Our Top secret Development Executive has worked at both independent production companies and studio based shingles where he has developed and packaged projects to take to market. He also works as a script consultant for numerous companies. He has so much juicy stuff to talk about, and promises to say what everyone else is afraid to, so there is no way he’s telling you his real name.
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August 31, 2009
That’s right – I’m BAAACK! Miss me? Here’s one more rant because some things require anonymity…
Could you imagine going up to a stranger on the street – someone you have never met or said a word to – and asking him to be your friend? Of course not – he’d probably think you were a little slow or should be wearing a helmet. So, what possesses millions of people to do just that on Facebook every single day? This new instantly technological gratifying way of life where everyone in our society is desperate for friends, attention, approval and love is eventually going to destroy us. When did we become so sad as a society that my worth as a person must be measured by how many people that I’ve never met, I can claim as friends. I don’t care what my Facebook friends are doing anymore than I cared what everyone from high school was up to at my ten year reunion. It’s all fake.
Here’s what Facebook is really about – insecurity, popularity, and self-worth. It’s about people trying to show everyone else how fascinating their life is and shove it in everyone else’s face. Oh, you have 2000 friends? You must be cooler than me. Oh you went out last night and met Lindsay Lohan? You must know the cool places to hang. I’m doing something fun, I better let everyone know! Well guess what - I don’t give a fuck what anyone – ANYONE – is doing on a Tuesday at 2pm. Ya know why? Because I’m satisfied enough with what I’M doing. I’m not so insecure that I have to compare my day with everyone else on the internet. I don’t give a shit. I’m glad that you’re out partying in some fancy country or feeding your new baby or watching some hilarious clip on Funny or Die that you feel compelled to share – but I don’t actually CARE. Stop trying to make me feel like less of a person because all I’m doing on Tuesday at 2pm is my damn JOB.
I’ve never been an overly social or technological proficient person. I was a year and a half late on MySpace – and now I realize why. It’s worthless. It’s for children, musicians, and those who like to prey on children and musicians. And as a side note to all you parents out there – if you let your 12 year daughter create a profile that says she’s 17 and you let her post 100 pictures of herself in low-rise jeans, stop complaining when 19 year old boys try to get in her pants! But I digress…
Anyway, when the writers’ strike occurred, everyone in town created a Facebook profile. Still, I resisted. But shortly after the strike, I relented once again and created one, and I will admit I was sucked in by the possibilities. I became addicted. I had a Facebook puppy I felt pressured to feed and play with every day, I was in a mafia full of people that for some reason I felt the need to kill, I played scrabble against colleagues hoping to prove my intelligence through colored boxes of letters, and I amassed hundreds of friends that made me feel special. On MySpace, I had 100 friends – 25 of which I’ve since deleted. On Facebook, I’ve got about 600 friends. Man, I must be popular. And yet when Friday night rolls around, do you know how many of those 600 friends call me? None.
So, who are these “friends?” Colleagues, high school and college classmates, elementary school crushes, famous people I have worked with or would like to work with, and then there are ‘the others’…the people who somehow got approved but I have never met or spoken to. Or I met them once and so now I am forced to have some lifelong connection with them. If I’ve only met you once – there’s a reason for that. If I wanted to meet you again, I have this other technological device called a telephone that I would use to get in touch.
I have been criticized of late because I will not add random writers to my Facebook. I just don’t. If you and I have had a long conversation or have met socially or you are a good friend of an ACTUAL friend of mine – then okay. Or if you’re a well known or successful working writer, that’s great. But if you just searched “producer” on Facebook and found me, guess what…you’re getting ignored.
The reason for this is two-fold. One, it is not okay to pitch on Facebook! I won’t take them, I won’t respond to them, and this is not what Facebook is for! It’s cheating. I’ve gotten about a half dozen pitches thru the site, and I don’t want anymore. The second and more important reason, however, is that some of those 600 friends of mine are celebrities, directors, agents, managers, and tons of other execs and I don’t need some random writer whom I don’t know, using my contact list to blanket the town with pitches or projects. That hurts MY reputation. So, I don’t put myself in that position.
