Promoted… or demoted??

As much as I hated to go back, about fifteen minutes later, I found myself driving over to Dean and Chloe’s house. I’ll see what they have to say, I thought… and maybe make some ground rules as to what I will and will not do as part of this job anymore (assuming they are taking me back). Or maybe I should just quit… life is too short for the crap they want me to do, right?? In between picking Spring and Summer up from school and getting berated from the other moms about their inappropriate outfits… buying my boss’s wife condoms… and accidentally setting my boss’s bedroom on fire, I don’t know how much more I can take – especially for the meager $500 a week they’re paying me. Don’t personal assistants usually make more? And if I quit, who will pay my rent…? 

I found Chloe in the yard, doing strange yoga poses (or what I imagine was yoga). “Avery!” she called to me as I got out of the car, wondering how awkward it would be to see Dean again… “Over here!” she yelled. I went over to her, her head now facing the ground as she spoke to me, which was funny for several reasons, though I tried not to laugh. “So Dean and I have been talking…” She stuck her head up for a moment now, then changed poses, so she was now lying face-down on the ground, her face sticking up, and her feet on her head (it hurts just thinking about it; in yoga-speak, I think this is called the “locust” as my yoga instructor friends later told me). I nodded. “And I told him we’re going to double your salary.” Um… so maybe I’m not quitting just yet? “Okay,” I stammer out, shocked… but then immediately wonder what more I will have to do for them… will it be double the work? Or double-y hard?

Before I could decide, Chloe went into another pose, this time lying on her back as though she were dead (the “corpse pose,” I later learned; convincing, I have to say). I wondered if she was okay. I was about to ask when she started to do some loud breathing exercises. “Chloe—“ I started. “Hang on,” she said between extra-loud breaths. I stood there for what seemed forever, until I finally sat down.  “Why don’t you join me?” she said. “I’m not much of a yoga person,” I replied. “Not yet,” she said as she sat up and put me into some strange position (the “tree pose,” I later learned) as she got into a similarly odd position (the “warrior”). I don’t know why so many people like yoga… this KILLS. These positions are supposed to feel good?! I could just imagine my mother asking me what I did at work today and I say, “Yoga.” I guess it’s better than telling her I was out buying condoms… but still. Plus, where was Dean? “If you’re wondering where Dean is, he had to go to set.” How does she read my mind like that?! “One of the PAs is helping him out for a while,” she added. Lucky them, I thought to myself.

She then helped me get into the “plank pose,” which looks like I’m about to do a push-up… but harder. How long do I have to stay like this, I wondered. She got into the same pose, not even flinching. I really am out of shape…  

“So you’ll be working for me for a while,” she said… I immediately lost my balance and fell on my face… even though all I wanted to do was go into the corpse pose… for good.