Pick yourself up and dry yourself off, and start all over again…

I am going to be totally honest here: the last three months have sucked balls. I have been casting a feature film and putting together an amazing cast, when all of a sudden the money stopped coming in, meaning my paychecks were not regular and excuses from the Producer were being made left and right. Promises from the Producer, telling me to my face that I was going to get paid and not to worry and everything was fine. Ummm…still haven’t been paid. I have been told that the money will be there by the end of July. I’ll let you know how that turns out! I have been through this more times then I care to remember and I could kill myself, because I know all of the warning signs, but still, I pretend to myself to be as shocked as ever, which is probably a defense mechanism that keeps me from offing myself when stuff like this happens to me. Never once was I asked to stop working. Why can’t they just say at the time, “look this is going nowhere fast,” or “we started to early.” Are you still a Producer if you can’t actually produce…anything? If you are still working, shouldn’t you get paid?

Let me explain: When I get hired to cast a film, it is not the most important thing to be fully financed. But it is important to be able to pay me, because, I AM WORKING. Not for fun, not because I LOVE PUTTING ON A SHOW (a la Judy Garland and Mickey Rooney), no it’s because the Producer believes that in an appropriate amount of time, between auditions and making offers to actors that the money that will be available for production will actually be available for the production. Not a difficult concept to master. I get that casting and producing a film can be a chicken and egg thing. Agents, managers and actors fundamentally get that financing for indie films is partly an art, a mathematical equation, business finesse and there is always a risk when putting a film together. I have pretty much seen all variations of this, after all, I do work in independent film and it doesn’t always work out the way you want it to, but in this one scenario it is vital to not be a big fat liar and to not pretend and it is not a time for ones giant ego to get in the way. Honesty is ALWAYS the best policy when dealing with agents, managers and talent. Letting them know where you are in the financing process is vital, because at no time will you ever be accused of misleading people. Actors, agents and managers must decide for themselves if they want to participate in the casting process. They decide if they like the script, the director, the writers, producers or the casting director and this directly effects how a film is put together. Without the power of a studio or distribution company behind you, indie film casting is ALL ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS. To that end, part of why I get hired is because I am a relationship builder (and of course I have amazing taste in actors :0) ). I am the PR agent for the film, and when I don’t get paid, I have been used and that is not cool. If you make an agreement with someone, you should really stick to that agreement, you look like an idiot if you don’t and no matter how big your ego is, you are still a douche-bag if you don’t fulfill your obligations…just sayin…

So as my bank account was dwindling and my patience running out, I reached out to my casting community. I am really lucky to know some amazing casting directors who have been doing this a lot longer then I have. It is embarrassing to admit that you are down and out. There is a lot of fear that any perception that things are not okay can make matters worse. By admitting that times are tough and shitty, you are admitting defeat. Well, that was what I thought for a few days (maybe a week or two and a few Xanex to help along the way. JUST TO TAKE THE EDGE OFF-don’t judge!) and I let myself wallow in the world of my own self-pity, but then I got bored. I am a Casting Director, I need to cast, I need to work and I had to figure things out, quickly. So I reached out to my colleagues who have been doing this a lot longer then I have (I like to think of them in a mentor-ish way, as I truly respect so much of what they do and have accomplished). When I talked to them and shared my experiences with a few of them and then get a look back like “been there, done that,” I actually feel encouraged. Reaching out, I was able to get referrals from my colleagues who were busy on other projects. Emotionally, I was able to off-load some of the stress I had been taking on. It was very warming on the inside to feel that there were people who cared about what I was going through and it will never be lost on me that the way forward is to pay it back. So, because of the generosity of others and a bit of hustling on my own to stir up work, I am now busy, really busy, but good busy and this summer looks like it will be a successful one for me.

Also, I took the time to put together a reel of my work. I was approached by Speedreels, a company based in the building I have an office in, to put together a reel, much like an actor does. This reel can be like a calling card and a way to introduce Producers and Directors to the work I have done. Going through the material I cast, all sixty hours of it,  and reducing it to 3 minutes was cathartic and emotionally intense for me. I truly love some of the work I have done and been involved with and I hope that shows on the reel.

Go to: www.speedreels.com and enter my name (Matthew Lessall)

Or my website: www.lessallcasting.com

This month, I am looking forward to seeing the premier of a film I cast at the LA Film Festival. It is called, THE WHEELER BOYS and if you have a chance, go see it! Tickets are on sale now and the film stars, Alex Frost, Portia Doubleday, Bill Campbell and some amazing young talent not seen before. The script won a grant from a writing competition sponsored by Netflix and Film Independent and was shot on a very low budget, so it will be exciting to see how it turns out!

You have to believe in yourself to make anything happen. Working for yourself and not having a paycheck come in on a weekly basis because you (me) have chosen to be independent and self-employed, is challenging. But I know both sides (after all I have been doing this for over ten years) to this and I think in the end, I am happy where I am right now. I know I want more and maybe this will involve working with or for someone else and if that happens I want it to be happening because I will be moving forward and growing professionally, not because I am settling, because the option is safer for me.

My Grandfather was the man who gave me my independent streak. He was a very successful lawyer who, throughout his life relied on the kindness of others, treated others with respect, was a self-starter and created his own law firm and paid his community back many fold. He was strong, logical and the most thoughtful man I have ever known. He trusted the word and promises of others. To him a man (or woman’s) word was as good as a contract in writing. I think about him and his advice he would give me if I were ever in a situation like the one I was in over the past few months. I hope, in the end, he would approve of the way things have turned out and where I am going with my life…

I think he would…