And that’s how Facebook has made me an asshole. If you don’t like it, tweet about it…
On second thought, don’t even get me started on Twitter…
July 28, 2009
Hello, trusty readers! I’m very sorry that I haven’t posted for a while. It’s been a crazy summer, and sadly I don’t mean that in the good way. I left my development job a while back and in case you haven’t noticed, the job market sucks. There’s nothing out there. Unless you worked for a big studio. Or CAA. Or spent the last 4 years picking up dog shit so your boss finally promoted you. Or you’re sleeping with a big name writer or director. But that’s it. And independent producing isn’t all it’s cracked up to be! The flexibility and freedom is nice, but the unemployment department doesn’t give a shit.
And let me just go on a quick rant about California’s EDD (Employment Development Dept.) for a second. Now, all of us in CA – and especially LA – know that unemployment has reached epidemic levels here. Not just displaced agents and execs, but crew, vendors, stores, etc. Unemployment in CA is at about 70%. No? Oh, well maybe it just feels like it. I thought about getting a job selling oranges on the freeway, but alas, that job is taken. Turns out you have to be born into it.
Anyway, I called EDD the other day to check on the status of my extension for unemployment benefits. After DAYS of calling - over an hour each day at least – I FINALLY reached a human, who told me that because so many people are on unemployment, not only are they not checking claims on the phone anymore – but there is NO way to get information on your claim. The EDD has hired hundreds of new phone operators, but all they are trained to do – their whole job – is to take a message and tell the caller that someone will call them back within 5 days. Five DAYS! To which I asked – what if they don’t? She retorted, well then I guess you’ll have to do this again. Awesome. I actually got a response 4 days later, however, it was an EMAIL – not a phone call – and it did not answer my question at all. In fact, the woman had written down my question incorrectly, so this correspondence was worthless. So, here’s a little note from the bigger blogger to our esteemed Governator and the EDD – Eat Me!
The economy has obviously affected the business in a ton of ways. Over the last few weeks, I have called almost every major studio and financier to pitch a couple projects I am working on independently. And probably half said they weren’t really looking that hard at the moment. Sure, they’ll read it. But unless it has a big star, director or big money attached, they can’t do anything with it. Disney, Weinstein, Paramount, Vantage, MGM, UA, etc. – they are all just hangin’ out, waiting for the money truck to roll in. Even some of the biggest “independent producers” haven’t been able to make a movie in a year. Not to mention that many companies have been quietly letting go of their development staffs.
Even with record setting summer box office numbers, the business is stagnant. So much so that more execs than ever raced down to Comic Con this weekend just to pretend like they had something to do. So what is an unemployed exec to do? You’ve got to make your own niche, find your own projects, your own writers. Or fuck it – just write something yourself as MANY of my friends are currently doing. And when all else fails, there’s always teaching. Because if there’s anything my education taught me, it’s that students don’t know when you’re full of shit. And if there’s one thing being an exec in this industry teaches you how to be – it’s full of shit.
What makes me bitter about it all, is knowing how badly I am struggling, while seeing so many of the other execs out of work having a grand old time and not worrying about paying their bills. It made me realize something. Most people on the “creative” or “development” side of this business – come from money. I never really thought about it – but it’s largely true. Why else would their parents be okay with their kids going into an industry where starting salary is half of what a God damn janitor makes? Did you know that starting salary for an assistant at a studio is about $25-30K/year. It’s about $22-25K if you’re at an independent. It’s $400-500 a week at an agency. You can’t live on that in Bumblefuck, Idaho, much less Los Angeles. So they MUST have parental support!
Most don’t give a crap about the EDD because they have mommy or daddy or crazy Uncle Trust Fund picking up the slack. They can work at their own pace, because they don’t have to worry about rent. The ones that were working for studios were making more than enough money to save and so they don’t HAVE to worry about finding another job. Hence, the bitter taste in my mouth.
Here are the two things no one tells you before you move out to LA to pursue your dreams. One – have a perfectly executable back-up plan. And two – have money. Don’t come out here with a dollar and a dream because this ain’t the damn Super Lotto. Money begets money in this town and that’s on a personal AND professional level. The indie producer who went to film school but doesn’t have any financing can’t get a movie made for years, but the guy who made millions as a car salesman and now wants to make movies but never even went to college, gets a three picture deal at Universal. That’s the business, folks!
