty aspiration. It ranks right up there with not getting your dick caught in your fly when you zip up, but on to my point.
I’m 100% sure I would despise Tucker Max the person if I were to meet him. Calling people out and belittling them mentally just for the hell of it serves no purpose and is actually quite sickening. He is the very guy that gives the rest of us a bad name. But, alas, that’s his choice on how to live, and I am certainly in no position to judge him on it (nor is anyone else). I actually pity him because he’ll never love anyone more than he loves himself and will more than likely die alone and bitter.
Having said all that, I still found some his stories entertaining and humorous. Just because you don’t like a person doesn’t mean you can’t laugh at what they say. Tucker reminds me of an already famous cartoon character in certain aspects. Perhaps you’ve heard of him….Eric Cartman. Eric just like Tucker is a major asshole and cares about nobody but himself. That being said, both of them can be, and usually are, downright hilarious. I said before that it wasn’t the “calling people out” or the “ridiculing fat whores” that made me laugh; it was the clever little jabs between Tucker and his group of friends. Having a sense of humor does not automatically put you on the same level as what you are laughing at. Now laughing at it and then trying to one-up it or become it, THAT does.
ha ha ha ha ha ha
all you donnie darko/tucker max douchebag fanboys are hilarious
you always write the exact same spam/shit:
1) “tucker may have crossed boundries bla bla bla bla bla legal terms bla bla bla”
then you write:
2) “having said that, i do find some his stories entertaining, bla bla bla more legal terminology used by fannie mae/freddie mac”
but, all you well-financed DARKO/TUCKER MAX fanboys tip your hands with the fact you never mention that tucker is a douchebag.
you always seem to forget the fact of his resounding douchebaggery, and his well-documented history of douchetardery over the years.
a total douchebag.
the definitive douchebag.
the douchebag to end all douchebags.
sure, he was an internet douchebag to begin with, and now he is making douchebag history to be the first douchebag to crossover into movie suckdom.
as a man is ultimately defined by his actions and character–his words and deed, and not darko pr/legal terminology/fanboyspam/brett mesiner, tucker is first and foremost an assclown douchebag.
and so shall matt appear when the movie comes out.
Steven
My god you’re an idiot.
No I never came out and said he’s a douchebag, I thought you could pick that up from everything else I wrote. Seeing as you again missed the point, I’ll paint it black and white for you.
Tucker is a douchebag, but I still think he’s funny, and that doesn’t make me a douchebag….unlike 90% of his fans, I don’t try and copy him….I just laugh.
Can your homo habilis brain grasp that concept?
Steven,
Any sensible reading of what Mike has written would show you that he thinks Tucker Max is a loser and a douchebag, but that doesn’t mean he can’t be objective about the fact that he can be funny, and that his movie might make a little money. Being a douchebag doesn’t prevent you from sometimes being funny or profitable, even though you’re still a flaming douche like tucker max. Just chill because I think you’re aiming a little too much vitriol at a guy who probably agrees with you for the most part but just isn’t as emotionally invested in his hatred of tucker max as you are.
That being said, I’m glad people realize how much of a douche he really is, and after so much hyping on that Goebels style blog/forum of his, the really horrific quality of his script has been revealed.
Marc,
Oh it’d fit HDNETs MO believe me.
Also WEIRDSVILLE is not a good analogy. Yes it had stars but so do hundreds of small films each year. What SERVE has got that WEIRDSVILLE doesn’t, is a massive pre-existing audience for it. WEIRDSVILLE had zero. Fun cast aside.
No one has pushed the concept of day and date across all platforms because no one has taken the risk on a ‘hot’ project.
Sounds like you’re on a good lot as I get dire crap every day. SERVE is lousy and not just due to the lame humor. The entire structure is poor. Just saying that it feels par for the course for most of the ‘youth’ scripts I’ve checked out recently.
Sorry about your leg. I’m laid up and was referring to the joys of surfing while being paid.
Sincerely
Kroger
The following is an actual transcript from a reporter who interviewed Tuck and Nils in Hollywood in April 2008:
Reporter: I’m here with Tucker Max, author of “I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell.” The book is a New York Times best-seller and soon to be made into a movie. Tucker and his co-writer Nils Parker are lounging out in their Hollywood apartment, and have been nice enough to grant us an interview. So what is it like to be Tucker Max?
Tucker: I don’t have enough dicks for all the pussy that is being thrown at me.
Reporter: Oh…kay. Let’s go back a bit to how this all got started.
Tucker: I made a fucking website as a fucking dare to my friendsses. I put up a date applications, and then started send these really fucking funny emails about true stuff that was happening to me. And I’m not even the coolest one of my friends.
Reporter: I see. And this snowballed into the book?
Tucker: Well I had a few other books too which were also bestsellers.
Reporter: Really? Where can I get them?
Tucker: They’re not available. Since they were selling so fucking well, I decided it was best to pull them from the marketplace.
Reporter: Sort of an odd financial plan, eh?
Tucker: I’m Tucker Max.
Reporter: I can’t help but notice that you and Nils and your friends wear a ton of flip flops and elastic shorts. Did you rob a Sports Chalet?
Tucker: I sleep with so many chicks that I need to have quick accesses to being naked.
Nils: I just do it because Tucker does it… and I decided to get engaged right before I become famous –
Tucker: Shut the fuck up Nils, you fat bastard.
(Nils hang his head and goes into the Kitchen. He folds a large DiGornio Pizza in half and inhales it.)
Reporter: I see here that you appeared on MTV?
Tucker: They actually appeared on me once- Projected right onto my Frankenstein like forehead. It was awesome. And then I agreed to let them film a show about me. Highest ratings I think ever for their network.
Reporter: So they must have made a series out of it?
Tucker: Fuck MTV. They are a small network with no real market or business models.
Reporter: I think they’re a global network.
Tucker: I’m Tucker Max.
Reporter: So lets’ talk about the book. What are some of your favorite stories?
(The Bunny arrives bringing the boys sandwiches – Tucker inspects his sandwich closely)
Tucker: You fucking stupids cunt. I said NO TOMATO!
Bunny: Can’t you just remove them?
Tucker: You fucking worthless cum dumpster – they touched the fucking meat. Get me a new one now or I’ll knock the shit out of you!
(Bunny bursts into tears, drinks a bottle of Zinfandel, pops three pills and runs out)
Reporter: Is this a bad time?
Tucker: For what?
Reporter: Right… um, the book. What are your favorite stories?
Tucker: Tucker Tries Bufthsects!
Reporter: I’m sorry. Bus sexs?
Tucker: Bufthsects!
Reporter: Bug Heads?
Tucker: Bufthsects!!!
Reporter: … um, let’s move on. This isn’t your first time in Hollywood right?
Tucker: Comedy Centrals bought a show from me, but the stupid dumb cunt I was working with tried to hire professional staff and I told them where they could go. I’m Tucker Max, and a character like me has never been created in Hollywood. I’m a brand.
Reporter: I think I’ve seen your character about 947 times.
Tucker: You’re 100% wrong. This movie is revolutionary and will change Hollywood.
Reporter: That’s a bold claim. It must be some screenplay.
Nils: I wrote it and gave it to Tucker.
Tucker: I fixed it and made it work.
Nils: He changed one sentence.
Tucker: Shut the fuck up you fat asshole. I made you and I can destroy you, dropout!
(Nils hangs his head and goes to kitchen and smashes a full bag of Chips ‘ahoy. He then pours the crumbs on to a cutting board and snorts them using an empty paper towel tube.)
Reporter: Sounds like quite the writing process.
Tucker: Yeah, we fucking analyzed every word, every sentence. There was this one scene where we were looking for a really pretentious sounding name for a fucking character that Tucker absolutely decimates, so I call Nils and said “Hey it’s Tucker. Gives me the dickiest name you can think of, Nils” We picked Logan. And that has never been done before. Ever.
Reporter: You are aware that movies get made everyday, right? Even ones about real people. They are sometimes called biographies or bio-pics.
Tucker: 100% wrong you are. This movie is doing things that have never before ever been done. We have food on the set.
Reporter: It’s called catering.
Tucker: I’m fucking Tucker Max.
Reporter: I got that part… Are you excited about the soundtrack for this movie or are you not involved in that?
Tucker: I am involved with everything in this movie. It’s my movie about me. It’s fucking awesome. And the soundtrack is fucking off the charts. We got Paul Wall to contribute.
Reporter: Who?
Tucker: Paul Wall.
Reporter: I’m sorry, I though you said Paul Wall. I don’t think I know who he is.
Tucker: Paul Wall is a Garillionaire. I’m throwed Baby Baby.
Reporter: You are aware that you are a rich white kid living in vacuum, right?
Tucker: I’m Tucker Max.
Reporter: I have time for a few more questions, but if you want to end this I understand because it’s not going that well.
Tucker: There is no such thing as bad press.
Reporter: What about those script pages that were leaked on Gawker?
Tucker: Oh that “leak.” I guess they somehow “got there.” And I somehow got $25,000,000 worth of free press. I certainly didn’t do that because I am not that “smart.”
Reporter: Actually, you had nothing whatsoever to do with those script pages being leaked, and the end result was extremely hurtful to the credibility of your screenplay and the market for this film.
Tucker: Yeah. I “wonder” how those pages “got there.”
Reporter: You can keep “talking in quotes” till Nils grows a tenth chin, it will never change the fact that actual script pages from the shooting script of your film were released and met with painful silence by the masses.
Tucker: “Gee” I hope that never “happens” again because that would mean people would be “talking” about “my movie.”
Reporter: People talk about herpes. It doesn’t mean they want them. Your logic that being the most hated man on the planet could backfire.
Tucker: I have never once failed.
Reporter: That test radio show you did two years ago?
Tucker: Highest rated show ever in the history of radio.
Reporter: Your appearance on Opie and Anthony?
Tucker: Never happened.
Reporter: You do realize that telling yourself lies doesn’t change the truth?
Tucker: I’m Tucker Max.
(Bunny arrives with NEW food for Tucker – Will she get beaten? )
—– END PART OF PART ONE —-
“Marc,
Oh it’d fit HDNETs MO believe me.
Also WEIRDSVILLE is not a good analogy. Yes it had stars but so do hundreds of small films each year. What SERVE has got that WEIRDSVILLE doesn’t, is a massive pre-existing audience for it. WEIRDSVILLE had zero. Fun cast aside.”
I was refereing to Weirdsville’s going straight-to-PPV approach more so of the actual quality of the film.
I don’t think HDNet will take on IHTSBIH. They do want to be known as serious filmmakers, and I just don’t think that the people who go to see HDNet films are going to go crazy about this movie. Also, the negative publicity he and the script are already facing (btw Tucker fans, you’re not helping him) would make me think they’ll pass. There’s good controversy and bad press, maybe if he fucked a midget with a crucifix he would get that “good controversy” but as of now it’s receiving bad press. None of those people who are reading about him on Gawker or other sites says to themselves “Oh wow, that film must suck so bad that I have to see it for myself.”
But who knows.
Also, Tucker doesn’t have a massive audience. I don’t count Alexa rankings and his book… like somebody said, is sold in places in bookstores where impulse buys are common. Two years ago if you made that statement I’d say yes, but his core audience is probably about 500-1000 people.
“No one has pushed the concept of day and date across all platforms because no one has taken the risk on a ‘hot’ project.”
Yeah, of course this isn’t really what anybody would refer to as a “hot project”, it’s more of a vanity project who has just hit the radar screen. Of course the shape of it on my radar screen is the shape of a large pile of steaming shit, but I only read the script, so what do I know.
“Sounds like you’re on a good lot as I get dire crap every day. SERVE is lousy and not just due to the lame humor. The entire structure is poor. Just saying that it feels par for the course for most of the ‘youth’ scripts I’ve checked out recently.”
Can’t complain. I’m pretty sure we both probably read the same shit the agencies send us every day. Some projects stand out because they have something going for them, some stand out as just being absolute turds. This would be the latter.
I need to flush.
Take care.
I bet this “script reader” Cecelia liked White Chicks. Fun’s not for everyone…..floozy. I hope she’s happy in her 300sqft apartment with as many cats as she has scripts.
Last time I checked, Tucker has top selling book with another one to follow. Unless any of you have accomplished ANYTHING, beat it. If Spielberg wants to destroy the movie, let him. At least I can respect that. The rest of you are just pissed off because this guy found the golden egg. He wrote his ticket by being an asshole, and you have to go to your suck ass low paying cube dwelling job.
Also - I remember Keri Lynn Pratt from high school (PA, Derry, NH) and anything with her in it can’t be bad. Except for Cruel Intentions 2. That was pretty dreadful. “It was like masturbating with sand paper.”
Good luck Tucker. If the movie sucks, it is still better than anything these fools have done.
^^ You probably shouldn’t assume you know too much about strangers on the internet. Check the times of some of our posts - some of us aren’t ‘cubicle-dwellers’ at all. I do ‘my own thing’ for a living, and can all-but-guarantee I’m worth more than you are.
