The Hills Kills My Soul

One of the most interesting parts about living in Hollywood is going out and stumbling across a project shooting when you least expect it. I went out to dinner this week with a few friends from shows I’ve worked on, and went to Magnolia, this restaurant on Sunset Blvd. We were seated three tables down from Zachary Quinto, and I geeked out because he’s going to be the new Dr. Spock in the J.J. Abrams “Star Trek” movie. Seriously, I’m so stoked for it… I’ve always said the first thing I will splurge on when I sell my first script is the “Star Trek: Next Generation” Complete Series Box Set… Oh my God, it was my favorite show as a kid, EVER!! J.J. Abrams better not make a space smoke monster, that’s all I’m saying. If only they had been filming a scene from THAT movie… instead we got to witness firsthand, the “reality” that is shooting “The Hills”.

Now mind you, I’ve never watched the show… I don’t generally believe in glorifying vapid, shallow individuals by giving them a television platform to spread their inane, self-centered chatter. But apparently someone’s watching it… and if it’s you, please STOP feeding the machine. Shows like that make it harder for good, scripted television to get a real chance because they can be done on the cheap. 3 of my 4 favorite shows of last year were cancelled before their 8 episodes had even aired. If you’re drinking a beverage while reading this, pour a little on the ground for my dead homies, “Raines”, “The Winner” and “Andy Barker, P.I.”.

I know the debate has been raging back and forth on whether “The Hills” a “reality” show or written… so I’m here to set a few things straight. We stayed at the restaurant for 3 ½ hours, and during that time they lit the dinner table for 2 ½ of those hours… with PA’s standing in for the “stars”. There was a Script Supervisor… I couldn’t tell if she had an actual script or just bullet points for the conversation to hit, but she was definitely a Script Supervisor. Oh, and once they started shooting, they cut two or three times to start again. Doesn’t sound like reality to me.

Luckily they didn’t try to silence the restaurant while shooting… I think they would have had a mutiny, everyone was rolling their eyes and hating on the interruption to their evening. Right before they started shooting, Baby Spock and his friend got out of there… good move on their part, wouldn’t want to confuse real actors with no-talent ass clowns who can fit into a size 00 and ignore their soul’s last gasping attempts at maintaining their dignity.

My friends and I made a game of going to the bathroom when it looked like something emotional was about to happen – you got to walk right by the camera rolling, woo! Thank goodness for our attentive waitress, Marissa, who kept the Arnold Palmers flowing. If you see a striped purple and green shirt walking by the camera in a scene where some girl and a guy eat salads and backstab their friends, then that may be me!! I’m like, totally FAMOUS!!

The most riveting part of the whole experience was watching the crew and seeing how bored they were with the whole affair. Even the PA’s were dragging. Seriously, nothing is more fun than working on a project people believe in, or at least one that is about… something. Anything. I’ve worked on a few shows like “The Hills”… there’s a reason that’s in the past tense.

Here’s a video from FunnyOrDie.com that James Franco, Judd Apatow and Mila Kunis did during the strike about The Hills. Kinda gets my point across.

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/56c2d6a703

Tune in next week, same Brandie time, same Brandie place.