How Facebook Made Me an Asshole

That’s right – I’m BAAACK! Miss me? Here’s one more rant because some things require anonymity…

 

Could you imagine going up to a stranger on the street – someone you have never met or said a word to – and asking him to be your friend?  Of course not – he’d probably think you were a little slow or should be wearing a helmet. So, what possesses millions of people to do just that on Facebook every single day? This new instantly technological gratifying way of life where everyone in our society is desperate for friends, attention, approval and love is eventually going to destroy us.  When did we become so sad as a society that my worth as a person must be measured by how many people that I’ve never met, I can claim as friends.  I don’t care what my Facebook friends are doing anymore than I cared what everyone from high school was up to at my ten year reunion. It’s all fake.

 

Here’s what Facebook is really about – insecurity, popularity, and self-worth. It’s about people trying to show everyone else how fascinating their life is and shove it in everyone else’s face. Oh, you have 2000 friends? You must be cooler than me. Oh you went out last night and met Lindsay Lohan? You must know the cool places to hang. I’m doing something fun, I better let everyone know! Well guess what - I don’t give a fuck what anyone – ANYONE – is doing on a Tuesday at 2pm. Ya know why? Because I’m satisfied enough with what I’M doing. I’m not so insecure that I have to compare my day with everyone else on the internet. I don’t give a shit. I’m glad that you’re out partying in some fancy country or feeding your new baby or watching some hilarious clip on Funny or Die that you feel compelled to share – but I don’t actually CARE. Stop trying to make me feel like less of a person because all I’m doing on Tuesday at 2pm is my damn JOB.

 

I’ve never been an overly social or technological proficient person. I was a year and a half late on MySpace – and now I realize why. It’s worthless. It’s for children, musicians, and those who like to prey on children and musicians. And as a side note to all you parents out there – if you let your 12 year daughter create a profile that says she’s 17 and you let her post 100 pictures of herself in low-rise jeans, stop complaining when 19 year old boys try to get in her pants! But I digress…

 

Anyway, when the writers’ strike occurred, everyone in town created a Facebook profile. Still, I resisted. But shortly after the strike, I relented once again and created one, and I will admit I was sucked in by the possibilities. I became addicted. I had a Facebook puppy I felt pressured to feed and play with every day, I was in a mafia full of people that for some reason I felt the need to kill, I played scrabble against colleagues hoping to prove my intelligence through colored boxes of letters, and I amassed hundreds of friends that made me feel special. On MySpace, I had 100 friends – 25 of which I’ve since deleted. On Facebook, I’ve got about 600 friends. Man, I must be popular. And yet when Friday night rolls around, do you know how many of those 600 friends call me? None.

 

So, who are these “friends?” Colleagues, high school and college classmates, elementary school crushes, famous people I have worked with or would like to work with, and then there are ‘the others’…the people who somehow got approved but I have never met or spoken to. Or I met them once and so now I am forced to have some lifelong connection with them. If I’ve only met you once – there’s a reason for that. If I wanted to meet you again, I have this other technological device called a telephone that I would use to get in touch.

 

I have been criticized of late because I will not add random writers to my Facebook. I just don’t. If you and I have had a long conversation or have met socially or you are a good friend of an ACTUAL friend of mine – then okay. Or if you’re a well known or successful working writer, that’s great. But if you just searched “producer” on Facebook and found me, guess what…you’re getting ignored.

 

The reason for this is two-fold. One, it is not okay to pitch on Facebook! I won’t take them, I won’t respond to them, and this is not what Facebook is for! It’s cheating. I’ve gotten about a half dozen pitches thru the site, and I don’t want anymore. The second and more important reason, however, is that some of those 600 friends of mine are celebrities, directors, agents, managers, and tons of other execs and I don’t need some random writer whom I don’t know, using my contact list to blanket the town with pitches or projects. That hurts MY reputation. So, I don’t put myself in that position.

 

And that’s how Facebook has made me an asshole. If you don’t like it, tweet about it…

 

On second thought, don’t even get me started on Twitter…