For some of us, this is really just about the ever-unfolding drama of society, and pieces like this one are interesting parts of that drama.
That sounded sort of gay, but I think you know what I mean.
[…] Film Industry Bloggers”, got a hold of Max’s “script” and wrote a post about it. She writes that “It’s terrible. I’m talking Godawful” (I like the […]
“Also, Tucker doesn’t have a massive audience. I don’t count Alexa rankings and his book… like somebody said, is sold in places in bookstores where impulse buys are common. Two years ago if you made that statement I’d say yes, but his core audience is probably about 500-1000 people.”
You’re really trying way too hard here. Give it up..seriously.
Well, Kroger, first of all, excellent pseudonym. I doubt that many get the joke. And I have really appreciated your even-handed posts thus far. I disagree with some specifics, but still, quality posts, if I do say so myself.
Anyway, a few points… I would would quote you directly, but my sister’s computer, on which I am currently writing, suffers from a lack of a left-click button. (Note: Never buy a Dell… oh, and Cecelia, this will be my first and only post away from my usual location and/or IP, in case you were wondering. Sis is having her son baptized this weekend, and I had vacation days to squander, so here I am)
Anyway, to the point…
Kroger, you mentioned that 95% of what you come across in your line of work are shit. I’ll tell you, in TV, it’s more like 98% of concepts are shit, all the more so when those that pass through the filter are translated into their on-screen incarnations. It amazes me that execs continually take chances on things that any Joe Average off the street could unreservedly tell you will fail spectacularly. Usually, it’s some smooth-talking charlatan who manages to convince a one or more of the “out-of-touch”, not so “with it” higher-ups that their concept is hip, and there’s usually one junior exec with a lousy sense of what is or is not fashionable who cheerleads the project from its genesis to its omega, to mix Greek-language and Biblical metaphors.
Case in point: Mind of Mencia… Oh, wait… That SHOULD have been an utter failure, but CC was so desperate for something to fill the chasm created in the absence of Chappelle’s brilliant comedy that they greenlit that piece of shit.
Better example: Misconceptions. Yeah, I’m not surprised if you aren’t familiar with it. It was that bad, even for the then-WB.
If this disaster of a film doesn’t go straight to DVD, then I’m with Marc (and you, Kroger) 100%: Distribution strictly limited to small struggling theaters in college towns, no mass-market advertising let alone a multi-million dollar ad blitz, and a short run even in those not-so-hot locales. Troy Duffy redux, if you will. That said, I freely admit that Tucker will find his product a bit more marketable than did Duffy, due to American universities’ universal penchant for attracting unintelligent douchebags with all of the depth of a mud puddle. Anyway, there will be no promotion of this film beyond a token effort. Do you ever remember seeing Ecks vs. Sever promoted? That had a much higher budget, and MUCH better talent (Antonio Banderas, Lucy Liu, etc.) but when it came time to find distribution, guess what happened… I think you probably remember the rest.
In some ways, I’m out of my element here, I must admit. I know TV, not film. Though the two fields have a great deal in common, films are a one-shot, blow your load kind of proposition. There are no pilots made for film, they either are produced full-bore, or they aren’t. I know that there are still screen tests, demographic research, marketability studies, etc. (which are inherent to any entertainment product), but in my former industry, you at least had a slim chance at redemption if you were involved in the production of an awful TV pilot. Provided, of course, that you fucked up in good faith (which Tucker most certainly will not be able to claim outside of his delusional cadre of pubescent fanboys). In TV, if you erred in ernest, you may, I repeat, MAY get a second chance if you are possessed of a modicum of talent and motivation, plus can point to legitimate mitigating factors that absolve you of total responsibility for the failure of said product.
Film, not so much (though the continued existence of Michael Bay’s lackluster productions leads me to begin to believe otherwise.) That shit is cut-throat, and rightly so. A pilot, as you guys well know, may cost a network a few thousand, a few tens of thousand if it involves extravagant sets, etc., but that’s it. Not millions. And as we all know, 6 mil is quite a modest production budget, but it’s still SIX MILLION DOLLARS.
Anyway, I’m glad that the HW scene is seemingly exactly the way that I remember it. Small town in a big city, everyone pretty much knows everyone, word travels fast, blah, blah, blah. Seriously though, Tucker might believe that old canard, “There’s no such thing as bad publicity”, but we in the reality-based community know better… He can spin it any way that he wants to, but this week has been seriously damaging to both the prospects of his film’s success, and to his “Tucker Max Brand”.
Soon, “Tucker Max” will be spoken of in the same breath as “New Coke” and “Crystal Pepsi”. And on that note of cola metaphors, I’m out.
I didn’t write this – it’s been posted here: https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?postID=117436504077523328&blogID=21127102&isPopup=false&page=15&pli=1
The following is an actual transcript from a reporter who interviewed Tuck and Nils in Hollywood in April 2008:
Reporter: I’m here with Tucker Max, author of “I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell.” The book is a New York Times best-seller and soon to be made into a movie. Tucker and his co-writer Nils Parker are lounging out in their Hollywood apartment, and have been nice enough to grant us an interview. So what is it like to be Tucker Max?
Tucker: I don’t have enough dicks for all the pussy that is being thrown at me.
Reporter: Oh…kay. Let’s go back a bit to how this all got started.
Tucker: I made a fucking website as a fucking dare to my friendsses. I put up a date applications, and then started send these really fucking funny emails about true stuff that was happening to me. And I’m not even the coolest one of my friends.
Reporter: I see. And this snowballed into the book?
Tucker: Well I had a few other books too which were also bestsellers.
Reporter: Really? Where can I get them?
Tucker: They’re not available. Since they were selling so fucking well, I decided it was best to pull them from the marketplace.
Reporter: Sort of an odd financial plan, eh?
Tucker: I’m Tucker Max.
Reporter: I can’t help but notice that you and Nils and your friends wear a ton of flip flops and elastic shorts. Did you rob a Sports Chalet?
Tucker: I sleep with so many chicks that I need to have quick accesses to being naked.
Nils: I just do it because Tucker does it… and I decided to get engaged right before I become famous –
Tucker: Shut the fuck up Nils, you fat bastard.
(Nils hang his head and goes into the Kitchen. He folds a large DiGornio Pizza in half and inhales it.)
Reporter: I see here that you appeared on MTV?
Tucker: They actually appeared on me once- Projected right onto my Frankenstein like forehead. It was awesome. And then I agreed to let them film a show about me. Highest ratings I think ever for their network.
Reporter: So they must have made a series out of it?
Tucker: Fuck MTV. They are a small network with no real market or business models.
Reporter: I think they’re a global network.
Tucker: I’m Tucker Max.
Reporter: So lets’ talk about the book. What are some of your favorite stories?
(The Bunny arrives bringing the boys sandwiches – Tucker inspects his sandwich closely)
Tucker: You fucking stupids cunt. I said NO TOMATO!
Bunny: Can’t you just remove them?
Tucker: You fucking worthless cum dumpster – they touched the fucking meat. Get me a new one now or I’ll knock the shit out of you!
(Bunny bursts into tears, drinks a bottle of Zinfandel, pops three pills and runs out)
Reporter: Is this a bad time?
Tucker: For what?
Reporter: Right… um, the book. What are your favorite stories?
Tucker: Tucker Tries Bufthsects!
Reporter: I’m sorry. Bus sexs?
Tucker: Bufthsects!
Reporter: Bug Heads?
Tucker: Bufthsects!!!
Reporter: … um, let’s move on. This isn’t your first time in Hollywood right?
Tucker: Comedy Centrals bought a show from me, but the stupid dumb cunt I was working with tried to hire professional staff and I told them where they could go. I’m Tucker Max, and a character like me has never been created in Hollywood. I’m a brand.
Reporter: I think I’ve seen your character about 947 times.
Tucker: You’re 100% wrong. This movie is revolutionary and will change Hollywood.
Reporter: That’s a bold claim. It must be some screenplay.
Nils: I wrote it and gave it to Tucker.
Tucker: I fixed it and made it work.
Nils: He changed one sentence.
Tucker: Shut the fuck up you fat asshole. I made you and I can destroy you, dropout!
(Nils hangs his head and goes to kitchen and smashes a full bag of Chips ‘ahoy. He then pours the crumbs on to a cutting board and snorts them using an empty paper towel tube.)
Reporter: Sounds like quite the writing process.
Tucker: Yeah, we fucking analyzed every word, every sentence. There was this one scene where we were looking for a really pretentious sounding name for a fucking character that Tucker absolutely decimates, so I call Nils and said “Hey it’s Tucker. Gives me the dickiest name you can think of, Nils” We picked Logan. And that has never been done before. Ever.
Reporter: You are aware that movies get made everyday, right? Even ones about real people. They are sometimes called biographies or bio-pics.
Tucker: 100% wrong you are. This movie is doing things that have never before ever been done. We have food on the set.
Reporter: It’s called catering.
Tucker: I’m fucking Tucker Max.
Reporter: I got that part… Are you excited about the soundtrack for this movie or are you not involved in that?
Tucker: I am involved with everything in this movie. It’s my movie about me. It’s fucking awesome. And the soundtrack is fucking off the charts. We got Paul Wall to contribute.
Reporter: Who?
Tucker: Paul Wall.
Reporter: I’m sorry, I though you said Paul Wall. I don’t think I know who he is.
Tucker: Paul Wall is a Garillionaire. I’m throwed Baby Baby.
Reporter: You are aware that you are a rich white kid living in vacuum, right?
Tucker: I’m Tucker Max.
Reporter: I have time for a few more questions, but if you want to end this I understand because it’s not going that well.
Tucker: There is no such thing as bad press.
Reporter: What about those script pages that were leaked on Gawker?
Tucker: Oh that “leak.” I guess they somehow “got there.” And I somehow got $25,000,000 worth of free press. I certainly didn’t do that because I am not that “smart.”
Reporter: Actually, you had nothing whatsoever to do with those script pages being leaked, and the end result was extremely hurtful to the credibility of your screenplay and the market for this film.
Tucker: Yeah. I “wonder” how those pages “got there.”
Reporter: You can keep “talking in quotes” till Nils grows a tenth chin, it will never change the fact that actual script pages from the shooting script of your film were released and met with painful silence by the masses.
Tucker: “Gee” I hope that never “happens” again because that would mean people would be “talking” about “my movie.”
Reporter: People talk about herpes. It doesn’t mean they want them. Your logic that being the most hated man on the planet could backfire.
Tucker: I have never once failed.
Reporter: That test radio show you did two years ago?
Tucker: Highest rated show ever in the history of radio.
Reporter: Your appearance on Opie and Anthony?
Tucker: Never happened.
Reporter: You do realize that telling yourself lies doesn’t change the truth?
Tucker: I’m Tucker Max.
(Bunny arrives with NEW food for Tucker – Will she get beaten? )
Bunny cautiously approaches Tucker and hands him a new sandwich. When he raise his hand to grab it she flinches as if she’s about to be struck in the face. Tucker takes the sandwich.
Tucker: Relax, Bunny. Thanks for the sandwich.
Bunny: You’re not mad at me?
Tucker: No. Why would I be. You’re my fucking muse. Without you I’d be nowhere.
Bunny: You mean that?
Tucker: I mean… fuck yeah. And your writing is awesome.
Bunny: Tucker… I fucking love you, you big jerk.
Tucker: I know you do… Hey, any chance you could do my laundry? There like five loads in my room and I’m running out of grey shirts.
Bunny: Sure, babe. Can I use your car to get to the Laundromat?
Tucker: No.
(Bunny leaves to do Tucker’s laundry)
Reporter: Wow. That’s kind of a passive-aggressive relationship there?
Tucker: She’s a fucking wind-up toy. I could force her to donate a kidney to a fucking seal.
Reporter: So you don’t believe in karma?
Tucker: Dude, I can’t grow enough dicks to handle all the pussy that is thrown at me.
Reporter: You know you said that already, earlier? It makes no sense and is completely out of context.
Tucker: Then I’ll edit it later. I’m Tucker Max.
Reporter: But you can’t edit this. It’s not on your message board, it’s on the Internet.
Tucker: Then I’ll have you banned.
Reporter: Banned? From where?
Tucker: The fucking Internets and shit. I’m Tucker Max. I’m a best-selling author.
Reporter: Good point. Let’s talk about your book sales.
Tucker: New York Times bestseller for three years straight.
Reporter: Why are there 5,000 copies of your book in boxes against the wall in this apartment?
Tucker: Those are for like… fucking, autographs and shit.
Nils: I have 15,000 in a storage shed –
(Tucker throws one of his flip-flips at Nils like a Chinese throwing star)
Tucker: Shut your fucking mouth, Nils!
(Nils goes back to the kitchen and sucks down a three-foot funnel of Lucky Charms)
Reporter: Are you buying your own books in bulk to inflate sales?