And if you’ve missed my biting wit, you’re gonna be downright depressed in a second because this will be my last post as the anonymous development executive blogger for filmindustrybloggers, at least on a regular basis. I have loved writing for this site and saying things that could get me in trouble, even though sadly, they didn’t. And I thought being anonymous would be really easy, liberating and fun. But it turns out, everything I’d like to say would make it pretty damn obvious who I am. And being anonymous doesn’t let me promote myself, my projects, my company, find a job, make money, etc. And if I’ve taught you all anything, it’s that you always have to look out for number one – yourself – because no one else in this town is going to. Unless you’re Gay. Or Asian. Or went to Harvard. Or worked at CAA. But that’s it – everyone else has to look out for themselves.
So, I have to put my energies towards something that is going to pay the rent. I thought about selling myself on Craigslist or on YouTube like ScriptGirl, but sadly, it doesn’t pay enough. Not unless you have boobs like she does.
Man, this blog felt good. I haven’t been able to go on a good rant in a while. I feel like Bill Maher, but without the coke and hookers. So, while I wont be a “regular” contributor anymore, perhaps I’ll post a good rant every once in a while just for kicks. Or therapy. Or to keep things interesting. Or to remind myself I’m still alive. But that’s it – just once in a while. Thanks all and good luck! You’ll need it!
June 29, 2009
Whether we are meeting a new writer at a pitchfest or in a meeting or technologically like through virtualpitchfest, the biggest fear that every development executive has is – is this person going to play nice? Is this person speaking to me going to be someone that I am want to deal with for the next 1-5 years of my life? If I give this person my card, is he or she going to abuse that priviledge?
Now I have listened to thousands of pitches and met with hundreds of writers, and for the most part, they were all great. But I’d say out of 3000 pitches, I’ve had 20 or 30 writers that just didn’t know how to play nice. But lately, there have been a few more than usual, so I figured I’d just nip this in the bud.
What does that mean – play nice? Well it means the following:
1. You’re going to respect the pass. If you have pitched me (whether in person, or over the internet) and I politely pass and do not ask for the script, you need to take that as the answer. While I always admire persistence, there’s a thin line between that and being pushy or annoying. There is probably a reason I passed – whether it’s the writing or it’s something we are developing already or it’s just not the genre we are looking for, etc. –you asking 3 more times or begging is not going to change my mind. It’s only going to reinforce the pass.
2. If you have my card, you’re not going to call every day or every week or even every month to pitch a new idea or re-pitch an old one because you’ve made changes. Do not pitch the same project to me more than once unless you have done a complete page one rewrite. And never pitch it more than twice.
3. If you don’t like the response you get, you’re not going to send off an angry email telling me how development executives are evil and stupid. I have gotten hate mail and I usually enjoy it, but does anyone think the best way to get a second chance is by challenging and insulting me? Come on. If you can’t play like adults, go back to sitting at the kids table.
4. You’re not going to give out my information to your whole writing group or class or every writer you know. You worked to get that card - they didn’t.
5. No MyStalking. Just because we had a lovely 5 minute conversation and I asked to read your script, that doesn’t mean I want to be bffs. It doesn’t mean I want to add you to my friends list on Facebook or Myspace or any other site. Yes, those sites are for networking. But, I don’t accept requests from random writers I don’t know personally (or who aren’t professional famous writers of course) on my facebook because I don’t want to be pitched through those sites. And neither does any other exec, and there have been a rash of facebook queries in the last few months. Not the right way.
So – why DON’T I just take 10 minutes and read the first 15 pages? It’s not that big a deal, right? Well, it’s simple math actually. Let’s say I get pitched 100 scripts in any given day at a pitchfest. Maybe –MAYBE – I’ll ask for 10 scripts. That means I’m passing on 90. If for all those passes – scripts I wasn’t interested in – I had to read 15 pages…that would take roughly 900 minutes. That’s 15 hours. Why and how could I spend 15 hours reading 15 pages of scripts that didn’t interest me? You need to respect our time and there are just not enough hours in the month. Sometimes a person’s sob story wins me over, but their script…never does.
