Deep-sixing the protective social veneer

Last week we talked about Generals and this week we are going to talk in even more general terms. As previously mentioned, Hollywood pretty much comes down to who you know and what they think of you, so you’ve got to get them to think of you. The lot of a D-Executive is to spend substantial amounts of your time talking to people you don’t know. The more people you get to know, the more effective you are.

Film people network like mofos, no surprise there, so everyone has a never ending river of meals and meetings, very often with people they hardly know. It’s completely standard to look at your calendar when planning one of these meetings and jockey back and forth to find a day - and meal - that actually suits both of you. That’s two months away. Or have your assistants do it, of course. Sure, they usually get canceled. At least once or twice. But hang in there and you’ll get together eventually.

Maybe you met at a random party, or you were introduced by a common contact, or maybe you just cold-called them because something about what they do caught your eye. Once you come into the orbit of someone you want to cultivate a relationship with, if they’re not too far up the chain, it’s on to one of the many sit-down bread-breaking opportunities the day has to offer. It’s like a brand spanking new blind (or very briefly-sighted) date for lunch/breakfast/drinks. Every single day.

It’s the most fun when you’ve already met and you’re having lunch because you know you like each other and want to figure out if and how you can help one another. Maybe they work for a studio and you can pitch them your projects, or maybe they’re a fellow D-Person and you have a contact at a company they want to get a piece of material to, or maybe they’re a manager who wants to figure out what you can do for them and their clients. Because you like each other and want to figure out how you can work together. Because work is so much more fun when you actually like the people you’re doing it with. And it makes the time you spend working outside of work much less like work…

But it was surprising to discover that liking the people you meet doesn’t really matter that much. It’s helpful, and of course you make more effort if you like someone. But I also appreciate the way that you can form a very business-like relationship where small talk is superfluous and you know that this is someone you don’t have to talk at length to – you just do business. No need to force joviality. Just a quick hi, how are you, let’s get to the point because I know you didn’t call me to chat because we don’t really have a chatty relationship. We have a functional relationship. We did not spark to each other, you and I, but we know each other and that is enough. Now, can you do this for me?

Before entering the Hollywood fray, I worked in London. London is a jovial place. Manners are paramount and everyone falls over themselves being polite, and usually funny. I enjoyed this. I am also polite and usually funny. Calling anyone to do anything would involve a few minutes of banter because it would be rude to get to the point without observing the appropriate social rituals, and because everyone was polite and usually funny, this banter was an enjoyable experience.

And then, one day, I had to call CAA. The receptionist barked into the phone and I could feel the exasperation as I politely asked if it might please possibly be possible to be put through to so-and-so’s office, please and thank you very much. She didn’t hear the thank you very much part because she’d cut me off and bounced me over as soon as she figured out who I was asking for. And when I reached so-and-so’s office and when the shock of the assistant’s unadulterated rude wore off, it became clear to me that I was dealing with people who had no time for my stammering ways. No time at all. Not efficient. Not necessary. Less talk and more action makes you get through more, faster. Clipped sentences. Shorthand phrases. Kinda machine-like maybe, but definitely effective. And straightforward. And easy, because you know what people expect and you get to avoid unnecessary pretense. I have come to embrace this.

But it’s still better when you like them.