Tucker: …um… I can’t grow enough dicks?
Reporter: I’ll admit that it’s a pretty shrewd marketing strategy.
Tucker: Like those “stories” that “appeared” at “Gawker”?
Reporter: No. Those were just people bagging on you. 100% out of your control.
Tucker: Can I ask YOU a question?
Reporter: Sure.
Tucker: Why are you doing this to me? I’m fucking Tucker Max.
Reporter: I’m trying to save you from yourself.
Tucker: But I’m awesome. I have money, chicks, books, bufthsects… And I don’t live life by anybody’s rules. How could you possibly fucking even think that you can help Tucker fucking max.
Reporter: I’ve asked someone to stop by. Stay seated, Tucker.
(The reporter gets up and goes to the door. A young man wearing overalls and no shirt walks in. He is disheveled with an unkempt beard.)
Tucker: I reckon the Hee-Haw mobile brokes down, Hoss! Guess it’s time for me to bend over and squeal likes a pig. Sue-eeeeeee.
Reporter: We get it. He’s wearing overall and has a beard.
Tucker: Sorry – sometime I just bust out in comedy without even fucking knowing it. And shit.
Reporter: Tucker, I’d like you to meet… Troy Duffy.
(Can these two men and their egos actually fit in the same room together? Stay tuned… )
Tucker: So you’re THE Troy Duffy as in “The Boondock Saints” Troy Duffy?
Troy: In the flesh, man.
Tucker: The Boondock Saints is one of my favorite films!
Troy: Mine too.
Tucker: I’m making a fucking movie as well. It’s awesome.
Troy: Is this your first time directing?
Tucker: I’m not directing, Bob Gosse is.
Troy: Who?
Tucker: He’s huge. Done tons of shit. Even came to our first meeting with a notepad.
Troy: Who’s starring in it?
Tucker: Matt Cuzychry!
Troy: Who the fuck is that?
Tucker: Guy has done tons of shit. Gilmore Girls and like 20 other things on TV. Will be a household name next year. Plus, he nailed me hard.
Troy: Well good luck, man.
Tucker: Listen, I don’t often do this… Since I respect you as a fellow “artist” and you seem to exude a certain fucking vibe that I can also respect, do you have any advice for me?
Troy: Whatever you do, DO NOT film or document the process on a daily basis. I had a film crew follow me around taking pictures and filming cast members, etc. The jealous assholes who did the filming edited the footage to make me look like an asshole after we had a falling out over them not understanding how fucking awesome I am. They released it as a film called “Overnight.”
Tucker: So DON’T film or document the process on a daily basis?
Troy: Never. Worst thing you can possibly do.
Tucker: Interesting take. Not one I fucking agree with. But, I’m Tucker Max, right?
Troy: Also, be very careful about claims you make prior to the film’s release. Never quote numbers. Never even promise a theatrical release. Confidence is one thing. But, looking like the biggest asshead on the planet is painful. Some of your actions can come back to haunt you.
Tucker: Any specific examples of like, things I shouldn’t fucking say?
Troy: Well, I once said… “As for my film career? Get used to it, ‘cuz it ain’t goin’ anywhere. Period.” I also proclaimed that I was going to succeed “on a scale like never before”. Also, I said that I had a “cesspool of creativity.” It’s all true, but jealous people might take it out of context.
Tucker: Yeah. People suck. But we have ways of controlling them that is like no other way ever invented in the history of the Internet or society.
Troy: Well, my problem was that I thought I knew more than everyone else – which I do. I created my own press and believed it. We faked script coverage. I pissed off a lot of people in Hollywood, including that dickbag Jew, Harvey Weinstein. Plus tons of other so-called powerful people. Burning tons of useless bridges. Fuck ‘em all, I say. I even called a very powerful female executive a “cunt.”
Tucker: …Well, was she?
Troy: Fuck yeah!
(Troy and Tucker chest bump)
Troy: I think my biggest regret was surrounding myself with an army of mindless ass kissing “yes” men who never called me on my shit. But maybe I’m wrong. Maybe… Do you have a posse?
Tucker: Yeah. I have a company called Rudius Media. We spam message boards and delete anything that makes sense or has relevant counter logic towards our goals.
Troy: Are they loyal to your artistic visions?
Tucker: Fuck yeahs! Watch this shit – (screams to kitchen) Nils, you fucking boxhead, run into the wall three times, NOW!
Nils: Yes, sir… (BAM!) Ohhw! … (BAM!) Ohhw! … (BAM!) Ohhw!
Troy: I’m impressed.
Tucker: The Boondock Saints went theatrical tho, and was huge on DVD so it looks like you got the last laugh, motherfucker!
Troy: Actually, the film was released on one screen and grossed 23 thousand dollars. I signed away the DVD rights so that I could make the movie. The budget was only seven million dollars. I mean who the fuck can make a movie on seven million dollars?
Tucker: …um… Any regrets?
Troy: Regrets? Fuck no. I have lived life by my own rules. I made one of the best movies ever made. The characters in my movie have never been done before in the history of modern cinema. Actually looking back now, everything went exactly as I had planned. I changed the whole system single-handily. I won. Hollywood lost. It was revolutionary!
(Tucker moves in closer to Troy)
Tucker: Can I like, fucking… kiss you?
Reporter: (coughs)… hhhurrummpphh — Tucker, I’m still here.
(Tucker jumps back and composes himself)
Tucker: This is Troy motherfucking Duffy, dude. He also made a great fucking movie.
Reporter: I know who he is. I brought him here. And I just saw you try to kiss him.
Tucker: You are 100% wrong. Keep making stuff up.
Reporter: Scroll up like three inches. You said “Can I like, fucking… kiss you?” You even puckered your lips.
Tucker: Never happened. You’re so banned, asshole!
(Troy looks at watch)
Troy: I’m off to Starbucks.
Tucker: I love their fucking Frappucinos!
Troy: I don’t drink coffee… but I need to be there by five for my shift.
Tucker: (to reporter) See that, you asshole. This motherfucker Troy made one of the greatest movies in history on his own terms and brought Hollywood to their knees! And now he is working for one of the most successful companies in the world. Eat shit, you fucking suit!
Reporter: How long do you think your delusional life will exist before it comes crashing down in flames like the Hindenburg?
(How will Tucker respond? STAY TUNED….)
—- END OF PARTS ONE THROUGH THREE —–
“Good luck Tucker. If the movie sucks, it is still better than anything these fools have done”
It took 300+ posts to get to this obvious and still fallacious argument.
Gosh I just love you Tucker fans! You guys are so adorable!
Something the insiders may not have considered: Channel costs. Unless there’s an agent that can negotiate with the many independent theater owners, Tucker is going to face an uphill battle trying to transact with the multitude of theater owners, especially if he’s trying to coordinate on a release date. That’s a lot of phone calls, contracts, and coordination. I’m assuming that there is some industry apparatus (such as agencies) for this, but unlike releasing B&W classics, foreign films, and cult movies, IHOPE will require a coordinating release. The logistics sound daunting, especially when you consider that this movie probably won’t make money in theaters.
If there is anything “revolutionary” about this movie, it will be the timing of the non-theatrical release date. The old video economics model timed the release so that the audience with the deepest pockets (or greatest motivation to watch) would pay the highest cost first. But that model may not work with the target audience and movie subject matter (an R rating disqualifies a sizable portion of Tucker’s audience) in this day and age. I think Darko will need to release this puppy over the web. It might even be an interesting $8 million test ($2 million for advertising on select male audience web sites). This is almost a pure play, in terms of testing the Internet as a primary distribution channel.
Jason L - way to prove your point, using:
“You probably shouldn’t assume you know too much about strangers”
AND
“I can all-but-guarantee I’m worth more than you are.”
Smart guy. Hedge fund manager?
Nobody sells that many books on “impulse buys”.
Madman - professional blogger reading 300+ posts. If you are lonely maybe you should read the book and learn a few lines. But I know tearing yourself away from World of Warcraft may be daunting.
Bottom line - it’s the people that hate him that makes him what he is. He is NOT a Mel Gibson / Heath Ledger lovable character. He’s an asshole. That’s his in. Carrot Top is annoying, Ozzy is drunk and hazy, Paris is a whore. Everyone has their claim to fame. Tucker is an asshole, and that’s why people read it. It’s entertaining to read about someone doing what you shouldn’t/can’t do. It may as well be fiction, but either way it is entertaining to read about other people’s lives. Dirt - Autobio of Motley Crue - BIGGEST assholes that ever lived, yet also one of the most popular and profitable bands EVER. Every single negative post on here credits Tucker Max, so keep it going! Keep an open mind and realize what he’s trying to do here. He’s not as stupid as you would like to think.
Also - I think some of you give the film industry too much credit. We see a REALLY good movie once every 1-2 years. Some of the best ones, Boondock Saints, bomb in the theaters and thrive in the aftermarket.
Look at American Pie. Was it well written? Hell No. Great acting? Nope. But “Stiffler” is a well known character and they made what, 4 of those movies?? It’s low brow, dirty, sex driven, foul, and appeals to the masses.
As I mentioned earlier - White Chicks, Scary Movie (1-10), etc etc etc keep coming out and each is worse than the prior. This probably won’t win any awards, but it has to be better than than tripe.
Christ. Two of the sides are ridiculous (the tucker max haters and the fanboys) in that they are WAY too involved (little too much time on your hands, no?). The third side (the people “in the know”) are smug pseudo-players who should know that speculation is just that. There is no guarantee of success or failure. We won’t know that for another year. We’ve seen giant piles of mess become theatrical hits and brilliant films become failures. There are too many factors involved to predict anything. As far as script reading goes, I read about four lines and I realized scripts in general are not good reads (hence why they’re not novels, scripts aren’t a medium to just be read, similar to plays). To be honest, I’ll end up seeing the film on my laptop (God bless internet piracy, I only support the film industry if it is a GREAT film, not good.). It just seems like another low brow college comedy (seriously folks, the title is “I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell”, I do not think anyone (even the producers/people involved in the film) is expecting a comedic masterpiece here.) I’m pretty sure this type of film isn’t script driven, but performance driven (ex. Balushi in Animal House, Ferrell and Vaughn in Old School, etc.) so all of these arguments are pretty much moot. Seriously people, all of this fuss over a college comedy?
Ben: American Pie was written better than what has been seen from Tucker Max’s script.
Also, remember: Stiffler was a memorable character. Nothing in Tucker’s screenplay shows any hint of a memorable character being created. And I know, “actions are more important than words.” However, you at least need some decent words to increase the effect of actions (facial expressions, tone, etc).
Unless Czuchry improvises out the ass, it just isn’t going to happen.
Not to mention, “Finch” was a nice contrasting character to Stiffler’s rambunctious behavior. I don’t see any character that contrasts Tucker’s well. However, maybe that’s just me.
American Pie also had funny scenes. I won’t say the whole series was hilarious, but some scenes were. From paper, nothing sticks out in my head as a potential memorable scene from his screenplay. Many of those jokes are old and refurbished from other sources. The translation to video *may* make them better, but memorable, likely not.
But Ben, if that’s your cup of tea, fine by me. No reason to argue over *why* you like him. But just as we should respect your opinion on his writing and overall likeness to his ambitions, you should respect the majority’s opinion here that the movie seems to be better suited as a Youtube upload.
The third side is the most ridonculous–the holier than thou douchebag darko flametards who must be paid to write and write and write things such as, “so all of these arguments are pretty much moot. Seriously people, all of this fuss over a college comedy?”
Anonymous on August 8th, 2008 10:35 am appears to be one of these Douchebag Darko’s:
“Christ. Two of the sides are ridiculous (the tucker max haters and the fanboys) in that they are WAY too involved (little too much time on your hands, no?). The third side (the people “in the know”) are smug pseudo-players who should know that speculation is just that. There is no guarantee of success or failure. We won’t know that for another year. We’ve seen giant piles of mess become theatrical hits and brilliant films become failures. There are too many factors involved to predict anything. As far as script reading goes, I read about four lines and I realized scripts in general are not good reads (hence why they’re not novels, scripts aren’t a medium to just be read, similar to plays). To be honest, I’ll end up seeing the film on my laptop (God bless internet piracy, I only support the film industry if it is a GREAT film, not good.). It just seems like another low brow college comedy (seriously folks, the title is “I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell”, I do not think anyone (even the producers/people involved in the film) is expecting a comedic masterpiece here.) I’m pretty sure this type of film isn’t script driven, but performance driven (ex. Balushi in Animal House, Ferrell and Vaughn in Old School, etc.) so all of these arguments are pretty much moot. Seriously people, all of this fuss over a college comedy?”
No the fuss is not over a college comedy–it is over a douchebag and douchebaggery trying to pass douchebaggery off as art.
Get it right all you donnie douchebag darko financiers.
Just for once, take a deep breath, look at reality, and get it right.
Please–that’s all we ask.
Get it right, and we can all go home.
