storytime
September 5, 2008
We’re already approaching week three in the fall semester. Let me catch you up. Week one: room 400 - all wrong - but we soldiered on - summarizing summers - mispronouncing each others names - toes in the water — little splashes. Assignment - we’re reading Peter Biskind’s DOWN AND DIRTY PICTURES: MIRAMAX, SUNDANCE, AND THE RISE OF INDEPENDENT FILM. I’ve decided to do a double feature film assignment so it was Cassevetes’ A WOMAN UNDER THE INFLUENCE, and DiCillo’s LIVING IN OBLIVION. (Drum roll) and for the writing assignment - write a 2-3 minute scene without dialogue that has a beginning middle and end. Week two: A lively discussion about 1974 and New York and long takes and and and - we were definitely in “the zone” when metaphors start flying around and opinions gather volume - oh oh oh. Every teacher’s dream. In class assignment: write about an event during your childhood that seemed strange - surrounded by cryptic adult codes that denied you access. Present tense - POV of child. Write for ten minutes - pen down - breathe in out and now write for ten minutes about that same event from an adult’s POV - remembering. Watch everything Cassavetes made. When I lived in New York I would sometimes wander - and sometimes during my wanderings it would rain. One of those rainy day wanderings - I ducked into the Paris theatre and stumble bumbled into a Cassavetes festival. After OPENING NIGHT I was hooked and - well, this is your assignment for next week. I got zero comments last week. Chooch and Amanda, are you on vacation? Miss you guys. xtheprof
I have a question regarding middles / 2nd acts. I think this is the most difficult part of a story for me to write. What’s frustrating about this is that the 2nd act really is THE story of the story; you know?
Do you think working on short stories can improve your overall storytelling technique? Would it be more effective to write as many complete stories as I can to improve on this and place longer pieces on the back burner?
By the way the 2 minute scene without dialogue is a great exercise! I tend to come up with some pretty weird stuff when I give my brain a confined area to think like that. It’s freeing in a way…
I actually WAS out of the country for a week. I’ve been in business plan development hell for the past few weeks. I only need 3,000,000 project dollars to film my first project. But how DOES one project income…
An interesting thing happened to me. I don’t normally submit my work to “contests” because, well, I hate rejection especially when my stories are good. So what if my inciting incident doesn’t come when it’s “expected?” I submitted three screenplays to a contest and one of them made it to 2nd round. I’m perplexed because, although it’s a story that breaks some rules, it’s not what I would have expected. Scenes of incestuous rape, murder, cat disembowelment…perplexing. I thought my bulletproof screenplay would have made it. Or the screenplay I adapted from an 1895 novel…
p
Coleman, you touch my heart. That you noticed!!! The world is not so cold after all. Last week hmmmmm….oh, I know, I looked at “Chooch’s” stuff onliine.
HI CHOOCH.
He really isn’t kidding about disembowlments….
Actually last week, I moved from being a creepy blog lurcher to attending an NYC Scriptwriting Group. Positive experience all around; really really good not to be in a bubble anymore writing.
Okay okay. This should fit in to the discussion. Below is my cat scene. It’s also a FLASHBACK. This 9 minute scene comes 14 minutes in to the horror screenplay “Whitey” - Whitey, on the prowl for a new canvas (he makes art out of living humans), gets shot but some thugs and passes out. He’s wearing a vest, so he lives (thank God!) but I felt it was a great opportunity for some back-story. There’s another flashback later in the screenplay that further defines Whitey’s past.
FADE TO FLASHBACK
INT – A HOUSE – KITCHEN – SPRING - EARLY AM
A quaint New England town in spring. Start with a CLOSEUP of a COUNT CHOCULA box, then to JACK (a nine year old Whitey) sitting at the breakfast table. He’s a cute kid, with fire red hair. MOTHER is cleaning up the morning dishes.
JACK
Look Mom, I made chocolate milk!
MOTHER
That’s good, Jack.
The scratching and meowing of a cat is heard outside. Jack opens the screen door and exits.
EXT – A HOUSE – PORCH - CONTINUES
A STRAY CAT has found his way onto their back porch.
JACK
Mom! A cat! A cat!
Jack picks the cat up and pets it.
MOTHER (O.S.)
Don’t touch him Jack! He might
have rabies!
JACK
I won’t. He looks hungry.
Can I give him some milk?
Jack puts the cat down and goes back inside.
INT – A HOUSE – KITCHEN - CONTINUES
MOTHER
Well. I don’t want it to get used
to coming around.
JACK
He won’t. Please?
MOTHER
You can give him your cereal milk.
JACK
Thanks!
Jack starts out the door with his bowl of milk.
