Crazy Times!

Crazy times.

The old Wild West ain’t got nothin’ on Hollywood these days. With things finally starting to settle in after the extremely tough WGA strike, now the SAG contract needs to be settled.

And while I do feel the need to stand by SAG (they were great during our strike), I just worry that there’s not much left to strike for. And frankly, I’m not sure the town can take another shutdown.

Also adding to the craziness is the fact that places like Warner Indie and Picture House are closing and New Line (the studio that picked up my first spec) has downsized considerably.

Studios downsizing, contract disputes, producers losing their deals, all sorts of random outsider money swirling in and out of town – it’s like a freakin’ tornado out here.

I wish I had a definitive idea as to how this is all going to shake out. I would love to share it with you. Maybe there’s a greater good in all this, but right now, it’s a tad depressing. There are fewer buyers, fewer outlets for edgy material, and tons of really great people that are out of jobs.

I have several friends that were let go or left their jobs before the strike that are still sitting at home — throwing cards into a hat! These are ridiculously smart, creative people that I really hate seeing sit on the sidelines.

As I say all this — things for me (ironically) have never been better. But I think part of the reason that I’ve dodged a lot of the above mentioned bullets stems is that I have a lot of heat in my career now AND maybe more importantly – I write big, fun action-y, high-concept scripts. These, for the most part, are bulletproof.

But, the carnage among the rest of my friends has been hard to watch. Writers, execs, and producers are all trying to find their way in this new version of Hollywood.

It’s really, Really, REALLY hard to keep up.

The Note BEHIND the Note

“Note behind the note.” This is the most dreaded phrase in Hollywood for a writer. It means you’ve just received a really crazy note from someone in power that you are being forced to implement.

So what do you do? Me — I run to my manager and bitch. But, after and hour or two — it ultimately comes down to him saying, “Yes, that’s a bad note, but don’t take it so literally. “What is the note behind the note?”

What he means is — the chances are that most execs and producers have never written a script before. Nor even taken a screenwriting class. So they don’t always know how to articulate what they are trying to say.

This goes for the best execs and producers. The smartest ones too. So it’s your job as the writer to interpret what they really mean.

But it’s hard. Because as soon as you hear the note, your emotions get a hold of you and you’re feel like, “That’s the worst #$%#$ note I’ve ever heard!” And you shut down for a moment. You get indignant and petulant. And every thing inside of your DOESN’T want to do that note.

But part of being a professional writer is addressing problems in a way that pleases you as the writer AND also makes the exec/producer feel like they’ve been heard. Because, as they say, this is a collaborative medium. If you don’t want someone else’s input — go write a novel.

Till next time…

** Again, just wanna throw this out there – if anyone has any questions, I’d be glad to answer any and all. **

SLAMMED

Sorry for the sabbatical. Sweet mother of God, have I been slammed. Per my last blog, the ol’ spec went out and it looks like I’ve been fortunate to go 3 for 3. I can’t say yet who picked it up, but I’m pretty happy about it. I’ve talked to the exec and they seem really serious about the project.

The nice part of the spec going out has been a deluge of assignment opportunities. It’s strange, but at first, you think, “Wow, these guys are really doing me a favor sending me these assignment possibilities”. But in reality, they need a good writer as much, if not more.

Everyone has projects they are trying to crack. The ton is littered with producers and execs trying to get an idea on paper. And the entire machine STOPS, until that writer cranks out a worthy enough script to get the project moving. We all need each other – synergy baby!

Another cool by-product of the spec going out is that since it was so special effects-heavy, I’ve been getting a lot of really fun opportunities for animated projects. I’ve always, secretly wanted to write an animated film. I’m supposed to pitch my take on one next week, so maybe this is it.

Again, I apologize for the lack of blogging. I’ve got three things due this week, but afterward should be able to come up for air a little. Also, if anyone has any questions about the biz or screenwriting in general — lay ‘em on me, I’ll do my best to give a coherent answer!

UPDATE ON PLANET GAZZAM…

So, it’s official — we went out with the ol’ spec a few days ago. A fact which thrusts yours truly smack dab in the middle of writer hell. Because, for the next week or two, as your spec goes out…things get nuts. Rumors fly, studios pass on the project, some ride the fence, and some truly want the script, but allow their finger to hover over the “offer button” for days – waiting for just the right time to press down.