“Madman - professional blogger reading 300+ posts. If you are lonely maybe you should read the book and learn a few lines. But I know tearing yourself away from World of Warcraft may be daunting. ”
Corman, you’re adorable! If anyone should be plucked away from the computer, it should be you, you fat piece of shit.
No. Good god. You are a moron. Mental issues much? Either that or your alterior motive HAS to be good. Your bitterness (and paranoia that I am in the fanboy camp) is quite funny. This isn’t about a douchebag, this is about a movie. This isn’t an “Anti-Tucker Max FUCK HIM HE’S A DOUCHEBAG blog”, this is a film industry script review blog. Quit tarding it up. Then again we can go into a basic philosophical question (What is art?) but that of course would also be moot.
I, for one, would LOVE to take this discussion onto the ‘what is art?’ battlefield. Tucker doesn’t stand a CHANCE there.
Did I miss the part where somebody claimed that Tucker wasn’t an asshole, because like 75 percent of the comments here think that apparently happened at some point.
I for one am totally glad that his fans came to Tucker’s rescue. Without them this entire review would have flown under the radar and Gawker would still be printing articles on “The Monster of Montauk.” It was the fact that they thought they could attack Cecelia for whatever and she would cower away and they’d claim “victory”.
That’s right Tucker fans, you in fact helped cause the disastrous public relations fiasco that has occurred to his movie. I’m sure Tucker will take all credit for it, but I would like to thank you.
Love him or hate him (yes I think Tucker rocks), anyone that can bring this much press to a piece of shit blog like this can probably make over 6mil in the box office. Maybe in the 3 minutes I spent looking over this blog I missed something, but the.. uhh… discussion.. here seems to have outlasted any and everything here. Not to mention it has generate more comments than all the other posts by just a bit.
Another thing: I found this place by following a link in the IHTSBIH blog to a site who had some negative feed back, to here, so I’m not really sure what all you people are talking about when you say Tucker Max is trying to smooth over any negative comments about his movie.
As for the original post, I wonder what kind of hypocrite goes to insult Tucker’s friends/fans (many of them being graduates of one of the better law schools in the country, members of the armed forces (both the grunts and the elites), best selling authors who some pretty heavy hitters site as being a major influence in their lives (”The Laws of Power” by Robert Greene, a book that Jay Zee and many others have claimed to be an inspiration for their approach towards life and business) as being second rate losers who can’t let go of past adolescent glories, and then goes on to say that Tucker Max dismisses everyone who disagrees with him as jealous, fat, stupid, etc.
As for the validity of his stories, I would like to think they are mostly true. I mean I think his Miss Vermont story is one of the more out there ones, but who is that on the cover on his book with him… Miss Vermont herself. Who tried to sue Tucker for libel and slander.. and lost (thanks at least in part to video footage proving at least part of what Tucker claimed to have happened).
I have to give thescriptreader some credit for the clever ploy she pulled with the whole, “I hope the movie is successful so Tucker Max’s fall from the top is that much more painful when he (and everyone else) realizes how much he sucks.” thing. Congrats on rigging it so whether Tucker Max succeeds or fails you can keep nay saying and bringing unprecedented amounts of traffic to your site. I salute you hope that one day I can have my 15 minutes of fame be just as glorious as yours.
Dave’s Not Here said:
“I don’t get it. Your ego was bruised because you believed it? You really place that much importance on that? You can’t just enjoy something for what it is? What is the problem with it possibly being a lie?”
I have to whole heartedly agree with this.
After all writing fiction (and apparently non-fiction) is 100% about lying through your teeth. Lie Lie Lie. That’s what good stories are. That’s why we have so many great male authors..
As an aside, I absolutely adore James Frey’s first novel, and yes I believed it to be a work of fiction when I read it. Of course I take every non-fiction with a grain of salt. So, now those of you that have been wounded by Tucker’s lies can take comfort in knowing that everyone lies their butts off to get a good story.
I love how that pathetic “rapper” Paul Wall is “producing” IHTSBIH’s “soundtrack”… Seems losers do in fact gravitate towards each other…
http://www.antimusic.com/sd/05/oct.shtml
Check out Pall Wall’s awesome high school pic:
http://img293.imageshack.us/img293/5543/dsc022281li.jpg
Was that before he got “throwed”?
Funny how Tucker’s fanboys luuuuuv Paul Wall, even if they used to make fun of OOPS I mean “wahoo” wiggers with “grillz” on his gestapo-moderated message board years ago…
Well, I read the first draft of his script (it was horrible) and then his script dated 4/15/08 … it was better.
Point is, I agree with most here and don’t see it becoming widely distributed. There were some clever parts, but not enough to make this thing good.
Besides, did anyone see the coincidental “Wedding Crashers” scenes in his screenplay? Instead of the sister making the bad jokes (Wedding Crashers), it’s the best man (IHTSBIH) at the wedding reception.
Instead of Owen Wilson crashing weddings by himself and being a complete idiot, it’s Tucker in bars.
Erm.
ok. wtf. you guys all need to stop drinking the haterade, especially thescriptreader. She should be thanking Tucker Max right now for bringing traffic to this shit website.
And stop trying to blow off anyone defending Tucker Max as a “paid fanboy.” That gimmick was played out by the first comment.
It is also very apparent that the people who are hating him and just lame as hell. Probably a bunch of up-tight cunts (even the men) going through some severe mid-life crisis and grounding their kids for 6 months for smoking some weed or something who cannot conceive the fact that Tucker Max can be liked by people.
I doubt he is a liar. If you go to college and have cool friends, you will do crazy things too. It’s apparent that the people who don’t believe his stories just lead shitty, boring lives and have shitty and boring friends. My friends and I have said funnier things to each other when we insult each other.
Fine. He is a douche-bag for some of the things he has done. We all know that. Even his fans know that (like you’re such a saint yourself). But why are his fans so loyal? It’s not about picking up women. It’s about not letting people make your life. It’s about people not making your opinions. It’s about having fun. It’s not about getting drunk all the time. It’s about a lot. The people talking shit just looked at the surface and you’ll realize there is much more to Tucker Max. He himself (if you look at his FAQ on his site) SAID that his whole persona is a caricature. He is not always some super alpha make dude. But, the reason his fanbase grows exponentially (and will probably give it a nice boost because of this article) is because, since the launch of his website, he has achieved nothing but more and more success.
His stories are just funny. Just because some people don’t see the humor in it doesn’t mean shit, now does it? name your favorite comedian. do you like Carlos Mencia? Well, I hate him. I think he is the shittiest stand up comedian ever created. But, I don’t rant on him all day. I don’t go on websites and write a 3 page thesis about how much he sucks. Why don’t I do that? because I am working in noodles and company and carlos mencia has millions in his bank account right now, and he is probably laughing his ass off and eating 100 dollar bills everytime he sees comments on the net hating on him. yeah, money doesn’t always buy happiness, but it’s a pretty good down payment isn’t it?
You call Tucker Max all these things, but really you have to look at yourself, and realize that your own arrogance has blinded you, and instead of learning from him, you just have to blow him off. Only dumbasses think they know everything. Smart people try to learn from everything. Just because your book sucks balls, doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world, you know? (just an example)
But, anyways, I’m rambling at this point. Why do you all hate him again? I didn’t read all the comments so, I’m sure I missed something here.
sorry. i’m kind of drunk. so don’t bring the grammar police here
*knockknock*
It’s the Grammar Police! We have been alerted to grammatical and / or spelling related irregularities in the area. Everyone show their high school diploma!
And as for you, Ian… *shakes head*… you DO know that these alcohol-induced typos will get you a lot of red dots over at your master’s message board, where everyone parrots TM in order to harvest “validation points”. No, we, the Grammar Police, might be obnoxious, but even we couldn’t make this shit up.
However, for now we’ll let everyone off with a warning. Oh, and Ian, Tucker is pissed about your deviating from the cult’s “how to be a Tucker Max fanboy” instruction pamphlet.
“Ian on August 8th, 2008 10:37 pm”"
Hi Ian,
“ok. wtf. you guys all need to stop drinking the haterade, especially thescriptreader. She should be thanking Tucker Max right now for bringing traffic to this shit website.”
Whoops, too late. Her article was so good and caused such a stir (mostly because Tucker fans came over here and caused an otherwise small article to become public) that Gawker picked up on the article.
BTW, when was the last time anything Tucker WROTE got picked up by one of the larger websites or news companys? Besides the screenplay on Variety, not one thing in over two years.
“And stop trying to blow off anyone defending Tucker Max as a “paid fanboy.” That gimmick was played out by the first comment.”
Okay, I won’t call you an unpaid fanboy.
“It is also very apparent that the people who are hating him and just lame as hell.”
Well that’s arbitrary, but you know what is lame as hell? Having something, like perhaps a screenplay, and knowing deep in your heart that it’s not very good, but telling your fans that it’s going to be “revolutionary” in order to drive up hype. That’s not just lame as hell, that’s taking advantage of your fanbase, most of whom are unpaid.
“Probably a bunch of up-tight cunts (even the men) going through some severe mid-life crisis”
How could you tell? Was my font a dead giveaway?
“cannot conceive the fact that Tucker Max can be liked by people.”
Actually I think it’s his fans who can’t conceive that he’s disliked.
“I doubt he is a liar. If you go to college and have cool friends, you will do crazy things too.”
Or even better, we went to college with cool friends who did stuff, and they tell you their stories, and you write them down and take credit for those stories happening to you personally. That or completely make shit up.
“It’s apparent that the people who don’t believe his stories just lead shitty, boring lives and have shitty and boring friends. My friends and I have said funnier things to each other when we insult each other.”
Or maybe we’re just paying attention. I’ll tell you what, when Tucker can produce a police report to verify that the Absinthe Donut story really occurred, then I’ll stop calling him a fraud.
By the way, I’m absolutely positive that you’ve said funnier things than Tucker.
“Fine. He is a douche-bag for some of the things he has done. We all know that.”
Thanks, I was wondering when you would bequeath us with your permission to think he’s a douchebag.
“Even his fans know that (like you’re such a saint yourself). But why are his fans so loyal?”
That’s funny, his Alexa rankings have been dropping for almost two years. Most of his really good posters have long since left, and he’s left with a skeleton crew
“It’s not about picking up women. It’s about not letting people make your life. It’s about people not making your opinions.”
So, wouldn’t you say that Cecilia made up her own opinion on Tucker script, and that a great number of people also made up their own opinion and think Tucker’s film sucks?
See, if anything, we’re just all following Tucker’s advice.
“It’s about having fun. It’s not about getting drunk all the time. It’s about a lot. The people talking shit just looked at the surface and you’ll realize there is much more to Tucker Max.”
I know, he’s sugar and spice and everything nice.
That doesn’t change the fact that he wrote a lackluster script that he’s promoting as “one of the best comedies in the last 10 years”.
“He himself (if you look at his FAQ on his site) SAID that his whole persona is a caricature. He is not always some super alpha make dude.”
Some times he’s an alpha she-male dude?
“But, the reason his fanbase grows exponentially (and will probably give it a nice boost because of this article) is because, since the launch of his website, he has achieved nothing but more and more success.”
Yes, he has been relatively successful, he earns an income from his writing. As someone above said, he’s a success IN SPITE of the fact that Tucker has severely mismanaged his own career.
How much longer do you think that can last?
“His stories are just funny. Just because some people don’t see the humor in it doesn’t mean shit, now does it?”
Nobody said that his stories aren’t funny. People are saying his funny stories didn’t translate well on his script.
“name your favorite comedian.”
Richard Pryor RIP
“do you like Carlos Mencia? Well, I hate him. I think he is the shittiest stand up comedian ever created.”
I agree, he’s pretty horrible. It’s funny you mention Mencia because like Tucker he has also been accused of ripping off other people’s work and passing it off as his own.
I’m sure that was unintentional, but if not, you sir are a genius.
“But, I don’t rant on him all day. I don’t go on websites and write a 3 page thesis about how much he sucks. Why don’t I do that? because I am working in noodles and company and carlos mencia has millions in his bank account right now, and he is probably laughing his ass off and eating 100 dollar bills everytime he sees comments on the net hating on him.”
Probably true, of course he can’t show himself in most comedy clubs without getting called out by another fellow comedian due to him lifting jokes and putting them into his act.
“yeah, money doesn’t always buy happiness, but it’s a pretty good down payment isn’t it?”
So therefore anybody who makes more money than you therefore makes him more correct than you in a debate?
By the way, Tucker hasn’t made a million dollars in entertainment yet, that’s why he lives in a shitty part of LA with roommates and a car that most adults stopped owning after they graduate college.
“You call Tucker Max all these things, but really you have to look at yourself, and realize that your own arrogance has blinded you, and instead of learning from him, you just have to blow him off.”
Actually, we’ve called him none of those things. Most people here just think he wrote a crappy script that he’s trying to pass off as “art”… Sorry, I just laughed a little more.
“Only dumbasses think they know everything.”