MOTHER
Not in my good bowl!
She goes to a cupboard, searches around and hands Jack a stained Tupperware bowl.
MOTHER
Use this.
Jack pours the chocolate milk into the Tupperware.
EXT – A HOUSE – PORCH - CONTINUES
Jack feeds the hungry cat his chocolate milk.
JACK
Here you go Buster. You like that,
don’t you?
Mother watches through the screen door and smiles as she dries off a glass.
INT – A HOUSE – KITCHEN – THE NEXT MORNING
The same scene unfolds as the familiar sound of the cat is heard again.
MOTHER
I told you I didn’t want…
Jack, at the ready, pours his milk into the Tupperware bowl and runs out.
MOTHER
Looks like we got a new cat.
JACK (O.S.)
Mom, it’s Buster! He came back!
MOTHER
Named Buster. Great.
EXT – WOODS - BEHIND A HOUSE - MORNING
Jack finds a fallen BIRD’S NEST. Two of the baby birds have died, but two are chirping away lively, their little mouths spread wide open.
JACK
Hi little birdies. Are you okay?
Where’s your momma?
Jack gently caresses their downy-soft skin, looking for mamma bird. He plucks out the two dead birdies and chucks them into the woods.
JACK
Your brother and sister died, huh.
That’s so sad. Lucky for you,
I’ll help you.
Jack places the nest and it’s occupants into the hammock he creates with his shirt and rushes excitedly home.
INT – A HOUSE - KITCHEN – MID-MORNING
Jack rushes through the screen door.
JACK
MOM! MOM! Look! Look what I found!
MOTHER
What’cha got Jack?
JACK
Look. I have new foster children!
Can I keep them? Huh, can I?
They need me!
Mom laughs.
MOTHER
Oh. Cute little birds. I have something
for them right here.
Mother supplies Jack with a small cardboard box.
MOTHER
This can be their new home. But
be careful not to touch them because
their mother will reject them.
JACK
Cool! I’ll be their new daddy.
Thanks Mom!
Jack, once again, tears out of the back door.
MOTHER
Guess we got birds now…
EXT – A HOUSE – CONTINUES
Jack carefully places the birds in the box. And around them he places grass.
JACK
You must be hungry. You look hungry.
I’m gonna go find you some worms,
okay? Mac and Joe? Yeah, Mac and Joe.
Thems your new names. I don’t know
what your bird names are but you
can be Mac and Joe to me.
INT – A HOUSE - KITCHEN – CONTINUES
Jack bursts back into the kitchen.
JACK
Mom! Can you watch Mac and Joe?
Jack is already out the door before mom turns around.
MOTHER
Named Mac and Joe…
EXT – WOODS – BEHIND A HOUSE - MORNING
Buster has eaten the dead birds and heads off toward the house.
EXT - A HOUSE - BACK YARD– LATER
Jack digs for worms in the back yard. Buster shows up.
JACK
Hi Buster. I’m digging for worms.
They’re for Mac and Joe. They’re
your brothers.
Jack places five or six LARGE EARTHWORMS into the cat’s stained Tupperware milk bowl. With a fork Jack mashes the worms to a pulp.
JACK
They’re gonna like these Buster, huh?
Jack runs back to the house. The cat slyly follows.
INT – A HOUSE - KITCHEN – CONTINUES
Jack rushes back into the kitchen.
JACK
Mom! Do we have any cream?
MOTHER
Cream? For what?
JACK
Worm Pudding! For the birds!
MOTHER
Oh my Lord. I have half n’ half.
You can have some of that.
Mom retrieves the half n’ half and pours a little into the worms.
MOTHER
That’s pretty gross.
Jack shrugs as he mixes the “worm pudding.”
MOTHER
Jack, I have an idea.
Mom retrieves a plastic baggie and she cuts a hole in the corner.
MOTHER
Put the… worm pudding in here.
Jack does so and Mom wraps the baggie tight (like a pastry bag).
MOTHER
Now, gently, squeeze the mixture
into their mouths.
Jack follows his mothers’ directions. The birds gobble the pudding with a ferocious hunger.
JACK
It’s working! It’s working!
They’re eating it. I saved them!
MOTHER (UB)
Now you know how I feel.
MOTHER
That’s really terrific, Jack.
JACK
It’s cool!
INT – A HOUSE - KITCHEN – EVENING
Jack places the birds inside by the back porch door.
JACK
Goodnight Mac. Goodnight Joe.
The lights go off.
EXT – SCHOOLBUS - MORNING
Jack climbs onto the school bus and turns toward his mother, who is standing on the porch.
JACK
Take care of Mac and Joe!