I’ve tried to ignore it all – tried to keep working on my TV pilot outline and forget about the spec. But I’ll be honest, it consumes me. It’ll consume until the very last day.

The worst part about “spec week” is hearing all the other anecdotes people feel are timely for you to absorb. Like the one my buddy told me yesterday. It was about a script that just sold for $500k. He claims it was just god-awful. He said it was so bad that he called up the agent (who he was friendly with) and give him crap for having the gall to send it to him in the first place. He told the guy, “This is horrible, it’s a complete rip off of “XXXX” (a recent hit film) and worse, it’s badly written. The agent just laughed and said, “I’ve already got three studios bidding against each other.”

“Isn’t that crazy?”, my buddy says to me. Slapping my shouldall the shitty writers clogging the place up and getting in your way! Which elicited a room full of painful belly laughs.

Because the studios will buy bad scripts for a variety of reasons that have nothing to do with quality. Maybe they love the concept or a hit movie in the same genre just made a zillion dollars. Who knows? But, I think writers can take some solace in the fact that…

…a good script will almost always find a home. I swear. The town is also littered with stories like the “American Beauty” script. I’ve read a thousand scripts and this is in my all-time top 5. It was also passed over by EVERY studio in town – but eventually found a home. And, oh yeah — won an Oscar. So instead of wallowing in the negative, I prefer to hang onto the idea that a great script will be recognized by someone — sooner or later.

This is what I try and hang onto – to NOT focus on the nonsense…but instead focus on trying to write a truly great script. That being said — I’ll be honest – it isn’t always easy.

SPEC TIME!

Soooo…I’ve been busy polishing up my 3rd spec script which is due to hit the market in the next week or so. This is a special time for a writer — going out with an original screenplay. A time when ulcer building can begin in earnest.

It’s the ultimate in putting yourself out there. You basically throw the script out into the market and see what happens. Does it bounce or thud?

There are a million ways this can go, but normally you have a fairly good idea what’s going to happen pretty quickly. The hardest part about the whole process is that NO ONE on the studio side wants to be the first to make an offer. This is the maddening part because you’ll hear from the agent, “So-and-so at such-and-such studio LOVES the script, but…they wanna see what everyone else does.”

HUH? Or as Lil’ John might say, “Whooooooooo-what??”

Then, a day later — another studio’s exec will say the same thing! Then another and another. I’ve been in a situation where I had 5 execs tell my agent they want the script, but didn’t want to make the first offer. Meanwhile, I’m on the bell tower with a rifle picking off innocent bystanders. As I see it – the only outlet for my rage.

But, then there’s the flip side. If you can get TWO people to make an offer — it’s go time. Two people in Hollywood means IMMEDIATE validation. That means it’s safe for EVERYONE to bid for the script. And if you’re really lucky – a bidding war ensues.

Not sure which way this latest spec’s gonna go, but I know which way my wife is voting. I was lucky to sell my first two – a fact I constantly remind my agents of – insisting they refer to me only as “Automatic.”

Sadly, they’ve never done this. Not once.

Sooooo…keep your collective fingers crossed in the coming month or so. And for you religious folk, pray like you’ve never prayed before. I could use the help.

THINGS ARE PICKING UP!

Just a short blog this week. Thinks are starting to pick up for me personally as the town starts to stabilize. I finished up my “Jump Street” assignment and am now commenced to start writing my pilot for the Sci-Fi channel. I also hope to be going out with a spec here in the next few weeks. Last, but not least, I’m chasing a couple really cool assignments.

Basically, I’m just trying to get back into the swing of things.

While things do seem to be getting back to normal, there still seems to be a weird vibe in the air. I think maybe it has to do with the possible actor’s strike. Speaking of which, I really hope they can sort things out. The actors were really great to us and I’d support them no matter what happens, but wow – it’d be a tough pill for the town to swallow if they went on strike.

Not to mention how the below the line people would take it. They were hit so hard for the WGA strike — I can’t imagine what it would be like for them to go through it all over again. Guess we all have to keep our fingers crossed.