I agree. Ever read Tucker’s film blog? It might be the most unintentionally funny thing I’ve ever read. Tucker has never worked on a movie before, yet here he is giving advice on how to get a movie made and how it is made.
I have no problem with him doing this, it’s just funny that he believes he’s an expert on making movies. But the real humor is that any and all producers I know wouldn’t have the time to make videos because they’re actually making a movie. Since Tucker is doing all these videos, it can be safely assumed that he’s not really all that “hands on” his own film like he’s telling people.
“Smart people try to learn from everything.”
Smart people also know you don’t learn anything from blind ignorance.
“But, anyways, I’m rambling at this point. Why do you all hate him again? I didn’t read all the comments so, I’m sure I missed something here.”
Actually Ian, I didn’t hate Tucker at all, that is until you came in here. Now I really hate him. Man I hate him so much I’m gonna….. GRRRRRR!!!!
To be honest, I’m just having a blast watching this all go down like it did. What’s happening to him in reality is far funnier than anything in his script.
Read Tucker’s script:
http://rapidshare.com/files/135879102/IHTSBIH.pdf.html
Just as bad as she says.
I started reading this and had to stop as I felt mysefl getting dumber as I continued.
I had no idea who Tucker Max is before reading this so I checked out his site and was not impressed. It seems that his fans would be bottom dwelling mouth breathers. Frat boys and idiots who think it is ok to treat women and everyone else like shit just for their own entertainment. Douche baggery at its finest.
Basically a typical Vince Vaughn movie where the acts selfish and childish for most of the movie, with a lot of contrived dialogue that sounds nothing like anyone would ever say. Then at the end he repents for his ways in a typical, bullshit wedding crashers type way… typical hollywood cheese. Slingblade isn’t the big revolutionary character that they say he is. Somehow some star trek nerd who was neglected and now sounds like a really mean and profane character from a Sorkin production or Gilmour Girls is somehow deep? If Goss saw that script and actually thinks that Slingblade has the potential to be “one of the great male characters in american cinema”, then he’s a fucking retard.
tucker was able to procure this whole deal based on lies about his web traffic and book sales. he has allegedly artificially inflated his book sales by purchasing tons of his own books, and he totally about his website traffic to make it seem like he gets mililions of hits a month. the truth is that all his traffic really goes to his message board and he only had 25 posts on the message board today. millions of hits my ass! 400k book sales my ass! he totally scammed everyone, total liar, no talent, etc. ALLEGEDLY.
I just watched Tucker on The Opie and Anthony Show. It goes without saying that the guy is a small dicked, dead inside retard. If Dave Coulier was somehow less funny, and a eunuch, with a cleft palate, he would be Tucker Max.
(With apologies to Dave Coulier)
Anyway, enjoyable review.
This is coming from 21 yr old college male who drinks too much for his own good. I have never met Tucker and did not read his book. I find his stories funny and his behavior immature.
What I really want to comment on is the truthfulness of his stories. I don’t know if they are true, but I do know that stuff like that happens all the time at my school. We’re not raging asshole who mock others, but we do have some pretty crazy drunken nights. I can think of several stories that could have been on tucker’s website minus his arrogance.
-one time we stole a statue from a museum lawn and the FBI showed up at a party with automatic weapons and questioned everyone for 6 hours.
-one time I ran naked down the street after losing a game of beer pong and a 300 lbs black lady tried to pick me up. She showed me pictures of porn on her phone, because I told her “I couldn’t it up. I only like skinny white chicks.”
-I have met 2 different girls who if you tried to hit on them would, brush you off. If you called them a bitch they would take you into the bathroom and fuck you. (don’t ask me why)
-one time a girl puked on my friends dick and he ran around the house with his pants down swearing at her.
I’m just saying don’t underestimate the stupidity of the modern self-destructive college male.
Some one above, mentioned that the parts of the film from the books were funny while the fabricated parts are not. Could this be because there was an ounce, if only that, of truth in them.
“This is coming from 21 yr old college male who drinks too much for his own good. I have never met Tucker and did not read his book. I find his stories funny and his behavior immature. ”
Translation: “This is coming from Nils Parker’s donnie darko douchebag intern who tucker is using to spam the internet/amazon/blogs and who drinks too much for his own good just like nils eats too much. I have met Tucker and i did not read his book. I am paid very well and nils is my friend, he tells me every night, and so i will write here that i find his stories funny, becauise i am a corporate douche bag donnie darko douchebtard intern.”
Gwen, I think tucker max is as much of a douchebag as any of you, but assuming that he’s a paid fanboy because of what he wrote is just as stupid as what some of the real fanboys say. What he says is true, people do things like Tucker but just don’t write them down. He conceeds that tucker is a douchebag. I don’t think this hyper paranoia about every single person who doesn’t want Tucker Max to die makes those of us who don’t like him look terribly bright. Chill the fuck out and try to be a little more even keeled, even when talking about that total loser.
^^ True dat, bro.
Hi, I’m a 25 year old virgin, and….
..no.
Good publicity, bad publicity….it’s all the same: It gets the word out. I scan Tucker’s blog on a weekly basis, no more, no less, just once a week, and it’s surprising to see the amount of controversy being put into the air over his film. I have to ask, TheScriptReader, if during your time in your industry you’ve ever gotten a promotion from reading scripts? Because, while you must be good at what you do, no doubt, to never advance must mean that your obviously biased accounts on the movies you review are holding you back in some way, shape or form.
Tucker Max is too busy with his film to even worry or pore over all of this ruckus you’re creating. All you’re doing is hitting a hornet’s nest: people are going to find out about this debate, come from either side of the camp, and in the end, more and more people with hear about this movie. If some of the jokes aren’t that funny, so what? People laughed at Meet the Spartans, for fuck’s sake. I would rather read Tucker’s Austin road trip story a thousand times over than watch that piece of garbage.
P.S. I’d love to know what you think of the ’spoof’ movie genre, if you don’t mind. Societal farce at least draws from real experience, whereas movies that generate sequel after sequel of the same boring jokes draw only from the previously-produced ‘real’ “movie” movies.
The “press” he’s gotten hasn’t been significant. The layperson only uses the internet for porn, email, and facebook. Not to mention, that most people are not discerning with their movie going choices either. Gawker is read by a specific demographic which would probably not be supportive of someone like Tucker Max anyways, and all the people on his messageboard were obviously going to camp out and dress up like him the night before it opens no matter what some blogger says. I think a very small amount of people, a number which will not impact his bottom line, has now been aprised of the fact that he is a lying, insecure douchebag. Until it gets picked up on CNN or Oprah decides to bitch about it, the average person will not care one way or another. The new script is much, much better. However, it isn’t revolutionary in the least, but that isn;t a problem for tucker max since most people won’t ever know how he proclaimed that it would basically be the Citizen Kane of comedy. Like I said, they might recoup production costs. If there’s an 8 figure marketing budget, I think they’ll have trouble getting in the black.
The new script is garbage, Rolo. It isn’t funny, the dialog artificial, and the structure all too predictable.
“Good publicity, bad publicity….it’s all the same: It gets the word out.”
This is a PR disaster. No one wants to pay to see an unfunny comedy. If anyone is curious enough to see if it’s a trainwreck, they’ll wait for free Internet distribution. The posted excepts demonstrate that the jokes aren’t funny, and this isn’t a “date” movie.
“I have to ask, TheScriptReader, if during your time in your industry you’ve ever gotten a promotion from reading scripts? Because, while you must be good at what you do, no doubt, to never advance must mean that your obviously biased accounts on the movies you review are holding you back in some way, shape or form.”
The prompts me to ask if you’re really 25. By the age of 25, most of us in corporate America realize that there are multiple career paths. Some are managerial, others are more “professional” or specialty-related. Many opt to be a specialist, as they derive their greatest joy from that line of work. Don’t be so dismissive, as I suspect Cecelia has greater earning power than you, and has earned far more respect in the real world.
Whoa. I love you, Script Reader, but this shit is ker-AYYY-zeeee! I can’t believe some of these people care this much that they write novels disguised as comments. Plus, I like blogs about guys who tan all day better than this nonsense.
Whoa yourself, hotpayoman! Get with the program. Lock step with the family and love this blog. i will send you more tan-man info privately.
I get black out drunk and fuck sluts on occasion.
Oh gosh, is anyone still here. Here I am again coming in late to the party. Is this where all the cool kids (err Hollywood execs) are hanging out since every one left Tucker’s board 2 years ago. Oh good lets talk movies. I love movies.
I can’t seem to post my comments about the movie on Tucker’s site. I think it’s because I keep using the word revolutionary. I don’t think they like that word on RMMB anymore, but I don’t care. I’m using the word and I’ll back up my comments. I guess if that makes me stupid, I ‘ll have to live with it, I’ve been called worse (smelly ethnic asswipe comes to mind).
Yes, I think Tucker’s movie is going to be revoutionary. I think his movie will be a success and even has a good chance of being a big success. (By big success I mean a monster hit that keeps going around in theaters for months, if not a moderate success which I mean to be a sleeper hit). Why? First and foremost is the script. I know what you are thinking, not a good argument, no one in Hollywood liked the script. Sorry guys, Hollywood (and unlike Tucker I mean that respectfully), has missed the boat before.
If I had to compare Tucker’s script with another movie script, Id compare it to Legally Blonde. Yes, it reminds me of Legally Blonde is so many ways. First both scipts had scenes that seemed and could have been played corny. Like the scene in the salon where everyone dances and the whole detective/court case scene. (that scene seemed like a cheesy episode of Matlock- forgive me) But it all worked. It all came together bueatifully. That movie, though not a masterpiece, is a work of art - at least as far a the acting goes. And that movie made Reese Witherspoon. She made some truly silly scenes believeable and made such a memorible film character. Didn’t every guy just want fuck Elle by the end of the movie because she was just so smart and sassy and pink. I know I did and I don’t even find Reese Witherspoon attractive normally. Sorry I didn’t, love her as an actress though. She rocked that movie and made it all work.
Similary, I think the same of Tucker’s script, Okay script, some funny jokes. But if he gets the right cast, the right Tucker, it could be amazing. Is Matt the right Tucker. I’ll tell you, I’ve seen him on Gilmore Girls and he has got that acting magic. That same stuff Reese has got (and oh yeah Bindu says he looks much hotter than Tucker, now shut up Bindu. I’m putting the cell phone down. Go make me some Naan. I want some hot Naan when I get home.) If he can make some silly scenes seem plausible he will have created iconic character. He will become a movie star. He seems like a nice guy so I wish him luck. He’s very talented so I don’t think he’ll need it though.
Next come the targetted demographic. Highschool and college kids. Has any one checked out the movie theater lately. That all you ever see there. I’m serious that is the majority of the people who go to the movies these days with DVDs and internet whatnot, us older folks don’t unless there is a big movie hit, but they do. Yeah I know underage kids can’t get into R rated movies and they also don’t drink alcohol and no one does drugs cause it’s illegal –Keep dreaming. High school and college age kids spend all their money (and their parent’s money too -I might add) They spend the majority of the money in this country period. Don’t forget that. You want to make money target that demographic. (I think tucker has figured this out already.) And as for distribution, I have a feeling just from my minimal understanding of human nature and show business that they probablely wil forgive him if they think they will make some money off him. Funny how money and booty makes us all weasels, isn’t it.
I think if people are not blinded by their own personal opinion of tucker. I’d think they would agree this movie has all the makings of a hit and I hope I can get my hands on some Darko stock are they on the stock market? can anyone tell me. Oh I forgot no one is reading this thread any more. Oh shucks.
I am so excited about this movie, I’m serious about that and I wholeheartedly can’t wait to see it. I even told Bindu when it comes out we are taking all the aunties and uncles to see it just to see the look on everyone faces. (and to shock the aunts and uncles too, this way they won’t complain next time the dish network doesn’t work that we don’t take them anywhere). Whatever. Just please next time your in the theater and you see the Indian lady with the red dot on her head and the sari be nice, it is probablely one of my aunts and they are all very nice people. I guess Tucker’s fans come in all shapes, sizes, ethnic groups, I hope he can handle that. I don’t know if all this makes me a Tucker fanboy then I guess that what i am. Bindu would like me to add that some of them are also fangirls (some of them however are banned, unfortunately for her, oh well she’ll survive– give her more time to bang me that what i tell her). Oh by the way not all of his fanboys are lawyers some of us are physicians.
Just so you know Marc, if you need a local orthopedic or physical therapist, I know some good ones out in Jersey. Hackensack University Medical Center is very innovative. Out here in Hackensack we are THE center of Robotic Laproscopic Surgery for the Manhattan area. No, I’m not joking. I’m serious. Let me know if you need some help, cause I think the Hospital of Special Surgery is the city is overrated. That just my opinion man, but if that where your momma making you go don’t sweat it, I understand. Every one peace, err Namaste MFs.