We all realize how hard you have worked on these scripts. And every writer thinks that if they can just get someone to read 10 pages, we will love it. And while our opinions are completely subjective and occasionally wrong, they do come with at least a few years of experience and a different perspective from yours. And we can often tell within a 5 minute pitch – even without reading the script – how that script is going to read. Writers hate when I say that because they think it somehow devalues their talent or their hard work. Perhaps it does, even though it’s not meant to. But I am right 85% of the time and I like those odds.
You all remember the golden rule of the sandbox. Well - here’s the golden rule of screenwriters – pitch unto others as you’d like others to pitch unto you.
June 7, 2009
Our whole industry is based on a Bugs Bunny Cartoon. That silly wabbit was constantly being led around by a carrot on a stick placed strategically just out of grasp, though it seemed so close. This is the very essence of Hollywood and why thousands of people – from the homecoming queens to the techie geeks – swarm towards Los Angeles every year. And it’s why people who have been here for 5, 10 or 15 years, stick around, even if they have yet to find success, money, or fame. We all come out here with these five year plans – mine was to become a TV writer (oh well) – but when five years comes and goes in what seems to be a blink of an eye and you’re nowhere near where you thought you’d be…you have to find something that keeps you going. Enter, the Carrot.
We’ve all read the piece in Variety about that boy from the Mid West who graduated college, moved out to LA on a Friday and sent his first script (which he wrote in two weeks) to his old roommates’ friends’ brother who happened to be an assistant at William Morris, who loved it, brought it to his boss, who also loved it, who gave it to a junior exec at Imagine or Bruckheimer or some studio one week later, and BAM – that lucky fresh off the boat fucker is eating so many carrots his face turns a lovely shade of orange. But for most, it’s a much longer chase.
When I moved out to LA just a few months after graduating college, I came with a few suitcases, a few thousand dollars – most of which I spent on my car – and tons of good friends who had also made the transition. And we used to all hang out at alum-friendly bars and have parties and reminisce and commiserate. And there were probably a good 50 of us from my graduating class (or the year preceding us) that while we all weren’t close friends, we felt this connection and we were always happy to help each other. Since that time, probably 60-70 percent of them have since left the business or moved back East. And it wasn’t because they couldn’t hack it – it was because they stopped caring about the carrot. They stopped visualizing it. Some just stopped enjoying chasing it. And others realized it wasn’t the right carrot for them. For some, their carrot included family, babies, and buying a house instead of isolation, long hours and eternally renting. I don’t blame them. And while I miss some of them, the rest of me is happy they are gone because it means there’s one less person chasing that damn vegetable, so perhaps my odds just got a bit better.
This infinitesimal possibility is what keeps us all here. Because you just don’t know when or where or how you are going to get that big break – but it’s coming. Maybe it’s this next project you find, or write, or direct. Maybe it’s this little indie project you acted in for free. Maybe it’s this new assistant job for a bigwig studio exec. You just never know. The entertainment industry is really the only industry where you can be working 70 hour weeks for $450/wk one month and be a millionaire calling your own shots the next. And we all think it will happen to us. And just when you start realizing that it’s not going to…your best friend signs a multi-picture deal at a studio or her pilot spec gets bought or he books a role in a studio movie…and then you’re faced with an even bigger problem – trying not to hate your friend. But that’s a whole different story.
I know I’m supposed to be the bitter blogger – and I am. But in some ways I’m just as optimistic and hopeful as the rest of the inhabitants of this crazy town, because while I have yet to be paid what I’m actually worth, I can feel it coming. And I’m not leaving until I at least get a taste of that delicious carrot.
May 19, 2009
If you were wondering when I would write a blog that might piss a bunch of people off…wait no longer. For those of you who missed it, there was an article published in the New York Times Fashion and Style Section on March 20 (yes I realize this was a while ago) about the female Entourage-type group of writers self-nicknamed The Fempire. Its members are the insanely successful, insanely hip, and insanely hot foursome of Diablo Cody, Dana Fox, Liz Meriwether and Lorene Scafaria.
For those of you who have been living under a rock, these four distinguished ladies have taken Hollywood by storm the last few years having collectively (though separately) written the Academy Award winner “Juno,” “27 Dresses,” “What Happens in Vegas,” “The Wedding Date,” the Showtime Series “United States of Tara,” the upcoming “Jennifer’s Body” and one of my personal favorite comedies of last year, “Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist.”
