Ace Ventura Jr. Just Pearl Harbored My Soul

Another dark day in America’s history. I wish I had seen this one coming so I could run for the hills.

I feel numb. Really? REALLY?! Was this necessary?! Look. I get remakes and I get shitty sequels… but to make something that actively looks like it’s trying to be garbage… Jesus. I’ve known this was coming for a while, but I didn’t think it would be this bad. Are you kidding me?! Why does the kid have to be fat?! That wig is atrocious!!

You’re not even giving him new catchphrases, you’re rehashing old ones!! You know how annoying it was 2 years ago when everyone was quoting Dave Chapelle’s Lil’ Jon impression, “What? Yeahhhh! Ok!”. This is someone making a tubby Andy Melonakis rip-off do that for 2 hours straight and then TRYING TO SELL IT TO YOU!! Because even Andy Milonakis would turn this down, THAT’S how horrible this movie looks.

AHHHHH!! I want to commit VIOLENCE after watching that trailer!! To quote Patton Oswalt, “I wish my fingers emitted mace!”. Because seriously. Look in that kid’s eyes and tell me he isn’t going to use his Pet Detective blood money on coke and whores. My words are failing me… I’ve reverted to guttural animal noises. Maybe with any luck I can get a job as a Panda on the eminent sequel to this crap-fest and go on a killing spree before they can make Ace Ventura Jr: The Washed Up, Bitter Pet Detective with ED.

I have a strong suspicion I might get a medal of valor.

Prop H8 - Not So Great

Hey all! Wanted to upload a video I’m in this week. It’s a response to the despicable passing of Proposition 8 out here in California. My friend Jonathan Smith wrote and directed it, and as always, I am constantly amazed by the power of technology at how fast something like this can get turned around. I really feel that being in a digital age like ours is a great time to be alive because of how quickly we can reach an audience, especially when it comes to helping us fight injustices like Prop 8… or Prop h8 as I like to call it.

Check it out. Sign the petition. Because think about it… how many children of gay couples have issues versus how many children of divorced parents? If/when we get this Proposition on the ballot, the goal is then the rally AGAINST it… no one’s rights should EVER be taken away, period. But a point must be made.

Here’s where you can sign the petition: http://www.thepetitionsite.com/1/protect-marriage-protect-children-prohibit-divorce

And for my amazing gay friends, I just want to say have hope… when Lincoln was elected President, he didn’t initially set out to free the slaves… but he quietly worked towards it nevertheless. I have faith that another tall, skinny dude from Illinois might do the same for you, if we give him time.