Sorry gotta go. Surgery calling. I got some bitchen’ (is anyone still using that word) comments to make about the similarities between the musical wicked and the tucker persona/movie/script but it will have to wait. Later.
Sanjeev.
Oh good god, I just reread that. Sorry about all the typos. Did I just embrass Tucker, India, America, the world. Oh well, gotta go perform major surgery.
[…] They Serve Beer in Hell, we can think of, short of using the pages as toilet paper. And if the coverage around the internet is any indication, the script for the upcoming movie based on the book is […]
Tucker disapponted me in a way I have never seen anyone comment on anywhere: In my opinion, he is simply not what he says he is. If he were a real a-hole, I would not have respected that in and of itself, but I would have respected that at least he was what he claimed to be. But he is not. Real a-holes don’t have legions of friends and post those pictures on their site. Real a-holes don’t love their dogs, have continuing friendships or befriend someone like Slingblade- or anyone for that matter. Real a-holes regard everyone they meet in an inanimate way. Those people, all people, exist to soley serve them, and are cast aside ruthlessly. Friendships don’t last for years and years like TM’s do.
The linchpin of Tucker’s “claim” is that he is an a-hole, because he drinks a lot and has sex with lots of women. The only way this makes someone bad is if it it is viewed in a very prudish sense. Has anyone ever considered that to have sex with lots of people also means sharing oneself with lots of people? Also, who says this is bad or that they wanted more from him than what he gave? As for the drinking, his behavior is not destructive other than that he drank a lot, and that harms oneself physically. I’ve never read where he beat someone up, for instance.
None of this is pro-Tucker.
Sanjeev, I couldn’t disagree with you more. Your arguments have nothing to do with the actual movie (i.e. the depth of the characters, the storyline, the potential for funny, memorable scenes). All you’ve said is that it’s very marketable (true, but it still has to be a good movie), and that the casting has to be perfect (again true, but as Tucker says the script drives the movies, not the actors, and I agree).
I believe the movie will TANK for the following reasons:
1) Lack of Humor
The ‘funny’ scenes from his stories just aren’t going to be that funny in a movie. Yes, it’s amusing that a real person actually fucks midgets and deaf girls, and cruelly insults hot girls who have so obviously never been insulted before. So in the medium of an online blog, this stuff works perfectly. But in a fictional movie, it just isn’t funny. Ok so his character is fucking a midget… it’s kinda-sorta amusing, I might lightly chuckle, but there’s no punch line! (as Cecilia pointed out) There’s nothing that would make me laugh uproariously, like I did in the opening scene of “American Pie”. That scene starts out similarly, as Jim is jerking off to porn with a tube sock. Mildly amusing at this point, maybe some light chuckles from the crowd. Now if the scene ended here, like Tucker’s midget scene, it would suck. But then Jim’s dad walks in and sees the tube sock! That’s laugh-out loud humor. Then the mom walks in and sees it, and that’s even funnier.
Now if this was a Borat-style documentary and Tucker was filmed actually doing this stuff, then it would be amusing. But in a fictional movie, not so much. As a matter of fact, I really can’t think of any Tucker stories that would be laugh-out-loud funny on the big screen. Maybe the anal sex story in a gross-out humor kind of way. Or maybe the hockey match story, where he beats up the mascot when he’s supposed to shoot the puck for a prize. That could be done humorously.
2) Unlikeable Characters
Tucker and Slingblade aren’t the likeable characters that you identify with and root for in the end. Instead, they just go around insulting people throughout the whole movie. Now if they were antagonists, that would be fine. Then I’d root for them to fail, and I’d be really happy when the protagonist defeats them in the end. But Tucker and Slingblade are the protagonists! How am I supposed to root for a character to mature and come out victoriously when I don’t even like him to begin with?
These characters work in a blog medium because it’s amusing to see people do and say things that we’re all too afraid to do. But in a fictional movie, these just aren’t the type of characters that we enjoy seeing.
Reese Witherspoon’s character in “Legally Blond” was a bimbo, but she was likeable - she was cute, witty, and had an underdog status that made us all want to root for her.
3) Marketing
Given the low marketing budget, this movie will only catch on if it has great word-of-mouth. And I really don’t think it will. Low budget movies like Juno and Napoleon Dynamite were good enough that we wanted to tell our friends to see them. Those movies actually did have clever, funny scenes, and the characters were those likeable, underdog characters that we rooted for in the end. But not Tucker’s movie.
As for Tucker’s name potentially opening a movie, I don’t think it will help much. He admits this, and I agree. Seeing a movie is a big commitment - you have to rally the friends, take 3 hours out of your day, and pay $10-12. Just knowing that that Tucker Max guy from the blog is making a movie is not reason enough for people to make the sacrifices necessary to see the movie.
And lastly, does anyone find it weird that DANNY LEINER was Tucker’s first choice for director? The “Harold and Kumar” and “Dude Where’s my Car” guy? Did anyone actually find those movies funny? Just another example of Tucker having no clue about what’s funny and what isn’t.
Steez, I can’t agree with you. The fact that his movie is essentially as stated “a movie about redemption” goes against the statement you have made that the character is underdeveloped . In order to seek redemption, you are acknowledging imperfection and trying to make amends. You are showing a universal and raw human emotion of pain and sympathy, with a wilingness to rectify it with positive change. To have a protagonist do this is not typical in your run of the mill silly teenage/frat boy movie. I agree it has to be done well and that is why the acting is so important. The trick, or art if you will, is to mesh the witty jokes, one liners, silly moments with the overall deeper underlining story of redemption and my point is you can’t tell if this is done by reading the script. (ex:legally blonde, I don’t think that it’s silly scenes as mentioned would read well). If it isn’t acted right it will fail and I think that is why Tucker wanted to be so involved with the casting. (I don’t know, I only pretend to read minds.)
Oh and until I get stock in Darko, I could care less about marketing. This only relates to distribution, which considering the way I believe Hollywood runs (on money first and always)–which in the long run can turn out pretty fair to all concerned–. He should be successful.
Oh by the way, Borat —-please. Let me be the first to say, I could care less if it had a deeper meaning. That movie was revolting, and yes I mean that in a bad way.
And now for my thoughts on comparsions between the musical/book Wicked and IHTSBIH. By the way I don’t go to the theater as much as I would like but Bindu kept pestering me to see Wicked so we went. She insisted that she knew that I would love it because it was a spin, or twist on the Wizard of Oz, and she knows I love things with unexpected twists. I said whateever and we went.
Man, was I blown away. It is my most favorite musical ever. How can you fall for/root for the Wicked Witch. She is the bad guy/girl, the A hole if you will, the one you go in wanting to lose. But when her story is brought to life, you sympathize with her predictament and her journey in this crazy cosmos. And when she succeeds you cheer. We all have a story to tell and when it’s done with heart and soul even an A-hole’s can touch you. I have to say I read the book too and even though I loved it, I preferred the happy ending of the muscial (a few differences between the two). The book however goes more in depth on the inner working of her mind and her history. I loved both and both complimented each other. I think the same thing will happen with IHTSBIH. The story may be somewhat different but if the story teller can weave that thread to make us feel for him and his friends as he has in his book. It will be amazing. How Tucker got a 39yo Indian kid/surgeon like me to root for his Kentucky ass, I will never know. I consider it magic and I am in awe.
There are just some people who seem to know how to focus on what’s important, and what people are instinctually drawn to. They can be master manipulators or con men but when they challenge their energies to positive efforts they change the world. I think Tucker is one of these special people. —-Just Kidding, He is an asshole guys. But I’m gonna bet it’ll be a great movie. I guess Sheev, we’ll just have to agree to disagree. Gotta run late for surgery.
Steez, your words are right on the money. Also, I am impressed that you took the time to write them- far more time and patience than I have or would take. You and Sanjeev although opposites, have the concentration of ninjas.
Steez, let me ask you this: If you went to Tucker’s site, and saw evidence of someone who was truly creepy and utterly ruthless- even if you had to read between the lines a bit to see this, would you feel differently about he and his movie endeavor? Maybe this is the person you already see? The person I see is sharing and gregarious and lives a fictional life in literature. At the very least, he has very lightweight views on what constitutes an a-hole. You have to have credibilty to make me sit through a movie with all the bad ones being made.
Finally, I do not think the movie will do well, simply because I do not think the material will translate to film. It has the potential to totally screw up his book sales.
wow, you guys are a bunch of retards, I can’t believe you’re sitting here and arguing about the validity of the movie and book. Who really cares ? You guys are thinking too hard about this. It’s just a bunch of blue vein dick jokes sprinkled with some banter about living life and knowing who you are. Download the torrent when it comes out, watch it and love it or hate it OR jack off to his every move, that sounds entertaining OR move on with your life, that sounds healthy.
Only problem Tux is that everything is being “over analyzed”. Over analysis is in. Tucker over analyzes everything, and you’d know this if you read even a portion of his book (maybe you are Tucker?). “Moving on wth your life” is now an obsolete concept. Check out the news and see things like banks going under, stock markets crashing, and the louses we are to pick from for president- on both sides. Move on to what? In my opinion, Tucker has made a career out of overanalyzing everything to the point where he sounds like a little old lady. It’s better to live life like Tucker does: Take little tiny happenstances and blow them way out of proportion and make your world out of that.
My whole point of even commenting in this chatroom is that everything that Tucker has done is not outrageous and he is not really an a-hole, so therefore he has no credibilty. People are drawn to him, because he is doing what they are: Not “moving on with life”, and taking little mounds and making molehills out of them, and using that as a vanity point.
Wow, Tux… you really are Tucker Max. You gonna comment buddy? Nah, didn’t think so. Too busy hanging out with your multitude of friends. Oh, but wait, you’re an a-hole- I forgot.
Disappointed is a genius and I think it hit Tucker’s gimmick right on the head. From Day One, Disppaointed has been right on the money and his insights are so true. Somebody needs to look into getting him a website.
Now, what do I think? I think Tucker needs a new pair of eyes, so he can tell a good looking girl from an ugly one, because all I see on his site is a bunch of needy skanks that anybody good score with if he had a decent line.
I read the book and thought it was hilarious. He might not be the “best man” out there but atleast he is honest with what he has done and how he is. Most men wouldn’t do that…. Props to TUCKER MAX!
Is he honest? Look on the net and see how he got clowned on Opie.
I agree with Disappointed. Tucker is full of crap with his stories and his chicks look ugly. I was there for Opie when it happened. Hey, has anyone gotten a load of this Nils guy who co-wrote douchebag’s movie? The stories on Drunkasaurus Rex are unreadable. He talks about things like the mashed potato bowls at KFC and how he was a paralegal (read: loser). In my opinion, he is a total f’ing retard. See for yourself.
Tylenol pm….
Dogs tylenol. Tylenol. Tylenol murders articles. Tylenol pm. Infant tylenol. Tylenol scholarship. Tylenol 3 side effects….
I’ve been following his movie blog. Things are looking good for the movie. It’s still in the editing process, and whatnot.
They had a test screening a couple days ago using an audience who never heard of Tucker Max. It got a 95% score, which is supposed to be beyond anything imagined. Distributors apparently shit themselves when the movie gets 80%, so it’s looking good. Plus, many people who say they saw claim it’s the funniest thing ever.
Also, before the movie comes out, Tucker is planning on writing a whole piece debunking all the rumors and lies spread about him. It’s all in the link below from his messageboard.
http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=24131
I don’t know why you all have to hate on him so much. He is a solid guy. Especially if you read his posts on his messageboard.
I have another question for you guys. If the movie is a big success, are you just gonna go into hiding or something? I’d love to read thescriptreader’s reaction to that.
Hey Andre-
Haven’t responded to recent comments to this blog because i forget to come all the way back here and look very often, but wanted to respond to yours because it echos so many other comments wondering if i will pee my pants and cry if the movie makes money. So here is the gentle reminder i gave at the top of these comments months ago:
I never said there wasn’t an audience for this movie –In fact, if you look back i said there probably was and that i hoped it did do well because, for me, Tucker Max is such a figure of fun that I want him to stick around– my only claim was that, in my opinion based on the script, the people who would comprise the tucker max movie audience were idiots.
Maybe that’s callous, maybe you disagree, maybe you think i’m an idiot. I’m ok with that. I’m a pretty secure person, at least as far as believing i’m not an idiot goes. I just happen to have a pretty hard and fast policy about how much intelligence i will attribute to people who think any of the myriad idiot bait moments highlighted here and elsewhere are funny (not much), and i’m sticking to it.
hope that clears things up. Good luck to you (and Tucker!) in all your many endeavors.
-Cecelia
Andre -
You can lynch me if the movie is a big success. The fact of the matter is that I would bet every dollar in the world that this movie will not make much money, and you quote me on that. Actually, please quote me on that, because I am so damn sure that this money will not be the blockbuster Tucker says it will.
Steez
P.S. The first Harold and Kumar scored a 97% on test screening - the highest score of any movie that summer. The filmmakers were predicting American Pie-like box offices. It grossed $19 million.