And before you get all in a huff, this is not a hate piece about them at all. In fact, I have been a fan of Cody, Fox and Scafaria for a long time and Meriwhether who is the baby of the group, I’m sure will live up to their high standards. I loved the pilot she wrote titled “Sluts.” I would absolutely love to work with any of these writers and I think male, female, robot, whatever – these women are at the top of their game. I am in awe of their talent, their work ethic and their ability to stay friends in a business where friendships are qualified by how much you can do for each other. I wish I had real friends that were as supportive as these women are for each other. Well – I do – but they all live in New York and none of them are really in the film business. Oh well.
And while their movies haven’t made the box office coinage that the Apatow/Rogen/Rudd movies have grossed, they have made a statement – women are no longer second to men in this industry. Which brings me to the point of this blog…If women are no longer second to men…perhaps they could stop complaining about how they are?
The article points out that “among the screenwriters who are in steady demand for major projects, only about 20 are women.” But how many writers out there (other than actor/writers like Jonah Hill and Jason Segel) are really in steady demand? 50? 60? Twenty of them being female isn’t that bad of a ratio. Yes, most writers’ rooms on TV shows are filled with Harvard-educated men, but I think that says more about the division in this industry between Ivy League vs. Non-Ivy League, than it does about men vs. women. Does anyone think Tina Fey isn’t the funniest writer in the room?
Are there more male producers and writers than female? Yeah. But why does every woman in this industry have to point out that they are a “woman in a man’s job.” Don’t they know how insulting that is to women? You’re not doing a MAN’S job. You’re doing YOUR job which MEN also happen to do. As far as I can tell, the only MALE job out there is being a FATHER. Maybe if they stopped referring to producing, writing or directing as being a “male world,” it would increasingly stop seeming like one.
There are two companies in the last few months that were looking for a new executive. Want me to name names? Here you go…State Street Pictures and Underground Entertainment. And no matter how many qualified male candidates there might have been, they were set on hiring females. And this happens all the time for one reason or another. Companies say they want minorities only or females only or USC grads only. It’s their prerogative and while it sucks, I accept it. I just can’t stand when I hear that companies are only looking for women, and at the same time, I hear how women are treated unfairly. I’m officially calling bullshit.
While I have not done the empirical research, it has been reported that there are now more women going to college than men. Far more women move to LA every year than men. And looking around, I think there are more female assistants in Hollywood than male, which would reason that there are probably more low level female executives than male – or at least a pretty even number. So why are there more higher-level male execs than women? It doesn’t take a genius to figure it out. Around the ages of 27-33, the prime age for promotion to that cushy VP job, most women start hearing that ol’ biological clock and they choose to get married and start a family instead of continuing to pursue their career. Is that fair? I don’t know — I don’t have ovaries. But I’m pretty sure I shouldn’t be blamed for that. And I’m definitely sure the industry as a whole shouldn’t be blamed for it either.
It’s pretty well known that there are some women in this industry who have chosen not to have children and have instead decided to make their companies or their movies their babies, which I completely respect. However, when a young, hot new female assistant starts at their company, instead of trying to take them under their wing, the female bosses usually try to devour them and spit them out. Men seem to like having protégées, while women seem to enjoy being the only Queen Bee in the hive. Perhaps if more women were like those that inhabit the Fempire, more of them would get ahead.
I’ve worked for both men and women, and while the men I’ve worked for were constantly trying to prove they could do the job better and become more successful, the women were constantly trying to prove they could do their job better than men. Perhaps if women tried to drop that chip from their shoulder, they’d be able to get ahead without having to undermine every man with whom they work. I’m actually a feminist in that I want real equality. I want the best person for the job to be hired – and if that’s a woman – fantastic! I want women to make equal pay. I want men to be able to get a sick day every month because sometimes we feel bitchy too. I want men to get paternity leave just like women should get maternity leave. I want women to get hired and promoted because they deserve it – because they are smart and have a great personality - not because they wear short skirts and have great…assets. Because as sexist as women might find that, men trying to get hired for the same job - hate it even more.
So let’s all (men and women) take a lesson from the Fempire. Do great work, be smart and savvy and unselfish, and let’s forget about the differences in our pants and get the job done!
