“Someday, I’ll get you, John Stamos!”

Tom Cruise dates his male personal trainers.  Will Smith gives one of the best BJ’s in town.  If you book Priscilla Presley, she will demand that NO ONE on set mention Elvis… and if your name happens to be Elvis, she will have you banned from her presence!  Oh whispered rumors on the sound stages of  Hollywood.  And these are just that, rumors…  so don’t sue me!  Unless you want a beat up ‘98 Ford and a few tacky belt buckles, because that’s about all I’ve got.  Here’s a rumor you can start about me:  I’m awesome.  Although that one is more of a fact.  Regardless, I can’t tell you how many of my relatives call and ask for “insider gossip from the front lines”… being a PA is probably one of the better positions for this kind of trivial crap too, because most people don’t really watch what they say in front of you, because you’re “just” a PA.  Mmm, I love hubris and all its glaring, glaring errors.

But I’ve been hearing a lot of rumors lately about my absolute favorite Hollywood man putting the moves on young ladies, and I want them to stop, because they are just NOT true!  And who might my #1 gentleman be?  The star that I prefer to work with abover all stars?  The one, the only: Jerry Springer.

Stop rolling your eyes, I saw that!  Think what you will about his body of work, but Jerry is probably the best  celebrity I have ever worked with on a set and I’ll knife fight anyone that says different!  I was his personal PA on Thank God You’re Here about a year and a half ago and it’s been a hard day of work to beat ever since, it was a blast!

Basically when you work as a Talent PA, you get paid to babysit/entertain/walk/get food for your “talent”.  I ended up talking about Full House for 3 hours with the former mayor of Cincinnati.  You see, he has it out for John Stamos… he broke his daughter’s heart.

When Full House was taping in LA and his daughter was young, he flew her out with him to see a taping of the show so she could meet her first love, Mr. Jesse Katsopolis (or Jesse Cochran if you’re watching the first season…  not that I am quasi-religious about Full House or anything.  …).  Anyway, so he introduces his little daughter to Stamos, who signs her an autograph that says something along the lines of “When you get older, will you marry me?”  Adorable?  Yeah.  Kind of creepy?  Also yeah.  A bad idea because a fragile young girl will take that to heart?  You bet.  That is, until Daddy Jerry has to be be the bad guy and tell you that you most likely will NOT become Mrs. Jake In Progress.  It devestated the little lady and Jerry’s had it in for Stamos ever since.

That might have to be my absolute favorite story from someone else, ever.  Seriously though, he was an absolute  joy to work with!  He was funny, humble and made fun of himself and his show a lot…  he kept calling it dumb, but if that’s what the people wanted, who was he to say no?  It was pretty refreshing, after having to fawn over bitchy Chelsea Handler not long before…  someone should tell her to pull the stick out of her ass, unless that’s research for her next “comedy” book.

Jerry did his comedy bit for the show and then had to fly back to Chicago for more tapings, but not before telling me I had been the highlight of his day…  that, in turn was the highlight of MY year.

Interesting Springer Fact:  The Jerr-Bear only flies on private planes.  This is not because he is a diva though, this is because whenever he walks through airports, he is constantly haunted by the “Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!” chant…  he told me it follows him everywhere.  I personally feel bad for when he passes away, because I feel like even in death he will not be able to escape gaggles of crazy rednecks littering Bud Light cans on his grave and chanting for parapalegic transexual furries to make out with their mothers.

But for some reason, I’ve talked to a few people lately who have made some crazy claims about J-Spring coming on to girls they knew.  And that’s just bullshit, because if the man didn’t hit on ME, then seriously, forgeddaboutit.  I happen to be irresistable.  He was a perfect gentleman and I hope we get to work together again someday.  I would like to develop a secret handshake.

And that’s my final thought.  Take care of yourselves.