Mother nods and the school bus door closes.
INT – A HOUSE - KITCHEN - MORNING
Mother begins washing the floors. As she reaches the spot where the birds are kept, she places the birds outside on the porch.
MOTHER
You got to go outside for a while
little ones.
EXT – A HOUSE - PORCH - MORNING
CUT to a shot of Buster sneaking up the steps.
EXT – SCHOOL BUS – AFTERNOON
The bus pulls to the front of Jack’s house. As he hops off the bus, Jack immediately spots the box on the porch and he tears away from the bus.
EXT – A HOUSE - PORCH – CONTINUES
Jack bounds up the porch steps. The box is empty except for a few downy feathers.
INT – A HOUSE - KITCHEN DOOR – CONTINUES
Jack pokes his head inside the porch door.
JACK
Mom! Where’s my birds? Where’s
my… my… birds?
The little boy is crying.
INT – A HOUSE - LIVING ROOM – CONTINUES
Mother is watching General Hospital. She squeezes her eyelids together and grimaces.
MOTHER
They’re on the back porch, honey.
JACK (O.S.)
No they’re NOT!
SLAM!
EXT – A HOUSE - CONTINUES
Jack storms to a LARGE FLAT ROCK by the neighbors yard. Buster lies on the rock, pulling the head from a tiny bird it holds in its’ paws. Jack stops fifty paces from the rock. Buster stops, lifts his head and then crunches the fragile head in its’ mouth.
JACK
Robins. They were robins!
I just found out today, robins!
The boy doesn’t cry.
INT – A HOUSE - GARAGE – LATER
Jack slips into his older brother’s room – in the garage. Jack slowly opens drawers, examining various contents: a bong, a baggie with “dried leaves” in it, a small piece of straw with white powder inside, a small, brown paper bag with various nude shots of girls, a double-edged “boot knife.”
Jack shoves the knife into his back pocket and silently closes the drawer. Jack pauses, reopens the drawer, finds the brown paper bag, selects a picture of a nude girl and tucks it into his other back pocket.
INT – A HOUSE - BASEMENT – LATER
Jack cuts a length of twine from an old kite.
EXT – A HOUSE – BACK STAIRS - CONTINUES
Jack sits on the first stair of the back porch practicing the art of knot tying.
JACK
I learned this in Cub Scouts.
Jack forms one end of the kite twine into a slipknot.
Then, the other. Enter Buster, cooing around Jack’s legs.
Jack picks the cat up, stroking its’ head and calmly walks toward the woods behind their house.
JACK
Good kitty, let’s go go for a
walk. Do you know that you… you’ve
been a bad… bad… kitty? Huh? That’s good.
Jack heads towards an apple tree.
EXT – APPLE TREE - CONTINUES
JACK
I like these apples. They pucker in
your mouth. Um, if you bring them
to the street, you can scrape them
on the road and then you can mold
faces and stuff.
A branch hangs very low to the ground. Jack shifts the cat to his left arm. With his right, removes a dead limb from the tree. Jack secures one end of the twine around the stump. The other end of the twine is casually slipped over the cat’s head. Jack snugs the slipknot firmly to its’ throat.
JACK
You ate my my birds, didn’t you?
It’s okay… it’s okay.
Jack continues to stroke the cat and places the tethered cat on top of the large branch. It’s claws dig into the loose bark.
JACK
What a good kitty. Such a a special kitty.
Jack appears to hear his mother calling for him.
JACK
Mom?
For a few seconds Jack stands faceless as he listens for her familiar beckon.
JACK
Nope. Guess not.
EXT – APPLE TREE – CONTINUES - BUSTER’S POV
Jack pushes the cat over the edge of the branch. Silently, the cat struggles to be free. Jack turns his back on the cat. The cat (CAMERA) stares at Jack and outstretches his claws.
EXT – APPLE TREE – CONTINUES
Jack turns to Buster and pulls the knife from his pants.
JACK
I want my birds back!
Jack pierces the soft belly of the cat with the blade, drawing it downward. (The sound from the cutting is that of fabric tearing.) A messy stew flows to the ground, amongst it, the birds. Jack collects the birds, once again cradling them in his shirt.
EXT – WOODS – EARLY EVENING
Jack digs a small hole with the blade of the knife and buries the dead birds.
EXT – APPLE TREE - NIGHT
The eviscerated cat hangs from the tree.
FADE
Did I scare everybody away?
come on, pleeeease write more blogs. I’m waiting!
chooch, as long as you didn’t scare coleman away. coleman, where are you?
Wow, that is really disturbing! How did you come up with this scene? Soes this boy become a horror when he gets older?