What makes him “solid” Andre?
Thank you, river- for the compliments. I’ve been away for awhile… now I’m back.
One thing that gets me, that no one is talking about, is how TM’s new book was supposed to come out on 11/11, but it never did. The book, as we all know is called, “Assholes Finish First”. Days before, Barack Obama finished first. This was a huge PC move by Tucker and his people to bury this book until spring or whenever. They were afraid that if they released the book, it would cause an uproar with African-Americans, and that could very well endanger our little baby boy, Tucker. They were afraid of a huge backlash, at least. This is what occurred, plain and simple. If McCain would have won, this book would now be in stores for our viewing pleasure.
I don’t want to hear that they want to time it with the movie. The book coming out would have been a huge birthday present for ego-maniac Tucker.
This is all just my opinion, but I believe it is dead-on accurate.
I just wanted to get my two cents in since I’ve been reading this comment page for over an hour now and it’s amused the hell out of me. I’m not going to get overly intellectual here or put anyone down since I for one like giving everyone the benefit of the doubt.
Tucker Max has had some amusing stories, and they were good for a chuckle or two. The fact that he made a book and people liked it isn’t surprising seeing as he has made so many fanboys over the internet. But that’s just it.
It’s just INTERNET fame.
He was funny for a few moments, but now he’s just annoying and I think that has to do with so many of his damn fanboys constantly saying that the people who hate him are just “haters” or are “jealous.” Not to mention that Tucker Max believes he is greatness now because of his fans who fill his ego and he fully believes that he can do no wrong now. He’s become a douchebag, plain and simple.
He’s just some damn guy who has to blow off people because he has no sense of self to begin with. And he is hardly famous. Anyone can get famous on the internet. FUCK even I am known around the world because of some damn blogs and youtube videos I used to post.
Point being? Fanboys…get off your high horse and realize that many people DON’T know about him and his blog and DON’T fucken care to begin with. NO ONE cares in the real world.
Whether or not he bombs with this movie, only time will tell.
Just my 2 cents, toodles~
Ryan Holiday deserves to be bagged out. The guy is an arrogant, tyrannical cocksucker who cannot take criticism. Go look through his history at the Rudius media forums. He covers this behavior up by posting blog posts about personal areas that he fails in (like his temper), so others think he is a reflective and self-changing individual. But when he fails in areas that matter (like never EVER admitting when he is wrong), and people call him out on it, he refuses to listen and gets his back up.
Violent acres had it right a long time ago. He still needs to grow the fuck up.
Anything you Tucker Max fanboys say doesn’t even matter. Everything Tucker Max says is a lie anyway. I didn’t believe his book would ever make any best seller list, and I didn’t believe anyone in Hollywood wanted his script, and I didn’t believe he got a movie financed, and I didn’t believe it would ever get shot, and even though I’ve been wrong about everything I’ve ever predicted about him, this time I’ll be right, and he’ll be lying. In factI don’t believe anything he has said ever really, because you know, I just don’t believe it. I can’t prove any of my beliefs, but I believe them, so they are true and valid!!
And Sillylittlefreak is an asshole and a greasy bum and doesn’t have a job and is working for Tucker!
Hey “Ben”,
Or should I call you Tucker?
Because that’s either you, Tucker, or possibly more embarrassing, a Tucker fanboy who is so unoriginal that you had to steal Tucker’s writing, verbatim:
http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=24773&page=2
I prefer to believe that that was you, Tucker, with an especially inept attempt at anonymously defending yourself, because if there’s one thing possibly more pathetic, it would be that one of your fans learned his lesson so well from your plagiarism and dishonesty that he decided to rip you off wholesale and think he could get away with it.
You are a liar and a fraud, Tucker Max, and it’s but a matter of time until your house of cards comes crashing down around you, you fucking douchebag.
OMG you guys won’t believe what happened to me the other day!!!!!!
I went on a date with a model chick, she came back to my place, I fucked her in the ass, she shit all over my dick, so I puked all over her, and she puked all over me, and then my friend in the closet came out and started puking all over both of us!!!!
It was the most unbelievable thing ever!
Nils is awfully fat, isn’t he?
the book is good. i just like reading anything about fucking. the movie is gonna suck and i dont even have to read about the shit. After this, Tucker MassCock is going to have nothing to write about but the constant hoes he’s going to fuck after the movies done. THis is all about getting more and more pussy, and money. And if father wasn’t that good at owning restuarants in SOUTH FL, he’d be in a community college catching more then just syphylissssss.
MadMan on August 6th, 2008 7:10 am
I would love to head David Zuckerman actually say, “Tucker’s script is funny.”
I want to hear those words from his mouth, not Tucker’s tiny little fingers. I find it hard to believe that anyone would say it was actually good. Well actually Tucker never said David Zuckerman said his script was good, either…just that he read it. Either way, I would love to hear his account of it.
Hey MadMan,
It’s David Zuckerman. I just saw this post. IMHO, Tucker and Nil’s script is funny. It’s also really good. I wonder how many of you people commenting on it have actually read the final draft. I saw the film at the distributor’s screening last week and I, like the rest of the packed house, laughed my ass off. It’s a good movie, and I think it will appeal to both Tucker’s fan base and anyone else who likes a good, R-rated comedy.
Here’s a crazy idea: See it for yourself when it comes out and form your own opinion.
So MadMan (and other haters), no need to trash me. I’m just telling you what I think since you asked.
DZ
David Zuckerman, it is always refreshing to have such an honest assessment by a luminary such as yourself. I am convinced Tucker’s movie is going to be a great hit. The only thing missing from the screenplay was a plot and humor.
i dont understand why you all care this much. the feeling i was left with was that i just wanted to drink a beer with Tucker. good for him for actually getting a movie made with his name in the title.
I only just stated reading this book and I think it is the funniest shit i has ever read. I love this book and I think that tucker max is the shizzzz. He’s got some out of this world stories that make me almost piss my pants as i read them. If they were to make a movie of this book I would be the first in line to buy a ticket for it. And all those people who just think he’s a piece of shit then obviously you don’t know how to have a good time and are just a bunch of haters who are jealous of how awesome Tucker Max is.
you call him stupid and not funny?
the guy graduated duke law school on a scholarship, and im no lawyer but im guessing thats a lot heigher then the degree of a mediocre script writer analyst who has obviously lost their sense of humour after reading so much shit. Tucker max is the funniest author i have ever read, and millions agree with me, and after reading some of your other reviews, your not much to brag abut as a writer either.
I have an interesting story for you http://andrewator.blogspot.com/2009/04/tucker-max-is-asshole.html
I used to think the guy was funny. I actually propositioned him for a business venture. Then he stole it from me and sold the domains for the business I already registered. I don’t know what I was thinking when I first made contact. I guess I was just hoping he would respond. It happened when he answered a call for fairness by auctioning off my domain investments back into public domain. Nice guy, that one.
Funny or not, that’s not the question. Relevant or not, his audience is not the issue. My issue, at least, has claims of legitimacy. The guy didn’t update his blog for nearly a month but he had time to steal from a disabled veteran. Funny or not, I’m just wondering where we stand as a society with so many walking and non-walking wounded coming back from unpopular foreign wars only to have the most ardent abusers of the system lauded for their dickery. Things keep up, I wouldn’t be surprised to see a draft if the Taliban takes over Pakistan. I wouldn’t want to serve for a country that sees that shit and laughs off your plight all the way to their inflated egos, at least not again.
At this point iTunes is the only distributor that guy can even hope to get to shill his movie for sub-standard dividends. Seriously, the guy is like Twilight for college frat boys. “When you wish, upon a brah. You will catch, sphylatic coughs, never going always caught, I wish you would crawl out your box.”
“Yo brah, ya see dis new T-MAX tape list’d unda tha Tom Wolfe for Teens section?” You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. This guy is going to get more attention than he deserves. I don’t even care if the movie is funny, the man behind the legend just isn’t there. When you look hard enough, you just can’t find anything concrete to distract yourself with.
I started this up if anyone is interested
http://www.petitiononline.com/BFTI/petition.html
“you call him stupid and not funny?
the guy graduated duke law school on a scholarship, and im no lawyer but im guessing thats a lot heigher then the degree of a mediocre script writer analyst who has obviously lost their sense of humour after reading so much shit. Tucker max is the funniest author i have ever read, and millions agree with me, and after reading some of your other reviews, your not much to brag abut as a writer either.”
You cannot be serious. I’m not impressed by lawyers to begin with (who are hacks who couldn’t do anything but read a bunch of things that no one else wants to know, at least doctors, engineers, software programmers, etc contribute products and service to the world) but Duke law school…YAWN.
I had scholarship offers to MIT and Caltech but went to Purdue because both those schools are for elitist POS snobs. (And Purdue is the real #1, cause they don’t rely on their connections to conntinually put them in the top 5) — but none of that matters…I’m an engineer, I don’t know anything about writing.
Likewise, neither does Tucker. Lawyers are probably some of the worst writers because they think in legal speak.
“Millions” let’s get something straight the book sold around 400,000 copies…mainly to college kids (the majority of which were frat boys)
Her argument isn’t whether his stories are funny or not. You missed the point. The screenplay is poorly written, just like the book was. He must have paid high school kids to edit it, because it’s loaded with flat out grammatical errors everywhere, let alone sentence structure, story telling, and the skills that great writers display.
(Using words like inure, sophist, and solipsistic flies right over Tuckers prime audience heads…real authors connect clearly and concisely to their target audience)
first off let me say i am a fan of Tucker Max, and a woman, also, im a movie buff.
i think his book is fairly entertaining, and i do plan to see the movie.
i agree with most of the things the scriptreader had pointed out and i have noticed that while reading the book that he is no different than any one else i know that is a complete and utter asshole. but assholes are funny, and stupid, and whilst i was reading Tuckers book i almost felt sorry for him and ended up liking his friends much more cuz i could identify with them .
Tucker has the balls to do and say what he wants, just like every one else. he is some what witty and comical, but im sure at the end of the day he cant be that happy with himself and im sure many ppl dont wake up wishing they had his life(other than the sex, beer, the money, a life…hmmm)
but all in all i like the stories. and i see no reason to bash him yet. aslo i get into movies for free so it wont bother me if the movie sucks =p
The joke is on all of you. Tucker Max is actually gay and running a huge experiment on the lameness of American heterosexual males. The ‘movie’ is a big joke and is just part of the experiment.
Basically Tucker Max makes Sacha Baron Cohen look like an amateur.
What the hell is a tucker max?
Rule 6 from tuckers website forum,
“6. BE YOURSELF. Do not lie, pose, front–whatever. No one will look down on you for being a nerd or gay or something else I am not, but everyone will hate you if you lie. Don’t do it.”
Hahahahaha, he’s obviously a fan of irony then.
want to read about a real asshole? check out http://www.tedbundy.biz
Tucker Max attended Univ. of Chicago with me. I still remember him showing up to fraternity rush parties in hopes of getting a bid, but none of the better houses would bother. He tried too hard to be “one of the boys” and came across as either a closeted gay, or someone who had a difficult time growing up. He just didn’t have the common sense to understand that passing out on the floor isn’t going to impress anyone over the age of 17.
Given that background, I can see why he wrote such a terrible script. He hasn’t changed; he’s still acting out.
“The joke is on all of you. Tucker Max is actually gay and running a huge experiment on the lameness of American heterosexual males. The ‘movie’ is a big joke and is just part of the experiment.
Basically Tucker Max makes Sacha Baron Cohen look like an amateur.”
oh god, if this were true, I’d bow to his trolling genius. not likely, though…
get your pussies ready, ladies!
I am a fan of Tucker Max’s book. I saw that trailer. It looked godawful. Not only did I not laugh–I actually cringed. I don’t think the short stories, which are funny for what they are, translate into an hour and a half movie, but I will still reserve final judgment until I see the finished product in its entirety. I will say that if those are supposed to be highlights, god help those of us who see it….because that trailer looks AWFUL. I will say half of the positive comments praising the film here are from his messageboard hoard, but that is to be expected as most are rats who would follow their pied piper into the river to die…perhaps watching this movie will accomplish this goal, which would probably be a victory of sorts…
I love how you dismiss much of his success as being “due to immature fratboys who can’t/won’t grow up” (obviously paraphrasing). Many of my friends and I who enjoy - don’t love, or worship, but enjoy - his stories, are not immature fratboys. Are we guys who like to have a good time (read: get drunk and make asses out of ourselves on occasion)? Yes, but we are also adults who went to top public universities, work 8-6 corporate jobs, and contribute to society. None of us are misogynistic, racist, or homophobic, and nothin in Tucker’s book or movie script suggests that he is any different. Narcissistic and assertive, sure, but Tucker himself wouldn’t deny that.
Look, the movie may suck, it may be amazing, it’s impossible to tell from one green band trailer. But dismissing, criticizing, and writing off someone else’s success as being due to a so-called idiotic fanbase is pathetic and comes off as nothing more than jealously.
