Ace Ventura Jr. Just Pearl Harbored My Soul
November 24, 2008
Another dark day in America’s history. I wish I had seen this one coming so I could run for the hills.
I feel numb. Really? REALLY?! Was this necessary?! Look. I get remakes and I get shitty sequels… but to make something that actively looks like it’s trying to be garbage… Jesus. I’ve known this was coming for a while, but I didn’t think it would be this bad. Are you kidding me?! Why does the kid have to be fat?! That wig is atrocious!!
You’re not even giving him new catchphrases, you’re rehashing old ones!! You know how annoying it was 2 years ago when everyone was quoting Dave Chapelle’s Lil’ Jon impression, “What? Yeahhhh! Ok!”. This is someone making a tubby Andy Melonakis rip-off do that for 2 hours straight and then TRYING TO SELL IT TO YOU!! Because even Andy Milonakis would turn this down, THAT’S how horrible this movie looks.
AHHHHH!! I want to commit VIOLENCE after watching that trailer!! To quote Patton Oswalt, “I wish my fingers emitted mace!”. Because seriously. Look in that kid’s eyes and tell me he isn’t going to use his Pet Detective blood money on coke and whores. My words are failing me… I’ve reverted to guttural animal noises. Maybe with any luck I can get a job as a Panda on the eminent sequel to this crap-fest and go on a killing spree before they can make Ace Ventura Jr: The Washed Up, Bitter Pet Detective with ED.
I have a strong suspicion I might get a medal of valor.
I’ve always been boggled by this sort of thing and anything that stars Rob Schneider. When it’s so tough to get good films greenlit - how can such shiza get the funding?
P
Brandie,
Your comments made me laugh out loud. This is the type of film that makes
“SON OF THE MASK” seem like CITIZEN KANE or ANNIE HALL by comparison. These people should have their word processors broken. Oh, and from another person who is from a land 3000 miles away, (NYC) who never has smoked or taken a drug, KEEP AT IT WOMAN and stay TRUE to YOURSELF!!!! Happy 2009.
Peace and Success,
Warren Drummond aka “THE STORYBOARD ARTIST”
Haha great post!
Welcome to Hollywood! I just found this post and you are right on; the only thing is, people keep going to see this crap, so who do you blame? The guys who make it or the people who keep shelling out cash to see it?
I think if people actually stopped paying to see movies like this then peeps in Hollywood might be forced to step up; of course since this post we’ve had a number of good Apatow production to hold us over.
Seth has a point. If people stopped going they would have to stop - wouldn’t they? Favorite line - “Look in that kid’s eyes and tell me he isn’t going to use his Pet Detective blood money on coke and whores.”