Plate Spinning

I’ve got no idea what it’s like for big kid directors but for me life is a constant plate-spinning act.  Basically, I’ve got a handful of projects at various phases that I’m trying to push forward all at the same time but with different people, money and time.  When one starts moving I focus more energy there until that one stumbles and another takes first position.  Two steps forward, one step back.  It’s a bit hectic but I know it’s working because every day, week, month and year I’m closer to where I want to be than I was before.

And this week was no exception.  As I wrote last week, I was working to sell a producer to take a leap of faith on me and my writer.  Briefly, no dice.  Crash and burn.  Well not entirely and not without possibility, very few things ever really are without possibility, but not a brilliant success either.  In summation, producer wasn’t sold, has other projects that make this feel less important and would rather not take the leap just now.  No hard feelings – I’m bummed because I really do believe she’s the best person for the film but things change, people change and films change so who knows what will happen in a month or two.  I still believe strongly in the film so I have no doubt I’ll get it made somehow.

However, in a highly unusual and nearly perfect balancing act, plate number two spun high and away when a project of mine was announced in the trades earlier this week.  It’s enough to make a person dizzy.  But I have learned my lesson enough times to know better than to start doing victory dances too early.  I’m staying calm and cool until we’re at the wrap party.  As far as I can tell, there’s just no other way to do this and stay sane.

One week excitement, the next disappointment.  One day praise, the next complete nothingness.  No wonder people in this town like speed – the ups and downs perfectly mimic the business.

I really think one of the tricks of this industry is not so much mastering the ups and downs of success and failure but riding through the ups and downs of the emotions that come along with all that.  So many of our hopes, dreams and fears are tied up with our careers that it really is a challenge to separate your self worth from your success.

I don’t really know what the answer to this one is.  I’ve seen people deal with it in lots of different ways with varying degrees of success.  I just hope that as the years go by I can find that balance of making great movies, paying my bills and maintaining good relationships with my friends and family.  Because we all know what the other options look like and to me, none of them seem very appealing.