And while I do feel like they will work things out, it is still putting the brakes on a lot of projects that might otherwise be rolling right now.

So, I think the town is proceeding cautiously. But in that cautious state, there is some movement…

– Assignments that were commenced before the strike are starting to be turned in. So there is a frail-looking man, mid-seventies. Tiredly spooning a bowl of soup. His sister ALICE watches TV nearby. In her lap, a Pomeranian cleans itself. Windeman scowls:

NATHAN
Alice, please…?

Alice stares at him. Uncomprehending.

NATHAN

Your dog, Alice. It and my appetite are mutually exclusive.

ALICE
What’s wrong with the dog?

 

NATHAN
It’s simple. He’s been licking his asshole for three straight hours. I
submit to you that there’s nothing there worth more than an hour’s
attention, and I should think whatever he’s attempting to dislodge is either
gone for good or there to stay.

*Wouldn’t you agree*?

FOR GOD SAKE, HELP THE READER!

I, like every screenwriter in La-La land, am often inundated with requests to read other people’s scripts.  Largely beginning writers.   And I’m constantly amazed by how often I see the same mistakes over and over and over again.

So for this blog, I thought I’d lay out the two biggest mistakes that I see constantly.  Please keep in mind, I write big studio pictures, not character pieces.  All of this is my opinion — coming from my perspective.  If you plan on writing the next My Left Foot, ignore all of this.  I would suck at writing that script and have no business offering advice.  But, if you want to write the next Terminator, I’m your guy.  Keep reading….

The two most common mistakes that I see are:

1)  Too many characters, too soon!  In fact, I read a screenplay this weekend that had 26 characters in the first 28 pages.  And this isn’t an anomaly.  This happens almost every time I read a script from a beginning writer.

The key thing to remember is – the reader is starting from scratch.  They don’t know any of your characters.  And unless you are writing something fairly wacky most of your characters are going to have semi-normal names — Chris, John, Brant, Sam, etc.  So, think about that.  You want me to remember 26 different characters in the first 28 pages?  Granted I have the short-term memory of a car crash survivor, but come on!

Just imagine your reader is like Neo in the Matrix.  He’s freaked out, doesn’t know anyone, doesn’t know where he is, doesn’t know the rules, etc.  He’s just been DROPPED into a new world.  Think carefully about what you choose to tell him and more importantly — how fast you do so.

In other words, do the reader a favor and don’t SHOTGUN everything at him/her all at once.  And specifically the characters.  The fewer in the first 20 pages…THE BETTER.

Help me, as the reader, to get oriented — to figure out who is who.  All I ask is that you do a few little things, like…

…if possible, put your main character(s) in the opening scene and let us spend a few pages with him/her/them.  Let my brain absorb that Chris is the serial killer with the harelip and Charlie is the transsexual choirboy.  Let it cement in my brain before you unload 10 other characters on me.

Then, after a little bit, throw me a couple more.  Let me sit with them for a second or two.  That’s better.  Ahhhhh…now I’m getting it!  Now I’m oriented.

Because while I’m trying to memorize 26 characters in 28 pages – I’m also trying to figure out the story at the same time.   Speaking of which, this takes us to…

2)  Have something actually HAPPEN plot-wise in the first 20 pages.  Unless you’re writing a character piece — two guys sitting at a table talking does NOT count.  You must MOVE THE PLOT.

I can’t tell you how many scripts I read where the main character’s hanging out in his apartment, talking to his girlfriend, going to work, to the store – MOVE THE PLOT!  Otherwise your reader (agent, exec, producer, etc) is going to feel like the story is floating around, rudderless.  This will lead to their eyes rolling back into their heads.

If you write down a summary of all the scenes (bullet points) in your first act and any of them sound like this — “We get to know John and Bill better.  Find out John has trust issues” – take a big black marker and SCRATCH them out.  Then run, don’t walk to your computer and delete all of those scenes.  These don’t forward the plot!

It’s not like you shouldn’t develop your characters, this is obviously important.  But you can get into your characters AND move the plot along at the same time.  You wanna tell us your protagonist wets his bed?  Fine, have him blurt it out during a car chase — while getting shot at by the guy he just robbed.

This pulls us through the story and give us some momentum.  Getting to know your characters better does NOT do this.

