Am I really here now? Can anybody hear me?

…I don’t know; I feel like I’m on a space station somewhere east of Mars. I spoke at length, for example, on no less than two occasions to no less than two humanoids at my internet bank, by phone, explaining to them my predicament re. the loss of my debit card. No problem, the first one told me, the card would be replaced after I furnished them with my PIN number which I duly did, which they in turn accepted, no problem. Hmmm, two weeks later I thought I’d better give them a call and see where in the universe the new card might be….No problem, I was told by humanoid number two, it was probably about to arrive as it had been sent out 11 th August so expect it in a couple of days. Four days later..nothing. So, phone them up and guess what…no record of my EVER phoning them about a lost card…I’m sorry? Nope you’ve never reported this lost. OK so what about the 11th August dispatch, me asks? Oh, yes that was 11th August 2005, Sir. OK, says me (by now seriously worried about all that extra-curricular art school stuff I smoked as a lad), how do you explain the ‘four days away’ remark…..? Sorry, but you didn’t speak to anyone…..meltdown……and things have just got worse and worse.Well that was the UK circa two weeks ago and I still have no bank card as I am still not sure if I actually exist. Now, here in LA, I have a whole different set of problems as all my bank accounts from here to Shanghai haemorrage like a badly written script. The move here has just tripled in cost and a sudden expedition to the local emergency room hasn’t exactly helped matters either. Horrendous abdominal pain found me dialling 911 and being blue-lit to a $15,000 hospital bill, thankfully covered by holiday insurance, yet simultaneously providing a stiff kick to the bollocks as a reminder that Health insurance doesn’t come cheap here in California.Add to that a looming house rental in Manhattan Beach (I know, I know there ARE cheaper places to live, but the schools are great and so is the beach….but the restaurants are crap! What’s that about?) plus a new frigging car and the unexpected arrival of all our gear from UK…….whoever expected it to be ON TIME for fucks sake?? Extra storage costs, men to help move it all, trucks and trucks and it seems, more trucks all adds up to more of the same we left behind. Anyway…..life goes on and the kids start there new school tomorrow, I have a couple of preliminary meetings with production companies (commercial) this week but then the missus is off to London for aforementioned work and I take up the role of Dad-at-home, which I am sort of looking forward to but really hoping I don’t have to turn any work away….I hate when that happens. Actually, the worst feeling is the one I have for my wife who is going to be without US for the best part of a month. I know what that feels like but she is a MUM. All this is, I hope, excuse enough for my short or missed (last week) blogs. Personal shit has just swamped everything else for now. Hopefully, I’ll have some FILM related stuff to talk to you about soon. I hope I haven’t bored you too much with my missives so far….who are YOU anyway?? 

filming gobs of ink floating around a tank of goo

….is what I’ve been doing for three days now and, well I know you’re expecting me to have a rant and a moan but actually it’s quite lovely to watch and try and solve. Beats decorating sets for a change though I don’t get to sit around as much as usual. Strange really, instead of spending more time on my fat arse (which reminds me, I must change that photo of me on the home page of FIB….people actually think I look like that and have started sending me brochures advertising holidays on remote islands in the South Pacific) as I get older, I seem to be more ‘hands-on’ these days and I think that’s entirely down to the lack of money that used to flow a touch more freely, allowing me to surround myself with types more than willing to do the dirty work for me. Funny thing is, I actually enjoy it.

Filming has always been the most boring bit for me because our work at that point, has really been done. All sets built and dressed, graphics finalised and printed, locations locked and shoot crew ready to roll. This is, of course, the world of commercials rather than TV and film where the momentum of the project grabs you at one end of the job and spits you out the other after a mad roller coaster ride that is the fun and games of movie making.

So, instead of finding myself lingering around the craft services or studiously attending to my accounts, I now delight in the knowledge that I’m losing weight and keeping the tone so long as I don’t do my back in…..for that I call on one of my staff; usually someone half my age and more than willing to help an old git when he needs them. Well, needless to say it hasn’t all been a bed of roses as far as shooting ink is concerned and this is something I thought I ought to point out to the producer when I saw her scowling behind the monitors early this morning….” never work with children, animals or ink.” I playfully reminded her. Not sure it helped but the day only got better and by 8 this evening, she was her happy self again.

Tomorrow being day three of our ink-athon, will see how we fair with ‘the probe’. A camera device that will find us following ink around in more tanks, with more goo. All this is for the title sequence of a mega-film of a series of films that I am sworn to secrecy on but feel that I will spill the beans anyway because I want and need the mileage when I finally get on the phone in LA…..am I a movie slut or what? Hope so.

writers block

sorry…..I missed last week due to unavoidable circumstances that managed to see my family and I traversing London from north to south in the quest for a bed or two given our present homeless situation. As per Sod’s law, the work is still coming in thick and fast despite the date for the move less than a week away. The Istanbul gig didn’t pan out - for either of us..phew! - but the missus looks like getting on a plane to Croatia for a healthy five week shoot which cannot be sniffed at. Which leaves me getting the kids settled into LA life and schools etc……..much more daunting than the relatively tame process of harassing  Hollywood producers.

Croatia, on the other hand, is a fine place to both work and play. We managed to get a full week of sailing tagged on to a commercial we filmed on the coast as well as some stuff on the Austrian border with Slovenia……straight out of  Sound of Music scenery…….truly stunning. Great people to work with, very professional and a great support infrastructure makes for a comfortable shoot. That and good food.

Anyway, I must beg for forgiveness here as we are both working hard, juggling kids and moving into our third home in three weeks ready for the final push to LA next week. I shall probably have to do a short one next week also but hopefully will have settled down…….hold on, what am I thinking….still don’t have anywhere in MB yet, and boys starting school in three weeks time….yikes…