Tired of Being Sorry, Indeed: The Affleck incident!

A friend of mine is coordinating for the new Motley Crüe music video and put out a bulletin on myspace earlier this week looking for “Crüe type girls, but please no Cougars”. Oh Nikki Sixx, you’re like 70, aren’t you? I feel like cougars are even still half your age. It made me want to hop back on a music video though, it’s been a while since I’ve spent an entire day listening to the same song on repeat. Wrangling groupie extras shoved into too-tight black leather is not the worst way to make a living, right? At the very least it will do wonders for one’s self esteem.

The first music video I ever PA’ed on was for Ringside, “Tired of Being Sorry”. I’m not a big fan of the band, but the video itself was pretty fun. Basically it’s a couple fighting each other in a boxing ring, taking shots at each other throughout the song. Oh, and Joaquin Phoenix was directing?

Apparently Ringside is one of those “Hollywood” bands that schmooze with celebs more than practice their own songs. But whatever, because they got Phoenix to direct, and Christian Slater, Michelle Trachtenburg and Casey Affleck all made cameos. My job on the video was basically to get releases signed by everyone that was going to be on camera, celebrity and extras alike. Sounds easy enough, right?

What I didn’t mention was that there were probably 200 extras there, and they were all unpaid… so basically they were one of three things: HUGE Ringside fans, HUGE Joaquin Phoenix fans, HUGE crazies.

I met a biker gang from Reno, NV to give their script to Joaquin Phoenix because they just KNEW he could play their leader. There were ex-girlfriends of the band there who wanted to make the video experience awkward to spite them, but judging by the band’s reaction, weren’t really ex-girlfriends but girls with whom they had relations once upon a time… and probably would again. I met a blue-haired grandmother in spandex who convinced herself that if she got front and center for the crowd shots of this video, she’d finally get her big break. I had to call security on a crazed fan wearing a River Phoenix t shirt who wouldn’t change because she thought wearing a reminder of the director’s dead brother was a good idea… awkward.

The hardest release to get though, was Casey Affleck’s. He was standing around with Christian Slater, who, by the way, had no problem signing his, even addressing me by name and saying thanks. But when I asked Casey to sign, he told me dismissively to send it to his agent, then turned his back to me. Keeping my cool, I told him that we couldn’t shoot his scene until I had his release; it was the production’s rule. He spun around, rolled his eyes and grabbed the clipboard out of my hands, autographing the signature line like I was an obnoxious fan and not someone working with him on the video. Then he pushed it back into my hands and turned back around.

Knowing he was “talent” (the quotes are there for a reason), I bit my tongue and turned in my releases… I decided to be the bigger person and not smash his arrogant asshole face onto the boxing ring. It wouldn’t have been a fair fight, whiny girls never are.

But I would like to take the opportunity now to apologize. I am sorry I do not have a successful, talented older brother with coattails to ride all the way to mediocrity. I am sorry I did not have a director’s chair with my name on the back of it, therefore making me a real person. I am sorry I was a PA doing her job. And I am sorry I didn’t kick you right in your vagina, you little bitch.

Oh, and I’m sorry you didn’t win an Oscar this year.

… Just kidding, I did a victory dance and laughed for a good minute.