That’s it.  Two small things.  If you are a beginning screenwriter and you fix those two things, I promise you…you will be way ahead of the game.

THE HARDEST PART OF BEING A WRITER…

You know what the hardest part of being a professional writer is?  Focus.  Or rather, figuring out WHAT to focus on.  Because once you have a modicum of success and people generally agree that you have something resembling talent as a writer…

…it’s GO TIME.

Every (and I mean EVERY) producer and exec in Hollywood has an armful of projects.  Projects that cannot proceed until, well, someone writes them.  With this kinda blackmail material, you’d think writers would OWN Hollywood, wouldn’t you?  But…I digress.

So with all these projects comes plenty of opportunity, right?  Just pick a project and start rolling!  The problem is, it’s not that easy.  You see, the producers all want detailed takes on what you would do with the project before they hand it over.

Meaning you have to come up with, oh, I don’t know – THE STORY!  While you’re at it, throw in – THE CHARACTERS.  And most times you’ll need to reconceive – THE CONCEPT.  In other words, take a black marker and “X-off” about oh, a month, month and a half.  And by the way, you’ll be committing to these 6 weeks — pay-free.  Cool, huh?

But if you like the project enough and really want to chase the assignment — the general process is (normally) as follows:

1)) Go in for a general meeting.  You sit down with the producer, get to know each other a little and then he/she lays it out for you.  They tell you about the project — what stage it’s in — what previous writers have done well/wrong — and ultimately what direction they see the project going in.

2))  You run back and talk to your agent.  Hopefully he’s got the REAL scoop for you as far as…

– How many other writers the producers are going out to (i.e.:  your competition)
– How far along are those other writers?  Have they been working on the material for weeks or are they starting from scratch like you are?  Are the producers close to approving a take from anyone?
– What does the studio REALLY think of the project?  Was it in turn-around (dead at one studio, picked up by another)?  How viable is the assignment in the studio’s eyes?  Do they love it?  Do they really wanna make this movie?

3))  After considering the above and comparing the pros and cons with any other projects you have in front of you – you pick one and decide to come up with a take.   This, of course, is the hard part.  You’ll need to come up with a take on exactly how you would write the script.  The level of detail in this take varies from writer to writer.  It’s safe to say that the bigger deal you are as a writer, the less detail is expected.  They assume you’ve got the goods and everything will work out.

4))  Fast forward a few weeks and now you’ve got your “take.”  It’s time to pitch the producer.  You do your best, heart-felt song and dance.  If they like it, you take it into the studio.  Let’s assume they did.  Now it’s…

5))   Studio time.  Same process, but this is generally your final stop.  You now pitch the idea for the studio exec assigned to the project.  Depending on the juice of the producer, the exec will be under a varying degree of pressure to accept your pitch.  But ultimately, the exec and the studio in general will decide.

And that’s it!  The rest is obvious…they love your pitch — you write a great script — they make the movie — it makes a 100 mill and you sit back and prepare for the onslaught of coke and hookers, I mean onslaught of success.  It’s that easy!

But, before the spoils, comes the work.  And again, all of this is a lengthy process.  It’s going to take weeks and weeks of your time.  And getting back to the theme here – if you’re lucky and doing well, you might have 5 or 6 projects to chose from.  OR should I say, 5 or 6 to competitively try and book!  Because there’s a ton of competition.

Some producers will go out to as many as 8-10 writers at a time.  Like dropping blood in a piranha tank.  Some not-so-cool producers do this simply to mine for ideas.  I was told by a friend that works for a HUGE producer that they met with 95 writers for an assignment to write a giant sequel.  In the end, they simply re-hired the writer(s) that wrote the original movie script.

Think they were fishing for free ideas?  Kinda?  Maybe?  Most legitimate producers would never do this.  Most are friends of the writer and would feel this is exploitation.  Interestingly enough – as would the writers.

All of that aside, you just have to trust that your agent is looking out for you and hooking you up with decent people.  Then you have to choose where to direct your time/effort.  Because for a compulsive freak like me that loves to obsess on things, the hard part is always – what to focus on.

WHERE ARE ALL THE F-ING ACTION COMEDIES?