Lastly, even if the ONLY people to see the movie are people who bought the book, he still fucking worked his absolute ass off to write a New York Times bestseller, turn it into a financed movie with nationwide distribution, and got 100,000+ (I’m going with a fucking way below bare-minimum basement number here) people to watch it. What the fuck have you EVER done, in your entire life (literally) that gives you the right to criticize him based on his perceived personality to you?
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.”
Steve = Tucker Max
I agree. Steve is definately Tucker Max. Tucker is a fan of that quote. Plus everyone has the right to criticize and make judgment. Whether or not that’s fair, who knows. Welcome to America bub.
Interesting to see what happens to this.
Is it unfunny? Yes.
But that has never stopped movies from succeeding in the past.
Someone told me that mall cop crap made like 180 mill.
“The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly”
Why does Tugger think he is Maximus from the movie, Gladiator?
Douche
“that mall cop crap made like 180 mill.”
Yes but mall cop had real douchetribution, sorry i mean distribution, as well as more than $20 spent on P & A, and wasn’t R rated (IIRC). Plus it got real reviewers to give it some attention.
IHTSBIH fucking wishes it could reach the lofty rank of ‘Crap’.
This is a post I made at IMDB after reading the script. At this time last week I had NEVER heard of Tucker Max. I’m convinced, however, his stories are a mixture of truth, writers embellishment, and flat out fabrication-that’s what writers do. (It’s true of Cutting Confessions although some of the most unbelievable parts of my story are actually true.) I neither hate nor adore the guy, but I do think he has writing ability:
Be forewarned the following script analysis contains snippets of some pieces of my own life for comparison when applicable and could spoil the story for some of you. However, also be forewarned that may be a mute point since there isn’t much of a story.
I am attempting to be as objective as possible and not chastise Tucker Max simply for being who he is or at least who he wants you to believe he is.
In the beginning of the film, cops respond to neighbors complaints about loud sex. Thinking an attack is in progress, the cops break down the door, knee Tucker in the back and cuff him. So what does Tucker do? He responds with Take my wallet, there’s money in it. Since he’s been cuffed, you would have thought it was pretty obvious these were police, not robbers. Real police wouldn’t do this anyway unless they were really bad and not following the book, but that’s another discussion. So there’s an unbelievability right off the bat-and the girl is deaf, too. (Believe it or not, there’s a joke about a Helen Keller trifecta-deaf, dumb and blind and that’s how the movie ends. With him attempting to hook up with a blind girl following her and her dog at a wedding. Classy guy, this Tucker.)
There’s some dialogue about sex with various cartoon characters. I’ve never seen the cartoon in question but in some ways it’s disgusting. It also illustrates the characters as being lazy asses who basically do anything they can to actually avoid any kind of work or responsibility. You wait for these people to redeem themselves but for the most part they never do in any meaningful way. If law students are really like this, then it helps explain why a lot of lawyers are assholes who believe they’re self entitled. I know some are likable, but not these guys. For the most part, anyway.
There’s a rapper named Grillionaire with the diamond teeth and what not he’s the reason one of the guys in Tucker’s circle broke up with his girlfriend. (Side note: I checked just now my copy of Billboard Top Pop Singles 1955-2008 and there is a rapper named Paul Wall Tucker Max is friends with. He has one Top 40 hit on his own so far, Girl, from 2006. His only Number 1 hit so far is a collaboration with Nelly, Grillz, about diamond grillz for rappers teeth. The character Aaron broke up with his girlfriend after catching her sucking him off. The Grillionaire also rhymes with Chamillionaire. No big deal, but some side info.)
There’s a joke about Magic Johnson having AIDS and being black and still having a better life than one of the characters. It’s quite dated and stupid.
There’s a conversation about dead babies in a trash heap-the image is disturbing, but it’s sick humor. Then there’s a stem cell joke in the same conversation that kind of lightens up the image.
Tucker goes to a bar and slaps a waitress on the ass yet the bartender reprimands him for how he’s talking to her, in a joking manner, not for slapping her on the ass. I guess he’s clueless. The point is Tucker wants you to know he’s better at picking up chicks than anyone else and no matter what he does, chicks supposedly love him. I doubt this is always true. I personally don’t slap waitresses I don’t know on the ass, but I’m pretty sure the most likely result of that would be a beat down at some point.
The film was shot in Louisiana, although it’s set on the East Coast (the Caroilinas.) Tucker and his friends are heading to a strip club for a bachelor party-one of the group, Jeff, is getting married. The strip club is named Baby Dolls-it’s modeled after the real life Baby Dolls in Dallas. I worked at Baby Dolls as a Disc Jockey some time back. To be honest, I don’t remember much about the place-I DJ’ed at a number of strip clubs and Baby Dolls doesn’t stand out anymore than most of the others in my memory.
There are some disturbing religious sequences in that Jeff’s bride to be parents are apparently some type of Southern Baptists-my uncle was a Southern Baptist preacher-they are not fun people. The religious diatribe isn’t funny or interesting-there’s some joke about do they know daddy’s girl likes it in the ass which is a bit lame for most people I would think. No real new ground here.
If anyone has an interest in killing this movie, it’s McDonald’s. There’s this whole sequence in the car where a McGriddle is made out to be some gourmet feast of gastronomical delight by one of the guys, while at the same time the reality is shown in a much different light-disgusting ingredients and dirty fry cooks who take unappetizing ingredients out of a box (one labeled Facon so I’m guessing it’s not the Whole Foods apple smoked stuff) and drops food on the floor, a muffin in this case, before picking it up, wiping it off, and sticking it back in the fryer. It’s such a disgusting image that McDonald’s as a corporation would have a huge interest in doing whatever they can to insure this movie doesn’t reach a wide audience. I don’t think they’re going to have to sweat too much.
By contrast, one of the very funny scenes in Mike Judge’s film Idiocracy-also a film corporate America had great interest in killing because of the way various corporations were portrayed-involves a really funny sequence involving a customer attempting to make a purchase at Carl’s Jr. But you never actually see the food. It’s still a lot funnier than this in that the McDonald’s sequence is more disgusting than funny. I don’t think it’s a shock to most people that fast food chains use questionable ingredients and employees that aren’t exactly bright. They’d rather not be shown disgusting personal habits on top of this. This accounts for a good chunk of script time and basically goes nowhere. I don’t know who would find this funny or what type of moron would actually associate McDonald’s with culinary delights.
Look, it’s HARD writing a movie-I’m doing it-and Tucker has gotten a lot farther than I have so far. But the difference is I have a real story in Cutting Confessions, something you don’t find in this film. As far as I know, my script also doesn’t assume the audience is comprised of idiots and I don’t go into tangents about fast food or other personal grievances that take up a good chunk of screen time.
The only part of the McGriddle scene that strays from this is the McGriddle ninja, Aaron, the McGriddle lover. In a dream sequence, he breaks into Tucker’s house, holds him down and threatens him with some bullshit about talking bad about the McGriddle and threatening him with the prospect of forcing him to eat the monstrosity while using the wrapper as a condom whilst fucking him in the ass. Anyway, I’m guessing the vast majority of the audience will be turned off by this instead of finding it funny. I could be wrong but it’s a long, long way to go to set up one (not very good) butt fucking joke.
These guys aren’t very good at cleaning up their own messes, let alone someone elses which is why Tucker says he didn’t want to be a lawyer in real life (which is partially true, but lawyers also prevent other lawyers from cleaning up the messes left by other lawyers.) So, anyway, you see a whole bunch of McDonald’s wrappers on the floor of the car when they finally get to their destination. First they have to hit a regular bar since Baby Dolls doesn’t open for a few hours.
There’s a sequence involving some girls and a conversation about how you come up with your porn star name-it’s really dated like the Magic Johnson reference and was never funny to begin with.
For some reason, there’s an old lady at this bar and she has a dog on her lap. One of the guys gives the dog beer. Not much happens and it’s not very funny.
In real life, it’s a disgusting practice to force drugs or alcohol on small children or animals. The girl who is the central character in the movie I’m writing, Cutting Confessions, and myself have been stalked by a couple of crazed criminals for a long time now, including one who is a disgraced Harvard graduate psychologist. He recently gave crystal meth to three kittens and one (so far) of those kittens died as a result. Tamar’s aunt discovered the kittens in a box in very poor shape (he’s been hanging around her aunts because he doesn’t know where Tamar actually lives) and took them in to the vet, where that kitten died. Blood tests showed the kitten had a large amount of meth in the bloodstream, and the vet is really angry. She is also legally obligated to file a police report. You can see more details at my blog:
http://www.myspace.com/370392338
Anyway, back to the script. And, for the record, there is a guy on MySpace who has been posting a number of very humorous blogs degrading women in a joking way (part of Tucker’s subject matter) and is extremely popular. He goes by the screen name Mantana. (as in the Great State of MANTANA.)
So, Tucker doesn’t actually know where the strip club is and they come across a homeless guy singing Garth Brooks Friends In Low Places and change the words slightly. There’s a back and forth discussion asking the homeless guy for directions and they trick him out of his beer. They do eventually give it back as it’s the guys dinner. (I shudder to think.)
I’ve actually been homeless a lot of the time I’ve been writing Cutting Confessions (I’m not now, thankfully, and that is not part of the story line.) I don’t really drink alcohol or do drugs, so I’ve never had that problem. I made every effort to keep myself clean, ate well as most of my money went towards that and I’m a pretty smart guy able to realize food was everything in my situation and I also purchased a Briggs & Riley suitcase for my clothes, computer, and so on. Briggs & Riley has a lifetime warranty and trust me, the suitcase was rolled a lot of miles and fixed many times. I stuck to the higher end areas of Los Angeles and crawled into a sleeping bag at night, isolated as best as I could isolate myself in the better parts of town. I was never arrested although I was hassled a few times. That certainly wouldn’t have been the case if alcohol or drugs were a problem. I became a writer simply by chance-because I had a compelling story to tell, unrelated to my circumstances about this girl and myself which you can also find at my blog. Part of my desire to be successful with this is to inspire other homeless people and people in difficult situations to look into themselves, find strength and confidence and make their own lives better.
So on we go. At Baby Dolls there’s a series of conversations with a group of strippers. A few jokes are made about rape being funny if a mime is raping the girl or murder being funny if a clown does it. Okay, whatever. Not anything for people to get upset about and fairly decent dialogue that some people will find funny.
Tucker and his group as a whole are kind of disrespectful to some of the strippers. That’s neither here nor there, but in a lot of cases real strip clubs would toss these customers out.
Aaron, the McGriddle guy and one of the strippers, begin to bond over Star Trek and video games which is ridiculous. It’s a common interest, not something to bond over. She’s a stripper-what, is this the first time she’s run into nerdy customers? Whatever, it’s implausible but this is a movie. It’s this bonding that will lead to the most disturbing scene in the film.
Aaron and the stripper go to her house and play video games. He plays with her seven year old son, showing him the best way to flank his soldiers so they can safely attack his Legos. All well and good. The stripper played by Heather Graham in The Hangover was much more engaging and you could see she had a good heart that had nothing to do with her playing video games or anything else. She was just a good person.
Back in the bar they were talking about their various unhappy childhoods and the stripper has a dream. This is BY FAR the most disturbing scene in a movie that gives you many disturbing scenes. Aaron strangles Lara, the stripper, with a video game controller cord. Her seven year old son attacks Aaron. Aaron responds by kicking him in his seven year old crotch. Then he shoves him through a plate glass window. Then he sets the house on fire and runs down the street. The script says we see a shot of the dead seven year old boy, in his pajamas, with a shard of glass in his neck. I don’t get this. What is the purpose of writing something so awful and gut wrenching? If Tucker filmed this and left it in, he’s a fool. There’s good shock and there’s bad shock-a seven year old boy being murdered and its grisly aftermath is not something anyone other than truly sick people want to see. Why is it here? This alone would make any major studio not want to have anything to do with this film. It’s far worse than McDonald’s or stuff yet about to come.
So far, we’ve seen a pretty bad script that has none of the likability of the people or wackiness of the stuff that happens in The Hangover and it’s hard to root for these people. Tucker is screwing up his friends marriage by taking him on this trip, and now Aaron is seen not only as a guy who would dress up as a ninja and fuck someone in the butt all because they disagreed with his taste in fast food, but now he’s murdered a seven year old.
Jeff, the groom, has been hauled away by the police. While in the strip club, he was apparently drunk by the time strippers hauled him on stage for his bachelor dance and reacted as if he were being attacked. We really don’t know why he did that other than he was so drunk he was confused. So he was thrown out of the club and decides to piss outdoors. A cop stops him, he continues the drunken behavior, mouthing off to the cops and is thrown in jail with a bunch of Mexicans. He proceeds to act up, tries to speak Spanish, fails miserably, and is badly beaten for perceived insults. By the time Tucker finally gets around to bailing him out, he has two huge black eyes and in a lovely i