Midgets and Tattoos… what else is there to write about?

So, once again I’m under the gun on an assignment…  life gets really hectic when you work in production and you try to balance any kind of semblance of a life, let alone a creative career of your own.  So, this week I give you my Top Ten List assignment from last week’s writing workshop, since these aren’t for a Letterman packet and they’re not going to be relevant in a few weeks anyway.  I promise next week you guys will get a fun story, right now time is just way too tight for me to write something that I would consider blog-worthy for you…  so hopefully these entertain you for the moment.

 Top 10 Reasons Verne Troyer Does Not Want You To See His Sex Tape:

10.  he had just gotten home from filming Dunston Check In 2, and doesn’t want you to think he’s a furry

9.  his girlfriend is a beautiful woman, and no one wants to see THAT naked.

8.  the mini-me pun’s have been old for almost a decade.

7.  one word: tripod.

6.  one word: tripod.  for the camera.  he’s embarassed of the poor production quality.

5.  in the video his girlfriend tosses him in the air like a child.  he does not want you to think this is ok.

4.  he’s really 5′9″, he just wears a little man suit

3.  unflattering angles

2.  he doesn’t want Mike Myers to get another film idea.  ever.

1.  his apartment is a mess

::cue Paul Schaffer and his creepy baldness::

The second list requires a small set up.  Last week the website http://www.toothartist.com/ launched…  they are a new company that tattoos people’s teeth…  and David Letterman is one of the examples. 

Creepy, right?

Top Ten Reasons Tattooing David Letterman On Your Tooth Is A Bad Idea: 

10.  At your grandmother’s funeral, it will be mildly inappropriate.

9.  It makes Dave extremely uncomfortable.

8.  In your imminent divorce trial, your wife will cite your tooth as an irreconcilable difference.  The judge will agree, and give her all your money.

7.  You really want to look at his mug every day?  Really?

6.  It looks like a cavity, but you PAID MONEY for it.

5.  Dave hates your mouth.
4.  Ever think about giving the honor to Brendan Fraser instead?

3.  Someone with a gap like Dave’s should not be involved in any kind of dental work.

2.  All you eat is chicken salad.  And Dave HATES chicken salad.

1.  You look like an idiot.