Where are this generation’s “True Lies” or “Lethal Weapon?”  Hell, I’d settle for a “Tango & Cash” at this point.  And this extends to TV as well, where can I find a “Dukes of Hazard” or “A-team?”  In short — where did all the fun in action projects go?

Where oh where???

Because I’m of the opinion that people are DESPERATE for them.  Yeah, we get thrown a Rush Hour 8, 9, (whatever it’s at) every few years, but that’s about it.  Shoot — there used to be 3 or 4 a year back in the salad days of my childhood.

The funny thing is, most studios execs LOVE these kinds of movies.  So, at almost every general studio meeting I go to, I ask the same question — why aren’t they making any of them?

The answer I repeatedly get is – not that many writers can pull off action AND comedy.

In truth, I can kinda see that.  It’s a very specialized skill.

I originally came out here to be a comedy writer.  And I must confess that my plotting and structure were complete train wrecks in the beginning.  Luckily, that is the one part of writing that is a true craft.  Something that can be learned, albeit the hard way.

Now, on the other hand — writing dialogue and simply being funny is something you are born with.  As A-list screenwriter Scott Rosenberg says, “It’s like being able to throw a 100 mpg fastball — you can either do it or you can’t.”

I suppose that weeds out a good portion of screenwriters.  Not to mention, you have to figure that most of the ones that can pull this off, are making a living writing broad comedies.

So that leaves the poor suckers that suffered through the mind-numbing process of mastering plot and structure WHILE simultaneously maintaining their comedy edge.

I could see that being a pretty small number.   That’s the bad news.  The GOOD NEWS is — this leaves plenty of opportunity out here in La-La land.

So, if you’ve got the goods – if you are an aspiring writer that can do both…

…I have one piece of advice.  Buy your plane ticket and get out here — NOW!

BACK TO WORK AFTER THE STRIKE

Just a few random items this week on the ol’ blog…

Back to work. It’s been really bizarre going back to work. But ultimately, for me, it’s simply been a matter of exchanging new anxieties for old ones. Instead of thinking about what I can write during the strike — I now obsess on how to take my career to the next level. Ahh, good to be back.

Going back to work, also means going back to Starbucks. This is where I do the bulk of my writing. Starbucks simply allows me one thing – to get out of the house! If I wrote at home every day, I might literally never leave. Hours would blur into days, days into weeks. I’d start losing my capacity to endure bright light. I’d become a mole man.

But going back to Starbucks hasn’t been the treat it once was. It’s been a little strange. I avoided it or the entire strike, not wanting people to think I was crossing any lines. But now that I’ve gone back, my little sanctuary seems soiled. I still don’t feel right typing at my old table. Time to look for office space.

Last, but not least – the Oscars. By the time you guys read this, they will be over. And while my picks count for nothing, here they are…

Actor in a Leading Role - Daniel Day-Lewis
There Will Be Blood

Seeing him in interviews makes his transformation on-screen even more amazing. In real life, the guy’s a freakin’ pixie!

Actor in a Supporting Role - Javier Bardem
No Country for Old Men

** No brainer. For the haircut alone.

Actress in a Leading Role - Ellen Page
Juno

** Perfect actress to pull off that ** cough ** special dialogue.

Actress in a Supporting Role - Amy Ryan
Gone Baby Gone

** Outstanding. Loved to hater her.

Animated Feature Film - Ratatouille

** Brad Bird is one of the best writers in Hollywood.

Cinematography - The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford

** The film itself put me in a coma, but the cinematography was beautiful.

Directing - No Country for Old Men

** The way they constructed the suspense in this flick was masterful.

Documentary Feature - Sicko

** Shocking, disturbing on a lot of levels.

Film Editing - The Bourne Ultimatum

** My god, there wasn’t a clip that lasted for more than 2 seconds. You gotta give it to these guys on shear volume.

Best Picture - Michael Clayton

** Tough one. Gotta support one of my favorite screenwriters.

Writing (Adapted Screenplay) - No Country for Old Men

** I could punch the Cohen Bros in the balls for what they did with that last act. But the first two acts were so good, I still give them the trophy.

Writing - Michael Clayton

** Again, Gilroy’s a stud.

« Previous Page — Next Page »