Actors Behaving Badly

EXTERIOR. MOVIE SET - DAY

The first shot has been ready for some time. The UPM looks at the director. The director looks at the 1st AD.

DIRECTOR
Where the hell is he?

1st. AD
We’ve called him twice .

DIRECTOR
Send your best man.

INTERIOR. TRAILER - DAY

Fingers riff on guitar strings. Pan up to the face of the world’s number one martial arts movie star, presently indulging his softer side.

To protect the innocent as well as the guilty, we’ll call him BONE BREAKER, because it reflects his particular style. He is the reigning box-office champion in his field, dwarfing the grosses of his nearest competitors SPLEEN RUPTURE and SHEEP RAPIST. And if any of you with WWE ambitions covet those monikers, I cede them to you at no charge.

A polite knock on the door disturbs Bone Breaker’s concentration.

BONE BREAKER
What?!

EXTERIOR. TRAILER - DAY

The 2nd AD stands impassive outside the door to the trailer.

2nd AD
Mr. Breaker, they need you on the set.

BREAKER (V.O)
Why?

The 2nd AD thinks for a moment.

2nd AD
Well, because it’s a Bone Breaker movie…
and you’re… Bone Breaker…and there are
scenes to be shot today.

Pause.

BREAKER (V.O)
Go away.

2nd AD
I’m sorry, Sir, I can’t go away.
I have to bring you to the set.
Pause.

BREAKER (V.O)
If you don’t go away, I might have to
punch your lights out .

 

2nd AD
That would be interesting.

Pause.

BREAKER (V.O)
Why would that be… interesting?

2nd AD
Well, sir, then your lawyer and my lawyer
would sit down together and work out how
we would become partners. That would be
interesting.

Long pause.

Then the door to the trailer opens, and Bone Breaker steps out. He walks forward to the set as if the conversation never happened. For his next 2 movies he specifically requests that particular AD to work on the picture. Now that’s a Hollywood ending I like. Reward and Redemption.

Fellow blogger Brandie Posey’s - don’t be shy, Brandie , tell us how you really feel - vignette of Actor Behaving Badly prompted me to ruminate on the pressures in play upon people who are constantly in the public eye. Just one cell phone photo away from tabloid exploitation. Zero anonymity coupled with career induced introspection is hard on people. Once their image becomes a commodity, whom can they truly trust? Despite all the material benefits gained, the world is a more constrained and lonely place for them than it is for us faceless ones.

As for the Britney/Lohan Follies, what do you expect? When you give kids the key to the candy store, some of them are going to throw up before they‘re through. I wish them a speedy recovery.

The drive to be a performer in any field is both joy and curse. You seek the approval of an audience, then join a profession that is 90% rejection. So I have a lot of sympathy for actors, as well as admiration at their skills. The first US actor I ever directed was Robert Lansing. In The 4D Man, and every TV series for 40 years, Lansing was a great actor who could somehow make the creakiest expository dialogue sound natural and spontaneous. No mean skill. He was a generous man too. I was making a TV documentary on world movie trends. After the interview was over, I asked Mr. Lansing if he had any advice for me as a would-be drama director. He said: “ Just remember the actor is naked out there. He’s baring his soul. You have to make him feel comfortable doing that.” That’s the insight of a veteran at his craft. He spotlighted the challenge for directors in the hurly burly of each shooting day, to create a calm and nurturing ambiance on set so the cast can give their best. It takes a while to learn how to do that. It will certainly help when coaxing an actor out of the trailer.